by C. G. Garcia
Aidric seemed to sense her withdrawal from him because his eyes suddenly narrowed and he held her more tightly. “You don’t have to be afraid to tell me,” he said quietly. “I want to help you, Allison, but I can’t do that unless you let me in, if even just a little. I suspect that it has something to do with the reason why the thought of me probing your mind terrified you.”
Allison stilled. “I—only used to have attacks like this, bad ones I mean, when I was a little girl,” she began softly, ignoring his last comment. “It usually happened when I had to do oral reports in front of my class at school. Just the thought of all those eyes on me was enough to reduce me to tears, but it hasn’t happened to me in years.”
“Ah,” he said with sudden understanding. “That’s what happened to you today. The presentation must have reawakened your fears, and your earlier breakdown was just a belated response. You were no doubt thinking of all the scrutiny you would be under tonight at the celebration when you had this attack, weren’t you?”
“Yes,” she admitted in a small voice. “I just started thinking about all those eyes boring into me and panicked.” She shuddered. “What am I going to do? I know I can’t avoid everyone forever. Yet, I can’t bear the humiliation of having an attack in public, either!”
“I can help you forget your phobia for a while,” Aidric said thoughtfully, “but in order to block it, I must know the source of all your fear. Surely you must have some idea of what it is that causes your fear of scrutiny, and don’t tell me that you don’t know. Every phobia has an initial cause. We are not born with them.”
“I d-don’t know what you m-mean,” Allison stammered.
“I think you do,” he replied patiently, “and if you want me to help you, you must tell me.”
I can’t tell him about my stepdad, she thought stubbornly. I’d rather suffer through these panic attacks than tell him about all the horrible things he did to us!
“Your stepfather?” Aidric asked, his tone puzzled.
“You’re reading my mind again!” she accused him angrily, this time succeeding in breaking free from his arms, pushing away and glaring at him with blazing eyes. “You promised you wouldn’t!”
“I wasn’t!” he shot back at her just as angrily. “I don’t know what you think I am, but a liar, I’m not! When I give my word, I keep it!”
Allison immediately clamped her mouth shut on her retort at the vehemence in his words. Crap! I accidentally sent my thoughts to him again, she realized with a sinking heart. Now he’s really pissed at me!
As she saw the anger and hurt in his eyes, she clamped down on the sob that wanted to burst forth and stumbled onto her feet, intent on the door, of just getting away before she made things worse.
What he must think of me… she thought despairingly as she clenched her jaws more tightly together against the nearly overwhelming urge to cry noisily. Dammit, why do I always, always have to botch things up?
Just when she reached for the door handle and the floodgates in her eyes shattered, Allison felt a hand grab her arm.
“Hey, enough of that,” Aidric said gruffly from behind. “Come here.”
Before she could protest, he pulled her back into his arms again, his other hand reaching up to stroke her hair soothingly as he pressed her head against his chest. His gesture of unmistakable forgiveness suddenly made her begin to cry even harder with guilt.
“I’m sorry,” Allison blurted out between sobs for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. “God, I’m sorry! I was being such a bitch. I had no right—you have every right to be pissed at me. I’m just an ungrateful, self-centered, short-tempered, stupid—it’s just that I didn’t want you to know about my stepdad, about me, how much he despised me, how he—”
“Whoa,” Aidric interrupted with a chuckle. “Slow down a bit! You are babbling in your native tongue, and I can’t understand a word of it! Please don’t cry. I can’t bear to see such a lovely maiden cry.”
“I’m not lovely,” she protested, sniffling. “I’m just an ungrateful, self-centered—”
“Come now, we’ll have none of that kind of talk,” Aidric said firmly. “You are not any of those things.”
“Yes I am,” Allison insisted bitterly. “I blamed you for something I did myself. There’s no excuse for what I said!”
“What do you say we just forget the whole incident and just start over?” he suggested. “Pointing fingers never gets anyone anywhere, in my experience. We still have the little matter of solving the problem of your phobia. I can’t leave things as they are, but I also can’t help you unless you are willing to confide whatever secret you have convinced yourself should not be told. On my honor, it will never leave this room if that’s what you desire, and I’ll not judge you by it.”
“I want to tell you,” Allison replied wearily. “God, it would be such a relief to tell someone, to unburden myself, but it’s just so hard! There are only two other people besides my mom who know about it—my sister and my best friend. You must understand that it’s hard for me to confide something so personal, that scarred me so badly, to someone I’ve only met today.”
For a long moment, Aidric regarded her with a peculiar expression that she couldn’t quite decipher before he said slowly, “I pray to Seni that it’s not what I’m beginning to suspect.”
At first, Allison stared at him blankly, but then her eyes widened in horror when she realized what it was he was implying. “No!” she said quickly, “it’s not that. It was bad, but thank God it wasn’t that horrible…”
She gritted her teeth. Crap, she was rambling again, and neither one of them needed that right now. He was right. She just couldn’t go on pretending the problem didn’t exist. That was no way to live, especially now that she had so many more important, scary things to deal with.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, Allison proceeded to tell Aidric about all the years of hell she had endured under her stepfather's hand. She told him about his fanatical devotion to his religion and what she had come to realize was a cult that he belonged to, how he had forced Katherine and her to read their Bibles and pray for hours before and after school, and if they disobeyed, how he had beaten them into submission.
When she told him how her stepfather had always looked down at her with his hard, suspicious eyes, trying to decide if she had sinned enough that day to warrant punishment (which he always did), Aidric abruptly stopped her. “That’s what I need. It’s your stepfather’s eyes that you see in all eyes that regard you with scrutiny. You see them and subconsciously expect punishment, but you don’t need to fear him tonight. I can block those certain memories from surfacing, and all you will feel is the natural anxiety one with your diffident nature always feels when meeting a large number of strange people.”
Allison closed her eyes briefly as a surge of relief flooded through her. Did she dare hope?
“However, I’ll not block those memories forever,” he warned. “You must come to terms with your stepfather’s abuse before these attacks you’ve been experiencing will be but unpleasant memories. I’m not a true calendae, but I can send you to one if you wish whom I’m confident can help you sort through your feelings.”
“Someday,” she agreed. “For now, if you’re sure you can keep me from freaking out so badly, then it’s more than enough.”
“Positive,” he assured her as he hugged her affectionately, causing her to blush furiously.
To hide her reaction, Allison looked down at her bare feet and mumbled, “Some legendary mage I’m turning out to be. I can’t even face a bunch of regular people at a party. I bet the prophecy never said that the Golden Mage was also going to be such a pain in the ass.”
“—or so emotional,” Aidric teased. “Now, if I have your permission, little cat, I must tap into your mind to place the blocks on your memories.”
Her face coloring, Allison muttered, refusing to meet his eyes, “You don’t have to ask my permission. I only said that because I was afraid you would fin
d out about my past abuse. Just as long as you don’t make a habit of doing it all the time, you can read my mind whenever you feel you should.”
“You should take care with what you offer me,” he said with mock seriousness, his eyes shining with mirth. “You may find me in your mind when it’s least convenient for you. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping, and I could keep you up all night with requests for stories of your world!”
“You wouldn’t,” she said in alarm.
“You think so?” he countered with a raised eyebrow.
“I don’t believe you’re that cruel.”
He sighed and said, “Too true, but I bet you didn’t know I was just in your head.”
Allison raised a hand automatically to her temple and said, “You mean—”
“—it’s done,” Aidric finished with an amused grin.
He blocked some of my memories, she thought wondrously, still unable to grow accustomed to all the seemingly miraculous things he was able to perform—things that she would soon learn to perform as well. But, I can’t remember which ones—oh, how stupid can you get, Allison? Of course you can’t recall which ones. That was the whole point!
“You look a little unruffled,” Aidric commented with a slight frown.
“It’s just that I can’t get used to all the things you can do with just the power of your mind,” Allison explained. “It’s all a little unnerving, that’s all. I just need time to adjust.”
Aidric released her and took her right hand into his, squeezing it gently. “Allison, I know it may seem like an impossibility at the moment, but believe me when I say you will adjust, and maybe then things will be a little easier for you.”
She couldn’t help but notice that he still held her hand firmly in his own with no signs of releasing. She chanced a glance up at his face and saw that he was staring down at her intently, his eyes narrowed and unreadable. Her heart fluttered a little at the intensity of that gaze.
Could he—no. You’re only trying to see something that isn’t there. Why in heaven’s name would someone so amazing want a crybaby like you?
The sound of someone clearing their throat shook Allison out of her thoughts, and both Aidric and she instantly turned their heads in the direction of the sound. Allison’s eyes fell on their unexpected visitor, and she drew in a sharp breath, her heart sinking to the bottom of her feet.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
A beautiful, raven-haired girl stood in the doorway, regarding both Allison and Aidric with what appeared to be a sly grin. She looked around Kat’s age, although the eyes that stared back at her held a wisdom that seemed to suggest her initial assessment was laughably wrong. Her manner was relaxed, casual, but she still managed to convey an air of elegance about her. Allison was startled once again when she realized that the girl’s eyes were a rich, golden color.
She must be Aidric’s girlfriend or wife, even, she thought, feeling her chest tighten painfully. Of course she is. She’s exotically beautiful and far more sophisticated than I could ever be.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” the young woman said in a slightly accented, musical voice.
“Not at all, my friend,” Aidric replied as he quickly dropped Allison’s hand as if it had suddenly burned him.
“Well, beast, aren’t you going to introduce us?” she asked as she regarded Allison curiously.
Aidric smiled sheepishly at her and said, “Of course I was. Raya, I would like you to meet Allison McNeal. Allison, this is Raya Phelanike, one of my closest friends and also the wife of another one of my closest friends, Selwyn, the redhead you nearly frightened out of his wits earlier.”
The wife of…huh? Allison thought in confusion as she stared at the woman whom she was so certain had been Aidric’s girlfriend. She was married. Allison couldn’t help feeling relieved that this beautiful girl would never be competition to her.
Raya, thankfully oblivious to her thoughts, smiled warmly at her and said, “So we meet at last, Allison. Funny, I pictured you to be much taller—considering all the tales I heard while I traveled through Biros earlier.”
“Bright Thrones above! Some of the villagers already know of her existence?” Aidric exclaimed with a worried frown.
“So far, I believe only those of Biros know,” Raya replied with a chuckle, “but knowing how much those villagers love to wag their tongues, I suspect the whole kingdom should be well informed by now!”
“Aidius, I can well imagine what tales must be circulating around with the townsfolk. I had hoped we could have kept her presence here a secret until tonight to avoid such rumors from beginning.”
“Ha!” Raya snorted in disgust. “No such luck, beast. Not with all the gossips here in the palace, and you know very well how most of them are prone to exaggeration. As I was riding into Biros, a small mob immediately surrounded me to ‘warn’ me that the Golden Mage had been found and captured just outside the palace. According to them, she was—oh, let me see if I remember correctly—‘eleven handspans tall, had golden hair that reached the ground, crimson eyes as bright as any demon’s, and had cast a spell over the Mage-general, bewitching him to become her slave!’”
She laughed heartily as Allison cringed. “Well, at least the hue of your hair was true enough. It was all I could do to prevent myself from laughing in the poor fools’ faces! Hellsfire, sometimes I’m convinced the villagers have read one too many Ter-ob chronicles in the dead of night. If you ask me, any such chronicles should all be destroyed! They practically pleaded with me to send an army to protect them from her!”
“That most certainly won’t prevent them from showing up at the celebration tonight to gawk at her,” Aidric said dryly.
“That’s only too true,” she replied with a sigh of the long-suffering.
“Great,” Allison muttered angrily, more to herself than to them, “just what I need. Everyone here seems to think that I’m some kind of monster!”
Raya flashed her a sympathetic smile and said, “Don’t pay them any mind, milady. They are simple folk who fear anything and everything they don’t understand. I’m sure when they see with their own eyes and not their ears and imaginations that you are just a normal woman, their fear will subside.” She tilted her head to the side with a wistful smile. “That is, a normal woman with not-so-ordinary golden hair. Aidius, what I would trade—who I would kill—to have been born with your tresses!”
“My hair’s not as extraordinary as you all seem to think it is,” Allison insisted uncomfortably.
“The six hells it’s not,” Raya said excitedly. “Why, you’ll be the envy of every maiden in the kingdom!”
“All the more reason for people not to accept me,” Allison said with a painful smile. “I don’t think I’ll ever truly belong here.”
“Nonsense,” Raya said gently. “I, too, came here from a far-off, strange land.” She smiled wryly. “Well, not as strange as yours, but strange enough for these stiff-necked old goats. Everyone took one look at me and decided that I was a barbarian that needed to be shooed away.”
“Why?” Allison demanded. Somehow, she couldn’t picture anyone ever calling someone as beautiful and poised as Raya a barbarian. “A barbarian is the last word I would use to describe you.”
Raya laughed airily and replied, “Oh, I didn’t always look and speak the way I do now. I come from a land far beyond Sarim called Hrefna.”
She spoke the name of her homeland with enough emphasize to suggest that the name alone was explanation enough, and Allison stared at her blankly, the name of the two kingdoms meaning nothing more to her than a couple of random names she had run across while reading earlier.
Raya suddenly slapped her forehead in understanding and said, “Oh, how forgetful of me. You, of course, know little of our lands, and you probably haven’t heard the stories of my people—at least not yet.” She grinned wickedly. “We don’t believe in wearing clothing or finery of any kind. Both men and women go about either stark naked or with a mere loincloth if
they are not wed. Only in winter do we wear animal skins to keep warm.
“When I appeared at Lamia’s borders, I wore only a loincloth and my hair to cover my nudity. Had it not been by the will of Seni that I knew a bit of the Lamian tongue, I most definitely would’ve spent my first night here in the dungeons. As modest and proper as these Lamians like to think they are, you can well imagine the shock. Yet, despite our differences, I was allowed to become an apprentice-mage.
“At first, I fit in here at the palace as well as a Seninae does in a brothel. That is, until I met a certain young man named Aidric who happened to introduce me to his best friend. Well, what can I say? Selwyn managed to ‘civilize’ me and win my heart all in the same instant.”
“Although he wasn’t too thrilled that his wife’s assets had been displayed for all to see,” Aidric said with amusement.
“Hush beast, or I’ll tell Milady Allison all about the time a certain Mage-general had one too many ‘sips’ of wine and stripped—”
“Ah! You wouldn’t dare!” Aidric interrupted with a horrified expression.
“Oh, wouldn’t I?” she purred sweetly.
Aidric suffered for a few more beats before Allison laughed at his expression and rescued him by saying, “Although I’d very much like to hear that particular story, I think I’ll wait and let Aidric tell me all about it himself.”
Raya pouted in mock disappointment and said, “Damn, and I was looking so forward to finally humiliating His Highness for all those times he’s done so to me. Oh well, mark my words, beast, I’ll have my say another time when you least expect it, and when I do, no one will be there to rescue you!”
“Yes, yes,” Aidric said with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“Anyway, as I was saying before His Highness so rudely interrupted me,” Raya continued, “a few people have even forgotten that I arrived here practically nude and that they once called me a barbarian, and they’ll soon forget that they ever called you the Golden Mage.”