Seduced by Lies

by Stacey Quinn

  After that, all Sienna could remember was a searing white light and a feeling of forgetfulness, as if she’d passed out for just a second, before coming to in her favorite corner of the library. The only problem was, she came to at 11:00 am - two hours after the very last thing she remembered, and had (according to the librarian, who was somewhat confused by Sienna’s questions) been in the library for that entire time, apparently reading Pride & Prejudice, quite contentedly.

  Sienna had remained in the library, pondering over her second very odd day in a row, wondering what it all meant, if anything at all. She worried over what she might have said or done in the smoking area, and then began worrying about the fact that she was worrying - why should she care whether she insults a Jock or not? Even if he is a semi-clever Jock, he could have at least come to look for her to see if she’s ok. This realization of apparent abandonment left Sienna with a very bitter taste in her mouth, and she found herself hoping she had been particularly foul to Sam during that unaccounted for period. Would serve him right.

  And so she stayed at that desk, tucked away at the back of the library for the rest of the day, absent-mindedly flicking through various posts, mostly on the British Poetry Centre homepage and facebook page, chasing dozens of different tangents in her head and trying to make them all fit and mesh together, in a vain attempt at making sense of what her life had become.

  She was so preoccupied with her thoughts and feelings and her attempts at understanding them, that she failed to feel or notice the eyes that watched her intently from across the room, silently drinking in the sight of her for a solid three hours, observing her nervous habits and twitches, and making notes of her favorite websites.

  CHAPTER 5 - GOING UNDERCOVER

  “Dude, where were you yesterday?” Lee called across the canteen as Sam strode towards his group of friends the next morning, the spring in his step refusing to falter.

  “Yeah,” Johnny interjected as they all robotically participated in the routine round of high fives. “I say your car up in the corner over there, so where did you bugger off to all day?”

  “Oh, I just hung around town for the day. You know, couldn’t be arsed with lectures.” Sam lied casually.

  “Could of told us.” Johnny grumbled in his usually grumpy tone as the group began to walk slowly in unison towards their first lecture. “We would of come with you man - screw lectures.”

  “Naa mate, look at that smile!” Lee cried in his usual boisterous manner, grabbing hold of Sam’s admittedly smug face, “Our boy here got laid!” He finished, whooping and high fiving Sam once more.

  “So, tell us the details then.” Dan demanded from behind Sam’s shoulder as the boys drew closer in around Sam, each as eager as the next to revel in every gory moment.

  “Alright, alright - You got me!” Sam held up his hands convincingly, happy to participate in the boys little games for today.

  “So who was it then?” Lee demanded eagerly. “It wasn’t that weird chick from the other day was it?”

  “No. What weird chick?” Sam replied, perhaps a fraction too quickly. “Oh, that one? Naa, crazy ain't my kind of thing.” He added, trying to be casual and silently apologizing to his enigma girl.

  “Good man.” Dan patted him on the back. “So, who was it?” He repeated Lee’s demand.

  “No one you know.” Sam teased, covertly reveling in his secret. “A blonde girl - senior chick from that College a few towns over.” He fabricated confidently. This statement was followed by another round of whoops and yet more needlessly complicated high fives and congratulatory handshakes, the boys obviously satisfied with this fabricated blonde beauty. Sam's mind was already drifting away from their childish banter, reliving the glorious breakthrough through previous day had finally managed to achieve.

  He had watched the girl - ‘his girl’, as he liked to call her in his head - he had watched her from a distance, for the whole of the previous afternoon, while she had been in in the library. Very much like the first time they had met, he had peaked at her from behind a conveniently placed bookcase, but this time he’d stayed hidden, deciding to take his time before making his next step, rather than end up looking like a complete idiot again, and risking their relationship even further.

  Again, Sam had lost complete track of time while he was near to her, and figured that it must just be some other strange and unexplainable affect she had on him. Before he knew it, he’d been stood behind that bookcase, gazing at the girl he was pretty sure he was falling in love with, for three and a half hours, and she began to pack her bags, ready to leave and go home.

  Even though Sam felt he could have stayed in that very spot, simply looking at her for an eternity, he was satisfied that he’d got what he needed for now. He’d found out that she actually did have a facebook page, despite all his fruitless searching, as he’d watched her on her laptop, flicking back and forth between different pages and groups. And while he’d been just a little too far away to make out the name on her account, he had been able to catch the title of a facebook group and a website that she seemed particularly absorbed by - He’d seen her dark, expressive eyes sparkle and glisten with passion and interest as she’d pored attentively over the articles and posts on the British Poetry Centre pages, fervently replying with her own comments and thoughts, a rare smile curling the corners of her red lips as she did so.

  Without her even being aware of it, Sam was quickly learning more and more about his girl as he watched - he felt privileged to be able to see her as she actually was, without her cold, harsh walls of self-protection raised around her. When she was on her own, she was mostly relaxed, allowing herself to be absorbed in the well-written words and well-spun worlds within the pages and lines that she was so enthralled by. This state of total absorption reminded Sam of himself as a child, during those glorious evenings when his father would let Sam into his office and they would sit together in serene silence, each of them lost within the thick, parchment pages of his father’s old and impressive collection of books. It was only when other people drew too near to her and threatened her bubble of literary contentment that her eyes would turn cold and her shoulders stiff, as if she was bracing herself for confrontation.

  This proved to Sam that he hadn’t imagined those half-glances or brief looks of intrigue behind her eyes - there was definitely a softer side to this girl, a part of her that longed to be loved and cared for (maybe even a tiny part that longed for Sam himself to love and care for her) - he just had to approach it carefully.

  He’d forced himself to remember the words ‘British Poetry Centre’, repeating them over and over under his breath as he drove home, barely focusing on the road in front of him. This could be his gateway in - no matter how unlikely it seemed, the universe had given Sam yet another chance, and he had a feeling it would keep giving him all the chances he would need, because him and his girl were meant to be, that much was obvious to him.

  And so that night, forgetting to pay any attention whatsoever to his mother (despite being so caring that morning), Sam had spent another long a tiresome night in front of the glare of his computer screen, studying the British Poetry Centre website and their facebook page.

  He’d pretty much instantly found the quote that his girl had put on the facebook page - the heartache within the words taken from a Rainer Maria Rilke poem (Sam was unsure of the poet at first, and had to Google it to be sure) leapt out at him from his screen and struck a deep and resonating chord. He knew instantly it had to be her, not from her profile picture, which didn’t even show her face in the tiny thumbnail, but from the simply beauty and intense meaning behind the words, which only people like him and her could truly understand.

  He’d had to brace himself before reading her name, the moment that he’d been yearning for now suddenly seeming so overwhelming and monumental. As his eyes drank in the words, his lips muttered them and his tongue enjoyed the way her name slid sweetly and smoothly across his taste buds.

  “Sienn
a Selway.” He practically licked his lips as the words fell from them, over and over again.

  “Sienna Selway. My Sienna Selway.” Sam quickly clicked onto her profile, scrolling desperately through her pictures as he yearned to see her face again, despite spending hours staring at it earlier that day. Not that his scrolling yielded anything - most of the photos were artsy ones that seemed to be taken by Sienna herself - impressive, to say the least. Looking upon the beautiful images and moments she had captured, Sienna grew ever more beautiful in Sam’s mind, her soft, intelligent, artistic side becoming ever more apparent to him.

  As he trawled through her facebook page, gleaning and devouring as much information as he could about his amazing enigma girl, he noticed there were very few people on her friends list, which was made up and balanced out by the sheer number of literary, poetry, arts and other similar groups and pages that she was a member of. Sam had never been so in awe of anyone, not even his father, and felt he was beginning to understand what Sienna had meant when she’d said she was so far above and ahead of all of them - the deeper he delved into her facebook profile, the deeper he delved into Sienna’s mind, and the plane of intelligence on which she existed - none of her few friends were even close to hers and Sam's ages - they were all middle aged or slightly younger, accomplished academics with impressive CV’s and posts and opinions that even Sam's above-average mind struggled to comprehend. Not even he could have guessed at the true depths that Sienna so carefully hid behind the fortresses she put up around her, and this humbled him, making that persistent pull he felt towards her tug ever deeper and harder.

  His mouse hovered for a moment over the ‘Add Friend’ link on Sienna Selway’s homepage, and he’d been about to take the leap when his over-excited mind reminded him just what happens when he dives in blindly and without patience. He jerked his hand quickly away from the mouse button as his brain recalled the image of Sienna’s stone cold eyes, glaring at him with venomous hatred after he’d made just one tiny misstep. No, she definitely wouldn’t consider him worthy of being her ‘friend’, at least not if she knew it was Sam who was adding her.

  And that’s when Sam had birthed the simplest, cleverest and most daring idea of his life - the very foolproof idea that brought that unmovable smug smile to his face as he walked with his friends the next morning.

  Sam was now certain he could get close to Sienna, that he could make her open up and allow him into her world, just not as himself. He practically strutted through the College halls as he thought of what lay waiting for him on his computer at home - the half completed, fake facebook profile of Lewis Stowell - a deeply intelligent and virtually peerless English tutor from half way across the country, whose impressive knowledge and heartfelt, cultured quotes and references was sure to win Sienna over. Not to mention the fact that he just so happens to share most of her interests and is a member of many of the same facebook groups as she is. Sam had realized that all he needed was an appropriate mask to hide the outward, jock appearance that was the only thing that seemed to be stopping her from seeing the real him. He needed to replace it with an appearance and a profile that she could relate to and identify with on her intellectual level - if he could get her to be comfortable and to see who he truly was on the inside, even if it was done deceitfully over the internet, he knew he could convince her to be entirely his. Lewis Stowell was that appearance, that mask that he needed, and Sam was now fully prepared to play the long game of patience.

  Despite the terror and trepidation that Sienna couldn’t help but feel as she made her morning journey into College over the next few days, everything started going surprisingly smoothly for her. She’d decided to forgo having any more early morning joints in the College smoking area - despite having to admit that Sam had had such an effect on her, whatever had or hadn’t happened there the other morning had shook Sienna for reasons she couldn’t grasp. This, in her eyes, was a sign that her defenses had been breached, which both wounded her pride and annoyed her deeply, not to mention had sullied one of the few peaceful and beautiful little corners of that grim and depressing establishment.

  But Sam didn’t hassle her again for a while. Sienna saw hide nor hair of the boy who had at first seemed so insistent and unrelenting, which, while being a nice, peaceful break, made Sienna certain that whatever she had said or done in those moments that she still could not remember, whatever had happened that morning had been enough to finally make him understand and give up his pathetic chase. At first she had felt slightly guilty - a ridiculous feeling which quickly ebbed over the next day or two as she slowly came around and metaphorically slapped some sense into herself and putting that annoying jock to the very back of her mind, after which she felt considerably better.

  The library had remained a safe place for Sienna to retreat to, the rest of the students preferring the unnatural glare of the screens and the dull, mechanical, drone of the computer room two floors above, and so she had chosen to spend as much time as she possibly could, hidden among the loyal and reliable books and keeping close company with her laptop - her link to her online community and her educated, accomplished acquaintances - people who were actually capable of conducting an intelligent conversation and holding relevant and meaningful opinions. It was into this online world that Sienna let herself sink gratifyingly. Her lecturer (the ditzy bint that she was) barely noticed whether Sienna attended the classes or not, and Sienna was more than confident that she could easily complete the somewhat unchallenging assignments with the barest minimum of attendance, and so that’s exactly what she did. Spending her days lost in a world of literary splendor, losing hours to the whim of the well-spun English language, but constantly hungering for more, yearning for something just out of reach that her conscious mind could not place and her subconscious could not bear to think about. While she reveled in each beautifully placed word and marveled at every latest literary article, it was more like she was enjoying the memories of feelings that this pastime brought her - her joy always tinged with a bittersweet longing for moments gone by. It were as if she were searching for a way back to him, scouring every web page and article, every forum and facebook page of the authors, poets, organizations and establishments that he taught her of and talked so highly about, as if looking for hints or clues.

  And while it pained her, this was all she knew now - better to cling as tightly as she could on to the precious memories of him and their time together, and endure the painful slice of their bittersweet edge, than to let go of the memories and watch them fade, thereby losing any trace of the only happiness she was ever likely to have, and casting her world entirely into an eternal night of misery.

  Days slid by after the smoking area incident, Sienna had already pretty much forgotten about Sam (most of the time anyway), and was beginning to sink happily into her routine of heading straight into the deserted library every morning and not leaving her table at the back unless it was completely necessary. She’d even discovered that, if she was quiet enough, she could simply hop out of the large, old, swinging window behind the furthest bookshelf whenever she wanted to go out for a cigarette. The librarian was just like all librarians should be - old, bespectacled, as dusty as the books that surround her and with the similar auditory range to a bat. Sienna wasn’t even sure if the librarian was aware of the lone girl that occupied her library all day, every day, but neither of them bothered the other (the librarian hardly left her post behind the desk, only to wander aimlessly around the first few rows of shelves), and that was absolutely fine with Sienna.

  She must have spent every day like that for about a week before it happened. The day

  had started off as innocently as any other - she’d woken up early once again, her tired eye lids pried open by the rising of the early morning sun, and had decided to treat herself to a small spliff under the tree down the road, just to set the right tone to the day before she headed off to College. Her mother was still working the late night shifts, and so Sienna had managed to avoi
d and ignore most of her demands for recompense vis-a-vis the vodka, thanks to their opposite schedules. Sienna also took a small slice of bitter amusement in continuing to stomp loudly down the wooden stairs as she left her house each morning, pausing at the bottom to enjoy the reliable stream of muffled curses coming from her exhausted mothers room.

  When Sienna had arrived at College that morning, she had made her way as quickly as she could through the seemingly endless corridors and corners to the library (made to seem even more endless and winding by the rather pleasant effect of that little spliff), head down, eyes forward as usual. Upon pushing her way through gratefully through the swinging doors, Sienna was greeted, as usual, by the startled, blinking stare of the librarian, her confused eyes magnified amusingly in her bottle-bottom thick specs, as if she was baffled as to why a student was coming into her library.

  Sienna plugged her laptop in and took her seat at her table, silently greeting the long untouched books around her as she waited for the lightly purring machine to load up her homepage screen. The sun, though finally beginning to wane slightly, was still unseasonably ferocious as it poured through the library windows, pooling in shimmering waves across Sienna’s table, forcing her eyes to squint and cooking her brain, making her already muggy thoughts and functions even muggier, and meaning it took her a few seconds to register what her facebook page was telling her. The little red and blue icons in the top left hand corner of her screen were indicating that she had three new notifications and one new message. Sienna’s sleepy eyes widened in surprise as she shuffled her chair and laptop further into the shade, to better seen the screen. It was not the three notifications that had peaked her interest - she would often get notifications and invitations from the many different pages and groups that she was linked to on here - it was the single, lone message that had caught her off-guard. Nobody on facebook ever privately messaged her, none of her ‘friends’ on the site knew her well enough or would ever have any need to. Her heart caught in her throat as a stray thought floated through her subconscious - ‘It could be Sam.’ Just when she’d thought she’d escaped, could this message be the idiot jock once again trying to force his company upon her, just through a different medium this time?