by Stacey Quinn
Nor was his desire due to worry of the project work that he was quickly falling behind in - again, once Sienna was his he could re-do the course (not that he needed to - he was already intelligent enough to gain a place at university even without any College grades). Once Sienna was his the world would be his oyster and there would be nothing that he could not achieve. But he actually needed to make Sienna his before any of that could even be considered an eventuality, and so everything else, even his mother, would have to take a back seat while he worked towards his goal.
What drove him out of bed that morning, and urged him towards the College he had shunned for the past four weeks, was the familiar and pleasant tug of those invisible fish hooks in his chest. They had been dormant for a while, but they were now back in full force, demanding Sam yield to them, to give in to his deep, resounding desire to see Sienna’s face again. He felt that, for some reason, now that he knew more about her - now that he knew the deepest, darkest parts of her, he would be able to see her more accurately - as if some new, stunning facet of herself would now be revealed to him and he could revel in it’s pure, true beauty.
Sam didn’t even try to argue with himself as he hurriedly shoved on his skater shoes and zipped up his Billabong hoodie. He knew it was far too early to be leaving for College, but it had been far too long since he’d laid eyes on the woman he loved, and he simply could not sit idle in the house when his mind and body screamed for action.
Still unsure of his plan Sam raced excitedly down the stairs, his face a mask of determination and drive. Somewhere in the back of his mind he noticed that his mother wasn’t stumbling and swaying around the house as she usually was at that time of the morning, and that she must have been upstairs actually sleeping for once. Sam's steps faltered as he realized how much he had been neglecting his fragile mother recently, a painful shard of guilt stabbing at his innards. But it was only a brief pang, the urgent voice in his head reminding him that everything could and would be fixed once Sienna was his - once he could fix himself. Sending a brief, whispered apology up the stairs to his mother, Sam dashed out of the front door, dived into his car and was pulling crunchily out of the gravel drive before he could give himself a chance to look back or think twice.
He had no idea how he was going to waste the next few hours before the College would open and he could sneak in once more through the libraries back door to wait for Sienna, but as his IPod kicked in and the opening chords of Dire Straits graced his ears, Sam found he didn’t care. He wound down the window, turning his face to the breeze and turning the speakers up, and began singing along, his voice carrying down the empty, early morning streets –
“A love struck Romeo sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Finds a streetlight steps out of the shade
Says something like you and me babe how about it?”
***
Sienna awoke, as usual, way before her alarm clock chimed, with an idea in her head that had formed during her dreams. It was an unexpected idea that both scared and excited her, and she knew it was an idea that required a lot of thought. She could no longer deny her feelings for Lewis - last night they had shared something truly special, they had shared they darkest truths with each other and now her heart urged her to take the next, terrifying step with him, but first Sienna needed to figure out just how to do that.
She immediately knew that, for a change, she wasn’t going into College that day, not even to waste away the day in the library. She couldn’t let anything distract her from her thoughts today, and she was worried that if she let herself near her laptop, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from messaging Lewis before she was actually ready. And so, after donning her faithful Doc Martens and leather jacket (the relentless sun and heat had finally begun to die down, replaced with chilly autumn breezes), Sienna marched out of her bedroom without a backwards glance, taking her bag with her but leaving her laptop firmly behind, her mind too full of thoughts to even remember to stomp loudly down the stairs as she left the house.
She jangled the change in her pocket as she absentmindedly wandered down the quiet, empty street. She had just enough to pay for the service bus, which was always virtually empty at this time of morning, rather than have to catch the bustling, noisy, free bus to College. Her mind, full of scrambling thoughts and emotions, needed peace and quiet if it was going to be able to make this huge decision that Sienna was embarking on, and so peace and quiet is exactly what she would give it.
The service bus dropped her off at the bottom end of the bypass, as near to her peaceful, secret spot next to the river as it could get without actually driving into the undergrowth. A chill breeze slapped at Sienna’s face as she stepped off the bus, and she hugged her leather jacket tightly to herself, hurrying off the pavement and down the dirt pathway into the trees, whose branches and leaves offered some respite from the encroaching autumn chills. A few minutes further on down the path and she came once more her isolated little spot, a fallen tree providing a perfect seat and the smooth, hypnotizing babble of the river and whisper of wind in the treetops serving as the perfect soundtrack to Sienna’s day of contemplation. She sighed as she flopped down onto the horizontal, dead tree, allowing the music of Mother Nature to wash over her cluttered mind and slowly smooth out her thoughts.
Sam had been driving on autopilot, letting his feet and hands do the driving - taking him automatically along the curving, swooping roads along the top of the valley, down the narrow, tree lined lanes that ran down the side of the mountain and eventually brought him out at the very top end of the town - while his mind drifted elsewhere, lingering on memories of Sienna’s pale, creamy skin, her fierce, passionate eyes and the way her bright red lips would sometimes curl into just the hint of a fraudulent smile. It wasn’t until the final chord of his Dire Straits playlist rang in his ears and then faded out to silence, that Sam realized he’d been driving for nearly an hour and a half, completely oblivious to the passage of time.
“Shit!” He exclaimed, realizing that in 45 minutes students and lecturers alike would be flooding into College, and he needed to be there in plenty of time before that happened. Physically slapping himself out of his reverie and pressing down on the accelerator, figuring that the quickest route would be to cut through the centre of town and head down the bypass. The roads were starting to fill with the beginnings of rush hour traffic, and Sam cursed himself for his absent mindedness, forcing himself to duck and weave as best he could through the traffic and nearly running a few red lights. But despite his worry, he managed to reach the bypass in just under five minutes, just in time to see a small, blonde woman step off a service bus on the other side of the road. It took Sam a few short seconds to recognize the choppy, bleach blonde hair and black and white checkered backpack as belonging to the woman he loved, but as soon as he did his feet automatically slammed down on the breaks and he swerved violently into a small lay by, his heart suddenly pounding.
Swiveling around in his seat, Sam watched the bus slowly pull away to reveal Sienna’s beautiful, blonde head bobbing away into the trees and undergrowth. He waited until his love was just out of sight before hurriedly tugging his seatbelt off and practically tumbling out of the car. Without looking or thinking he dashed across the two lanes of the bypass, slowing his footsteps as they went from tarmac pavement to dirt path, being as quiet and inconspicuous as he could while he followed Sienna’s leather clad back into the trees.
Somehow, Sienna’s little haven, her personal clearing in amongst the flora and fauna, had managed to cling on to the last dregs of summer. She allowed herself to be serenaded by the mellow gurgling of the river at her feet, while she watched iridescent patterns of gold and green dance along it’s smooth, liquid surface.
With nothing to distract her - no real life people or problems to steal her attention, Sienna quickly realized that she had actually already made her decision, she had just needed some silent alon
e time to get used to it. Of course she was going to ask Lewis to take the next step with her, how could she not? Aside from all the obvious reasons - him being an accomplished, intelligent academic, not to mention patient, understanding and kind - Sienna had never been one to deny her own heart, and now her heart screamed for Lewis.
She set her mind to deciding the specific words she would use to ask him, ruffling her hair nervously and blushing with girlish excitement as she did so. “I Love You.” She whispered tentatively to the empty glade, the words that had been left unused for so long tasted refreshing and moreish on her tongue, and Sienna was unable to suppress a nervous but thrilled giggle. She repeated those three magic words over and over, growing louder and louder and more and more thrilled with each outburst, until suddenly the harsh crack of a loudly snapping twig echoed out from the trees to her left.
Sienna’s mouth snapped shut mid declaration and her walls instantly shot straight back up as her head turned sharply in the direction of the offending noise. Whatever she had been preparing herself for, she was not expecting or ready for what her eyes found - Leaning with one hand against a tree just outside the clearing, his stupid brown hair flopping into his stupid grinning face, was none other than Sam - the persistent pesterer that Sienna had thought she was long rid of.
They were both, for a moment, silent with shock as they gazed at each other, before Sienna found her voice and, her vision suddenly red, yelled -
“Seriously?! What the fuck?!” She stared him down with her stone cold eyes, turning him into the gibbering mess that he usually was around her.
“I’m sorry...I...I didn’t mean to startle you.” He yammered as he stumbled further into the clearing, much to Sienna’s displeasure.
“I thought I’d gotten rid of you.” She spat in reply. The anger that flowed through her was partly from embarrassment and partly because of the hatred should couldn’t help but feel for the bumbling oaf in front of her.
“Well...” He chuckled, clearly attempting to lighten the mood, “They don’t call me ‘Boomerang’ for nothing!” His attempt was half hearted, and Sienna realized that there was no hope of getting any sort of sensible reply from the jock.
“I was just leaving.” She said coldly, hopping down from her branch, swiping up her bag and storming out the way she had come in, jarring Sam with the brunt of her shoulder as she passed him.
“Sienna, wait!” He cried in desperation, realizing that the wonderful day he’d been looking forward to was quickly slipping from his grasp. He watched his love stop dead for a second in the middle of the path, before turning slowly and purposefully on the spot, her eyes suspicious and icier than Sam had ever seen them.
“I never told you my name.” Sienna stated in an eerily calm voice.
“Look...Don’t go.” Sam pleaded nervously, silently cursing himself for his fraudulent slip.
“How do you know my name?”
“I...It...Just...Can we please just talk?” He finished pathetically.
The sheer hopelessness of the sympathy seeking College jock in front of her piqued Sienna’s anger, and she could take no more.
“I’ve got nothing to say to you.” She said flatly, before turning on the spot once more and marching more determinedly away.
Sam couldn’t bear to watch her walk away, not after being alone with her for so little time.
“We should be together!” He called out to her impulsively, suddenly not caring how reckless he was as he knew he would always have Lewis Stowell to fall back on. Sienna laughed harshly, just once, before shouting over her shoulder -
“You want to be with me? You don’t even know me!” Sam boldly walked the few steps up the path towards her, causing her to turn around in alarm.
“I know you better than you think.” He whispered softly as he stared lovingly into her deep, endless eyes, wishing that he could simply admit it all to her there and then, but knowing that would probably ruin everything for both him and Lewis Stowell. His words changed something in her, and Sam’s stomach dropped as he watched her eyes glaze over with that same fury she had displayed in the smoking area.
“You know nothing.” She seethed, her barely audible words dripping with venom. “You are nothing. Nothing but a pathetic, lowly College boy who...God, I don’t know...who thinks he’s in love. Well I’ll tell you now - You know nothing of love.”
“I Love You.” Sam insisted, refusing to back down. “And I know you could love me, and that we could help each other.”
“Fuck off!” Sienna screeched in his face, an almost blood curdling sound that echoed through the trees. “Every time I think I’m having a good day you come bumbling along and ruin it with your pitiful hopes and ridiculous ideas of fairytale love! Fairytales don’t exist and love rarely does, so you think I’m going to waste it on you?” She laughed cruelly.
“You love someone. I heard you say it. Who?” Sam asked, already knowing the answer, his voice softening as he gave up his grip on this battle and prepared to admit defeat.
“A man that you could never hope to be.” Sienna smiled cruelly before turning away once more and marching down the path without a second glance.
Sam let her go without argument, because what she didn’t know was that Sam had already won the war - she was in love with Lewis, ergo she was in love with Sam - she just needed some time to realize it.
He waited about ten minutes, giving her plenty of time to leave before he set back to his car. He made the journey home surprisingly unperturbed by the somewhat violent encounter, knowing that when he got back there would probably be a message from Sienna in his alter ego’s inbox, and that thought alone was enough to comfort him.
CHAPTER 11 - REVELATIONS
Sienna’s anger carried her all the way home, making her already made up mind even more determined. She no longer cared how much time she did or didn’t need to get used to her plan - now was the time for action. She arrived home and stormed in through the front door, not caring whether her mother was at home or not (thankfully the house was empty), and headed straight for the fridge. As she had predicted, her mother had re-stocked the fridge with vodka, foolishly hiding it in the same place at the back of the vegetable drawer. Sienna gladly liberated the chilled bottle from the plastic compartment and headed straight up the stairs, eager to get back to her laptop that seemed to be silently calling to her from the foot of her bed. She impatiently waited for the screen to load up, twisting the top off the vodka and, not bothering with a glass, downed a quarter of the bottle in one, wincing as the liquid slid stingingly down her throat, but knowing that she needed to get tipsy, and fast. She eagerly clicked into her inbox and, not caring how bold or forward she was being, sent her beloved Lewis one, short message -
“Are you married?”
It took half an hour and another quarter of the bottle of vodka for Sienna’s little message icon to turn red, indicating a reply. Her whole body seemed to tremble in nervous anticipation as she hovered her cursor over the icon, needing another swig from the bottle before she could click on it. His message was just as short and to the point as hers had been -
“No, Sienna, I am not. Why do you ask? xxx”
Her heart soared, her face splitting with joy as her fingers quickly typed the words she had so carefully chosen that morning -
“Good, because I would never want to do to anyone what your father did to you, but I do want you to be mine, if you will have me. I hope I am not being too forward or inappropriate, but over these past few weeks I feel we have developed something truly special. You said yourself that I have helped return your happiness, and I have to say that you have done the same for me. I never thought there was a way out of the darkness I have been living in for so long, but you have shown me that there is a way, and I would love to continue re-discovering happiness with you. I think we should be together. xxx”
Without looking, Sienna clicked send, and quickly chugged a few more gulps of vodka. This was it now - the point of no return. It
was make or break time and Sienna’s nervous heart pounded loudly in her tipsy head as the seconds and minutes ticked slowly by while she stared unblinkingly at her screen. The five minutes it took for Lewis to reply felt like five lifetimes, but Sienna would have waited for an eternity to read his words -
“Sienna, I have been waiting for you to say those words since day one. Nothing would make me happier than to continue my journey through life with you. You are the only good thing I’ve known for a long time, and while I’m not sure why such a brilliant, bright soul as you would want to settle for someone like me, I will not question it.
It is now my turn to be bold and forward and to say the words that have been on the tip of my tongue for weeks now - I Love You, Sienna.
Forever Yours, Lewis xxx”
Sienna thought her heart was going to explode within her. A balloon of elation was growing rapidly in her chest, pushing her organs to the sides and filling her up until she could hold it in no longer. Endless peals of boisterous, joyous laughter exploded violently from her mouth as she punched and kicked the air in victory. The shrouds of misery and hopelessness that she had been cloaked in simply fell from her shoulders, and her eyes, that had been cold and dark for so long, now began to tingle as the sparkle of life, love and euphoria entered them once more.
Sienna ran to the mirror, eager to see once more what true happiness looked like. She peered at her slightly blurry, tipsy reflection, looking past the thick eyeliner and short, rough hair to the girl underneath. What looked back at her was the girl she had been - the girl who had loved life and had been loved in return. Sienna felt weak with relief and thankfulness - she had her old self back, which was something she thought she would never see again.