We keep walking. We are approaching Burger King, and the smell of charred meat is stronger. Ugh. But I’m so hungry I get a cramp, and I bend over right there in the street.
Karen stops. “You okay?”
I nod through clenched teeth. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m just really hungry.”
“You always bend over in the street when you’re hungry?”
“No,” I say, through clenched teeth. “This is kind of new.”
“Maybe you need to eat some meat.”
“Ha, ha,” I say, straightening up, still clutching my stomach.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “It’s not just the cramps. I’ve been having these cravings.”
“Cravings? For what?”
“You won’t tell anyone?”
“Who am I going to tell, Stanley?”
“I don’t know? My parents? Or Zach, maybe?”
Karen’s face clouds over. “I told you. Zach and I are completely over.”
“You said that last time.”
“Yeah, well, this time it’s for real. And I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
“You promise.”
“I, Karen Maloney, do solemnly swear not to tell anyone about Stanley Hoff’s cravings. Whatever the hell they are. Satisfied, or do you want to pinky promise?”
I hold out my hand. “Yeah,” I say. “This is definitely pinky promise worthy.”
We intertwine pinkies. It feels good, except why is her pinky so cold?
“So?” she asks.
“I’m craving Burger King.”
She laughs, and I just glare at her.
“Sorry,” she says, “But that is kind of normal, isn’t it? I mean, how many other fast food places have anything you can even eat?”
“No. I mean, I have this nightmare... about eating something I can’t eat. About eating a Whopper.”
She snorts through her nose. “Stanley?” she says. “What are you afraid of? My coupon? I mean, what terribele things will happen if you eat a Whopper? You going to turn into some kind of meat-eating monster?”
“Laugh all you want, but some nights I wake up in a cold sweat.”
She snorts.
“Thanks,” I say.
“You said, ‘Laugh all you want.’”
“Yeah, but I was hoping you wouldn’t laugh.”
“Sorry,” she says. “Anyhow, I’m one to talk.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have these dreams—kind of like nightmares, too. No, it’s too weird,” she says, biting her lip. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me,” I say. “I mean, I already told you about my Whopper night sweats. It’s your turn.”
“Fine,” she says. “In my dreams, I touch people.”
“You touch people? What’s the matter with that?”
“It’s that when I touch them, bad things happen.”
“So what are you saying? Now you’re afraid to touch people? Because of a dream?”
“Not just one dream, Stanley. It’s like every night, and it’s not just the dreams. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I am trying. Does this have something to do with breaking up with Zach?”
She shakes her head, violently. “No,” she says. “This has been going on all summer.”
“But you touched him over the summer, right?”
“What are you, twelve?” she asks. “Yeah, I touched him.”
“Sorry,” I say.
“You think this is silly, don’t you? That I’m playing around? I swear I’m not, Stanley. Though I don’t know why anyone would believe me.”
“I just don’t understand—what’s the problem? If you want to touch other people, why can’t you just—”
“What? Reach out and touch someone?”
“Yeah,” I say, soft again. “I mean, we just pinky promised, after all.”
“You’re different. At least I hope you are.”
“But you and Zach—”
“We had this big fight. I got real angry, and he called me a bunch of names: ‘polluter,’ ‘carnivore,’ ‘unclean,’ and I got so angry. I called him some names myself, then, like ‘fascist,’ ‘extremist,’ and good old ‘asshole,’ and he pushed me. I kind of grabbed his arm, twisted it. It was like, if I hadn’t held back, I could have broken it? Though I didn’t, did I? But now he seems to think I’m some kind of psycho.”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“Maybe you should be.”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “Zach was an asshole, you had a fight, and now you’re dangerous?”
“It’s not just the fight. It’s what I can do.”
“What you can do?”
“You really want me to tell you?”
“You don’t have to talk about it,” I say. “It’s all right with me if you don’t want to touch people.”
We walk some more. The air is cold, my knee aches with every step, and now Karen is mad at me. I would do anything to see her smile right now.
“You need a hug?” I blurt out.
Immediately, I can’t believe I’ve said it. What’s the matter with me? She almost breaks Zach’s arm, she’s afraid to touch people, and now I offer her a hug? On the other hand, she did offer me a friendship bracelet, and don’t friends give each other hugs?
She bites her lip. “I don’t know.”
We stand on the sidewalk for a moment, neither one of us moving.
“So you don’t want a hug, then?” I ask her. “No strings attached.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Well, what, then?”
“I’m still kind of mad. But you’re really not afraid of me?”
I shake my head.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Don’t be silly, Karen. A hug never hurt anyone.”
“But I hurt people,” she says. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”
Still she moves toward me, and then she’s in my arms. She smells sweet, like roses. Red roses. I hold her, and she holds me tight. After a moment I feel the tension drain from her.
“You smell good,” I say.
“It’s called taking a shower, Stanley. You should try it.”
Taking a shower makes you smell like roses? I can almost taste them. But I let her go and she backs up. There’s a tear in one eye, and I want to reach up and touch it with my finger.
But she reaches out first and touches my neck.
For a moment I forget the moon up above me. There is nothing but Karen’s cold fingers on my neck and her lips there in front of me.
Are we going to kiss?
“Shit,” Karen says. “Here comes Zach.”
“Where?” I ask.
But then she’s kissing me.
And there’s nothing else. Just her lips. On mine.
I pull away. Her lips were cold, but my face is hot.
“You are not using me to make Zach jealous.”
She smirks. “No, I was just using you.”
“What do you mean, ‘using me?’”
“You’re a comfort,” she says. “Like comfort food, you know?”
“What am I, a hamburger and fries?”
“I was thinking more, a Whopper and a Coke. What’s the matter, you didn’t like it?”
“Yeah,” I say. “As long as I’m not rebound boy.”
“Not at all,” she says. “Anyway, he was too far away to see... I think.”
“You think?”
“You can never be sure with Zach. He always comes along when you least expect it. I bet he has those stupid vitamin supplements with him, too.”
“Vitamins?”
“You’ll see,” she says with a sigh.
How did she spot him so far away? But I can see him now, too, walking up to us. His golden blond hair and toothy leer are unmistakable.
“Stanley.”
“Uh, hi, Zach. How’s it going?”
/> “It’s been a while.”
“You’ve been busy.”
“Yeah,” he says. “I have. The cross-country team misses you, you know that?”
“Don’t start, Zach,” Karen says.
“No, it’s okay,” I say. “I mean, I miss the team, too, I guess. I just have some issues to take care of.”
“Issues? That’s just what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“What could he know about it?” Karen says. “Don’t listen to him.”
“I’ve got some stuff I need to tell you, Stanley.” He glances at Karen. “But keep the meat eater away from me, okay?”
“I won’t touch you again, Zach,” Karen says. “Even if you beg me.”
Zach looks at me. “You should stay away from her, too.”
“Why?” I ask him. “What’s it to you, anyway?”
“Something’s the matter with her, and she won’t let anyone help.”
“Don’t you have somewhere to go?” Karen says.
“Obviously you can see she’s in denial.”
“Zach,” I say. “Enough already.”
“No, seriously, she needs help.”
“Look, Zach, we were going to get something to eat,” I say.
“You can’t just give me a minute? I wanted to tell you about the supplements.”
“The vitamins?” I say.
“Supplements, not vitamins,” he says. “You have to take them several times a day, but man, they are great.”
“I still don’t get it,” Karen says. “Are they even FDA approved?”
“You know what, Karen? Screw the FDA. You think the FDA will protect you? They’ll just fill you full of chemicals.”
“Then how do we know they’re safe?” Karen asks.
Zach ignores her this time: he’s already holding out a bottle for me to see. “ETERNAL CLEANSE,” it says.
“It’s good for everything,” he says. “For your health. For your hunger. And it will help in school. Help you concentrate. Even help with the moon.” He winks at me.
“What are you implying?”
“Stanley, we both know you’ve been having trouble with the moon since, like, forever.”
My teeth ache and I taste blood. My palms itch. Is my body agreeing with him? Calling out for these pills? I fight the urge to look up, because I can feel it: the clouds are gone. And even though it was true, what I told my mom, that the moon wasn’t full, it’s still big. Huge. Awesome.
“Look, Zach,” Karen says. “Stanley just told you we were going to get something to eat.”
His eyes narrow. “You aren’t going to Burger King, are you?”
“Just for a veggie burger,” I say. “Some fries, maybe, and a Coke.”
He shakes his head. “Dude, you need to clean out your system. Even a veggie burger will just add to your toxin load. These supplements, though? Maximum detox. And maybe, I think the chances are good...” He looks at me, his eyes shining.
“Don’t listen to him, Stanley,” Karen says. “He’s just getting started.”
“Maybe what?” I ask him, gritting my teeth, tasting my own blood.
He moves closer to me, and his voice drops down to a whisper. “I’m not making this up. This shit works. Not only could it help you with the moon: it could heal your knee. You could run again. How does that sound, Stanley?”
I push him away, back up. “Don’t even go there, Zach. My knee’s as healed as it will ever be. It’s not getting any better.”
He shakes his head. “That’s chemical healing you’re talking about. This is different. It’s natural. It’s almost...” His voice drops so low I can’t hear it.
“Almost what?” I snap. “Stop talking in riddles.”
“Magic,” he whispers again.
I shake my head. “How do I know it’s not drugs? It’s not addictive?”
He stares at me like I’ve gone crazy. “Hello, Stanley? You think I would put chemicals in my body?”
“Lots of drugs are natural,” says Karen. “Like marijuana, or opium. Alcohol. Tobacco.”
“Shut up, Karen,” Zach says. “Let me talk.”
“That’s all this is, isn’t it, Zach?” I say. “Just a lot of talk.”
Zach shakes his head. “Those toxins in you? They’re controlling you.”
“Nothing is controlling me.”
“Oh yeah? Then how come you keep gritting your teeth, making fists and staring up at the moon?”
“What’s your point?”
“You can feel it, can’t you? It’s pulling at you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Stanley, does your mother know that you’re craving Burger King?”
Could he have heard us? Or is he just guessing?
“Enough, Zach,” Karen says. “Leave him alone.”
“You of all people should be telling him how good it is, Karen.” He turns back to me. “Stanley, all I’m saying is, just try. We do have a free trial.”
“I’ll think about,” I say.
“It doesn’t work,” Karen says.
“It works. It just takes time to see the results. But in the meantime, Karen, if you try to convince anyone else not to try them, I’ll tell your parents about your little nighttime excursions. How’s that sound?”
“Are you blackmailing me?”
Zach shakes his head. “Just protecting my interests. Stanley, you sure you don’t want some supplements?”
“Anything to shut you up,” I say.
But Karen shakes her head. “Don’t take them.”
“Stanley, we’ll talk again when the carnivore is not around.”
He starts to walk away, then turns back. “You know, the whole city, the whole forest needs cleansing. We need cleansing. But what am I saying? You’re wearing leather shoes. You’re on the way to Burger King. I thought you were like me, but you couldn’t possibly understand.”
“I don’t know about Stanley, but I understand one thing,” Karen says. “You’re a fricking psycho. What I don’t understand is why I ever went out with you.”
Zach snorts. “You’re one to talk. Just keep taking the supplements. And don’t touch me again. Ever.” He walks off, breaks into a jog. Then he’s gone. I used to be able to run like that. He makes it look so effortless. Just blending into the night.
I turn back to Karen. “What was all that about?” I ask. “Should we just go home?”
She shakes her head. “You need to eat, Stanley. And I need to calm down.”
We order, and I hobble over to the bathroom. Zach was right about one thing. About one big, bright, and shiny thing. The moon. I can feel its pull even now, in the restaurant.
Back at our seats, Karen doesn’t seem to be in the mood to talk. We sit there waiting for our food.
I try to meet her eyes, but she looks away.
“What’s the matter?” I ask her. “Did I do something to upset you?”
“Forget it,” she says, looking over at the registers.
“Is it Zach? Those vitamins? They sound too good to be true. Or I bet they cost a fortune.”
“You don’t even want to know how much they cost,” she says. “Really, the less you know, the better.”
“But what if they work?”
“They don’t work,” she says.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Can’t you drop it?”
Something troubles me in the way she doesn’t meet my eyes. “Zach said they would help me stay calm. Be focused. Help me deal with my fear of touching. But they don’t work.”
“How do you know?”
She shakes her head. “They won’t help you. Even if they did, you wouldn’t like what they do to you. Once you start...”
“Once you start?” I ask.
“Let’s just say they have side effects, okay?” she says. She turns away. “Look, our food is almost ready.”
Later I wish I’d asked her more, but she is obviously in no mood to talk about it.
“Can I call you?” I ask her instead, looking at the table.
“This isn’t about the kiss, is it?”
“No,” I say, blushing. “What do you mean?”
“Just don’t get any ideas, Stanley. It was a sweet hug. A truly epic kiss. But I’m too messed up right now to—”
“To talk on the phone?”
But she’s turned away. Some old lady brings us our tray, sets it down.
“Stanley, you’re like the only friend I’ve got right now, the only person I can trust. But I don’t want you telling anyone about what I told you.”
“I won’t,” I say. “I won’t even tell anyone how nice you smell.”
“Joke all you want. But I’m in enough trouble as it is.”
“I promise I won’t tell,” I say.
“Good,” she says. “At least that’s something. And thanks for letting me ‘use’ you.”
She winks at me.
“You’re welcome,” I say, feeling my face grow hot. “Anytime, I guess.”
I unwrap my veggie burger and bite in. There’s nothing like a BK veggie burger. Is it the way they microwave it? Or the fact that it’s sold in a place that makes real hamburgers? I don’t know. But it’s always been satisfying. Comfort food. What I need right now, I think.
Because I keep glancing at Karen. Well, at Karen, yeah, but also at the two Whoppers she got for the price of one.
“Two whole Whoppers,” I say. “You must be wicked hungry.”
She just smiles at me and takes another little bite.
I try to look away. Is it the way she’s eating, or is it her food?
I look around at the people around me. There’s not a lot of kids. Just one I recognize from track and cross-country. Henry? Or Harry? God, I can’t even remember his name. He catches my gaze for a moment, nods before I can turn away. I think I’m safe; I don’t think he’ll come over and talk to me. He’s with his parents, after all. Not a lot of us walk to Burger King, and no one my age can drive.
All around I can smell real meat, and I’m still hungry. My veggie burger is in my stomach, but it’s still rumbling. If I had money, I’d go buy another one. I’m almost desperate enough to ask Karen for money. But I know she only had one ten, and she’s spent it already. Partly on me.
Wicked Hungry Page 2