by Elana Brooks
“Yes, you can. You’ve made a good beginning. Day by day you’ll build on it.”
She pushed up to her knees. “I can’t. I won’t. I won’t let you humiliate me like this any more. I quit.” Stumbling to her feet, she rushed toward the women’s locker room.
Rabbi Sensei followed, his quiet voice cutting through her ragged breathing as she shoved the door open. “Beverly, stop.”
There was a subtle note of command in his mild tone that froze her in her tracks. She stared at the door as it swung back on its hinges and sighed closed.
“Beverly, I have no power to force you to continue. I can only tell you what I know. You’re stronger than you believe. The aliens will return. When they do, we need you. Even if all of us who are able stand united against them, it may not be enough. If any of us refuse, our strength will surely be insufficient. I know this isn’t a pleasant process for you. It will strain your body, mind, and heart to their breaking points before we’re through. But if you run away, if you refuse the responsibility your gifts bring you, you’ll experience far greater pain a few years from now as you watch all humanity fall before the Seraphim, knowing that you might have made the difference.”
“So emotional blackmail is one of the things the Covenant teaches?” Beverly clenched her fists. “You’re pretty good, but my mother was a master. I learned to ignore her a long time ago, so don’t think you’ll get very far.”
“I speak only truth, Beverly. You choose what to do with it.” He sighed. “Return to the mat with me and allow me to lead you through a few stretches that will reduce the soreness you’re likely to feel tomorrow. Then we’ll go to the meditation garden and work on astral projection.”
Damn, that was a hard bribe to resist. “No.”
“Give me two weeks, Beverly. If at the end of that time you’re not pleased with the progress you’ve made, I won’t oppose you if you choose to leave.”
“Why the hell should I put myself through two weeks of torture when I already know what I’m going to decide? To keep from having to listen to you whine? Give me a break.”
His voice didn’t change. “Very well. I’ll contact Adrian and inform him that he won’t be needed here after all.”
Ooh, he was fighting dirty now. She whirled on him. “I don’t give a flying fuck what Adrian does or doesn’t do.” Rage boiled up in her gut and spewed out, at Rabbi Sensei and Adrian and the world in general. “Tell him to take his precious soul bond and stick it up his—”
A bolt of pain lanced through her body, growing stronger and stronger until she was engulfed in flames. A scream ripped from her throat. Everything went black.
Pain struck Adrian as he bent to demonstrate a new pose to the workshop participants. He barely had time to wonder if it was a muscle cramp before it became far too intense and widespread for that to be the cause. For a few seconds he was able to stay on top of it using the mental disciplines he’d learned, but agony rapidly overwhelmed his ability to endure. With a strangled cry he collapsed to the mat, his vision going blurry and then blank.
When he came to, people were crowded around him, anxiously asking if he was okay. Lots of them had cell phones out, calling 911. He struggled upright, trying to assure everyone that he was fine, that the pain had passed and they should get back to work.
They ignored him. Paramedics were on their way; he needed to wait for them to check him out at least, maybe go to the hospital. Until then he should lie down on his mat and rest.
He tried to argue until he felt the light prodding in his mind that meant Rabbi Sensei was requesting telepathic contact. Adrian made a show of reluctantly capitulating to the crowd’s demands, sank down on his mat, and closed his eyes. He opened his mind to Rabbi Sensei’s. What the hell was that?
His mentor’s mental tone was uncharacteristically apologetic. I should have anticipated this possibility. Beverly became angry at me, and I’m very sorry, but I unwisely brought your name into the argument. I think she directed a burst of anger at you. It traveled down the soul bond, reflected back through it, and created a feedback loop that incapacitated both of you.
Concern stabbed him, followed closely by outrage. Is Beverly all right? How could you be so careless? Why didn’t you warn us something like this could happen? Damn it, Rabbi Sensei was supposed to be the expert on soul bonds. But whenever Adrian had tried to question him on the subject, he’d avoided answering, saying only that he’d share more as the need arose. He must have known of this danger. What else wasn’t he telling them?
She’s unharmed. And you? She was concerned the effect might have caught you at an inopportune time.
I’m fine. I was in the middle of a class. He groaned. I’m never going to have time to get this bunch into meditation. We’ll miss screening them. I can’t have them come back; the rest of the sessions here are full.
Don’t concern yourself with that. The odds are low anything of significance will be missed.
Maybe anyone with significant power among the participants would be lucky to escape detection. He’d obviously screwed up badly with Beverly. Maybe she’d have been better off happily ignorant of the Covenant and the powers that had caused her nothing but pain and trouble so far. I guess I haven’t got any other choice.
I’ll instruct Beverly in how to contain her emotions and how to dampen the reverberations if this kind of loop gets started again. Until she has a chance to master the techniques, you should be on the alert to halt any further effects.
I tried, but she hit me so fast and hard. He scowled. Tell her that fucking hurt! Why the hell was she mad at me, anyway? I wasn’t even there. Keep me out of it next time. If you’re going to make her mad, take the fallout yourself.
Again, I apologize. I’ll do my best to help her gain more control before you arrive.
He’d been unhappy that Rabbi Sensei hadn’t let him go immediately to headquarters to help train Beverly, but now he wondered if he shouldn’t just stay away. Maybe it’s a bad idea for me to come after all.
No. You’ll be needed more than ever. We must have patience with her.
Fine. Just tell her next time she gets pissed off, stay out of my head! Adrian cut off the connection and fumed impotently at the ceiling.
When Beverly regained consciousness, she was lying face down on the floor. She whimpered and clutched her head. The pain was gone, but she had the conviction it was hovering just outside her perception, ready to strike again in an instant.
“No fair,” she moaned. “You can’t do this to me. I hate you.”
“I did nothing,” Rabbi Sensei said gravely. He knelt and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Your soul and Adrian’s are one. The pain and anger you directed at him came back through the bond to you. He’ll have experienced the same thing.”
“No,” she whispered. Then louder, “Damn you, that’s not fair! What if he was driving, or—”
“I’ll contact him to make sure he’s safe.” He sat back on his heels and closed his eyes.
Beverly dragged herself up and scooted over to sit leaning against the wall next to the locker-room door, watching him. After a long silence, he opened his eyes. “Adrian is fine, although understandably startled and upset. I explained the situation. He asked me to tell you that he understands you meant him no harm, but please be aware of the effect from now on and strive to prevent this sort of thing from happening again.”
Beverly scowled at him. “You should’ve told me that could happen.”
He sighed. “Yes, I should have. I didn’t anticipate it would be a problem while Adrian wasn’t here, but obviously I was wrong.”
Beverly rubbed the sore muscles in her upper arms. “I guess that’s why people are careful about bonding their souls. I mean, if every time you have a fight—”
He smiled wryly. “It’s one reason. Keiko and I are most careful to keep our negative feelings toward each other in check and talk out our differences before they escalate. Of course, there are compensations. Strong positive em
otions resonate through the bond, also.”
“Yeah, I bet that’s great for you.” She hated the weary cynicism in her voice, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. Stretching, she climbed to her feet.
“Come back to the mat with me, and then to the garden?” Rabbi Sensei eyed her cautiously.
“Sure. Fine. Whatever. Do what you want. I don’t care.”
After studying her for a long moment, Rabbi Sensei nodded. He headed back toward the mat. Beverly trailed listlessly behind.
Beverly lay back on the lightly padded cot with a deep sigh. At last. After all the crap she’d been through today, they’d finally gotten to the one aspect of this mess that might make the rest worthwhile. She remembered how it had felt to float free of her body, to fly weightless and unconfined, the whole universe open to explore. She ached to return to that state with a fierce, passionate longing.
Rabbi Sensei reclined on the cot next to hers. His deep, quiet voice murmured in her ear. “I’ll use the same induction method that Adrian used, since we know it works well for you. In the future we’ll try others as well. Open your mind to me as much as you can, and I’ll help you shift into the necessary altered state of consciousness. You probably weren’t aware of it, but when Adrian takes his classes into meditation, he broadcasts subtle telepathic guidance which makes it easier for untrained minds to make the transition.”
So that’s why she hadn’t been able to do it alone. Hopefully he’d teach her how soon. Until then, at least she knew this was something she was good at. She emptied her mind as much as possible and concentrated on Rabbi Sensei’s voice. “First, lift your right leg about an inch into the air. Flex your toes hard, then curl them tight. Tighten the muscles in your shin and your calf. Clench all the muscles in your thigh as tight as they will go. Hold it, tighter, tighter… Now release and let your leg settle lightly to the cot.”
It was so lovely to feel all the built-up tension of the day drain from her limbs. Rabbi Sensei spent a lot of time working on her shoulders, neck, and head. Bit by bit all the stress was released from every little muscle in her face and scalp. At last she lay limp, feeling like a melted blob of jelly. It would be so easy to sink into sleep…
“I want you to concentrate on your right forefinger. Feel your physical finger, and become aware of your astral finger within. Very slowly allow it to rise upward. Keep the rest of your astral hand and arm in place. Allow only your finger to move.”
For a moment she couldn’t quite do it. Then the knowledge of how to twist her mind just so slipped into her brain. She grasped it eagerly and did as the impulse directed. She could feel her astral finger separate from her flesh and drift delightfully free. The urge to proceed immediately with the rest of her body was strong, but she suppressed it. They’d get there soon enough.
“Now bring your astral finger down, overlapping your physical finger. Allow your two parts to rejoin.”
Again the telepathic prompting showed her how to do what he asked. She worked to memorize the exact mental shift required.
“Now, repeat those two actions. This time I’ll assist you only if you ask. If you wish me to remind you how, mentally verbalize your request and I’ll respond.”
No way. She was totally going to learn to do this herself. She focused hard on her finger. For several long moments she fumbled with her thoughts, feeling as clumsy as she had in the gym. But then she realized what she was doing wrong. She eased back a little, let her mind go soft, and the shift clicked into place without effort. She silently crowed in delight as she felt her astral finger lift free.
“Very good.” There was no doubting the pleasure in Rabbi Sensei’s voice. “Return that finger, then repeat the process with the index finger on your left hand.”
Snapping her two fingers back together took a little concentration, but then she got it. Disconnecting and reconnecting the finger on her left hand went smoothly, a little easier than her first try. Rabbi Sensei had her move on to freeing and rejoining each hand, then both at once. Then each foot, then both, then all four extremities at once.
When everything was firmly back together, he paused for a moment, then went on. “Now I want you to concentrate on your head. Just as you’ve learned with the other parts of your body, allow your astral head to disengage from your physical head. It may prove a bit more difficult, for your brain is where your physical and astral forms are attached most securely.”
It was harder, but only a little. Beverly felt her head float up. Her awareness went with it, the indefinable spot that was her fixed firmly behind her astral eyes.
“Now you may let your torso and arms follow, and sit up. If you wish, you may open your eyes.”
Beverly’s lids flew open. She watched her ghostly self lift into a sitting position, her two forms remaining joined from the hips down. Turning, she saw Rabbi Sensei sitting in the same position. She grinned, barely able to contain her elation. “I did it!”
“Yes.” He smiled back at her. “Any questions?”
She held her hand out in front of her, turning it, observing how she could easily glimpse the wall of the cubicle through its translucent shape. The sight reminded her of something. “In the Memory, this is what it looked like when Noh reached out to touch the alien.”
“Yes. We believe Noh had profound native gifts. When the Seraph came to him in its astral form and attempted to transmit its message, we think he intuitively grasped how to separate his physical and astral forms. From the Seraph’s words it seems clear it approached many people, but only a few were able to perceive it. It expresses surprise at how well Noh sees and hears it. To those without psychic abilities, the Seraph’s astral form was invisible and inaudible, as ours are.”
“So that wasn’t the actual alien Noh saw, only its astral form? The aliens have them, too?”
“Yes, as you’ll see in later memories. It’s obvious from the full record that the entire alien species is able to do what only a few humans can. They seem to have evolved the ability to easily move between the two planes and do so as a matter of course. In fact, as you saw, they have no hands or fingers or other physical appendages capable of fine manipulation of their environment. All such manipulation is done telepathically. Their tools and machines are designed to be used thus.”
“Huh.” Beverly pictured the sinuous form of the serpent floating in midair. “So they really look like that?”
“Yes. A being’s astral form has the appearance of its physical body unless a conscious effort is made to alter it. With humans, that even extends to clothing. Your subconscious mind dresses your astral form in your current garments unless you choose to display something different. Observe.”
He held out his arm. The loose sleeve of the gi he had donned for their time in the gym blurred. When it cleared, his arm was clad in the neat gray wool of the business suit he’d been wearing when Beverly first met him.
His arm blurred and reverted to wearing the gi. “It takes some effort to maintain, and usually there’s no reason to bother. But it can be a useful effect. You’ll be trained in its use. Watch.”
Beverly stared as his whole upper body shimmered and contorted. His head stretched into a reptilian snout, his neck thickened while his body thinned, and his arms transformed into undulating fins.
His voice came unchanged into her mind. “We expect that the ability to disguise ourselves will prove invaluable in the coming encounter with the Seraphim.”
Well, yeah. Spies or saboteurs could blend right in with the enemy. She watched closely as Rabbi Sensei’s form shimmered again and returned to its usual appearance. “Can I try?”
He inclined his head. “Go ahead.”
She stuck her astral hand out and stared at it. It looked just like the one lying limp on the cot: pudgy, dimpled knuckles, short thick fingers, stubby broken nails, cuticles ragged where she’d bitten them. With a sudden fierce purpose, she imagined how she’d always wished it could look and shoved the malleable astral substance into the new s
hape. Her palms narrowed. Her fingers lengthened and slimmed into graceful, elegant curves. Her nails grew into perfect ovals extending far past her fingertips and bloomed with shining scarlet polish. A gold band with a hefty rock of a diamond graced her ring finger.
“Very good,” Rabbi Sensei said, just as her surge of energy gave out and her hand snapped back to normal. “Like all mental skills, it will become easier with practice, and the time you can maintain the transformation will increase.”
She nodded, panting.
“You’ve accomplished a great deal in your first lesson. I’m proud of the effort you’ve made and the progress you’ve achieved. Every day we’ll build further on your success.”
Her heart glowed at the praise. Suddenly worried, she snuck a quick look at her chest. No, not literally, thank goodness.
“Now lay back and allow your astral form to reconnect with your physical body. Don’t be surprised if you experience some dizziness and disorientation. Even those of us who’ve been doing this for years take a moment to adjust when our consciousness returns to our brain. After you’ve recovered, you can head downstairs to the locker room and change clothes. I’d like you to meet me in my office for a brief overview of our plans for the next two weeks before you go home.”
“Wait.” Beverly swallowed and clenched her fists at her sides. “I thought—” She tried hard not to let her voice betray the desperation she felt. “I was looking forward to, you know, going further. Separating my astral form from my body completely. I loved it so much, being able to fly up into space…”
He regarded her sympathetically. “I understand. We’ll reach that point eventually, I promise. But at the moment I don’t feel it’s safe.” He gestured toward her chest. “See how thin your tether is.”
She’d forgotten about the whole tether thing. She looked down. A thread trailed from her astral chest to her physical chest, but it was barely visible, even thinner than the first time Adrian had pointed it out to her. She shrugged defensively. “I wouldn’t think that’s important while part of my body is still connected.”