by Maya James
Charity’s Secrets
By Maya James
Copyright © 2013 Maya James
All rights reserved
Charity’s Secrets is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Table of Contents
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
EPILOGUE
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Acknowledgements
A special thank you to those that beta read and edited Charity’s Secrets. Each of you is absolutely wonderful and I am so grateful.
Thank you Warriors! You are the best!
Becky Paprota-Martindell
Miranda Sue Johnson
Lynn Chambers
Crystal Marie, Little House of Edits
Another special thank you to Robin Harper at Wicked by Design for the cover work.
PROLOGUE
"The way I see it, you have two choices. You can live with it, or you can live without it." John looks at me and I can already see the sarcastic smile in his eyes. "And I don't believe for a second that you can really live without her, now that you found her."
One single clap of his thunderous laughter echoed in the room while I keep my eyes fixed on Sylvester. The Panther hologram bared its teeth at John and I wanted to thank it for its impeccable timing.
I hate when he's right!
"I know what the problem is," John continued. "You're too used to reading everyone; you know what people are going to do before they know it, but not her. It's one of the things you love about her. You can't read her for shit. The more you love her, the more you can't read her, which makes you love her more."
Fuck!
"Get used to it, JP. It's called love, and she's the real deal." With that, he walked out of my office, closing the door behind him.
Of course, everything he said was right. These months with Charity have been the best of my life, and somehow I love her more now than when we started. There needs to be more hours in a day so that I can spend them with her. I cannot get enough.
At this point, I live to make her happy. I can never see her too much, especially undressed. Making her happy fills my heart and making her cum fills my hunger. Charity is all that I will ever need.
I can understand my father more now. If he felt for my mother anything close to what I feel for Charity—I would rather die than to be without her!
Having these emotions is scary as hell for me. I'm on a completely new ground, and it's near impossible to know for sure what is real and what is fantasy. More importantly—what parts are paranoia?
I wish my father was here, I could really use him right now for advice.
Maybe it's normal, but when I'm not with her I'm a complete wreck; worried about her, about what she's doing. I mentioned that to John, hence his wonderful advice before leaving my office. There's more to it than that, but after John's reaction, I'm not about to tell him the rest.
I track her when we're not together. It sounds worse than it is, like I'm some stalker, but it's only to know she's safe. What I do, what my group does, it is dangerous. I never gave a shit about that before, but with Charity in my life I can't be so careless.
I don't know what I'd do if she got hurt because of me!
John was right, she is the real deal. Most people never find it, but we have, and I need to protect it. Doing that might be driving me insane, but she’s worth it.
There are times when Charity drops off my grid, and I have no idea why. Once or twice, I wouldn't think about it, but it is more often than that. And I can't ask Lena to help, because sometimes Lena is with her when it happens. Part of me thinks they are up to something.
Fucking paranoid!
Any other time I could tell you exactly what was going on but, honestly, I don't have a fucking clue what she’s doing when she disappears.
It's not another man; I'm confident of that. We are way too into each other, and Lena would never be a part of something like that. It could be that I'm just too used to dealing with people that have something to hide and maybe now I just look for it everywhere.
Sylvester suddenly looks over at me as if to tell me to grow a pair. C'mon Man, if it was anything important, they would hide it better— especially Lena!
They are at Silk, putting cucumbers on their eyes and smearing avocado all over their bodies, or some shit like that. They're not planning a corporate takeover for Christ's sake.
It isn't be about what they're doing; it's about protecting them. It's about who can see them when I can't.
And that thought sends a chill to my core. In no uncertain terms, I would throw myself in front of a bullet save her, but you have to be there when the gun is fired for that to work.
This business with Scott Lewis, it's going to get heated, and every one of us will be at some risk. The moment Senator Wilkins "resigned," the governor was forced to appoint a temporary replacement. Of course that was Scott Lewis, the result of the right pressure in the right places. Since this is temporary, it wasn't as hard as it could have been. With the normal election term still almost two years away, we have a much better opportunity. If it were any sooner, the temporary replacement would sit until the general election, and we would be facing the normal election process. Because it wasn't close, it has to be decided by special election—much easier to fix.
That's going to happen in three days and it's going to happen our way, but not everyone is happy about it. One of the members in this one particular group of clients was approached about starting a new group of controllers looking to get behind a candidate of their own. Of course, they have no idea he's already affiliated, and that he came straight back to our group with the information. We know about them, but they don't know about us, at least not who we are—not yet.
I'm not worried, not about the special election. They don't have the time to form and unravel everything that is already in place. They must know that, so why are they still forming?
They're thinking long term, and we need to start doing the same thing.
A fight is coming our way and we need to start getting ready for it. That means Charity and Lena can't be just dropping off radar whenever they want to.
In my mind, I easily remember watching Charity's ex sitting in the driver's seat of his car, his face lit up white in our headlights as he decided his next move. Charity was right behind him, defenseless. I could see her, we all could.
His eyes told me exactly what he was going to do. There was nothing I could do to stop him—no time. It was less than a second, but it took an eternity, still does when I think about it.
It was his smile that told me. Then his right arm jerked. There was muzzle flare and smoke, and a hole in the sheet wrapped tightly around Charity while the gunshot was still echoing into the empty night.
Christ! The look in her eyes!
Something happened that I never told anyone about, not then, and still not now. It was just instinctive. I hadn't even realized I'd done it until I was making my decision.
In that moment, I had thought I lost her, that he'd killed her, my love, right in front of me. I quickly realized that she could survive this, and that I wanted to see him die if sh
e didn't—but that was not before first deciding that I couldn't live without her and finding that I already had my gun shoved under my own chin.
Everyone was firing already, they knew what to do. No one saw how close to killing myself I had come.
And that's why I have to keep her safe now. Her life controls both of our fates.
I have to watch her, everything she does, because I adore her. Without Charity, there would be nothing left in this life to adore. She's all I have and want, and I have to protect her at all costs.
Even if it’s from myself!
CHAPTER I
"This is not something I say often to another woman, but your hands are amazing."
I made everyone in the room laugh, not just the girls massaging our feet before our pedicures, but Lena as well. It was one of her deep, genuine laughs, and that tells me that maybe she's not as nervous as she looks.
I really don't like it when Lena is nervous!
When the manager, Anna, had led us down the hallway in our bathrobes earlier, she had forewarned us that one of the girls, Uta, was new. She comes highly recommended, but her name made me nervous, causing visions of a six foot German female bodybuilder. I was wrong, of course, Uta turned out to be a petite, pretty little thing.
Her hands are bionic, though.
Even then, in the bright hallway smelling of lavender before we came in with Anna, Lena was not herself. This had me completely second guessing my decision, the reason we are here. I asked her to come this time, making the reservation myself, but maybe I don't know what the hell I'm doing even more than I suspect.
"Feeling better?" I ask as I hope for a positive reply.
Lena shrugs, "Not really."
What? What is it for Christ's sake?
"Why don't you just spit it out then? You're freaking me out a little more than usual."
She laughed again, even bigger this time. "Thanks! Thank you for that," she says.
I'm laughing as I continue, "Well, really now, what's the matter? Something is bothering you because you haven't been right all morning."
Uta's wonderful hands switch to my other, very jealous, foot.
"Have you made a decision—about his mother?" Lena asks, her eyes barely dance over me.
"I have." My voice is not nearly as strong as I had intended. Lena is the one that suggested I find Justin’s mother. It could be life altering for him to learn why she left and never came back, not even after his father killed himself, but now Lena seems to have changed her mind.
She sighed, but it was only to calm her own nerves. "You're going to find her?" she asks.
"Yes."
I let her sit with that for a couple minutes, while I battle with my new self-doubt.
"Do you have second thoughts about it? Do you want me to forget about her now, let it go untouched?" I ask finally. "Is that what this is about?"
Her sexy, black face isn't leading me this time. "That's what this is about, yes, but I haven't changed my mind. I know it's the right thing to do for Justin, to at least find out what happened."
Uta interrupts us, asking what colors we want. They have a red that matches Justin's favorite shade perfectly, and I can see him smiling and ravaging me when it’s the only thing on me. So of course I choose it. Lena chooses a softer red, but it doesn't seem like she’s overly interested in it.
The girls then go back to work on us. There shouldn't be too many more interruptions until they are done. Time to get Lena to spit out what is bothering her.
"So, if you still want me to continue, then what is bothering you so much? Enough holding it in."
"I'm worried that this isn't the time to do it," she says. "We should think about waiting."
"Why?" I ask—as curious as I am scared. We both know the danger of Justin catching us, how angry he would be at both us for betraying his desire to never hear from his mother again, but there’s something darker in Lena’s eyes than that.
Lena closes her beautiful eyes; relaxing while her nails are done, trying to put her thoughts together. I think she knows exactly what needs to be said, it’s the how to say it without freaking me out that she's concerned about.
Too late!
She draws in a long, strengthening breath. "You need to think about who you are with and how he feels about you. Justin absolutely adores you, and you deserve it, so don't misunderstand me, but you need to see what's coming. Think about it, Charity—why are we here right now, getting our nails done?"
I sit back, trying as well to relax. "Because it's where we go to talk," I answer.
"Why is that?"
"Because we are alone here, no eyes and ears," I reply instantly.
Lena nods but says nothing else, letting me think my way through this. I know exactly what she's doing right now. It wasn't obvious at first, but she's training me. She has all the answers to what I'm asking her, and she could easily just blurt them all out for me.
I'm not seeing a bigger picture.
When we come here, or any place like it, Justin loses his sight of us. That hasn't been a problem in the past, so what is different now?
Now there's the Scott Lewis deal!
"Is this about Lewis?”
Lena nods.
"It can get that bad?"
She shrugs her shoulders, as if it's meaningless. But, that is a lie.
Maybe they don't know how bad it is going to get, and she doesn't want me to freak out until they know for sure, but that's not the point here. She wants me to learn to keep my eyes open in all directions. Whether someone comes after us or not, Justin is not going to take chances, not with me. I have to expect that his eyes and ears are going to be everywhere from now on.
That means these meetings with Lena have to end.
Or have a cover of their own!
I know exactly what that's going to be. This thing with Lena for Justin—it's not the only secret that I'm working on. There are things that even Lena doesn't know.
"I understand," I say to her, pulling my blonde hair away from my eyes so I can see if she reacts.
Lena doesn't respond, but I see her shoulders and face relax, letting go of all her tension and worry for the moment. Suddenly, she looks like her normal self.
How the hell is she so pretty, even when she's not trying? It's really not fair!
It's time to let go, relax, and let Uta and the rest of the staff take care of us. We usually do come here to talk in private away from Justin's reach, but I really need this today. I've been a complete wreck lately; there's just not enough time in the day, and my stress level is through the roof.
Christmas is only a few weeks away, my first one in the city, and I have been everywhere. I've gone to so many stores that I can't even remember their names or count them on my fingers. I can tell you, easily, where I have been the most—UPS!
They fucking love me there!
I may be single handedly responsible for several of their Christmas bonuses.
It's taking its toll on me, though. My feet hurt nearly every moment of the day, but that’s nothing compared to my hip and back. It feels like I'm still favoring my leg from the accident and compensating for it is twisting me all up in knots.
Justin is really not happy about it, at all. He says that he has people for this and there's no reason for me to push myself this hard. I'll let him punish me later. I'm too excited to stop and I don't feel right having anyone shop for me, not for people that I love. Gifts should come from the heart.
Okay, I'm bullshitting just a little bit, making it sound like he hasn't found a way to help me. I am driven around in his car, by his personal driver. And on quite a few of my shopping sprees, there is an assistant with me. Although I wouldn't let them do anything more than search for certain sizes and carry my bags when there were too many to carry for myself.
I'm trying my hardest not to become a spoiled bitch and that’s not easy to do when Justin is trying his damnedest to spoil me! Despite my search for independence in the big city, there is sti
ll quite a few small-town values that I don't ever want to give up. At the top of that list—you keep loved ones close and treat them right. I can't fault Justin because that's exactly what he's trying to do for me, take care of me; he's just not used to having so many loved ones to think about. It's been just him and Lena for years.
An easy smile spreads across my face. I'm about to open up his world.
Lately, we've been discussing taking a trip to Pennsylvania, so that I can introduce him to everyone. It's been mostly his idea, but I’m all for it. I just hope he knows what he's getting himself into.
He'll have a small taste of it soon enough though. I have been begging my best friend from home, Melissa, to come for a visit, and it's finally happening! I’m thrilled to have her and Justin finally meet.
I'm too fucking excited for words!
I miss her, the phone calls just haven’t been cutting it. There’s so much to show her and so much catching up to do.
And I need her help, now even more than before.
My eyes drift back over to Lena and I find her beautiful black face staring back, reading me. She suspects that I'm holding something back from her, that much is obvious in her eyes, but I have no intention of clueing her in. It's well past the point where I can do that.
My bright and steady smile tells her she's out. What I have to do, I have to do alone—or at least without Panther. I have to abuse her friendship a bit, to get what I want. She will appreciate it in the end, but not right now. Now she's being left in the cold, and my smile confirms that for her.
"That sucks," she says softly, understanding my expression.
"It does. Just remember, everything I do is because I love both of you."
"I know. Just—" she pauses for a second. "Be careful!"
It can't be easy, to just let go like that. She'll have no idea what's going on; no way to know if it’s going good or bad, if I get myself into trouble, at least not until it's probably too late.