Charity's Secrets

by Maya James

  "But you did come back," Justin says. "You came back to us for a while, I remember it."

  "Yes," Nicolette says softly, "I did. I missed your father and you so much, and I felt like I was somehow choosing Garrett over you. There was another child of mine that needed me, and I wasn't there, so I left Garrett with my mother and went home. But then when I was there, I felt I was abandoning Garrett. A very long time passed, but I didn't see any way to survive, and while your father was so happy that I was home, I still felt so unworthy. Without any real therapy or counseling for what I went through, I hadn't truly healed. Being home was hard, filling me with guilt and doubt. I couldn't be romantic with my husband anymore. Any time we tried I would have an anxiety attack with my mind going back to that night in the park. It made me feel worse. I was failing him, this wonderful man. He deserved better, but with me there, he was never going to have the life he deserved. I constantly felt damaged and dirty, and that was the start of another unhealthy compulsion—I was cleaning everything over and over obsessively."

  "I remember that," Justin says. "It's one of the last memories I have of you. We came home and found you in the bathroom crying. You had scrubbed the surface off the tub and you were still at it even though your hands were bleeding.

  Nicolette bounces her head up and down to agree. "Your father had to have me committed, and when I left there I went back to my mother's, back to the son that needed me, the son your father didn't even know I had." She touches his hand ever so lightly. "No one told me what happened with your father, not for years. I believed you were with him and safe. My mother had intercepted the message and kept it from me, knowing that I was unstable enough to take my own life as well if I knew."

  Now Justin knows everything, and it's nothing like what he'd ever imagined, it's nothing either he or his brother ever suspected, and they are completely defused and exhausted. Justin had placed blame on her for years, but she was the biggest victim, more than his father, more than himself.

  I get up and go to her, bending over to wrap my arms around her tired body. "I'm so proud of you," I whisper, rubbing her back softly.

  Nicolette hugs me back warmly. "Thank you for getting me here. No matter what happens next, thank you."

  After I stand up, Garrett pulls his mother to his shoulder again. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry that I didn't know and if I made things worse for you—"

  "You didn't, Baby. I'm so sorry I almost left you, just as deeply that I did leave your brother. I'm so ashamed of myself," she says.

  "You were in an impossible situation, Mom," Garrett replies.

  Justin is nodding his head and no longer trying to hide his tears. "There was nothing more anyone could have expected from you," he agrees. "It was a terrible, terrible thing that you've endured by yourself all this time and I admire the strength you must have inside you."

  We all listen to him, watching him struggle with what he knows and what he knew. I kneel in front of him and kiss him on the top of his head as he leans forward against me.

  "I'm sorry I hurt you for this," I say as my fingers play with his hair.

  Justin breaths heavily. "No, I see it all now—just like you said—I was wrong. But I have no idea how to get past everything I've felt for so long. What do I do with that? What makes that go away?"

  "Time," Garrett suddenly answers. "Everyone one of us is a victim of this and we've only known it for half an hour. We can't expect feelings to change like the flick of a switch."

  Justin thinks on that for a moment and then turns to his mother. "I can give you that, if you can do the same?"

  His mother weeps through a smile. "It's much more than I thought I'd ever have."

  For the first time since he was a child, Justin put his arms around his mother.

  A short time later Garrett follows us out to the car. "I wanna talk to you," he says. "Both of you."

  Justin looks around, deciding what to do. The driver has gotten out to get the door for us, and now he's just staring and waiting. Justin simply looks at him and his nerves cracks. "We're going to have a meeting," he orders. "We'll let you know when you can get in."

  He nods fearfully and backs away to the sidewalk as the three of us climb in and shut the doors. It's quiet inside and thick with tension. Garrett is not fazed by it, not by the tension or by Justin's JP tone.

  He's so much his brother.

  "Listen," Garrett starts, "I won't yank your dick and you don't need to yank mine. Yesterday, before you knew who I was, you were ready to kill me. I know serious when I see it. You would have pulled the trigger—it would not have been your first time."

  Justin has no reaction, none.

  "If you would kill me for looking at your girlfriend, you will certainly kill the fucks that raped our mother. I'm begging you not to do that without me Justin," Garrett says.

  Before anything is said, Justin fixes his gaze on me, for my reaction and my advice. There is no one he trusts for that other than himself and now there's me.

  I stare back at Justin, but I speak to Garrett. "It doesn't bother you that one of them is your father?"

  "None of them is my father, not a fucking one," he answers angrily. "My mother was both of my parents. She is all I need and these pigs hurt her and when they did that, they hurt all of us."

  "There is our answer," I tell Justin. "He means it and I trust him."

  Justin smiles at me with his eyes.

  "Do you need to get anything to bring with you?" Justin asks him.

  "Everything I need is in my bag in the trunk," Garrett answers with a smirk.

  BY NIGHTFALL, WE'RE BACK in the city. Justin has an apartment Garrett can use, he just has to help Justin move a table away from a wall for some reason. I don't think he's going to need it until tomorrow, though. Right now we're huddled together in our apartment looking for the men that raped their mother.

  Lena is on her way to help; she has a natural flair for old data searches, and we need that right now. All we have is a victim's name and Justin is too distracted to think straight. I’m sure his mother remembers the names of the men, but we’re not asking her. We don’t want to make her think about it more than she has and we don’t want her to question why we’re asking. We would still need to find them in the system anyway, and that’s Lena’s thing.

  Okay, the truth is she wants to meet Justin's brother. It's been driving her crazy since I told her.

  "I need a drink. This day has been too much and I'm fried. Warrior, you want something," Justin offers.

  "Whatever you're having babe."

  He hops to his feet. "Garrett, what can I get you? Wine, beer, something stronger?"

  "Wine would be good," he answers with a genuine smile. "Anything red if you have it."

  Justin laughs. "I've got it, what’s your preference?"

  "Shiraz?"

  "Well, shit!" I shout. "There's no denying he's your brother now."

  Justin laughs again. "No, I guess not."

  We have a few moments alone as Justin disappears into the kitchen. Garrett softly says to me, "This is so surreal. Yesterday I was an only child with a ton of questions; today I hate all the answers that I have and there's an older brother I have to get to know."

  "I can't even imagine what this is like for you two," I tell him honestly. "Are you really sure you can handle what you're about to get involved in? Because there is a fucking huge difference between wanting something and doing it."

  "This is the one thing I am sure of right now," he tells me.

  I believe him, I do, but we have to be careful. "You said you could tell how serious Justin was yesterday. I want to tell you that was nothing—you haven't seen shit yet, Justin and his staff are the real thing."

  That doesn't bother him at all to hear.

  "Let me ask you a question," Garrett says. "You don't seem as intense, how did you get mixed up in this?"

  Justin is just coming back in the room and hears the question. His face tells me not to answer just
yet.

  He hands me my glass first, always the gentleman, and then hands Garrett his. "Tell you what, let me ask you a question, and depending on how you answer I'll decide if I let her tell you the truth about that?"

  Garrett has that same lack of fear that Justin has. "Sounds good. Hit me with it."

  Justin sits directly across from him and sips his wine. "There's a lot of people around me; people that I love and look out for, people that mean the world to me. But there's only a small group that really know what the hell is going on. That group I consider my family. To be family to me takes a certain kind of dedication. If you're part of that, and then you cross anyone in it, you become the enemy. After we do what we have to do here for our mother, do you want to be my brother—or do you want to be family?"

  "Family," Garrett snaps quickly. "Without any doubt—family."

  His eyes remain locked on Justin's without a flinch, twitch, or blink. It's the first time I realize they are the exact sparkling green as Justin's.

  Justin puts down his glass, stands, and extends his right hand toward his brother. Garrett gets up to meet him, placing his hand in his brother's. Justin yanks him unexpectedly, physically pulling him in to his chest and tossing his other arm around his shoulder. Stunned for a moment, Garrett does return the embrace, their hands loudly clapping on each other’s backs.

  "I'm sorry that I didn't know you sooner, Garrett. I wish I had."

  Fucking deny it if they want, but I see Garrett’s eyes glass over. I'm sure it's the feeling of family that he's always been searching for.

  When they sit back down, I tell Garrett all about how Justin and I met, and about Steve. Just like Justin, Garrett reacts visibly when a woman is in distress. I see his anger swell as I talk about the kidnapping, the protector in him bubbling to the surface. The rescue impresses him, and then I describe what became of Steve. I watch him to see how he handles learning what his brother is capable of, and there's nothing but satisfaction on his face.

  Lena arrives moments after I finished my story, barging in without knocking, like a real family member would. She's holding a thin folder in her left hand that Justin fixates on immediately. "Everything good?" he asks.

  "Pretty damn good, yeah," Lena answers. "Is he in?"

  Justin turns and looks at Garrett, talking about him as if he's not listening to every word. "He's in," he says eagerly. Justin takes the folder and flips through some of the pages. "What was he doing before?"

  "Your brother's an MMA fighter, a damn good one." She smiles and winks at Garrett.

  "No shit?" Justin chokes loudly, looking back up at his brother.

  "No shit," Garrett replies through a strong, wide smile.

  "You don't even have one of those fucked up noses," I tease.

  Garrett is proud as hell. "Most people never get the chance to get that close to my face." He rubs his jaw where Justin nailed him yesterday. "My own brother gave me one of the best shots I've ever taken, but in my own defense, I was a little distracted by the gun."

  "Yep—he's your brother alright," Lena laughs. "Cocky as hell."

  Justin scoffs at her. "I'm not cocky, I'm just right most of the time."

  "I feel you," Garrett agrees.

  "You see," Justin chirps. "Now that's my brother. Lena this is my brother, Garrett. Garrett, this is your new boss."

  Garrett looks stunned and a little embarrassed.

  "Are you feelin' me?" Lena chuckles.

  IT WASN'T VERY LONG before Lena had all the case files from their mothers’ attack up on the screen. Her picture was upsetting, the blank look in her eyes. Nicolette was gone when they took her picture, her body was there but she wasn't. At the time she wasn't much older than I am right now.

  "They really didn't know a damn thing back then," Lena complains mostly to herself. "Not for any kind of victim. Therapy had such a bad stigma; most people thought it was best just to suck it up and go on."

  Lena even stumbled upon the missing person report that Justin's father had filed when she disappeared on her drug binge.

  All the related arrests are here. It was just over twelve hours when they had the first one of them in custody. He was still in the park, probably living there by a looks of his arrest photo. There's fingernail marks on his face. Alex Bremer gave up his two buddies names within a couple of hours. They had gone into hiding, but since they were fucking morons, they were both caught by the next day.

  Mark Lauder looks absolutely scared shitless in his photo. He had regrets, but unfortunately for everyone they we're only for himself and they came too late. He was only seventeen when he did this; and apart from a dirty, homeless look to his clothes, he was not bad looking in the face, proving that shit can look okay on the outside sometimes. I don't want to say anything out loud, but if I had to guess, I'd say he was Garrett's biological father. Same nose and cheeks under his dark hair.

  The last one, Jesse Simpson, I fucking hate him on sight. Prick! He smiled for his arrest photo. What kind of scum smiles for an arrest photo for a rape?

  I don't have to read the file to know he's the asshole that had her underwear. It only takes a glimpse at his bulging eyes with the dark circles around them and his crooked smile filled mostly with crooked, brown teeth to be filled with disgust. He did it; he's the right type of garbage.

  "Where are they now?" Justin asks.

  Lena taps away at the keys. Jesse Simpson's sheet comes up quickly. He's been in the system over and over his entire life. This doesn’t surprise any of us at all. Assaults, burglaries, too many for one person to really have. Sexual assaults follow him throughout his life and have him on the registered offenders list. Jesse has had a lifetime of ruining woman after woman and now it's time it ends. There's no current address anywhere for him, probably living off the support of anyone that knows him. There's enough to go on, though. Addresses of family and known acquaintances from prison.

  We'll get him, of that I have no doubt.

  "When you find him," I say out loud, "you need to make it last. He doesn't deserve it to be quick and painless. I want this piece of shit to suffer more than any of them."

  "Count on it," Justin growls.

  Garrett is nodding and agreeing silently. There's a smoky deadliness oozing through his face.

  "Do me a favor," Justin says to Lena. "Start watching all of their phones, of these guys and everyone they know." He looks at Garrett next. "We'll cross reference their calls to see if they are in touch still or use it to find where they're hiding."

  That's not it. I know exactly why he wants this—I haven't forgotten. Justin wants to see if our mole at Panther tips them off the way they did Sam and maybe use it to catch them.

  We look up Mark Lauder next and my nerves are humming. I just know this is Garrett's father, and I don't know what trouble this is going to bring. My eyes are already telling Justin he has to handle this one.

  Mark is a follower. Every arrest on his record came when he was with Jesse. At some point he should have realized that Jesse doesn't give a shit, not about any of them, not even about himself. He has no fear or care about being arrested or who he hurts doing it. Mark thinks Jesse is his friend—the truth is Jesse has no friends.

  "A few years ago," Lena tells us, "Mark seemed to wise up. There are no more arrests, and I don't see any more connections to Jesse."

  "Doesn't matter," Garrett says indifferently. "Where is he now?"

  A moment later Lena has that answer. "Potter's field. He died on the inside during his last sentence almost three years ago. No one claimed him"

  I'm relieved. This is better for us, even if they can't see that. It's not what they wanted, but it's certainly what they needed.

  "How? I wanna know if it hurt, I wanna know if he suffered the way he made my mother suffer," Garrett growls.

  "He was suffering," Lena says. "He had AIDS by then, in and out of the infirmary a lot. That's not what killed him in the end, but it was ruining him slowly. What finally ended him is a lot closer to w
hat you want. Mark was in general population during recreation when a fight broke out, and it got pretty violent. The guards had to break it up in riot gear. He took a baton to the head, crushed his skull into his brain, and it took three days for him to die."

  "Good!" Garrett said sharply.

  "Yeah," Justin agrees. "I can live with that."

  "What about Alex Bremer?" I ask, eager to move on.

  Lena works on him while the rest of us quietly finish our wine. It seems to be taking her longer this time, digging deeper and deeper into his trail.

  "Something wrong?" Justin finally asks, interrupting her angry typing.

  "No," Lena answers. "I just have to track him differently than the other two."

  Garrett is concerned. "Why's that?"

  "He stopped getting arrested," she replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "A few thefts and petty crimes after your mothers attack, and then Alex Bremer vanishes from the eyes of the law."

  "Is he dead too?" I blurt out, hopefully not sounding too happy for that to be the case.

  "It crossed my mind," Lena says. "But no death certificate exists for him, so I kept looking. So far I found a marriage certificate and tax returns with a dependent listed, a fourteen year old girl. It looks like he got his shit together and started a life and a family."

  Garrett snarls. His nose is wrinkled, top lip curled and teeth bared like a defensive dog. "Is that supposed to be enough? Because he got a job, a wife, and a kid, that means he's off the hook for the lives he ruined. You can rape someone, but as long as someone else has your baby it's okay?"

  "No. It doesn't make it okay," Justin grumbles in agreement. "A crime was committed, there needs to be some punishment."

  We all agree with them, but it would be so much easier to do if there wasn't a young girl about to be devastated by our actions.

  Aren't we about to ruin their lives?

  "Let's get everything we can on him, cell numbers, and employment. Dump his address and information to my cell," Justin orders. "We're going to start with him—tomorrow!"