Kayne laughed. He switched his radio to the simplex channel and responded to Del’s question. “That requires cooking, and cooking requires going to the grocery store.”“How about the Knotty Pine?”
“The place everyone says has great biscuits and gravy?”
“Yep.”
Kayne was all for Del’s suggestion and headed toward the restaurant. When he arrived, Del was already in the parking lot. Kayne shook his hand and followed him into the restaurant. Though the sign read Please Wait to Be Seated, Del headed directly to a booth in the back corner. “The girls always save the corner booth for the officers that come in for breakfast.”
After ordering the house special—eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and a side of biscuits and gravy—Kayne asked, “Hey, you know a Jessica Hallstatt?”
“Sure do, why?”
“I just need her address.” When Del continued to stare at him he elaborated. “I pulled her over for speeding last night and forgot to give her license back. There's just a P.O. Box listed.” With so many rural locations lacking proper addresses, Arizona had allowed box numbers until just recently. Most licenses were good until a driver reached 65, so updating had been a pain.
Del nodded. He leaned forward, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Did you ticket her?”
“No.” Truthfully the thought hadn’t crossed Kayne’s mind.
It seemed to be the answer Del wanted. He nodded and said, “She lives out on Highway 260, the big place in the meadow. Hallstatt House, it's called. ”
“Wow, that's some house,” Kayne said. The thing had to be well over twenty-thousand square feet. With its battlement-topped towers and stone façade, it reminded him of a castle. “What does her husband do for a living?”
Del continued to study him for a minute. “He's dead.”
That got Kayne's attention like nothing else. He refused to think about why.
Del gave a heavy sigh. “It's not a secret, so I'm not gossiping, mind you. Her husband was a fire-medic. About two years ago, he responded to a motor vehicle accident down on Corvair Curve. There was an equipment failure, and he couldn't extricate before it exploded. He died later at the hospital. Jessica built Hallstatt House with the award from the wrongful death suit. It's an Event Center, in addition to their residence.”
Kayne hadn't gotten a good look at the kids last night, but he was pretty sure the youngest wasn't much older than two. About the age his oldest daughter, Natalia had been. He wished, not for the first time, that Oksana had spared his children when she decided to end her life. How had Jessica handled finding herself suddenly left with four children to raise on her own? He knew it couldn’t have been easy, but did she realize how lucky she was? He would give anything to still have his with him.
“You okay?” he heard Del ask and realized he’d been staring off into space.
“Yeah, sorry.” He tried for a smile. He couldn’t explain his feelings at that moment, even to himself. Sadness for Jessica’s loss, inexplicable jealousy that she still had her children. Anger, always fucking anger.
“I guess you two share that in common, don't you?” Del asked speculatively.
“What do you mean?” There was an edge to his voice that Kayne couldn't help.
“I heard you lost your wife.”
“You heard I lost her or killed her?” Kayne asked, the anger seeping through.
Del met his gaze square on and held it. “I heard she died, but did you? Kill her, I mean.”
“She was the only one who committed murder that day. She drowned our children—my children—before killing herself.”
Initially, he'd been the prime suspect in his wife's death, and it had been splashed all over the media. The initial responding officers hadn't believed his story. Oksana had used his service weapon, and due to the bathroom’s close quarters, Kayne had been covered in higher amounts of gunpowder residue and body matter than should have been on someone who was several feet away when she pulled the trigger. The fact that the detectives couldn't locate Kayne’s infant daughter, Tasha, only compounded the issues. Thankfully, once they received the autopsy reports, they'd eventually concluded that Oksana had killed the children. Believing she must have dumped Tasha's body somewhere before he'd arrived home, they'd searched dumpsters and landfills for weeks, then dragged local waterways, all to no avail.
Unable to return to an apartment filled with so many memories and the stamp of such tragedy, Kayne had stayed with a buddy for a couple months, waiting and praying for them to find Tasha. But they hadn't, and just like he couldn't return to that apartment, he couldn't return to the agency that had investigated him. So he'd applied and been accepted into Arizona's Highway Patrol and spent eighteen months patrolling the area they referred to as 'the ditch' in the unbearable desert heat. Which in a way seemed appropriate, because he certainly was living in hell.
A month ago his supervisor had come to him and asked if he'd like to transfer to this remote mountain town. Not wanting to face another summer of 110 plus degree weather for the better part of the season, he'd jumped at the chance. Now he sat here face-to-face with an officer who didn't seem surprised by his revelation, and while that shouldn't have bothered him, it did. He hated that people who didn’t know him, knew such intimate details about him.
Christ, he couldn’t deal with this today. Kayne stood, threw some money on the table, and stormed out.
He knew he had to let go, to find some way to forgive Oksana and move on before she completely destroyed his life. Some days he felt so dead inside he was afraid she'd already succeeded. Other days, like today, every emotion was so raw—anger, betrayal, and overwhelming grief pulled him under, making him wonder why he bothered to live.
Kayne had no idea how long he'd been standing there staring at the snow-packed escarpment when Del laid a hand on his shoulder and asked, “Do you want to talk about it, son?” He heard nothing but compassion in the older officer's voice.
Kayne shook his head. No, he didn't fucking want to talk about it, he just wanted to forget. Not that that would ever happen in this lifetime. “I need to get to the office,” he managed to say.
“I'm here if you need someone to listen, and I give you my word it goes no further than me.”
Kayne gave a brisk nod, unable to say anything else.
TWO
Jess startled awake when something warm and heavy pounced on her chest. Her blurry eyes popped open to reveal curious azure ones staring back at her through a veil of chocolate curls. Gracie. With creamy skin and fat rosy cheeks that dimpled when she smiled Gracie was a beautiful toddler.
The little imp leaned forward, resting her forehead against Jess’s. “You, wake?” she whispered.
“No,” Jess whispered back. She wasn’t awake. “Snuggle?” Jess desperately needed a little more sleep
Gracie looked thoughtful for a moment then nodded. “A’kay.” She grabbed the covers and tugged them back far enough to burrow in next to Jess.
Jess cuddled her two-year-old daughter close and let her mind drift willing it into sleep. But like last night, her mind filled with thoughts of Officer Dobrescu and the traffic stop instead of finding sleep.
She’d taken the children into the city for an afternoon of shopping, dinner, and a movie at IMAX. It had been late by the time they’d left Tempe. After two hours of driving Jess had desperately wanted to be home. It’s why she’d been speeding.
The blacked out patrol car had been sitting in one of the local State Trooper’s favorite spots to run radar. Expecting them to still be on their winter schedule where officers only came out on an on-call basis between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am, she hadn’t anticipated anyone being there. The moment she’d looked at her speed she knew he’d be stopping her, so she’d pulled over to wait. Having been a dispatcher, she knew how dangerous traffic stops were. She’d had her license and registration out, the interior lights on, and her hands in plain sight by the time he approached the vehicle.
Jess had heard that the new of
ficer was good looking, but she hadn’t expected the sight of him to make her heart skip a beat. Or the feel of his warm calloused hand brushing against hers to send goose bumps skittering across her flesh. He’d flashed a smile and flirted a little and she’d felt her cheeks heat. Heck just thinking about how she’d flirted back had them flaming hot. Jess never flirted, especially with sexy, charming men who were so decidedly out of her league.
“Mama.” Gracie mumbled, pulling her out of her thoughts.
“What, baby?”
“Maddy make breakfast. Say no tell mama,” Gracie said worriedly.
Crap! While her ten-year-old daughter knew how to cook, she wasn’t allowed to do it without an adult present.
Jess threw off the covers, resigned to be facing the day with lots of strong coffee and little sleep. She grabbed her warm fuzzy robe and slipped her feet into house shoes before heading toward the kitchen and the disaster she was sure was in the making.
***
Twenty minutes later, the door swung open, and two little girls stared up at Kayne from the foyer of Hallstatt House. He was taken aback by how much the littlest one looked like his deceased daughter. Good God, how many times did he have to torture himself like this, seeing his wife’s or children's faces in that of a stranger’s?
He shook the thoughts away. This beautiful little girl had nothing to do with his past. It was the coloring that had thrown him off. Natalia, his eldest daughter, had had similar blue eyes, framed by the same type of chocolate curls as the toddler in front of him.
“Officer Dobrescu, can I help you?”
Kayne looked up to see Jessica watching him, her brow furrowed in confusion. He knew he'd been staring at the baby like he'd seen a ghost.
The toddler reached out and wrapped her tiny hand around one of his large fingers. She tugged, leaning all her weight into it. “In!” she demanded.
Kayne looked to Jessica for permission.
“Please, come in,” she said a little reluctantly and stepped out of the way.
“Up, up!” The little girl held up her hands expectantly.
“Gracie...” Jessica’s tone was a warning.
“Peease.” She turned huge blue eyes on him, batting her eyelashes.
Kayne couldn't help the bittersweet smile. She was adorable and knew it. And so fucking much like his own two-year-old had been before she died. It broke his heart just to look at her.
“I don't think your mama wants strangers picking you up.” Kayne dropped down on his heels to be closer to her level. “It's not safe.” He watched as Gracie pondered his statement for a moment.
“What you name?” The little darling reached out a hand and laid it on his chest.
“Kayne.” He instinctively covered her tiny hand with his.
“Gracie.” She pulled his hand to her chest. “Be mine friend?”
Kayne fought to keep from laughing, even as his heart wept. He looked at Jess, who nodded.
“Yes, Gracie.” His voice thick with emotion, he managed to add, “I can be your friend.” He stood up, taking her in his arms, being careful not to catch her delicate skin on any of his duty equipment.
“Maddy and Ash made breakfast.”
He looked down at the little green-eyed blonde tugging on his uniform trousers. She looked to be about four or five. The age his son Nickolai had been.
Jessica laughed softly. “I think they are trying to invite you to breakfast. Have you eaten?”
No, he hadn't. He'd been too angry.
Pushing those emotions aside, Kayne focused on the woman before him. Jessica looked like she'd just crawled out of bed, and damned if that didn't make him want to drag her right back into it. She was tiny, just as he’d expected. Her hair, a riot of dark blonde curls that fell almost to her waist, beckoned his fingers to tangle in it while he kissed those luscious, berry-stained lips. The functional robe she wore was anything but sexy, but it left his imagination to run wild. What, if anything, was she wearing beneath? He felt his body begin to respond and realized that was a bad idea.
“I really shouldn't stay. I just came by to give you back your driver's license.” He pulled it from his pocket and handed it to her, along with the vehicle registration. “Sorry.”
“I'll probably need that in the near future.”
“Planning on speeding again?”
“Without a doubt.” She laughed, and there was that dimple again.
Oh, boy! Time to get the hell out of Dodge.
“Anyway I better get going.” He tried to hand Gracie off to her mother, but the little imp was having none of that.
“No! Pease, pease!” Gracie hung on tight.
Kayne looked down at the little girl clinging to him like a spider monkey, then to Jessica, at a loss. He hadn’t held a child since the last time he’d held his own.
Jessica took the decision out of his hands. “Isabelle, show Officer Dobrescu to the kitchen while I get dressed.”
***
Jess flinched inwardly as soon as the invitation left her lips. Inviting Kayne to breakfast probably wasn't the smartest idea she'd had, but her brain clearly wasn’t functioning this morning. There for a minute she thought she'd seen lust in his eyes, but that was ridiculous. She looked like she'd just crawled out of bed. The Hausfrau look was anything but sexy. Especially to someone like him.
“Yay!” Gracie threw her arms around his neck and nosily kissed his cheek.
Kayne followed Isabelle into the kitchen, and Jess quickly introduced him to her ten-year-old daughter, Madelina, and her seven-year-old son, Ashur, then excused herself to get dressed.
The moment she was out of sight, she raced to her room. Quickly she threw on jeans and a T-shirt, ran a brush through her hair, scrubbed her face, and brushed her teeth. She applied a little mascara but pulled up short when she reached for her lip gloss. What the hell was she doing? She had no interest in trying to impress the sexy officer.
And was he ever sexy.
Even Kevlar couldn't hide that tall, lean-muscled body. Butterflies had taken flight in the pit of her stomach the moment the girls opened the door, and they hadn't settled down since. She could look, she reasoned, there was just no point in wanting to touch. As if someone like him would want to touch her. He exuded sexuality. And she…well, didn't.
Jess tossed the lip gloss back on the counter, thoroughly disgusted with herself, and headed for the kitchen. When she rounded the corner, she froze mid-stride, surprised by the scene playing out before her. Instead of taking a seat, Kayne had taken over the kitchen. He laughed at Ash's tractor joke; said something quietly to him that made Maddy gasp and turn and threaten both of them with her spatula as she puffed up in righteous indignation. Boy and man laughed harder and bumped fists.
Jess stood there watching, trying to remember a time when her husband had ever set foot into her kitchen for anything other than a beer or a snack for himself. He'd certainly never done anything like this.
Still holding Gracie, Kayne cut two waffles into bite-sized pieces and poured two sippy-cups full of milk, before planting Gracie in a highchair and Isabelle next to her. He'd obviously spent time around small children, yet he wasn't wearing a ring. As if that meant anything.
***
God he'd missed this, Kayne realized as he looked at the children surrounding him. All so different in appearance and yet each happy, healthy, and loved. They chatted animatedly amongst themselves, arguing as they made a list of where they wanted to go today and questioning if their mother would agree. The library was surprisingly at the top of everyone's list.
“Do they have children's activities?” Kayne asked.
“A few, but we usually just go to check out books,” Maddy offered.
He'd learned that everyone called her Maddy. Ashur answered to Ash, and in true seven-and-a-half-year-old—one mustn’t forget that extra half—fashion, claimed to be a computer whiz. Isabelle was princess and fashion diva rolled into one, and decided she liked it when he called her 'Sabella, on
ce he explained it was his baby sister's nickname.
Grace didn't care what anyone called her, as long as she was the center of attention. Having only spent a few minutes with the kids, it was still abundantly clear to Kayne that each was advanced for their respective age.
When he voiced that observation Maddy said, “Mama has been reading to us since she got us.”
“Got you?” Kayne’s brow furrowed in confusion.
Maddy shrugged. “We're adopted.”
Which explained the vast differences in their looks. “All of you?” Kayne couldn't help but study Gracie.
Jessica returned. “Yes, all of them, and you're in my kitchen.”
There was a first—he'd never had a woman complain about him working in the kitchen. In fact, his mom had demanded he know how to cook, and cook well.
“Your kids were in the kitchen.”
“You're not one of my children.” She handed him a plate of food.
“Short-stuff, hang out with me for a while, and you probably won't be able to tell the difference.” That got the laugh he was hoping for.
Though he felt like he should be helping, Kayne reluctantly accepted the plate and took the seat next to Gracie's high chair.
Ash leaned across the table and whispered, “We're not allowed in the kitchen, either.”
Gracie leaned over and scooped up a handful of his eggs, then dropped them onto her plate. She smiled up at him and mumbled “thanks” around a mouthful of waffle. God, even her personality reminded him of his daughter. How many times had Natalia done that exact thing?
“Yet you guys made breakfast anyways?” He was desperate to leave thoughts of his own children behind. This was such a colossal mistake. He had no business here.
Maddy gave a mutinous smile. “Mama cooks breakfast on school days, but weekends we're stuck with cold cereal or leftovers, unless we can convince her otherwise.”
Ash let out a giggle. “You just happened to step foot on the H.M.S. Bounty.”
Kayne stage whispered to Jessica, “Well Captain Bligh, gonna make them walk the plank?”
Razing Kayne Page 2