Ryder

by Wilson, Yumoyori

  "I love you."

  Rosalina...my love. I want to fight, but I'm tired. Would you be mad if I gave up? Would you still love me? I love you...I miss you. We won't be together if I give up. I don't want us to be apart. I'm supposed to marry you, remember?

  Ryder...live...for Rosalina...for Rose...for Anya.

  I allowed the darkness to claim me, engulfing my mind as everything around me vanished, but I had enough strength to realize what I wanted. Even if I didn't know who I was, I wanted this, for the sake of whoever these people were and for the love I had for the three women who lingered in my mind— even in my last moments.

  I will survive.

  "How is he? Will there be any permanent damage?"

  I tried to connect the voice to a face, my mind eventually realizing it was Father.

  "The Nephilim poison was too small of an amount to cause long-term paralysis. I'm assuming the serum is used to knock the shifter out and render their spirit useless for a short period of time. We're still trying to figure out what the other two substances were, but he may experience memory loss for a short period of time. He's going to be very sensitive to his surroundings, especially with his gift. I've placed a stronger bracelet on him to help, but the boys have to be very cautious as well. He can go into sensory overload with ease," a woman explained.

  "I'll inform them. I want someone watching him around the clock. I don't know how he's going to react...with everything. His anxiety is another issue. Ensure he gets his meds," Father urged.

  "I will, King Carter."

  "How is King Akiyama's son?" he asked.

  Akiyama...I know that surname.

  "He's stabilized and on forced bed rest for now. I've ensured he has a bracelet on as well. He won't be able to teleport anywhere till his magic levels balance out. He tipped over his magic limit with teleporting himself and Winterlya."

  "I'm amazed he found her," Father pointed out.

  "Kai knows Japan really well. He also tries to keep in contact with Saikikku. She's down there due to a situation that happened with the Aoitori clan. Are you aware of Trinity being in Saikikku and Uzumaki's care? Winterlya needed to go down there and Kai was familiar with the location from visiting their sanctuary before they were summoned to Heila."

  Kai? Trinity? Saikikku...who are these people? Wait...Kai...my friend.

  "Interesting. Yes, I'm aware of Trinity's predicament and Sai and Uzu taking her in. Arthur's trying his best to manage everything that's going on down there with the two clans. It's just getting difficult with all that’s transpired." Father sighed.

  "You should rest. How’s Violet?"

  "Catherine's with her. She's...struggling. Losing one child is hard enough. If we'd lost Ryder too...I don't know what we'd do. I'm trying to stay positive, but...we've yet to locate the Princess. What makes us think we can find my baby girl?" His voice cracked, the amount of sadness that laced his words left me just as emotional.

  Baby girl...who...An...what was her name? Who is she?

  "We can't lose hope. Kade and Xavier have been notified."

  "They're on the case? Are you sure they can? Xavier..." Father trailed off.

  "He has to put his emotions aside and focus on this task. Maybe it will motivate him. Kade is there as well. They support one another and Kade understands Xavier's behavior the best. They will try their best to follow the trail. Now, you need to rest. You've barely slept and we can't have you getting sick. Ryder is stable. He just needs to rest. I'll make sure he gets his medication in a timely manner."

  "Thank you, Karen. Forward my thanks to Winterlya as well."

  "You’re very welcome, King Carter."

  The room went silent. It didn't take long till I fell back asleep.

  TWO WEEKS LATER

  "Ryder, you need to eat," Daniel suggested.

  I remained silent, staring at the white wall of my private room. It was late in the evening and Daniel was attempting to convince me to eat, again.

  Two weeks had gone by, or that's what Kai had informed me this morning when he came to visit.

  I was an inpatient in the medical center of Heila; my team, parents, and Karen all agreed I needed ongoing monitoring to ensure I didn't do anything that would lead to self-harm.

  I could see their concerns, but it sounded like a bunch of nonsense to me. I was already dead inside and the pain I was feeling with each waking second that passed was enough for me to wish for Deathpre to take me himself.

  I tried praying for my life to end, but the Starlight god of Death clearly had other plans for me. I guess I could try to physically hurt myself, but with the watchful eyes of everyone, that too would be unsuccessful.

  All I wanted to do was fade away and Stryker felt the same way. He'd check in with me once a day, maybe twice if I was crying too hard, but his heart was just as heavy with regret.

  My sister was gone— my one and only baby sister who I loved and adored was stolen from my grasp. What pained me the most was the fact I was too weak to stop it.

  How could I move forward? How could I face my mother and father after failing them? Not only did I lose Rosalina, I now lost yet another person I cared dearly for, all because I was too weak or naive to save them.

  "Ryder. Please?" Daniel whispered.

  I lowered my gaze to my clenched fist, trying to recall the last time I had eaten. In fact, I couldn't remember when I'd had a solid eight hours of sleep. If it wasn't for Daniel's assistance, I wouldn't manage even two hours of sleep.

  "I'm not hungry."

  I didn't feel hungry. No, I felt numb. I'd failed Rosalina and now, I'd failed Anya.

  "Ryder. You can't keep going like this. You've lost weight, you barely sleep without me forcing you to. Anya wouldn't want you living like this."

  I glared at him, noticing his dark circles and distraught appearance. I knew that my admission into the medical center and everything that had occurred had taken a toll on our team.

  Kai had teleported Winterlya from Japan to come save me from the poison that was injected in me during the fight with the rogues— causing him to go into cardiac arrest due to surpassing his magic limit.

  Marcus had been able to restart his heart— just in time for Karen and Matthew to arrive and help transport both of us to critical care.

  EliaseAnne had another breakdown, the stress of the entire situation and having to be stuck in the medical center to ensure the both of us were okay was too much for her to handle— inducing her panic attacks.

  Marcus only came for short visits, his fluctuations in emotions put him at risk of shifting and the medical center was too small for his dragon form. He apparently stayed nearby, just in case something happened with any of us.

  Daniel was the only one close to functioning normally, but he too was struggling. He had to help with both Kai's and my recovery process, taking a large sum of energy on his part to force us to sleep.

  "What do you know? Anya wouldn't want this. Of course she wouldn't. She'd want me to move forward. But how, Daniel? How the fuck am I going to move forward, when with every passing second all I can think about is how I failed, again. Every time I reach a strong point in my resolve, something happens to bring me down. Why? Do the gods despise me? Did I do something in my past life to deserve this agony?"

  He frowned, pulling off his glasses.

  "Ryder. The gods don't despise you. With life...we are bound to have ups and downs. Some I wish we never had to experience. But we can't question the gods. All we can do is pick ourselves up and prove that we're strong enough to move forward. You're entitled to take as long as you want to mourn. But...don't lose hope. Kade and Xavier are working on tracking the current leads they have."

  "And if they don't find anything? How about if the trail goes cold? Then what?" I argued.

  Daniel took a deep breath, closing his eyes. When he opened them, I could see the determination in them— as if he'd already made his resolve.

  "We'll find and destroy every facility to locate Any
a and the Princess. I won't give up and I won't dare allow you to either."

  "You don't know how it feels," I whispered.

  "My stepmother committed suicide because of me."

  I opened my mouth to argue when his words sunk in. What?

  He glanced down to fiddle with his glasses. "My real mother had disappeared after I was born. I don't know if she ran away because of me or because she couldn't handle my father. Our stepmother took the role of raising us, but as we grew older she thought of us as a burden. Michael was having a few issues and I learned how to use my gift earlier than expected. I got upset...and well...she jumped off the balcony."

  I remained silent, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  He lifted his gaze to meet mine. "I know how it feels to lose a family member, Ryder. It’s harder when you know thanks to you, she lost her life. It's hard to wake up and have to face the family who looked down on you for losing control or not being strong enough to stop something bad from happening. The others each know how it feels," he confessed. He took another deep breath, relaxing in his chair as he looked up at the ceiling— his eyes blinking back tears.

  "You're in pain, and you deserve time to grieve. But, you can't give up. I won't let you, and the others won't either. Because you're our leader and when you’re sad, we're sad." He choked on his last sentence.

  I watched as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

  "This knight bond helps us feel how hard this is for you, and we feel your pain. We really do. We want to help, Ryder. You just have to let us. Some days are going to be harder than others. There are going to be times where you're going to want to sit down and cry...and there are other times where you will want to find the culprits who did caused this. I just want you to understand that we're here for you, and if you want to cry or need a helping hand, that's why we're here. That's why we are a team and well...we're best friends, remember?" He lowered his head to smile at me.

  As I stared into those glossy golden eyes, deep inside me I knew that maybe everything did happen for a reason. That maybe I could get strong and work toward finding Anya and Rosalina. I still had people who cared about me. They didn't judge me or look down upon me.

  I knew I'd have to prove it to other shifters and work on myself...but I would have people behind me— supporting me in my renewed motivation.

  "Ya. We are best friends, aren't we?" I smirked.

  "Even though Azriel and Stryker are like cats and dogs." Daniel grinned.

  I chuckled, the sound foreign to my ears after weeks of crying. "I doubt they'll ever get along," I pointed out.

  "If they can at least tolerate one another, that's good enough." Daniel chuckled.

  We both laughed.

  I wiped my tear-stained cheeks. "You think we can do this? That we can get past this hill and move forward?" I asked.

  "I think we can. We just have to support one another and work ten times harder for what we want. It won't happen overnight. There's going to be times we may lose our patience. But somewhere deep inside me, I know we’ll find them one day," Daniel whispered.

  We stared at each other with newfound purpose.

  The door slid open; both of us turned our heads to see Marcus, Elias, and Kai.

  "Since you two are having a heartfelt moment, we just wanted to interrupt and say we're in," Marcus announced. He looked exhausted, but had a big grin on his face.

  Elias relaxed against the wall, his arms crossed.

  "I'm in too. The sooner we leave this sterile place the happier I'll be," he huffed. He looked pale with black circles under his eyes, but he had a small grin on his face.

  "And you can't get rid of my ass! So suck it up," Kai huffed.

  Marcus rolled his eyes, elbowing him.

  "Fuck! Hey, I'm still injured, you ass," he commented.

  "You need to work on your communication skills and be more direct about your feelings. You should have seen him crying his eyes out when he thought Ryder was gonna go off dying and leaving us," Marcus explained.

  I raised my eyebrow at Kai, whose face began to grow red.

  "I didn't cry!" he argued.

  "You called me your best friend, didn't you?" I asked.

  He stilled glancing at me. "I didn't..." he mumbled.

  "Lie." Daniel chuckled.

  "Total lie and I'm not even an angel," Elias commented.

  "I have a video of him crying, hold on," Marcus commented.

  "Why the fuck do you have a video? Delete it!" Kai scowled.

  "Ah, you guys are so loud," I commented, but smiled. I had to admit, I missed them.

  "Just admit it, Kai. You would have cried every fucking day if Ryder wasn't stubborn and kept fighting death," Marcus confirmed.

  "Fighting death?" I asked, confused.

  I hadn't had time to talk with them about what happened when I had been unconscious for over a week.

  "Yup. You died a few times, but kept on coming back. I guess you didn't want to ascend to Starlight and neither did Stryker," Daniel admitted.

  "Oh," I replied.

  "Whatever. I got a little teary-eyed that's all! Now delete that video," Kai huffed.

  "Aww, look. You even got Kai to be more honest with himself." Marcus laughed.

  "Fuck you," Kai huffed.

  "If Karen hears you swearing like that we're getting another lecture," Elias reminded.

  "We should get him a swear jar," Daniel proposed.

  I rolled my eyes. "You’re an angel and you swear just as bad," I reminded him.

  He shrugged. "The more money I put in it, the richer I'll be," Daniel replied.

  "You're not supposed to use the money for yourself!" Kai pointed out.

  "Silly rules," Daniel replied.

  "Alright, let's have a group hug and go sleep," Marcus announced.

  We all groaned.

  "What's with you and group hugs?" Kai complained, turning to head to the door.

  Marcus reached out, catching his shirt and dragged him and Elias toward the bed. "It's good therapy. Now stop being assholes and give our leader some love," Marcus ordered.

  "This is so painful to watch." Daniel sighed.

  I laughed. "Guys."

  They all glanced toward me.

  "Thanks for sticking by me. I know I'm not perfect and we've had our differences and arguments...but thanks for being the best group of friends I could have ever asked the gods for," I whispered.

  "You’re welcome, Ryder." Kai smiled, the others had big grins on their faces.

  "Now group hug!" Marcus pushed Kai and Elias onto my bed.

  "Jeez, Marcus! Laying on the bed isn't a group fucking hug!" Kai cursed.

  "I wanna go sleep," Daniel complained.

  "Ugh, this is the worst group hug ever," Elias commented.

  "Stop complaining. Ryder's on bed rest so his ass can't get up to give a proper hug. Just deal with it," Marcus ordered.

  I closed my eyes— an image of Rosalina and Anya flickered in my mind.

  "We'll find them," Stryker whispered, brushing against my mind— something I hadn't felt in a while; it only made me happier and more determined to reach my goals.

  Yes, we will.

  SOLACE ROTATION, V CYCLE 5032

  "Are you sure this place is the right spot for whatever mission you guys are on?"

  I turned to face Leonardo, the others already disembarking from our ship.

  "Yup. Just stay up here and make sure everything runs smoothly. Your com device is working, correct?" I questioned, lifting my wrist to check my own com device.

  "Ya. Just don't take too long. This place is giving me the creeps. Don't see how there's anything living in this realm full of darkness and ash," Leo mumbled, crossing his arms as he tapped his foot impatiently.

  I sighed, shaking my head. I don't understand how he thinks he's going to become a knight when he's so impatient and naïve.

  "You should tell him that. Not to mention he's still afraid of the dark," Stryker noted.

  L
eonardo had been a close childhood friend and we'd stayed in touch. Of course, he wasn't as close as my team, but with a mission as extensive as this one, I needed people I could trust to be on watch. He may not have been great at fighting, but when it came to approaching danger, he was a pretty good hawk.

  I'll have a talk with him when I get a chance. You ready?

  "Yes. You think this lead will direct us to the Princess?" Stryker asked.

  It's the closest we've gotten. No one would have expected a facility to survive these lands. That tip was from some new professor at Knightwood, right? That's the only information we received.

  "Wasn't he a substitute?" Stryker asked.

  I guess. I wish we knew his name, but let's go ahead and check this out. It was disclosed that the head leader is in another realm so this is the only chance will get.

  "RYDER! C'mon," Marcus called out.

  I nodded, giving Leo a quick nod before making my way down the ramp and onto the grey asphalt.

  Just standing in the dead realm gave me death vibes— the atmosphere was thick with dark fog and had very little oxygen supply. It took me a moment to adjust my breathing, needing to conserve my oxygen.

  There was no way anyone could survive outside in this wasteland for long and I was wasting time.

  "Let's go. We'll do a full scout of the area. If you sense or see anything, let me know," I instructed glancing at my team— Marcus, Daniel, and Elias.

  Kai stayed behind in Heila to ensure we didn't leave the realm with low defense. He was well known for both his artistry and strength. Hinotori was a force to be reckoned with and phoenix shifters were dangerous in multiple ways. Regardless, throughout the realms, everyone knew of the phoenix shifter and wouldn't dare try to take on Heila if he was around.

  "You guys okay?"

  We all smirked at Kai's voice— our knight bond strong enough for us to communicate even though we were eight realms away.

  Seeing as I had the strongest connection to all of them, it would require me the least amount of energy to talk back and forth.

  "We're fine. About to scout out the area. Everything clear in the stars?" I inquired.