Wrapping the blanket around them, she presses her warm lips to the top of his head. He lies heavily against her chest, his cheek rubbing gently on the skin just above her breasts. He wants to hold her but he hesitates, bringing his hand to her hip then letting it slide down, twisting the edge of his t-shirt around his fingers.
He shakes his head slightly, a result of his continuing internal struggle and then speaks in a pained voice. “Without you, the only thing I have left is my career and I can’t seem to get that right these days either.” He nuzzles his face against her skin and sighs, then finally lifts his hand to wrap his arm around her, holding on tightly. There is a long silence; the only sound in the room is his breathing. She can hardly stand to think about the pain he’s feeling, she’s experiencing it as if it’s her own. And in some ways, it is.
Feeling his breath stutter against her chest, she continues to hold him close, rubbing her hands across his body, trying to hug all the hurt away. That’s all he needs right now, to be held, to know that she cares. This amazing man has always looked after everyone else in his life. She doubts that anybody has ever done that for him, but she’s going to change that now. Holding him as close as she can, her eyes closing drowsily on the edge of sleep, it dawns on her that Ethan O’Connell has most likely never let anyone see his pain for fear it made him appear weak.
“Olivia?” He says suddenly in a slow raspy voice, a clear sign that sleep is near.
“Yes?”
“I was angry that you said we should see other people. But I understand why now.”
“Ethan, stop.” Tonight was proof that she would go insane if he was to date anybody else. She doesn’t want to share him. She wants to be his and she needs to tell him but before she can get the words out, he speaks.
“I realize now, that it’s because you could never love me. I mean… how could you? I’m a complete and utter fuckup.” His voice is strained, full of emotion, his heart under an overwhelming heaviness. He barely gets the words out then takes a deep breath in, his chest heaving a few times as he does.
Feeling like this is all her fault, her heart shatters into a million pieces. With all her insecurities and stupid rules, she’s made a strong confident man feel like a failure. It takes her a moment to swallow her own emotions before she can tell him how she feels. “Ethan, nothing could be further from the truth.” She pauses, nervous about her confession. “I... I am yours. I know that now. And I don’t want you to see anyone else. I want you to be mine.”
He lets out a long, hot breath against her chest and tightens his hold on her, his hands squeezing her flesh for what seems like forever. No words are spoken as she feels the tension ease out of his shoulders and the anxiety leaves his body. After some time, his breathing softens into a slow rhythm against her chest, she realizes that he has drifted into sleep.
Somewhat relieved about her admission, she runs her fingers through his hair and down the side of his face bringing her lips down and intending to kiss him good night. She stops, her heart skipping a beat, as her fingers skim across moisture on his cheek from fallen tears. Pulling back a little, she can see him in the faint light trailing in from the window. His eyes are closed, and his lashes are wet. His tears have left salty trails as they travelled down his cheeks and dampened his skin. Gently, she wipes away the moisture with her thumb, erasing the evidence of his vulnerability. Her eyes well up with tears as she presses her lips to his cheek, his forehead, his nose, then landing on his lips she whispers. “I love you.”
Chapter 26
Delicate lace in a pale, pastel pink covers the long flowing ball gown she’s wearing. It skims seductively against the soft silk lining, making it feel warm and creamy against her skin as she moves across the ballroom. As always, he’s with her, his strong arms keeping her in hold, his body guiding her across the floor and commanding her movements. She trusts him to lead her, to partner her, she will follow without question. Her feet glide confidently around the room, stepping in perfect time with his. The Orchestra plays a slow waltz as he dances her across the black and white marble tiles, with little effort. There’s an intuitive feel to his movements, as if they have danced together forever.
Feeling content, her soul filled with an ethereal beauty, she positively glows; her aura an overwhelming beacon of her femininity. In this dream, she still can’t identify this man, his features hidden in the darkness of the room. Sometimes she’s certain it’s Ethan, other times she’s not sure at all, but she doesn’t need to know what he looks like to know that he’s her soul mate. Her reason for existing. She can’t imagine that there are any stronger feelings then the happiness she experiences in his arms, in this place, in this time.
Quicker then a flash storm a wicked darkness surrounds her as she’s pulled from him, and dragged away into a cold dark frightening place. Reaching for him, she tries to stop her free fall into her nightmare but she can’t hold on. Blinking rapidly, she tries to focus but she can’t see anything clearly, her vision is blurry and distorted. Her body begins to shake violently, whether from the cold or the fear, it doesn’t matter. Heaviness presses against her body, pinning her with an invisible force, and ready to consume her. She can’t move, can’t breathe she struggles at first to fight it, but the thought of existing without him is unbearable.
A strange moment of peace washes over her body as she stops fighting and surrenders to the darkness. Confusion takes over her thoughts as moonlight passes through the murky water. Suddenly she feels like she’s floating, suspended in time and motion, feather light, unrestrained… free from pain… and lifeless.
Jolting from her sleep, Olivia sits straight up, her pulse jumping at a dangerous rate and gasping for air. The unfamiliar room only heightens her distress until she hears his voice as he reaches for her in the darkness.
“Olivia? Are you awake?” His hand brushes her hair away from her face and across her cheek. “You were having a nightmare. Are you ok?” Sitting beside her, he places his arms around her and pulls her closer to him.
Concentrating on breathing in and out at a slow and steady pace, she tries to expel the poisonous images from her mind and turns to look at his worried expression. “Yes, I’m ok.”
Exhaling harshly, he leans back against the headboard and pulls her into his arms. Cradling her head in the hollow of his shoulder, he holds her tightly against him, feeling her heart still beating violently against his chest. “You scared the shit out of me, woman!” He says, taking his own calming breath. Brushing her face softly against his neck, she can tell by the rapid twitching of his pulse, that he’s telling the truth. She startled him out of a sound sleep to witness… only God knows what that was.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers.
“Do you remember what it was about?” He folds her into his body and presses his lips to her forehead.
“I’m not sure. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like I was drowning or suffocating.” She blinks her eyes rapidly, afraid that if she’s still dreaming the darkness will come for her again. Wrapping her arms around him so tightly, she makes sure that nothing could break her hold. “It was terrifying.”
“Hey.” Kissing her on the top of the head, he tightens his own grip. “It’s ok. I’m here. I won’t let anybody hurt you.” His hand smoothes through her hair and then, just as he has done a hundred times before, he rakes his fingers through the silky strands, moving it away from her face. His finger tips skim across her scalp and discover the raised ridges of scar tissue, making him feel like he’s just been stabbed straight in the heart. How is it that he has never noticed it before? His heart thumping hard against his chest, he repeatedly traces the long line of healed skin beneath gentle touches, wanting so badly to erase the scars completely so she would never have a reminder of what that asshole did to her. Rage boils deep in his core and deeper at the thought. He’ll kill him, no question, if their paths ever crossed.
Olivia’s tension slowly recedes and her body melts into his. Moving her hand to his face, h
olding his jaw in her palm, she peeks up at him through eyes so trusting and loving. Letting go of every fear, every inhibition, she lets him discover her scars, something she has never let anyone do. Even though she has yet to share with him the details of that evening she can tell by the rise and fall of his chest and the slight tension in his shoulder that he knows at whose hand she received them. Despite being obviously troubled about it, there is so much love in the tender way his hands brush across her that she knows that his touch is her cure for the pain and the nightmares. With the fear from her recent nightmare completely abated, she softly guides his face towards her mouth.
Gently nuzzling the tip of her nose across his cheek, she searches for his lips, needing him to kiss away the bad memories. Slowly and patiently, her warm breath burns like fire against his skin while she waits for him to lower his mouth and bring them together. They fit perfectly together when they kiss, like two pieces of a puzzle, each of them the perfect shape to fit into the other. He falls into place, his mouth against hers, hesitating… holding back. If he kissed her right now, he wouldn’t stop and he fears that she’s in too vulnerable of a state after her nightmare.
Olivia can’t stand it any longer. Running her hands through his hair, she twists it around her fingers and presses her lips against him. For the briefest of moments, he doesn’t return her kiss. Still unsure that this is the right thing to do. He starts to pull away. “Liv…”
Her fingers grasp at him, desperate and pleading. “Ethan, please kiss me. I need you right now.”
Her confession lights the fire deep down in his belly and he brings his lips back to hers for a gentle kiss before whispering. “What do you need, baby? Tell me. I need to hear you say it.”
“You. I need you. I need you to make love to me.“ Her hands trail down his stomach feeling the warmth of his skin and tracing the ridges that separate tensed muscles. His body responds with an erection that’s as hard as steel.
Just as she has asked him to, he kisses her… over and over again. Every brush of his lips, every stroke of his tongue creates a whole new kind of connection. One forged at a raw emotional level. It’s deep, it’s moving and so powerfully saturated with love that it seals the cracks in her heart where hope and love have, for so long, been leaking out.
His approach changes from a soft, tender gentleness to a toe curling ‘need to have you now’ hunger, as his desire grows in intensity. Easing her back, he lowers her down and presses her into the mattress with his heavy body. Her hands glide down his sides and over his hips, tugging at the waist band of his boxers and sliding them down below his thighs. Reaching down, he quickly strips them the rest of the way off, then with skilled swiftness he rids her of his t-shirt. His mouth and hands move to her breasts, kneading them and surrounding them with the warmth of his touch. She arcs her back in response, pressing her breasts into him as he teases her nipples into taut nubs. While moving his mouth from one tender breast to the other, licking and sucking them with varied pressure, he slides his hand down her stomach and underneath her panties. She inhales sharply as his hand skims over her, finding her swollen, excited and very ready for him. Moaning into her breast, he glides his fingers over her folds, stopping only occasionally to rub heavily on her clit. She clenches and raises her hips making his dick grow even harder as he rubs it against her thigh.
Exploring his body, her hands move down his sides, squeezing and grasping at him, trying to pull him closer, wanting to feel the weight of his body on top of her. Ethan’s breathing gets heavy and shallow and he pulls his mouth away from her breast with one last hard suck, making her cry out as he leans back onto his knees. The darkness hides his eyes but she knows that he’s staring at her, watching her, taking in every inch of her body through the filtered moonlight. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
When he hears her whisper his name, her voice full of desire and need, he moves a knee between her legs and leans forward, kissing her stomach, trailing his lips downward, licking and nibbling at tender skin and jumping nerves. As he kisses his way to her hip, his hands skim along the top of her panties, slowly sliding them down. He gives her a subtle nudge to lift her bottom so he can remove them but her mind is focused on the pleasure building inside her. Becoming impatient he nips the tender flesh of her hip with his teeth, making her gasp and buck her hips upward in shock. The moment she does he strips her panties down over her bottom and pulls them off. Tossing them to the floor, he climbs her like a predator, using his knee to force her legs apart to accommodate him.
His forearms brace his body on either side of her head, controlling his height over her, hovering while she adjusts her position beneath him. When he lowers himself on top of her, he claims her mouth and hungrily possesses her lips. Taking one greedy kiss after another. The feel of her naked body underneath him drives him insane and he knows he’s not going to last long. Opening wider to accommodate the width of his hips, his cock rubs against her entrance causing her to gasp in anticipation. He reaches for her wrists and pulls her arms up over her head and holds them there. Her heart pounds, her heated blood pulsing through her body in a rapid boil. Exhaling sharply, he moves his hands, pressing her palms flat beneath his and locking their fingers together.
Lifting his hips, he allows his rigid cock to rub across the swollen folds of her cleft one more time before pressing into her with one hard push. Inhaling deeply, she holds her breath, knowing that his overwhelming size is not yet completely inside her. He becomes perfectly still for a moment, relishing every moment of her squeezing him as tight as a fist, then slowly slides out, almost all the way. Kissing her, licking at her mouth and teasing her tongue, he tightens his grip on her hands, securing her for what’s to come. In one languid thrust forward he pushes all the way inside her, balls deep. The walls of her pussy strain at his size, making her moan at the burning fullness as she clenches around him, and amazed at how she’s able to completely take him in. It’s the most magnificent feeling in the world. Now that he’s all the way inside, Ethan rolls his hips slowly, pushing in and pulling out in a lazy rhythm. Taking his time. “Jesus Christ, you feel so good around me.” He whispers.
Meeting his movement on the downward strokes, she lifts her hips and hooks her legs around him. His pace quickens, his thrusting becoming harder as his head falls to rest on her neck, the sound of his hips pounding against her thighs echoing in the room. His body tenses and he releases her hands, moving his forearms to the side of her, using them to leverage his body as he continues to thrust in and out, driving them both closer to release. Free from his hold, her hands grasp his sides, desperate to touch him, digging her fingers into him and pulling him forward.
Feeling his control waning, he groans against her skin. “I’m not going to last much longer, baby. What do you need to get there? I don’t want to leave you behind.”
She pants, her body on the edge, as his constant delivery of pressure in exactly the right spot promises her own quick release. “I’m right there.” She moans.
Ethan sets a punishing rhythm, moving faster and harder, his body tensing as it collides with hers. As he feels the ripples of her orgasm start to overtake her, he completely unravels, cursing at the intensity of his release. She screams out his name, and with one last thrust he pulses inside her, filling her with a steady stream of his seed that seems endless. It’s like nothing he has ever experienced with anyone else. Only with Olivia has he ever felt this raw. Impassioned. Out of control.
When their breathing settles back into a normal rhythm he adjusts his weight, allowing himself to slowly withdraw and then slides to her side. His hands never leave her body, always touching, tenderly caressing her skin as if he’s assuring himself that this is not a dream. Brushing the slightly damp hair from her forehead, he brings his lips back to hers in a sweet kiss. When she adjusts her position, she winces at the stiffness already setting in, moaning as she slips her feet over the side of the bed and sits up.
“I’m going to be sor
e tomorrow.” She smiles, her body feeling tired and heavy as she makes her way into the bathroom.
“I’m so sorry, are you ok?”
Turning to look at him sprawled out buck naked across the bed, she teases him. “Sorry for what, exactly? The best sex I’ve ever had in my life? Yeah, you should be real sorry for that.”
Ethan grins and lays back, stretched out covering the entire bed. Folding his hands behind his head, he thinks about how easy it is for him to lose himself in her. When the water stops running the door swings open and the bright light behind her makes him squint. Standing with her arms crossed, wearing nothing but his t-shirt, she looks really angry. “REALLY?” She says scowling at him.
He sits up, concerned. “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head and lifts the edge of the t-shirt to reveal his teeth marks on her hip. “You couldn’t have just asked me to take them off?” She’s not amused at all.
Ethan grins, admiring his little love bite. “Where’s the fun in that?” A dirty little smirk forms at the corner of his mouth and he pats the spot on the bed next to him. “Come back to bed and I’ll kiss it better.”
“Don’t you think we should get some sleep? We both have to work tomorrow.”
Ethan sighs and gets to his feet. Reaching the doorway, he presses his naked body against her and gives her a kiss. “You’re right, we should get some rest.” He rubs his hand over her hip, frowning when she winces and then kisses her once more. “Go get into bed, I won’t be long.” In a moment of thought, he turns back to her, looking unsure. “Don’t leave, ok?”
She smiles and nods. “Ok.” As if she would leave now that she’s finally admitted that she belongs to him. Why would he think that?
When he’s done, he joins her under the covers, pressing his chest against her back and wrapping his arms around her. “I like this.” He whispers in her ear.
“You like what?”
Intractable Souls : Book 1 of the Bound for Ireland Series Page 48