by Nicole Heck
*
The car ride back to Siena was silent. Arriving on campus, I drove her to her car. I stared out the front windshield trying to think of how I could prolong the night. All I wanted to do was know more about her.
“I hope you had a great time. If it's okay, I'd like to take you out again soon?” I asked her nervously while fiddling with the keys in my hand. I could hardly look her in the eye while speaking. The words slowly found their way out of my mouth.
“Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect out of tonight. It was the first date I’ve been on in a while.”
“Same for me.”
“What? I don’t believe that. I mean, you with all your girls—you don’t need to lie to make me feel better,” she replied sarcastically.
“I’m not lying. I’m dead serious. Lacey and I didn’t even go out on dates.”
“Seriously? Why not?”
“I guess it didn’t seem like much of a relationship to me. I just did whatever she said and did my own thing when I wasn’t with her. Great boyfriend, I know.”
“I don’t know what you want out of this.” Quickly the conversation became more serious.
“Honestly, I don’t either. All I know is I want to see you again and I want to learn everything there is to know about you, Zoe.” The truth came out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“Why? And again, why me? You could have any girl in this school if you wanted to.”
“But I asked you out, not any of the other girls. I asked you. Ever since you ran into me—”
“You mean you ran into me,” Zoe replied fiercely. She wasn’t making this easy.
“But right then, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how I’ve never seen you before.”
Zoe took what seemed to be a long minute before responding.
“I’m extremely busy, and I have a lot going on. I have to go. So thanks for dinner. Goodnight.”
She unbuckled her seatbelt, got out of the car, and shut the door without even looking back. I don't know what it was that I said to make her mad.
What was I doing wrong?
I sat here questioning myself more than I ever have before. Putting my keys back into the ignition, I turned the car on and headed back toward my townhouse.
The rain poured down heavily on my windshield, obstructing my vision. Driving around aimlessly, I continued to fail miserably at finding a parking spot close to my building. Bad luck seemed to be following me around tonight, especially on my date with Zoe—the date I just completely blew for myself.
{9}
Zoe
Livid was a better word than disappointed to describe how I felt about last night. How could I be disappointed if I wasn't expecting anything? But was I really not expecting anything, or was I just trying to convince myself that I wasn’t? I was more mad at the fact I was putting myself through this, though. Christian was exactly who I thought he was, the person I didn’t want him to be. Right from the beginning I had a feeling it wouldn't go well. I tried not to think about it all day, but I couldn’t stop.
I will admit that at the start of the night I convinced myself that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He shocked me by opening the car door for me, followed by pulling the seat out at the restaurant. Acting like a gentleman, he looked like one too. Dressed in a shirt and tie, it was one of the first times I've ever seen him dressed nice since he was always wearing basketball apparel.
Lost in thought, I almost missed Emily's phone call. She was probably checking in on me to make sure I wasn't ditching the game today. The game. I really didn’t want to go and face him after I made my exit from his car.
As soon as I picked up, she didn’t even give me the chance to have the first word.
“Oh, good! You’re alive. I was wondering since I have yet to hear from you about your date last night!” She spoke energetically.
“Well, I’m pretty sure that was the first and last time we will go out.”
“Why? Please don’t tell me you did anything stupid or ruined it because you weren’t open to it. You know what? Just tell me later. Want to grab a drink before the game?”
“That sounds good. What time should we meet?”
“Well, we have to be there by five. The game’s at six today. I was thinking maybe 3?”
“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”
Having a drink before the game may calm me down before walking into the arena. I wasn’t prepared to see Christian. I didn’t want to get to know him anymore. Last night probably could have gone better if I had been more positive about it. A part of me really wanted this, but I knew that it wasn’t realistic. What would be the point?
*
“Okay, fine. I won’t tell you anymore.” I sat there angrily staring at Emily.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Go on,” Emily apologized. As much as she wanted me to have a boyfriend, she also loved to mock my love life.
“All he did was talk about himself. Once basketball was brought up, forget it. Want to know what pissed me off the most? He brought up how he's never seen me before. We had a class together for an entire semester! The class only had twenty kids in it. I’ve passed him so many times on campus before. So how hasn't he seen me? How didn’t recognize me?”
“Oh my God, I would be pissed too. Did he really say that?” Emily put her glass down.
“Yes! He really he did.”
“Well, I think you should give the guy another chance. You might be overreacting just a tad. I don't remember half of the people I've had classes with. Has he texted you yet today?” I could tell she was trying to rationalize with me since I was clearly just making up excuses.
“Another chance? Why? So I will get hurt? I don't think he's my type. But to answer your question, yeah, he did. But I didn't respond, and I don't plan on it.” I sulked in my seat and drowned my throat with a huge gulp of beer.
“Zoe, Zoe, Zoe.” Emily stared at me.
“What?” I put my glass down and stared back.
“You don't know if he's good for you yet. You haven’t really given him a chance. I think you should go for it. I think this will be a good thing. You need a guy in your life.”
“No.”
Emily looked did a quick turn around in her seat. “But it’s been years since you’ve had sex.”
“What the hell? Say it loud enough so the whole bar can hear it.”
“What? It's true! You haven't since freshman year, and that was, like, drunk sex.”
“I haven't wanted to. I don't want a guy in my life, and I certainly don’t need sex to be happy.”
“Well, it doesn't hurt to just have casual sex every once in a while,” Emily suggested.
“I really don't think that this is going to work out. I have the entire universe voting against me. I don’t know. I really don’t. What about Gabe?”
“Gabe will be fine! You know how he looks up to him. Just imagine how happy he will be when you tell him! Imagine his reaction when he meets him.”
“Which is exactly why I can't if it doesn't work out.”
“You don't know it won't yet. Can I see the text he sent you?”
“Why?”
“Just let me see it,” Emily demanded.
I opened up the text and looked at it once more before handing it to her.
“Okay. Done.” She responded shortly after looking at my phone. I was a little bit tipsy, and I didn’t think before I handed it to her.
“What’s done? What! No, you didn't!” I shrieked louder than expected. She slid my phone across the table, and I read the words on the screen. She’d replied to Christian's text for me.
“Why did you do that?”
“You needed a little push. Trust me; this is going to work. You need to at least try.”
The bartender came over to see if we needed a refill. I wanted one, but I had to go to the game sober enough to work.
Staring at the screen, I continued to read what Emily had typed out. The simple message of “Good luck at your gam
e today” freaked me out. The bubble at the bottom left corner popped up. He was responding.
“He's typing back already!”
“See! I told you to listen to me! Look how excited you just got!”
I flipped my phone over onto its front side, and the two of us stared at it without blinking.
“Just read it. If you won’t, I will.” Emily went to reach for my phone, but I snatched it quickly.
“Thanks! Wanna go out after the game?” It took me a few moments to continue reading all of the words to her.
“Yay! You have to say yes!” Emily yelled.
“You really think so? Even though the first date went horrible?”
“How much worse could it really get? Just give him another chance.”
“Yeah, I could do that.” I read my text to Emily as I typed back.
“See? How hard was that?”
“‘Great. I have a surprise for you.’” I looked up at Emily, and we both stared at one another, then I looked back down at the text again.
What could the surprise be? How could he already have a surprise for me?
“How am I going to explain this to Gabe?” I panicked.
“Oh. you'll think of something! Just tell him you have to work on school stuff in the library after the game.”
“I hate lying to him. I feel like I never have time to hang out with him anymore. He’s going to start to wonder if I keep ditching him. You know how smart he is.”
“Well,” Emily said while looking at her phone, “we have one hour until game time. How much more excited are you now for what this night is going to bring?”
“I'm not. I’m not excited at all.” The truth was that I was probably glowing with excitement, and she could see it all over my face.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this could be a good thing. Maybe I’d just need to open myself up to these opportunities. But maybe I’d be right and this wouldn’t work out. I was so torn between what to do and how I should act. My heart was telling me to go for it, but my head was saying it wouldn’t be a good idea. Right now I wondered what my parents would say if I asked them for their advice. In times like these I missed them more than usual, and I envied my friends who took advantage of having their parents around.
What do I do? How do I know what to do?
{10}
Gabe
“Janice! Jan! Janny!”
Rushing into my room, she was almost out of breath.
“What's wrong? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything's great!”
“Damn it, Gabe! I told you to stop doing that to me. You know what that can do to me at my age. I could have a heart attack. Then who would take care of you when Zoe isn't here?”
“I'm sorry. I really am. But I have a secret to tell you.”
“What's that?”
“Come here. I can't tell you unless I whisper it.”
She leaned in closer, and I told her the secret into her ears.
By the look on her face as she backed away, I know Zoe probably already called her. Zoe probably told her where she was going, though. I don't know why she can't just tell me. I mean, I am her brother. She told me I was her best friend. Don’t best friends tell each other these things?
“So, what do you think? Am I right?”
“I don't know anything.” Janice backed away.
“She's going somewhere and told me she won't be home until late. She has to be with a boy.”
“If she wants you to know, she will tell you.”
“She’s keeping secrets from me, and I don’t like it!”
“She’s your older sister. Older sisters always keep secrets from their little brothers. I did from mine.”
“But not Zoe. She doesn’t do that. Can you hand me the walkie from over there? It’s almost game time!”
“What do you say? How do you ask?”
“Oh! Please, can I have the walkie talkie?”
“There’s your manners! I thought you had lost them somewhere!”
She grabbed it and put it in my hand, turning it on for me, but just when I thought she was going to leave my room she sat down on my bed beside me.
“Can I give you some advice?”
“When don’t you, Jan?”
“My name is Janice. Now, Gabriel—”
“My name is Gabe.”
“Oh, you are just something else, aren’t you? Well, sometimes Zoe doesn’t tell you things for your own good. She is your sister. She does a lot for you. If she asks you not to call her, you need to obey that. You understand that? Did she ask you not to call her?”
She stared down at my phone questioning me.
“Aw, come on. I just want to see where she is and who she is with.”
Her hand reached out to grab it.
“Do I have to take away the phone again?”
“No…” I hesitated.
“Good.”
We used the walkie-talkies to communicate so I didn’t have to yell to her. She hated using it. She says she’s too old for a phone like I have, so this was the only way she could get things done downstairs when I wanted to lay in bed, which I’ve been doing a lot of lately.
“Alright, I’m heading downstairs. Is there anything you need?”
“Nope, I’m good! The games going to be on soon. Thanks, Gram!”
She stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. “I don’t really think you should call me that. That’s disrespectful toward your grandmother.”
“But I didn’t even know my grandma, and you are like my grandmother. I’m sorry.” I sank in my sheets, and Janice headed back over toward me.
“Oh, sweetie, it’s okay. I just…well, never mind. If you want to call me that, call me “grandma.” I won’t get mad.”
I smiled, looked up at her, and rested my head on her shoulder. My neck started was getting too heavy to hold up myself.
“I always wanted grandchildren. My only son never got married, though. But if I did, I would want them to be just like you and your sister.”
“You are like our family now.”
“Now, mister, don’t make me cry.” She rubbed my shoulder. I loved when she or Zoe did that. It felt good when my body hurt.
“Can you tell me the truth if I asked you a question?” I asked.
“Of course,” she replied.
“Well, Zoe says I’m getting better, but I just have to take more medicine. I don’t feel like I’m getting any better.”
“Your sister’s right. The doctors are giving you the medicine so you get better.”
“But it makes me feel yucky, and my body really is starting to hurt more. Please don’t tell Zoe that, though. I don’t want her to worry anymore.”
Janice looked like she was going to cry. “I won’t. I promise. But you have to promise me that you’ll get better.”
“I’m trying. It’s just hard. I can’t even hold a book anymore.” I went to reach for the book next to my bed but as I tried to grab it my grip released.
“I know, honey. But you just have to stay positive and keep praying that you will get better soon and you will. Now, is it almost game time?”
“It is game time!”
“I’ll go downstairs now. Will you be okay?”
“I’ll page you if I’m not, but I will be.” I laid my head back down on the soft pillowcase as she turned the game on for me. I struggled with pressing the buttons.
Zoe is lucky she gets to work there. I've never been to a Siena basketball game before. Well, I’ve never been to a basketball game in person before. I really want to go, though, instead of watching it from my bed. It's just not the same. I imagine it being awesome. It’s probably so loud there. I’d get a bag of popcorn and a soda and sit really close to the court. I would wear my Siena shirt and paint my face green like I see some kids do. Then I would cheer really loudly. Maybe one day I will get to do that. Maybe when I’m better.
“What’s the score of the game?” Janice spoke through the walkie-tal
kie.
“Siena is down by three with thirteen minutes left in the first half, over.”
“Roger that.”
“Christian Michaels, three-pointer! And there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. The game is now tied. Quinnipiac runs the ball down the court, and the six-foot-four guard goes in for the lay up and—oh! Missed it! Saints get the ball back!”
“The tall guy with the blonde hair shoots and scores!”
“Janice?” I spoke quietly.
“Yeah?”
“No offense, but you didn’t do that right.”
{11}
Zoe
We won the game again. Christian was to thank for that. The game had ended ten minutes ago, which meant it was almost time for my second date. I didn’t even know why I agreed to this. I went to the bathroom to fix my hair and make-up. I didn’t have a change of clothes, so I had to take my time. Christian said to give him about a half hour after the game ended, and he would meet me out front.
It was another chilly night in the Capital Region. The low was supposed to be below zero, and with the wind chill, I didn’t want to leave the building. I unfortunately forgot my gloves at home and didn’t have time to go back and get them after I had realized.
My stomach churned. I was starving. I had no idea what Christian had in store for us tonight. Maybe he would take me to another place where an ex worked. I hated that I was so pessimistic about this, but I didn’t see it ending well. Why did I even agree to go out again? I kept repeating that question over and over. Then I remembered it was because of Emily. I didn’t even really want to go. I did, though. I just didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit it to myself or to them because that would mean I was starting to fall for him, which I couldn’t be.
Sitting outside on the steps, I watched the cars drive by. As each minute passed, I began to grow more impatient. If he was going to be on time, he would be meeting me out here in only four more minutes. I made a deal with myself. If he was out here in four minutes, I would go. If he wasn’t, I would leave. I would make up an excuse that I didn’t feel well and drive home.