by Shana Burton
Catt waved her hand to dismiss him. “You know how he is.”
“Yeah, I do. That’s what concerns me.”
“What do you mean?”
Oni took a deep breath. “I’ve had a strange feeling about some things . . .”
“About me and Jamal?”
She nodded. “Do you want to tell me about it? I’m not jealous if that’s what you’re worried about, but I am concerned.”
“Don’t be. There’s nothing going on between us that will get in the way of work.”
“Really? Because that’s not what it looks like.” Convicted, Catt stood silently. “Catt, can I be straight with you for a minute?”
“Go ahead.”
“Look, I know that Jamal is charming and sexy and all those things that women think they want in a man, but he’s also a lot of things they don’t want too.”
“Oni, I appreciate your concern, but I can handle Jamal.”
“You see that’s just it—I don’t think you can.” Catt’s face turned to stone. “Now, don’t get mad; just hear me out. Jamal may talk a good game, but he’s never going to let you in. There’s a wall built up around him that’s so thick that it’ll be a miracle if anyone can break through it. And I can look at you and tell that you’ve already fallen for him, but he’s never going to give more of himself than he already has.”
“I’m not falling for him, Oni,” lied Catt.
“You may be telling yourself that to keep from getting hurt, but we both know the truth. Get out now while you can. You’re not qualified to play these love games with him.”
Catt was on the defensive. “And you are?”
“I knew at first glance what he was all about. I’m not some naïve little girl anymore and after going through two divorces—”
“Is that what you think—that I’m some lovesick moron who’s gotten in way over her head?”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Catt. I’m older than you and a lot more jaded. At this point in my life, I’m not looking for romance. I have a career that I’m trying to build, and that’s my priority right now. For me, all I need is a piece here and there, and I’m out. But you, you still want the house and the kids, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just don’t want you to put your hopes into having that with Jamal.”
“I’m not. Just the other night, he confided some things to me that he hasn’t told anyone. Throughout the whole trip, I thought I saw changes in him, but it wasn’t real. The second we got back, he turned back into his same self-indulgent self.”
“Catt, men like Jamal don’t change overnight, if ever. I’m glad that the two of you shared a moment, but I’m mighty afraid that’s all it was.”
Catt’s eyes swelled with the tears she was saving for the emotional breakdown in the car. “I can’t believe I almost let myself be taken in by him.”
Oni rubbed her back. “Don’t do it to yourself, Catt. He’s not worth it. Try to make something work out with that Eldon fellow. He seems like someone worth crying over. You work with Jamal and you have fun with him, but that’s it,” advised Oni. “Don’t pin your hopes and your happiness on a man like Jamal Ford. The only one who’s going to end up getting hurt is you.”
Chapter 34
Jamal lay on the bed trying to make sense of things. Had he really played Catt? Did he set her up for disappointment by dropping his guard and letting someone get close to him? Did she overthink and romanticize their situation, or had he subconsciously given her false hope? He never made her any promises, nor did he proclaim to have feelings for her that didn’t exist. She had to have known that a relationship between the two of them would never work. They were too different. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but the sooner she accepted things as they were and moved on, the better.
Yvette emerged from the bathroom of her apartment wrapped in a robe after taking a shower. She began brushing her long black tresses. Jamal watched her reflection in the mirror. Yvette was beautiful, sophisticated, and uninhibited. What more could he ask for?
He rose from the bed and stood behind her. He took the brush from her and began stroking her hair with it. “I love watching you brush your hair,” he muttered softly to her. “You smell good too.” He set the brush down and started rubbing her back.
Yvette closed her eyes and sighed. “What’s gotten into you?” she asked surprised. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“I’ve just been thinking about how lucky I am to have you.” He swept her hair to her right shoulder, leaving the left exposed. Then he traced her neckline with his tongue.
She turned around and kissed him on the lips. “We’re both lucky.”
They were soon tangled in each other’s arms, breathing heavily and moaning lustfully.
“Make love to me, Jamal,” whispered Yvette between kisses. Jamal extended his hand to Yvette. She accepted it, and he led her to the bed. He stretched her out on the comforter and kissed her on her neck. He whispered her name and placed his moist, inviting lips on her body. She arched her back in elation and clamped her legs around his waist.
Jamal’s mind began to swirl with images of Catt. He thought of their near-kiss in his lab. He shook his head to block out the image and kissed Yvette again.
As he was kissing Yvette, his mind oscillated back to the time he and Catt picnicked in the park. Yvette’s fingers digging into his back reminded him of Catt and how she clung to him after telling him about the rape.
All of a sudden, Catt’s presence was overwhelming him, suffocating him. He could smell her melon shampoo and the floral-scented perfume that she wore. He heard her laughter ringing in his ears and could see her smile. The more he tried to push her out of his mind, the more forceful the images charged into it. The lustful feelings that he had for Yvette began languishing. Yvette could sense the change in him.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” she asked, concerned.
Jamal rose from her bosom. “It’s not you, Yvette. I just have a lot on my mind.”
She pulled up behind him. “I think we both know what you have on your mind,” she purred.
He reached out and grabbed her hand. He kissed it and turned to face her. “I’m sorry, Yvette. I can’t do this.”
“Why not?”
He released a sigh. “It’s complicated.” Jamal slipped his shirt back over his head and sat on the bed.
“I don’t understand. One minute you can’t keep your hands off me and now this?”
“I don’t think that we should rush into anything that we might regret.”
“How could I ever regret making love to a man who’s as handsome . . .” she kissed him on the cheek, “. . . sexy,” she kissed his neck, “and as virile as you, huh?”
“We don’t need to use sex to cover our relationship, and I don’t want to lead you on. I know how that feels,” he tacked on, remembering the way he treated Catt.
“It won’t be like that. I just want to hold you and to remember what it’s like to be in your arms like that again. We were apart for three whole weeks. Maybe if you allowed yourself to be with me, you’d realize that everything that you are looking for is right here.”
Jamal was tempted. Yvette did look beautiful tonight, and he desperately wanted to get Catt out of his mind, but he knew that he’d have to deal with his feelings for her and everything that had transpired between them sooner or later. If nothing else, being with Catt taught him that he was better off facing things head-on instead of trying to suppress it or mask the problem. More than that, he realized that he couldn’t use sex as a means of escape anymore.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“But, Jamal, don’t you want me?” she asked. She slid the robe off and let it dissolve into a satin puddle at her feet. “We’ve never had a problem in the bedroom before.”
“It’s not that simple, Yvette. This just isn’t right.”
Stung by the rejection, Yvette hastily put her robe on again. “Is there something, or perhaps someone, that I should k
now about?” she asked, aggressively tying the robe belt into a tight knot.
“Yeah,” he declared. “Me! And until I feel close enough to you to trust you like that, we don’t need to be together.”
“Are you dumping me?”
“I’m saying that we both deserve better.”
Yvette crossed her arms over her chest. “Jamal, did something happen on the trip with that woman? Is there more to all of this than you’re telling me?”
“Yeah, something did happen,” he admitted. “She changed me.”
“So, you’re choosing that fat whale over all this?” She shook her head. “You’re an idiot, you know that? I can name at least ten people who’d kill to be with me.”
“I’m glad you can.” He snatched up his jacket. “But as for me, I only need one.”
Chapter 35
“I came over as soon as I could.”
Catt pulled him into an embrace. “I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for coming over.”
“You sounded pretty down on the phone,” said Eldon, making his way into Catt’s living room.
Since he was a child, Eldon had heard repeated declarations of, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Now, he had proof.
It hadn’t even been seventy-two hours since he’d walked Catt into her house after her three-week trip. While her father had talked to Jamal outside, Eldon used the brief moment of privacy to try and sneak in a kiss. To his dismay, Catt rebuffed him, telling him that she only wanted to be friends.
Catt’s rejection not only cancelled her out as his future wife, but also crushed his aspirations of becoming the lead servant at Faith Temple. He’d briefly considered resigning as the youth minister—no need to stick around and watch someone else take his rightful place at the helm once Jeremiah retired.
Then it happened.
Catt called him in tears, asking him to come over. Once he asked all the right questions, he concluded that she wasn’t in any physical danger and deduced that it must be emotional. He couldn’t have been more delighted! Her phone call was the sliver of hope he needed to get his plan back into action.
He made a quick stop to the liquor store on his way to Catt’s house. With a little luck and a few drinks, he’d be on his way to fatherhood by the end of the night.
Eldon led Catt to the sofa and sat down next to her. “Now tell me what happened.”
“Eldon, I made such a fool out of myself,” she confessed.
“What did you do?”
“I told Jamal that I was falling in love with him.”
Eldon was taken aback. “And are you?”
Catt buried her face in her hands. “I don’t know. I’m just really confused right now.”
“Since I’m here instead of Jamal and you’re this upset, I take it he doesn’t feel the same way.”
“No, he doesn’t,” she confirmed to Eldon’s delight. “To make matters worse, he admitted to me that he has a girlfriend.”
“Oni?”
“No. I wouldn’t have been as insulted if it were Oni. The girlfriend is some mindless bobblehead who looks good in a miniskirt. Apparently, that’s one of his stringent requirements.”
“He’s a jerk, Catt. You’re better off without him.”
“I realize that now, but it still hurts,” said Catt, her voice cracking from holding back tears.
“I know what you need.” Eldon reached into the brown paper bag that Catt noticed him walk in with. He pulled out a bottle of Long Island Iced Tea. “It’s your drink of choice, isn’t it?”
Catt declined. “I’m feeling bad enough without adding a depressant to the mix.”
“Come on, one drink isn’t going to kill you. It might even make you feel better.”
“I thought you didn’t drink,” recalled Catt.
“I didn’t say I never have a drink. It’s rare that I do, but it’s been known to happen.” He looked around the room. “Where do you keep your glasses?”
She pointed to the left. “They’re in the kitchen.”
“I’ll be right back.”
Eldon got up and returned with two iced glasses in hand. He set them down on the coffee table and filled them to the rim with liquor.
“You must be thirsty,” hinted Catt.
“You’re not the only one with problems. Drink up!”
“What happened to ‘taking it to the Lord in prayer’?” asked Catt, lifting the glass.
“I do that, but I’m doing this while I wait for the answer.” He tossed back the drink. Catt followed suit.
After the first drink, Catt was already feeling better. By the second, she was relaxed and giggling at everything Eldon said. By the third time he topped off her drink, she could barely walk from the living room to her bathroom. By the time they emptied the bottle, Catt was practically in a stupor and stretched out on the sofa.
“Catt?” he whispered. Eldon was still sober. He’d sipped from the same glass all night while continuing to ply Catt with drinks. “Can you hear me, Catt?”
She groaned and lay back with her eyes shut. Her left arm was lapped across her forehead.
“Are you feeling okay?”
She wiggled her fingers to let him know she heard him.
His eyes drifted over her body. She was wearing a skirt. He was glad; it would make his job a whole lot easier.
He groped her legs and ran his hand up her thigh. He waited for her to protest. She didn’t. It would be easier than he thought.
He pecked her gingerly on the lips. “You’re so beautiful, Catt. I waited a long time to be alone with you like this.” He eased his hand up her blouse and unbuttoned the first few buttons.
The coldness of his fingers on Catt’s bare skin roused her out of her semiconscious state enough to sense something was wrong.
“What are you doing, Eldon?” slurred Catt. She could feel the weight of his body on hers but lacked the strength to move him.
“Showing you how much I want you.” He began kissing her again, forcing his tongue inside her mouth. He stopped kissing her long enough to reach for her panties.
The brief interruption gave her mind a second of clarity, and she grabbed his hand. “Wait a minute.” She was breathing hard and had to catch her breath.
“Baby, don’t talk.” He covered her mouth with his, kissing her again.
She pulled away. “But we have to talk.” She felt his hand under her skirt again. “Eldon, stop,” she insisted, steering his hand away.
“Shhh . . . you don’t have to say anything. I’ve got this.”
Catt felt weak. “The room is spinning. I think I’m going to be sick.”
Eldon lifted himself off of her a little. “Just relax. Take a couple of deep breaths.” She obeyed. “You feel better?”
“Somewhat.”
“Close your eyes.” He pecked her lips. “You don’t have to do anything, just lay there. I’ll take care of the rest.”
The drowsiness overtook her. She closed her eyes but couldn’t muster the strength to even open them. She tried to speak, but it was no use.
Eldon climbed on top of her. “Now . . .” He kissed her again. “Where were we?”
It took all she had, but Catt managed to murmur, “We shouldn’t be doing this . . .”
“Come on, Catt. You know you want it.” He buried his face in her neck, passionately kissing her.
They were interrupted by pounding on the door. “Come on, Catt. It’s me. Let me in!” called a muffled voice.
“Who is that?” asked Catt, barely above a whisper.
Eldon fumed and slid off of her. “Don’t worry. I’ll get rid of him.” Eldon zipped his pants back up and answered the door.
Jamal was standing on the other side of it. “Where’s Catt?”
Eldon bore holes into Jamal with his eyes. “She’s busy.”
“Can you tell her I need to talk to her? It’s important.”
“She doesn’t want to talk. No, let me rephrase that: she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“I don’t think Catt wants any company right now, you know what I’m saying?” He buckled his pants. “She’s getting exactly what she needs from me.”
The indication made Jamal hot with fury. He shoved Eldon aside and barged in. “I need to talk to Catt.”
“She doesn’t wanna talk to you,” reiterated Eldon. “I think it’ll be best if you leave.”
Jamal spotted Catt on the sofa with her blouse undone and her skirt pulled up. She appeared to be sleeping. He whirred around. “What’s going on in here?” he demanded.
Eldon stood next to Catt. “What does it look like?”
Jamal picked up the empty bottle on the coffee table. “How much did she have to drink?”
“One or two drinks, why?”
Jamal kneeled down beside her. “Catt?” He shook her a little. “Catt, can you hear me?” She responded with a moan.
“Leave her alone,” ordered Eldon. “Can’t you see she doesn’t want to be bothered?”
“I’ll believe it when she tells me that.” Jamal lightly tapped her on the face. “Catt?”
Jamal’s mind flashed back to Catt’s confession about the rape and subsequent abortion. The scene mirrored the one Catt had described to him. She was on the sofa passed out after having too much to drink with a man who was obviously trying to take advantage of her inebriated state. He couldn’t help her then, but he could definitely save her now.
Jamal looked up at Eldon, his eyes filled with rage and disgust. “You call yourself a preacher? How could you do this to her?”
“Catt didn’t do anything she didn’t want to do,” he insisted.
“Are you kidding me? She’s not even awake!”
“What did I do that you didn’t try to do while you were out there on that road, huh?”
“The difference is that I never had to get her drunk to do it.”
“Maybe you should’ve.”
The insinuation incensed him. Jamal rose and socked Eldon squarely in the mouth with all the force he could assemble. Caught unawares, Eldon stumbled back and pressed his hand against his busted lip to neutralize the pain. Blood dribbled down his chin.