Liberation (I Am Margaret Book 3)

  “Margo, I think the world of Bane, but could you really advocate an attempt?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  No one answered. But of course, I knew. The chances of success were minuscule; the cost likely to be huge.

  A sticky silence. Eduardo, sitting nearby with Trout, said in a tone of intended comfort, “Well, it will only be normal dismantlement, so it could be a lot worse.”

  I staggered up and ran from the room.

  Jon talked me out of the cathedral eventually, pretty much force-feeding me supper, then late that evening, after several more nothing news broadcasts, we were back at Eduardo’s room.

  Juwan was there with him. Not still being debriefed? The thought was listless, unimportant. Hardly anything mattered.

  Juwan got up to leave when he saw us.

  “Margo, I’m so sorry. I wish... I wish they hadn’t tried. I wish...” His voice shook, “I wish I was back there with... with Doms… and Bane was here with you. What good is this?” He swallowed, tears shining in his eyes. Doms was dead, little real doubt about that.

  “Anyway, I’m... I’m off to Africa, middle of the night. So... I just wanted to say... thank you for trying. And... sorry.”

  I nodded, my throat too tight for words I couldn’t find anyway. He shook hands with Jon and left.

  Eduardo eyed the pair of us warily, me in particular.

  “Your brother has instructed me not to try and say anything comforting to you. Also to avoid anything factual. Or inconsequential. In fact, I think he feels I should try not to speak to you at all. So please feel free to leave.”

  “We want to speak to you,” I said.

  “You’ve been warned, then. I am, to quote, as sensitive as a clod of earth. What is it?”

  “Why haven’t they said anything? About capturing Bane? Shouldn’t they be boasting? Is it... is it possible...”

  Eduardo looked at me sharply.

  “No, Margaret, please do not torture yourself with that hope. They have Bane and Hyena. After debriefing the team, I have no doubt about that whatsoever. And their silence is quite understandable.”

  “It is?”

  “Of course. Do you think they’re going to risk the world finding out how they lured your – very popular – husband from your side on your wedding night – and if you’d read any of those papers, you’d know people think your wedding is the loveliest thing that’s happened this year – or decade – by means of the execution of two New Adults, who, though legally guilty, have great public sympathy?

  “That by this means they’ve captured your husband and are going to execute him for his assorted crimes, which most people will – again, thanks to you – scarcely think of as crimes at all?

  “Oh no, I think the population would be quite unhappy about it all. Stirred up, even. And the EuroGov do hate the population to get stirred up. No, they’ll want to present it as a fait accompli. Much easier to persuade everyone they’ve been protected from a dangerous rebel if it’s too late to change anything.”

  My stomach was turning over at all the references to Bane’s imminent demise.

  “So... should I get on my computer and tell everyone?”

  Eduardo shook his head.

  “Won’t do any good. I mean, you could, but they won’t actually release him, will they? And anyway...” He grimaced and his voice went very soft, “It’s probably already too late, isn’t it? Probably was before the team even got home.”

  The world went grey and swam slightly – I seized Jon’s arm with both hands.

  “You think...” My voice was a squeak, like a mouse’s. “You think Bane’s... already... dead ?”

  “It would not surprise me. They absolutely want him dead, absolutely cannot release him, and equally absolutely don’t want it to become a focus for public discontent. I reckon they’ll have done the deed absolutely a.s.a.p., and now they’re thinking about the best media spin before announcing it.”

  I took several quick steps to the desk and threw up in his wastepaper bin.

  “I expect Kyle will blame me for this too.” Eduardo handed me a handkerchief.

  “I’m fine.” My lips felt numb.

  Bane.

  Are you already gone, beloved?

  “Of course you’re not fine,” said Eduardo, “Ah, Jonathan, a little help?”

  Jon blinked in surprise and found his way to me, slipped an arm around me but said nothing. He looked a little green himself.

  “Margaret, don’t bite my head off,” said Eduardo, “but have you thought of getting Doctor Frederick to give you something to help you sleep?”

  “No. What if there was news?”

  Looking resigned, Eduardo opened his mouth again, but Alligator shouldered through the door with some printouts in his hand.

  “Wall guard are all alert, have you considered...” He looked up from the pages, saw me and broke off abruptly. “Oh, Margo. Sorry.”

  “I was just going,” I said weakly.

  Jon walked with me from the room, frowning. If anything he looked even greener than before.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He started.

  “Huh? Oh, just... everything.”

  There was an eerie silence, in the world and in the Citadel. The EuroGov said nothing about Doms or Juwan – or Bane. In the Citadel my presence caused a hush in every room, but I was scarcely aware of the compassionate looks.

  As the silence dragged on the following morning, I wrestled with whether to tell the world what was going on. If Bane were dead, it could do no harm. But if Bane still lived, then irrational as it might be – for no way would they ever let him go – I feared to anger them further...

  “Yet public opinion is surely the only thing that might help!” I exclaimed, yet again.

  “Huh?” Jon raised his head from a doze. He’d coaxed me back to my – ‘our’ – room after breakfast, but I couldn’t rest. “Oh. Margo, it’s... it’s too late. I’m sure.”

  Strangely, the protestations were ringing more and more false. I stared out of the window, brow furrowed. Why would everyone want me to think Bane was dead?

  To stop my mind spiralling into another hopeless circle I tried to pick out the camouflaged guard hides on the walls. There was one. And another... and...

  “How many wall guards are there usually, Jon?”

  “Hmm? How would I know. I can’t see them.”

  There were extra hides in place, surely? Was Eduardo expecting trouble?

  Then I understood.

  Like being kicked in the stomach by a carthorse wearing spiked shoes.

  I actually doubled over, a choked scream breaking from me.

  “No! Bane! Oh God! Oh Lord, help him! ”

  Jon was already sinking down on the window seat beside me.

  “Oh, Margo...” he tried to hug me. “Why do you have to be so smart?”

  “Not as smart as you!” I sobbed. “You knew all along, didn’t you, you lying...!”

  “No... Jack kind of put me on to it.”

  It.

  That Bane knew the location of this tiny Holy See. The location the EuroGov would do pretty much anything to discover.

  Probably should’ve been praying that he was already dead.

  “Eduardo doesn’t think he’d tell ?” Sudden indignation seized me.

  “We haven’t exactly spoken about it. I imagine, being Eduardo, he’s assuming anything’s possible. They have Hyena as well, don’t forget.”

  I had almost forgotten. My cheeks burned in shame.

  “The success rate for breaking Underground prisoners isn’t all that high, though, is it?” I said desperately. “D’you think they’d bother?”

  “For this particular piece of information?”

  My heart sank. I sprang to my feet and crossed to the desk, opening up the laptop. In a fit of rather mad optimism – or perhaps pure denial – I’d whiled away a bit of the night moving Bane’s things and mine up here.

  I clicked �
�New Blog post’ and began to type.

  “Why didn’t someone just tell me? I could’ve been trying to ‘stir everyone up’ as Eduardo puts it.”

  “They’re not going to let him go. So it won’t make any difference in the end. Except to you.”

  “I’d have been happier not knowing, you mean?” I swiped my sleeve across my tear-streaked face. “I’d have been happier trying to do something about it !”

  Jon sighed.

  “Well, maybe you will feel better doing something, but please, please don’t get your hopes up! That’s... that’s too cruel to yourself.”

  “They’re not going to torture my husband and expect me to keep quiet about it!”

  Silence was a thing of the past five minutes after I made my blog post – at least online. The internet erupted with indignation and sympathy. Other bloggers wrote strongly worded demands for the EuroGov to release Bane – or at least stop hurting him. No one doubted what was going on, though I’d not a stick of evidence.

  None of it would actually help Bane, though. Eduardo was right about exactly how much the EuroGov wanted him dead, even if he’d been lying through his teeth about the rest. But it might help in the long run.

  The long run. The rest of my life. No Bane.

  “I can’t even think about that...” I whispered.

  “Hmm?” Jon started awake. He’d stayed in the cathedral with me for most of the previous night, as well.

  That made three nights with no sleep but I didn’t feel tired. I was like a live wire. I typed and typed, answering comments, commenting on other blogs, writing new blog posts. I’d posted two today already. I’d keep on stirring this pot until they strapped me to a gurney! What did I want with Africa and Kanju without Bane?

  Back to the cathedral after lunch, where I struggled to concentrate. My prayer had taken on a seesaw tendency. My heart wanted to pray for Bane to be alive, but my head told me it was a bad idea. I actually fell back on ‘your will, Lord,’ from sheer confusion and despair, though it tore my heart out every time I said it... Your will, Lord. Your will, Lord...

  Forest. I was in a forest. Snow blanketed the ground. Somewhere in central Europe? Could’ve been the French forest we’d trekked through for so long. I was walking among the trees, dressed in a pure white dress insufficient for the weather, but I didn’t feel cold. I trailed a hand along the trunks, elfin and graceful, like I wasn’t really here... Weird. What was I doing here?

  A man was stumbling through the trees, dressed in rags. A stubbly beard covered his face and his hair was unkempt. He kept falling, dragging himself to his feet and staggering on, like he could barely stand. Even as I watched he fell again, into a deep drift, and lay there, limp and shaking. Giving up?

  I floaty-walked over to him.

  “You can’t stay there. You’ll die.”

  He just lay, curled up like an animal, uncaring.

  “I thought you wanted to know.” Odd thing to say. Why’d I said that?

  But his head jerked up and his eyes flew open. Wide, green eyes.

  I started awake with a gasp. Someone was carrying me.

  “Jon?”

  “Shss... Go back to sleep.”

  Things I should be doing. Important things... but blackness sucked me back down.

  Someone was knocking at the door.

  I rolled over and opened my eyes. Alone. In the big double bed. Dark outside. A vague recollection of Jon carrying me from the cathedral... A dream? Something about snow? It was gone. Must’ve been tired after all...

  The tapping came again.

  “Coming...”

  I climbed out of bed and went straight to the door. Opened it.

  My heart launched itself up into my mouth and hung there, burning like a captive sun.

  “B... B... Bane?”

  ***+***

  25

  OVER THE WALL

  I was still asleep. Surely I was still asleep? Couldn’t even dare to hope... I pinched my forearm, hard – flinched.

  A dirty hand caught my wrist.

  “Don’t... I’m really here.”

  Surely I was dreaming? Never had understood how pinching oneself was supposed to establish one was awake. But I felt awake...

  “Bane?”

  He was filthy, his left arm bare, the sleeve cut away to make room for a dressing, shockingly white and clean against his grubby golden skin. His black hair was sweat-clumped; his brown eyes stared solemnly at me. There was... what was the word he’d used about me?...a shadow... in them. Like he’d seen hell.

  My paralysis finally snapped and I flung myself at him. He clamped his arms around me, hissed slightly in pain, then buried his face in my hair, letting out a long, long breath, as though he’d been holding it since the last time he saw me.

  I pressed my face to his neck, into his hair, and my nose was filled with the smell of sweat, fear, death, but also Bane. Bane, Bane, Bane. No dream. He’d come back.

  Drawing away, just slightly, I placed my hands on either side of his face and stared into his eyes, still hardly able to believe it.

  “I promised, didn’t I?” His mouth quirked tiredly.

  “Oh, Bane...”

  “Thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered.

  I laughed – raggedly. “That’s my line!”

  “I suppose...”

  I drew him inside the room. Shut the door. Gave him a mock-scowl. “What’re you knocking on your own door for, silly?”

  He looked slightly embarrassed.

  “Jon said he’d put you to bed. Didn’t want to... burst in on you.”

  “He was hardly going to undress me!” But I was looking at that neat bandage. “How long have you been back?”

  He gave a guilty shrug. His hands slid up my arms and drew me close.

  “I’ve debriefed already. Just wanted us to be able to be together. Nothing else. No faffing with doctors and Eduardo’s questions. And Jon said how tired you were. Didn’t want to wake you up before...”

  Had he been back for as much as an hour, and not let anyone come and wake me? No good, I couldn’t be annoyed. A sort of warm glow irradiated my entire body.

  “How did you get here?”

  “Ferry from Italy to Malta, then a motorboat. That was the easy bit. I expect you’ve heard the gist of the raid?”

  I nodded. But the shadow loomed larger in his eyes.

  “Tell me tomorrow, Bane. It’s late. Let’s go to bed.”

  He smiled, chasing the shadow back a bit.

  “What a wonderful idea!”

  I raised my face, he lowered his, our lips came together. Bliss.

  After a moment he drew away.

  “I’m going to have a shower.”

  “Now? ”

  “I’m filthy.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “I do. I don’t want to get you all mucky. I’ll be quick.”

  I looked at him from under my eyelids.

  “I’ll pop that wedding present on while I wait, shall I?”

  He swallowed.

  “Very quick.”

  He was. I’d barely slipped into that pretty nightie and sorted out the lighting when he came back out, catching me hovering beside the bed as I tried to decide whether to get in or not. He’d slipped on those pyjamas and looked damp and gorgeous. He went around to the other side and stared at me across the bed.

  “The nightdress looks lovely.”

  “Pyjamas look nice too.”

  For one slightly awkward moment we remained where we were, then we each lifted a corner of the sheets and slid in, coming together in the middle, giggling.

  “Like we aren’t just dying to take them off!”

  “I think that’s going to be part of the fun...” Bane tried to sound seductive and spoiled it with another snort of laughter. His hands ran over me, gentle and tentative. We could take our time...

  Gratias Domine!

  The sun was hot on my face. The curtains must be open. Bane’s heart drum
med under my ear, his chest bare against my cheek. We were married now, all right. The last three days could’ve been nothing but a bad dream... except for the whiteness of the bandage on Bane’s arm. I hadn’t even asked how badly he was hurt!

  Easing away slightly, I brushed hair back from his face. He didn’t stir, he was deep asleep. Must be exhausted.

  For a long time I lay, just watching him sleeping there, in our bed. Alive. Alive, alive, alive! Eventually I went into the bathroom – time for my weekly shower anyway – and got dressed. Came out to find Bane still sound asleep.

  I’d nip down and fetch us some breakfast in bed. He deserved that, after what he’d been through. I knew that, just from his eyes.

  Creeping out of the room – though I’d probably have to slam the door to get any reaction – I headed down the stairs – I’d see if Jon was in. Wasn’t really that late and after the last few nights he might well have slept through Mass. In fact... here he was, coming up the stairs towards me.

  “Good morning, Jon.” I gave him a brilliant smile – he’d hear it in my voice.

  He grimaced.

  “Where’s Bane?”

  “Asleep. He’s exhausted.” He looked white as a sheet. “Jon? What’s wrong ?”

  “You didn’t look out the window when you got up, did you?”

  Strange remark.

  “Not really.”

  “No, you’re on Cloud Nine. Well, I hate to be the bearer, so come and have a look for yourself; apparently it’s hard to miss. There’s a window here, isn’t there?”

  He went back down a few steps to the stairwell windows. I followed, my stomach knotting up. Jon seemed... frightened. Really frightened.

  I searched the horizon. A sinister grey shape floated in the distant ocean.

  “Is that a warship! EuroNavy?”

  “Yes, and yes.” The hand holding his ‘long eye’ was trembling slightly. “Look closer.”

  My stomach turned over, my eyes darting among the rooftops of the abandoned city around us.

  “Oh Lord, protect us...”

  Snipers on the roofs. A tank at the base of the ramp to the Citadel’s main gate...

  “They’ve found us! What about the evacuation plans?”

  Jon bit his lip.