by Ranae Rose
“Okay.” James’ lips felt numb as the word tumbled out and the reality of what he’d agreed to began to dawn on him.
What had his sister done, and what the hell could he do about it besides play along?
Nothing. And his sister would’ve known that. Anger simmered to the surface of his consciousness again as he contemplated her selfish actions. She had him trapped, and she knew it. Anyone who’d been through what they had would have to have a heart of stone to surrender a helpless kid to strangers’ care. And though he was bitter, he wasn’t that hard. He wasn’t like his sister.
He had to take care of his niece, at least for the time being, until he could figure out what to do.
Feeling more like he was trapped in some bizarre dream than in real life, he walked toward the door. Arianna was still by his side, but the sexual tension had evaporated like water thrown on a hot skillet. Seducing her had quickly turned into helplessly accepting her offer of assistance. That made him feel pathetic, even though he knew he should just be grateful, for his niece’s sake, that Arianna was there and willing to help.
“Let me get that,” he said, stopping at the door when he realized that Arianna had crouched to place the baby back in her car seat. The thing was bulky and Arianna had to lean to one side just to pick it up.
His hand brushed hers as he grabbed the handle, relieving her of the burden. Her body heat warmed his fingers and fanned up his arm, reminding him of what he was missing out on. He’d spent months aching for her and now…
He’d be lucky if she ever came to him for so much as another tattoo after this. A baby on his doorstep – talk about a joykill.
“So how does this thing work, anyway?” he asked when they reached his car. A prickle of self-consciousness rippled down his spine as he stood there, staring at the backseat. He knew the car seat was supposed to be secured there, he just had no idea how. Standing there with the thing in one hand, it seemed like an impossible enigma. Was there a special strap or something?
“I think we’re missing a piece,” Arianna said. “There’s supposed to be a separate base that goes in the car.”
James stared toward the street, where the man who’d abandoned the baby had disappeared. “Fucking great.”
“Pretty much.”
“So how do I…”
“If you want, I can stay with the baby while you go shopping,” Arianna said.
He turned to face her, searching her eyes for any trace of something – what, exactly, he didn’t know. “You’d do that?”
“I just offered, didn’t I?”
“And you’re sure?”
She nodded. “It’s not a big deal. I have a niece and I’ve babysat her a few times. It’s not like I have any other plans for the evening.”
He winced internally. Yeah… So much for the plans they’d had. Something deep inside him ached, but he barely noticed, he was so busy worrying about the rock and the hard place his sister had trapped him between.
“Thanks a lot,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his keys. He removed one from the ring and handed it over to Arianna. “This is the key to the apartment.” He’d locked the door when they’d exited it. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
She nodded and he left her with the kid, the key and the diaper bag, feeling like a dick but knowing there was little else he could’ve done.
He drove in a daze, pulling into the nearest Target’s parking lot and taking the first space he saw. The spring air restored a little clarity to his thoughts, but all that disappeared when he reached the baby section. There was so much stuff… He gripped the handle of his cart in one hand and reached into his pocket with the other.
He called the first number on his speed dial list and breathed a sigh of relief when someone picked up on the third ring. “Hey Mina,” he said. “It’s James. Is Abby around?”
“She’s just finishing up with a client. Do you want me to give her a message when she’s done?”
“I need to talk to her. Can you ask her to call me back if she has time?” His guilt increased as he made the request, but he was desperate.
“Sure. I’ll let her know.”
“Thanks.”
After slipping his phone back into his pocket, he began wandering up and down the aisles. An errant wheel on his cart squeaked the entire time, providing the only noise. It seemed incredibly loud as he scanned a wall of boxes stacked upon boxes, all full of diapers. He grabbed a big one that had the word ‘newborn’ printed in bold type on one side. Surely they would fit. After choosing a package of wipes, he rounded the corner and entered the formula aisle.
He reached for his phone, ready to call Arianna and ask what brand had been in his niece’s bag. Just as he was about to dial, he realized he didn’t have her number. It was in the database at Hot Ink, but he didn’t have it on his cell. He considered calling Mina and asking for Arianna’s number, but that would’ve invited questions and he wasn’t ready to explain the bizarre situation he’d been thrust into. Swearing, he studied the containers lining the shelves, finally choosing one that looked like the one he’d dug out of the diaper bag.
Luckily, Abby called by the time he’d selected the formula.
“Hey,” he said, “I know this is gonna sound weird and I hate to bother you while you’re at work, but do you think you could tell me what kind of clothing a baby needs?” Abby had twins and was the only mother he knew well enough to ask.
A couple moments of silence ticked by, and James’ gut knotted. Had he lost the connection – had she hung up on him?
“Sure. Are you buying a gift?”
“Something like that. I need to pick up the basics for a baby – a newborn, I think.”
“Okay, well…” Abby talked and James listened, steering his cart through the clothing racks and trying desperately to grab everything she described.
“What about shoes?” he asked when a rack of tiny footwear caught his eye.
“Babies that young don’t really need shoes. Just some warm socks or footie pajamas.”
“Okay…” By the time she was done explaining, his cart was piled half full with stuff. According to Abby, babies went through several outfits a day. James tried to do the math on how much everything he’d grabbed would cost, but he’d moved too quickly. One thing was for sure – he was about to spend a shitload of money.
What was wrong with his sister – why couldn’t she have sent a suitcase instead of just a little bag?
But then, if she’d given a damn about her child at all, she never would’ve abandoned her in the first place.
“Thanks a lot, Abby.”
“It’s no problem. Did you get everything you need?”
“I think so.” He hoped so.
It wasn’t until he ended the call that he saw a crib and realized he needed something for the baby to sleep in.
There was no way he’d be able to fit a crib into his car though, so instead he half-panicked until he discovered a life-saver – something called a bassinette. It was a tiny little bed and the box said it was for kids up to five months. He piled one into his cart, grabbed a few small items – pacifiers, bottles, tiny nail clippers and baby soap – and headed for the register.
Halfway there, he had to turn back to buy some of the special purified water he was apparently supposed to make bottles with. When he had a couple gallons of that in his cart, he remembered that he was missing the part of the car seat that actually allowed it to go in the car. Figuring out which base he needed to buy was a small slice of hell that involved tracking down an employee for help and calling Arianna to figure out which brand and model of seat he had.
When he finally made his way to the front of the store, the cashier gave him a weird look. Then again, maybe he was just imagining it.
“Baby on the way, huh?” she asked, scanning a pair of little pink pajamas.
James’ tongue froze to the roof of his mouth. “New niece,” he finally said when he worked it free.
&nbs
p; The cashier’s eyebrows skyrocketed up to her hairline. “Wow. Wish I had a brother like you when I had my kids. You must really be close to your sister.” She scanned the box of diapers. “Or brother – whichever.”
A bitter taste crept into James’ mouth, but he didn’t say anything. Silence stretched, awkward and interrupted only by the soft beeping of the register.
“$389.16,” the cashier said when she’d bagged everything.
James refused to let himself wince as he dug out his wallet and ran his debit card through the scanner.
By the time he reached the parking lot, he’d stopped worrying about money. Instead, he thought of Arianna alone in his apartment with the baby. He’d been gone for a while; every time he’d been about to leave, he’d thought of something else he’d need. Now, he drove back in a hurry, on edge as he tried to think of something to say to Arianna. Something to make up for what he’d dragged her into, for the unspoken promises he hadn’t fulfilled.
Even now, his entire body heated as he imagined what they’d be doing now if things had gone according to plan. He couldn’t help the way he felt about her, couldn’t fight the attraction that gnawed at him, even now. Which sucked, because if anyone had ever blown their chances with a woman, he had that day – spectacularly – with Arianna.
CHAPTER 3
James tried and failed to carry everything inside in one trip. In the end, he had to leave the bassinet box behind. With all his other bags in hand and the diapers under one arm, he approached his apartment door and kicked – his hands were too full to knock.
Arianna answered the door with the baby in her arms. He’d been expecting as much, but the sight still made his tongue feel heavy and his chest uncomfortably tight.
“How did shopping go?” she asked before he could say anything. Her voice was soft – probably because the baby was asleep.
“Okay. I think.” He entered the apartment and set his half a dozen bags down on the living room floor, flexing his hands and willing the soreness out of them.
Baby things spilled out of his shopping bags, a pastel bounty he’d sacrificed a significant chunk of his checking account balance for. He didn’t mind so much when he looked at his niece – it wasn’t her fault she’d been born to a shitty mother – but his head still spun when he tried to wrap his mind around the situation.
“I’ve got one more thing in the car,” he said, disappearing outside again and fetching the bassinette.
Arianna was still there when he got back, of course, and he still had no idea what to say. “Thanks a lot,” he said, “for staying with her and everything.” It was the best he could come up with, and he meant it.
Arianna nodded. “It was no problem. She slept most of the time you were gone.”
Before James knew it, Arianna was approaching him. As she shifted her hold on the baby, clearly expecting James to take her, he realized he’d been wholly unprepared for this moment.
He didn’t even know how to hold a baby. Doing his best to imitate the way Arianna had done it, he cradled his niece in his arms, letting her head rest in the crook of one elbow. She was lighter than he’d imagined, and warmer. He couldn’t help studying her face for any signs of his sister, but it seemed too early to tell. Her rounded, chubby features could’ve belonged to any baby, and the swirl of dark brown hair peeking out from beneath her lopsided cap wasn’t anything like his sister’s long sheet of blonde strands.
She was just a baby – a person of her own. Not his sister, and not her father, whoever that was. The simple revelation struck James as he watched her eyelids flutter, so thin and pale he could see tiny blue veins branching across their delicate surfaces. In that moment, he felt profoundly sorry for her. How could anybody so tiny and helpless be so unwanted? It wasn’t fair.
“Is something wrong?” Arianna’s question snapped him out of his thoughts.
A thousand things that were wrong – with the situation, with the entire world – boiled to the surface of his thoughts, but the sentiments were too overwhelming to articulate.
“Someone abandoned a baby on my doorstep is all,” he said, trying for a little humor.
She didn’t laugh. “What are you going to do?”
He adjusted his hold, angling his arms more securely. “Take care of her for now, I guess.”
She nodded slowly, saying nothing.
What did the return of her silence mean – that she was tired of him and what he’d put her through? He couldn’t blame her, even if the thought did make his chest feel hollow.
“Well, I hope your sister gets her act together soon.”
Now it was James’ turn to nod, even though he knew there was a fat fucking chance of that. For someone who’d abandoned her newborn baby, getting her act together would be no small feat.
Arianna drifted over to the counter, picked up her purse and hitched it onto her shoulder.
James knew he had to say something. “I’m sorry things got so fucked up – that the night didn’t turn out like we expected.”
She paused, eyes locking with his. “Me too.”
Heat flared inside him, intense but fleeting. He didn’t have the balls to suggest that they pick up where they’d left off some other time. If it had been any other girl, he might have said it – might have said anything. But any other girl wouldn’t have stuck around, wouldn’t have sacrificed her evening to help him. Arianna was different, in a good way – that was more obvious than ever, now.
“You can call me, you know.”
James’ heart pounded.
“If you need any help with your niece, I mean. I’m not a baby expert, but if you don’t have anyone else…”
“Thanks.” He tried to rein in his disappointment. He didn’t have anyone else – not really. Abby was a good friend and probably knew everything there was to know about infants, but he couldn’t burden her with his problems when she had twins of her own and worked two jobs. No one else at Hot Ink had kids, and Hot Ink was his universe.
“I don’t have your number. I mean, it’s in the database at Hot Ink, but I don’t have it on me now.” He threw that out there, less embarrassed by having to ask her than he would’ve been by having to call in and ask Mina or Zoe for Arianna’s number.
“What’s yours?” She slipped her phone out of her purse. “I’ll call it now and then you’ll have mine in your phone.”
He recited his number and even though he was expecting it, the feel of his phone vibrating in his pocket made his hand twitch. Not many people had his number, so when his phone rang, he answered it. Not this time, though. Instead he kept cradling his niece, not daring to attempt a one-handed hold.
“Thanks,” he said. “I hate to say it, but you’ll probably hear from me. I don’t have a clue how to do any of this.” At least this way, he could choose who to call when he had a question – divide his queries between Abby and Arianna so that hopefully neither one of them would get too annoyed.
Her lips quirked in the barest hint of a smile. “I wouldn’t have given you my number if I minded. Feel free to call.”
“Thanks.” Repeating himself again, he felt like an idiot, but there was no question that she deserved his gratitude, and he wanted her to know he meant it.
“It’s no problem. Really.” She hitched her purse a little higher onto her shoulder, and he sensed her eagerness to leave.
Biting his tongue, he held his niece a little tighter, an automatic response to her squirming. One tiny fist hit him in the center of his chest, and he looked down at her chubby little face.
“Bet she’s hungry,” Arianna said.
“Already? She just ate.”
“Babies eat every couple hours – sometimes more.”
Shit. He’d had no idea. What would he have done if Arianna hadn’t been there – unintentionally starved the kid?
A wail cut through the silence, setting his nerves on instant edge. “Looks like you’re right. I’d better make a bottle.” He tried to inject confidence into his voice as he
panicked inwardly. The bottle-making supplies were on the counter, but his hands were full and he hadn’t set up the bassinette yet. In lieu of an actual bed, he settled on lowering the baby temporarily into her car seat.
Aware of Arianna’s gaze on his back, he poured some of the special water he’d bought at the store into a bottle and scanned the back of the formula container, doing a little math in his head. When he was sure he’d figured out how many scoops he’d need to add, he went ahead and dumped them in. “Am I supposed to throw this in the microwave or something?” he asked when he’d finished.
“It says on the formula container that that can be dangerous.”
James frowned, scanning the container. Arianna was right. Damn it, could he be any worse at this?
“She ate the other bottle at room temperature,” Arianna added, “but I bet you could warm it up a little by setting it in a bowl of warm water or something.”
He considered it, but the baby was screaming and the idea of making her wait any longer was beyond daunting. Scooping her up from her car seat, he cradled her awkwardly in one arm while holding the bottle in his other hand.
Luckily, she didn’t seem to have any qualms about the temperature. A sense of satisfaction rose up inside James. It was a victory, however small.
“Looks like you’ve got the hang of it.” Arianna moved toward the door.
His heart sank, growing heavier as he prepared to watch her walk away.
“What are you going to do tomorrow when you have to go to work?” she asked, pausing at the last second, one hand on the doorknob.
His gut lurched as he contemplated the question he’d been avoiding thinking about ever since he’d embarked on his shopping spree, effectively accepting the burden his sister had passed down to him. “I don’t have a damn clue.”
It was woefully true. He didn’t have to know anything about kids to know that he couldn’t afford day care, and even if he had the cash, what were the odds he’d be able to find a babysitter by the next day?
For a few moments, Arianna didn’t say anything.
Then she turned to face James. “I work from home, you know. I could watch her for you tomorrow if you want – help out while you figure out what you’re going to do long-term.”