by Ranae Rose
“You can’t see all my tattoos, either, but you don’t think these are the only ones I have, do you?” He raised his arms.
“Well, when you put it that way…” Something caught Arianna’s attention, just barely visible in the corner of her eye. Grateful for the excuse to look away, she turned and picked up the baby bottle from the kitchen counter. She’d almost forgotten about it. Now, she turned on the hot water and washed it, eyes fixed on the sink’s steel interior.
Maybe he was only teasing, but regardless, she couldn’t stop thinking about where his piercing might be if he did have one. Somewhere hidden by his clothing, obviously. Maybe her imagination was stunted, but she could only think of a couple places where that might be.
She’d spent enough time staring at him to know that his chest was smooth beneath his shirt, a flat surface without any bumps that might betray piercings there. No nipple rings, then. Which left…
Heat struck her, but not the heat of embarrassment this time. Instead, it was lust. Whether he was pierced or not, she’d come incredibly close to finding out. Now she’d probably never know. The thought weighed in her chest like a stone, dragging down her spirits.
When she turned around, drying the bottle with a paper towel, she nearly bumped into him.
His nearness shocked her into silence. When had he come so close? She could practically feel his body heat, could smell the soap on his skin and clothing. And she’d never had such a good look at his eyes, even when he’d been tattooing her. That realization heightened her surprise, and she couldn’t look or move away. Not that she wanted to.
She sensed his intent just like she sensed his heat, his scent. In the space of a few short seconds, the spark that had flared between them the day before was rekindled. Maybe it had been the conversation, the teasing – for the first time since James’ life had taken a turn for the unexpected, they’d spoken about something other than his new responsibility and the issues it raised. Whatever the reason, they were as close as two people could be without touching.
And then he did touch her, fingers brushing her arm, skimming down all the way to her wrist and settling on her hip.
CHAPTER 5
He pressed his lips against hers before she could react, sealing their first kiss with heat and just enough pressure to make her tingle all over. The unabashedly intimate contact was a welcome relief after what she’d endured for so many hours during their tattoo sessions: his hands on her body, fingertips veiled by the gloves he wore when he worked. The desire she’d felt for him then intensified to the point that it almost hurt now, and she melted against him, body pressing against the hard plane of his chest, her hip touching his.
He was even harder there – his cock pressed against her lower belly, unmissable. An extra burst of heat flared inside her as she remembered the way he’d teased her. Or maybe he hadn’t really been teasing. Between her jeans and his, she couldn’t tell if it was pierced. The thought ignited a potent sense of curiosity, and just thinking about seeing him naked sent tremors racing through her limbs, daring her to do something to make it happen.
Instead, she savored his kiss. He tasted like coffee, and his lips were hot from the mug, his tongue faintly sweet as he swept it between her lips, just barely touching hers.
The moment she responded, allowing their tongues to slip together, Emily cried.
It started out as a whine and quickly escalated into a wail – one that made it clear she didn’t appreciate being ignored.
It was as if a brick wall had been slammed between Arianna and James. They both turned toward Emily’s swing at the same time, bumping into each other and nearly tripping.
Arianna gripped James’ arm out of reflex in order to avoid falling on her face.
He sucked in a breath and reached out to steady her before rushing forward again, all without meeting her eyes.
As she stood tingling in the wake of his touch, he beat her to Emily. Scooping the baby up into his arms was all it took to reduce her crying to halfhearted sniffles.
For a few seconds, Arianna just stared. When she’d first met James, during their initial tattoo consultation nearly a year ago, she’d had a hard time looking away and an even harder time keeping him off her mind after she’d left. What she’d felt then was nothing compared to what she felt now.
The contrast of the tiny newborn and James’ large, hard frame was overwhelming and undeniably appealing to look at. Though he was obviously new to caring for a child, he handled his niece delicately. Why couldn’t all men be like him?
The thought came out of nowhere, hitting Arianna hard and shining light on a dark place she tried not to think about. Biting down on her inner lip, she turned to face the counter and picked up the bottle she’d recently washed. “You’d better feed her before you go, or she’ll probably get fussy in the car.”
She made the bottle while he held Emily, then handed it over to him, her fingertips shaking slightly when she was left empty handed.
Fifteen minutes passed by in silence, then the bottle was half empty and Emily was asleep in James’ arms.
“Thanks again,” he said as he strapped her into her car seat. “Like I said, I owe you.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she replied, another pang of unwanted emotion sailing through her chest.
He met her eyes. “You sure?”
“I told you I was. I’m not backing out now.”
He nodded. “Free tattoos for life. And piercings.” The barest hint of a smile played around the corners of his mouth, and his gaze roved briefly over her body before he met her eyes again. “And if you think of anything else you might want…”
Her body temperature seemed to rise by a few degrees, leaving her feeling half-fevered. She wasn’t sure if she loved or hated that she couldn’t tell for sure when he was teasing and when he wasn’t.
Before she could decide what he was serious about and what he wasn’t, he was gone.
* * * * *
James threw his phone down hard on the bed.
It bounced off a pillow and onto the mattress, unscathed, its screen still illuminated. According to it, his most recent call had lasted barely two minutes. He’d spent most of it on hold, and that was all it had taken to discover that the hospital in Philly where Emily had been born absolutely would not give him any information on Crystal. Not an address or a phone number – not even confirmation that she’d been a patient there just a month ago.
It wasn’t surprising – there were privacy laws and all that – but it was disappointing. He’d been wracking his mind for two days now, trying to figure out how to get in touch with Crystal, and calling the hospital where she’d given birth had been the best idea he’d been able to come up with.
Now, he had nothing, no way to get in touch with her.
Crystal might as well have never existed, except she’d left something of herself behind – her own flesh and blood.
He had no idea why she’d done it or where she’d gone, and he might never see or hear from her again.
In her bassinette beside the bed, Emily stirred, one little fist emerging from the blanket he’d wrapped her in and flailing. She opened her eyes, staring at him with dark blue irises that had yet to reveal their true color.
Bending at the waist, he scooped her out of her bed and held her. Contemplating what he’d do if Crystal never showed up, he felt more alone than he ever had when he’d had his apartment and his life all to himself.
* * * * *
11 Years Ago
Arianna had sweated more during the past 24 hours than she had in her entire life. At the moment, her perspiration was probably ruining the make-up she’d so carefully applied, eager to look better than she felt as she broached the most important conversation of her life.
“What’s your problem?” Cody asked, his breath hot against her neck.
Arianna’s breath caught in her throat, and although this was an obvious opportunity to confess, she stalled. “What do you mean?”
“You’re acting so lame today. It’s like you don’t want to do anything.”
Arianna looked up at Cody, and for once she didn’t wonder how much time she’d be able to talk her parents into letting her spend with him that week. Instead, she thought about the secret hidden away in the bottom of her purse – the positive pregnancy test she’d been smuggling around all day, feeling more like a drug lord than a Catholic highschool sophomore.
“I don’t feel very good,” she admitted.
“Well why’d you come over then? I thought you wanted to have fun.” He flopped back onto his bed, breathing a sigh of disappointment. A movie they weren’t watching blared in the background, the only noise in his bedroom for several long moments.
“I wanted to talk to you,” she said. After school, she’d had to beg her parents to let her go to Cody’s place. She’d only gotten away with it because she’d promised he’d help her with her algebra homework. Presumably, they’d believed he’d be some help because he was a senior and earning B minuses in calculus.
“About what?” He remained on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
When Arianna had imagined this conversation, it had involved eye contact. Biting back a sigh of frustration, she stood up and moved so that he could see her, sinking down onto the edge of the bed beside him just in time to hide the fact that her legs were wobbling.
“Is it about that party Brandon’s having on Friday? ‘Cuz I don’t see why your parents won’t let you go, but I’m not going to miss out just because they’re being—”
“No.” A sick feeling struck Arianna, but for once, she couldn’t chalk it up to the nausea typical of pregnancy. “Cody…” She studied his face, searching for the look she’d seen there when he’d made her heart skip beats, when he’d listened to her talk about her frustrations with her parents and sister and agreed that they were unfair. When he’d kissed her, making her forget about it all.
Right now, she couldn’t see the boy who’d made her feel so special, but maybe that was just because she was so stressed out. As tongue-tied as she was now that it came down to it, she longed to share her burden with him, to feel his arms around her and hear him tell her that it would be okay, just like he’d done a few weeks ago when she’d gotten into a big fight with her mom. The memory of his reassurances loosened her tongue a little, fortifying her resolve.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, gripping her purse. “I…”
He met her eyes, and her heart picked up pace. A million seconds seemed to slip by in silence before she finally said it: “I’m pregnant”.
It didn’t take nearly so long for him to answer. “No you’re not.”
She had to turn his simple reply over in her mind several times, and even then, it didn’t make sense. “Yes I am.”
He looked at her like she’d just told him she’d been abducted by aliens. “Are you joking?”
His disbelief sliced right through her, cutting to the quick. “No. Why would you think I’d joke about something like this?”
He shook his head and looked away, swearing under his breath. “So are you saying it’s mine?”
“Yes.” Her voice came out quiet and strained, though a part of her felt like screaming. “Who else’s would it be?”
He shrugged, and her heart caved in. “I can’t believe you think I’d cheat on you! You know you’re the only person I’ve ever been with.”
Even more disturbing than his insinuation was the fact that he didn’t seem at all bothered by it. Arianna’s head spun, and she gripped her own arms, willing a fresh bout of nausea to go away. It didn’t, and she had to hurry down the hall to his bathroom. When she emerged, he was waiting.
The horrible tension spiraling in her middle eased a little as she waited for him to snap out of whatever was wrong with him, to finally reach out and touch her.
“At least you realized early on,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
He stared pointedly at her belly. “I mean, you’re not even fat yet. It should be easy to get rid of it.”
A deeper sense of sickness gripped her then, and she knew no amount of vomiting would dispel it. The world blurred around her, though Cody’s words rang in perfect clarity, a death sentence not to their unborn child, but to everything she’d believed and clung to – everything she’d treasured.
“I can’t believe you,” she said. “What’s – what’s wrong with you?”
“Well it’s not like I’m going to be stuck with some baby,” he said, as if that explained everything.
“I…” The oasis of comfort she’d longed for all day had turned out to be nothing more than a mirage, and the discovery threatened to bring her to her knees. She searched for the right words to convey a disappointment deeper than she’d known was possible, a disillusionment so harsh it seemed to have stripped the very skin from her body, leaving her one giant, walking wound.
Her mind was a dry well, the perfect English and passable Spanish she spoke both utterly insufficient. There were no words to describe what she felt as she stared at the stranger who’d just said the unthinkable. She couldn’t say whether her heart was actually broken, because all she could feel in its place was a vast, aching emptiness that swallowed her as she stood there, more alone than she’d ever been.
* * * * *
Standing at Arianna’s apartment door with a baby cradled in one arm and a bouquet in the other, James felt so nervous he might as well have been 18 instead of 28. The flowers had been an impulse buy, something he’d picked up at the grocery store on his way over, where he’d stopped to make an emergency baby wipes purchase.
It was amazing how quickly the kid went through those things. Over the past week, he’d used an entire economy sized package. Baby supplies had definitely put a dent in his budget already, and yet, he’d picked up the flowers without even glancing at the price tag.
Maybe it was the fact that the red carnations included in the bundle of blossoms reminded him a little of the marigolds he’d inked into Arianna’s skin just a week ago. Or maybe it was just that anything beautiful had a way of turning his thoughts to her. Either way, the flowers had caught his eye and he hadn’t been able to resist buying them for her.
Now, he second-guessed the wisdom of that whim. He owed her so much… A bouquet from the grocery store’s little floral section next to the pharmacy wasn’t even a drop in the bucket. What if it seemed like an insult instead of a show of his appreciation?
And then there was the fact that his appreciation was only part of the reason why he’d bought the flowers. Not so deep down, he wished he was dating her – ached to romance her, somehow. The warm weight in the crook of his arm reminded him of exactly why that wasn’t going to happen. In his mind, he relived his and Arianna’s one and only kiss anyway.
God, it’d felt good to press his lips to hers, to taste her. He’d have done it again if there hadn’t been the distraction of Emily, plus the weight of all that he owed Arianna – roughly equivalent to the weight of the world – between them. He hadn’t been able to resist doing it at least once, but she’d babysat five days for him since then, and every day deepened his debt to her. He didn’t dare take advantage of her in a whole new way when she was already doing so much for him. God knew she was probably getting sick of seeing his face as it was.
Gripping the bouquet, he knocked with the flowers in hand. Shaken, the blossoms released a subtle perfume. The scent reminded him of how her hair had smelled when he’d kissed her.
By the time she opened the door, his mouth was watering at the remembered taste of her. Maybe it was weird to feel that way when he was in charge of Emily, but taking care of her was a 24/7 job, and he was only human. He couldn’t just shut off what made him tick because of his new responsibilities, and he couldn’t shut off his feelings for Arianna, either.
“Hey.” She stood in the doorway, looking characteristically gorgeous in jeans and a plain white cami that let the colorful ink on her arms take cent
er stage, drawing the eye.
“Hey.” One would’ve thought he’d gotten used to seeing her almost every day, but that wasn’t the case. Standing there, he stared.
“What are those?”
He looked down, following her gaze.
The flowers. Shit. Had he really forgotten about them in the two seconds it’d taken her to open the door?
Maybe more blood had migrated away from his brain than he’d realized. To distract her from that fact, he thrust the bouquet at her. “They’re for you.” He started to say some bullshit about how they were meant to show his thanks for all the help she’d given him, but his tongue froze to the roof of his mouth.
He just couldn’t bring himself to say it, because as she accepted the bouquet, her fingers brushed his and that was all it took to make him realize that buying the flowers had had everything to do with the fact that he longed to seduce her, no matter how unconducive the circumstances.
Logically, he knew he was off to a shitty start, as far as romance went. He’d dug himself into a deep hole, and clawing his way out so that he could stand on equal footing with her would be one hell of a job. Maybe somehow, though, if he—
“They’re beautiful.” Arianna smiled, and it reached all the way to her eyes, causing them to shine and crinkle a little at the corners. “Thanks.”
“I, uh—” Her smile shot his hopes way up, filling his head with improbable scenarios. His tongue remained uncooperative – not that he could think of anything to say that didn’t sound fucking idiotic, anyway.
Emily squirmed in his arms, and he readjusted her against his chest.
“Are you going to come in or what? That bag looks heavy.”
In truth, his mind barely registered the weight of the diaper bag he’d slung over one shoulder.
“Is today some sort of special occasion?” Arianna asked as she pulled the apartment door shut.