by Gigi Moore
She couldn’t imagine what she would have done had she been forced to choose between Noah and her father. And she’d never had to find out because her father had taken the decision out of her hands and sent Noah away. She could just envision how her mother must have felt when her family turned their backs on her because she loved the wrong person.
She felt the same way when her father looked at her with distaste at the idea of her and Jess and Jax together.
How would her mother feel about it? Would she be as disgusted and judgmental despite what her own parents had done to her, despite what her family had forced her to give up?
Her mom pulled away from her, holding her at arm’s length as she looked at her for a long moment before thumbing Tamara’s tears away. “I know it’s a lot to ask, especially as despicably as I’ve treated you and your father, but do you think you could find it in your heart to forgive me for leaving you?”
Tamara had a sudden flash of her father in the hospital and his last words to her before he coded. He’d asked her to forgive her mother and to forgive him. “I already have.”
* * * *
Jess watched the two women crying and hugging each other, his own throat clogging up with emotion. He turned his back and quietly left, unwilling to invade Jasmine and Tamara’s privacy anymore than he already had.
He wished he could be more hopeful about the outcome of Jasmine’s conversation with her daughter, but he wasn’t. It heartened him to know they had finally gotten together and that Tamara had forgiven her mother. But he functioned under no illusions that Tamara had or would forgive him and Jax or that she would reconsider staying on the ranch.
Jess didn’t know why he believed this the end of the road as the situation concerned Tamara and her relationship with him and Jax, but he did.
“Jasmine and Tamara still going at it?” Jax asked.
Jess stopped in his tracks, jerked up his eyes to see his brother standing in front of him. Had Jax not spoken Jess thought he probably would have walked right into his brother.
Jax frowned and stared at him. “You okay?”
“About as okay as I’m going to get.”
“It didn’t go well?”
“It went well for Tamara. I don’t know what it means for us, but I’m happy for her. She deserves to have her mother back.”
Jax nodded, looked about as bad as Jess felt.
Jess didn’t want to give up like this, realized he had been dragging around the last couple of weeks like a dog with his tail between his legs, beaten and defeated. This wasn’t him. Maybe it had been, when he’d been young and could do nothing about Tamara leaving. But he wasn’t a kid anymore. He claimed manhood and had something at stake and the means to get what he wanted if he really put his mind and heart to it. His mind and heart wanted Tamara to stay.
“I’m not letting her go, Jax. I’m not letting this end here. You with me?”
Jax looked at him and grinned. “What do you have in mind?”
Jess told him.
Chapter 31
Two Months Later…
Tamara didn’t waste time trying to put her whole home-going experience behind her.
She went back to the office and to work the day after she arrived home to New York against numerous arguments from the firm’s senior partners. Of course their arguments hadn’t been too strident. They’d been only too glad to see their number one litigator back at work and watched her throw herself back into the grind, trying cases and bringing money into the firm’s coffers. Money, of course, remained the name of the game.
Tamara had accepted this as an evil of her job, had accepted it a long time ago and gladly jumped back into the grind. The situation called for busyness—either go to work and keep herself busy or stay home, mourn and remind herself every day she stayed away from work of exactly what she had left behind in Colorado.
She hadn’t just given up her inheritance or left behind her dead father, or her mother and two younger sisters she hadn’t known existed before recently. She had left behind her heart and her future. As much as she wanted to deny this, she couldn’t, and despite her burying herself in her work, she knew she couldn’t bury her feelings for the two young men she’d left behind.
She’d assumed that she could settle back into her career and her life in New York and things would go back to normal just because she wanted them to. She compartmentalized well, after all, had been doing it most of her life, but especially once she left home to go to school in New York. She compartmentalized so well sometimes she’d been accused of having a split personality.
Tamara didn’t even think a split personality would save her from her grief. The pain and the regret embedded themselves in her psyche too deep to just forget.
She couldn’t even console herself that she had done the right thing for all the right reasons. No matter how many times she counted the pros and cons of her relationship with Jess and Jax, no matter how many times the pros came up short, she knew in her heart what she needed to do to make things right between them all.
She loved them, belonged to them body, heart and soul as surely as she belonged to her mother and her father through blood. She knew for certain that they belonged to her, that they wanted nothing more than for her to stay at the ranch. But she had turned her back on them, had taken the easy way out and come back home.
Not that leaving had been all that easy. Saying goodbye to Jess and Jax had been the hardest thing she’d had to do next to saying goodbye to them eighteen years before.
Of course, this time, they were eighteen years older and seemed to take her departure with more equanimity than they had as nine-year-olds. In fact, they didn’t seem as torn up about her departure as she had been—continued to be.
Tamara looked at the phone on her polished cherry wood desk, fingers itching to pick up the receiver and dial the ranch.
How many times had she had a receiver or her cell phone in hand ready to speed dial her childhood home just to hear some familiar voices? And how many times had she discounted doing what should have come second nature because she couldn’t come up with a ready excuse for her to call The Double R? It wasn’t as if she’d left on bad terms, if you didn’t consider jilted lovers bad terms. Her family lived there after all.
Come to think of it, what kind of turncoats did her mother and sisters turn out to be to stay at the ranch even after she’d left?
Tamara understood Maia had a particular fascination with the cowboys she had up until that point met at the ranch, and that she’d wanted to prolong her stay to explore it. Coupled with their Mom and sister’s wish to live where Tamara had spent the bulk of her life had been enough reason for the three of them to stay behind.
Tamara wondered what they all did now.
Had Jess and Jax done, as promised, finally shown Maia the finer points of riding a horse? Had Desiree finally managed to loosen up enough to get acquainted with the cowboys and the concept of roughing it? Tamara doubted it, smiling at the idea of her stuffy younger sister donning cowgirl gear and mounting a horse.
Desiree hadn’t mastered either activity by the time Tamara had left for New York. She doubted her sister had changed much in the interim.
Tamara closed her eyes at the pain that suddenly invaded her chest at the idea of her sisters enjoying the company of Jess and Jax when she couldn’t.
Scratch that. Not couldn’t—she wouldn’t allow herself to enjoy their company. She had denied herself when she left. It wasn’t her sisters’ fault that she acted stubborn and continued to be short-sighted.
Maybe James had been right to get out while he could. She obviously didn’t know her own mind, didn’t know a good thing—or in her case, two good things—when she had it.
She wondered how she could be so logical and clear-headed when it came to her job, but the exact opposite when it came to her love life. She’d thought herself logical, seeing all sides of the situation when she left rather than just the side that said she loved Jess and Jax an
d should stay with them on that basis alone.
Her father had given her the perfect excuse to stay, outside of love, by leaving her shares of his stake in the ranch and his house. But with her father and his executor being so efficient and organized, the case had avoided probate altogether, allowing Tamara to refuse her bequest and leave everything behind without any legal strings to keep her in Colorado—a blessing and a curse.
The intercom on Tamara’s phone sounded, and she caught herself jumping as if from a shock, hand hovering over the receiver. She pressed down the intercom button and the crisp voice of David Frakt’s secretary sounded over the speaker.
“Tamara, David would like to see you in his office.”
“I’ll be right there,” she said without a second thought. She remained eager to get away from her desk and have something to constructive do.
She’d managed to catch up with her work and take on a new lucrative client since she had arrived back without ever once meeting her reclusive patron—thanks to the convenience of e-mail and cell phones. Oh the joys of technology.
However, Tamara knew that sooner or later she’d have to meet with her client, if only to have the woman—at least the client sounded like a female on the phone—sign off on official documents in her presence. The validity of e-mails could only go so far. But for now she just contented herself in the knowledge that J. Pines’ substantial checks cleared without any difficulties and the firm and Tamara always got paid on time.
Tamara walked down the plush-carpeted, cream hallways on her way to David’s, stopping to chat with a couple of clerical staff here or nodding her head at other lawyers there before she finally arrived at the area just outside the senior partner’s office.
“You can go right in, Tamara. He’s waiting for you.”
“Thanks, Dorothy.” Hand on the knob, she took a deep breath before she opened the door. She went into the posh burgundy and cream corner office of the firm’s youngest partner. Next to her own stellar track record, David proved one of the major reasons Tamara had been allowed to go home to Colorado for so long without worrying about job security.
She knew David had spoken for her at the partners’ weekly meetings, though at the time she hadn’t been as concerned about her career as she had been about her father. Now she didn’t have that concern hanging over her head. No, she only worried about the shambles she had made out of her love life now.
Was it too late to go back, tell Jess and Jax that she loved them and she wanted to make a go of it? Two months didn’t seem like particularly long to ask a man to wait, but then she’d never come out and given them hope that she considered being with them. She’d pretty much severed all ties, and Jess and Jax had followed her lead. They had every right to move on with their lives and take love where they could find it. It just pained her to think that they had.
Jax didn’t strike her as particularly patient in most things, but she wasn’t sure how much he had changed where affairs of the heart existed, wasn’t sure how much being with her had changed him.
She’d like to think she’d left an impression on the brothers that wasn’t easily forgotten, like to believe she hadn’t left a bad taste in their mouths and completely turned them off of love.
David stood in front of the window with his back to her, Bluetooth headset securely in his ear as he spoke to someone on the other end.
She admired his broad back, the freshness of his white, designer shirt, sleeves rolled up just below the elbows.
Tamara had always found him attractive, in a purely blond, blue-eyed, aesthetic and different kind of way, nothing on the level of how attractive she found Jess and Jax. Those two boys gave hot, sexy and lust whole new meanings. It would have been easy to discount her feelings for them as just lust if there wasn’t anything else to them, but there was so much to them besides the physical.
She respected their work ethic, respected that they loved what they did, and that they brought so many people joy during the course of a day. She enjoyed their smiles and diverse personalities and senses of humor. She admired their intellect and sharp tongues when they engaged in word play in or out of the bed with her. But must of all, she liked the way they felt, smelled and tasted after sex, enjoyed the protected way she felt cuddling next to them and knowing that she remained the most important thing in the world to them at the end of the day.
Did she need any more proof than this that she loved them?
Tamara swallowed hard then cleared her throat to let David know she stood in the room. “David, you wanted to see me?”
“Tamara! Great! Have a seat. I’ll be right with you.”
She sat down in one of the Eames chairs before his large maple desk, listening as he began wrapping up his call while he made his way behind the desk and took a seat.
He smiled at her, and her heart leapt for no other reason than she hungered for affection from the opposite sex.
This wasn’t good. She couldn’t go around mooning over one of her bosses just because he showed her a little warmth no matter how sweet and idealistic she thought him.
But before she could further castigate herself for her emotional indiscretion, David’s look turned serious and probing as he leaned forward in his seat and folded his hands on his desk. “How are you doing? And before you give me the old party line about everything being fine and work being the best therapy, I’m interested in knowing how you’re really doing.”
Tamara just smiled, thinking she could make him regret his question if she gave him what he wanted. Finally, she just shrugged. “I’m about as well as can be expected, I suppose.”
“That good, huh?”
“You asked.”
He chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “I have some news that I think might cheer you up a little.”
Tamara frowned. “What kind of news?”
“Ms. Pines’…sons convinced her to end her seclusion to come in for a visit and discuss in detail her latest venture.”
Tamara’s heart started to race. Nothing like meeting a “new” client and love to make it go pitter-patter. She supposed she’d have to settle for just the former for now. “What venture?”
“Ms. Pines is interested in investing in a ranch in Colorado.”
Her heart beat even faster at mention of the location. “I’m a New York attorney.”
“She’s perfectly aware of that, but wants you on this particular undertaking. I’ve even suggested some of our contracted lawyers and referred her to counterparts in that state, as much as it pained me to do so. But she wants you to handle this deal.”
At Tamara’s long, confused silence, David added, “Of course there’s a considerable commission involved should this transaction go through successfully.”
“Why does she need a lawyer on the deal? I mean, is there some issue with the property?”
“Why don’t I let her explain things to you? She’s waiting in the conference room with two young men I’m sure you’ll want to meet.”
“Her sons?”
“None other.”
Something smelled fishy to Tamara, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on why she felt this way and didn’t dare voice her suspicions to David. What if her doubts proved unfounded? She’d come off irrational and paranoid—not good looks for a lawyer who handled multi-million-dollar deals on a regular basis.
Tamara got up and stared at the door behind David’s desk that led to the conference room. Her heart pounded erratically in her chest.
Why did she feel like there was more to this than just what involved her job?
Was it because David looked at her with a genuine smile on his face and not one of those suck-up-to-you-despite-how-I-feel-becase-you’re-an-excellent-lawyer-and-I-need-you-on-this-deal looks that the other partners gave her sometimes when they thought she wasn’t looking?
Tamara approached the door, put her hand on the knob and glanced back at David, whose smile hadn’t left his lips. In fact, it reached his eyes and made them twinkle.
He looked like a father walking his daughter down the aisle—proud and pleased.
“You’re not coming?”
“I’ll be right out here just in case, but I think you can handle this group on your own.”
She nodded and opened the door, stepped inside and had a moment to close it behind her before the two men standing on the other side of the room at the head of the conference table turned to face her, and she realized who stared back at her.
Before she could register her surprise, the woman sitting between them in the chair swiveled around to face Tamara too, a wide grin splitting her beautiful features.
Tamara grinned, not feeling duped, just intense joy and relief. “Ms. Pine, I presume?”
“That’s Mom to you.”
“And these are your sons?” Tamara waved her hand at Jess and Jax as they circled the table and purposefully advanced on her from opposite sides.
“More like future sons-in-law, but I won’t quibble if you won’t.”
Tamara had so many questions, the least of which, how they had managed to drag David in on their scheme. “Are you really interested in investing in The Double R?”
“I consider it an investment in the future. And these two gracious gentlemen have agreed to sell me the shares that would have gone to you.”
Tamara arched a brow. “You’re going to live on the ranch?”
Her mother shrugged, a cagey look in her eyes. “At least some of the time. I have to admit it makes a nice summer getaway.”
Compared to The Hamptons or Bermuda, she wasn’t so sure, especially not for someone as urbane as her mother, but whatever floated her mother’s boat.
She turned to Jess as he paused in front of her, felt the heat of Jax’s presence behind her, butterflies fluttering in her stomach as if this were their first time together.