*
“Poor Mark, he’ll never understand that beautiful women like Robin will always seek a dull husband rather than one who’s brilliant, or privileged, or educated, because beautiful women sleep easy with dullards. And by beautiful, we mean physically beautiful.”
It was Sharon explaining events taking place on earth to ex-husband Hank who had predictably surfaced next to Sharon, in Heaven, immediately after his heart attack. Predictably, because, Sharon, one of the privileged angels in her Paradise section of Heaven, had petitioned to have Hank join her when he became available.
“I could’ve been someone important if you had loved me Sharon.”
It was the first thing he had said to Sharon when first seeing her in Heaven.
“Like what, Hank? What would you have liked to have been?”
“Well, I could have been a Senator, or maybe the mayor of Los Angeles.”
“But you were the star quarterback of Magnolia High; why would you have wanted to lower your goals, my love,” wickedly said Sharon.
“Fuck the star quarterback shit,” said a regretful Hank. “Boy that was a lot of horseshit they fed us in high school,” and he cried dry tears because he was a pure spirit in Heaven and there are no tears in Paradise. But apparently there is regret in Heaven.
“But think, Hank, you are an angel in Paradise now! Surely that’s more than being the mayor of Los Angeles?”
“Have you seen God,” he asked his ex-wife Sharon who seemed to know a lot about their predicament. When they were alive, his wife knew a lot about these things.
“You’re my god,” said Sharon and she immediately realized that once again she had lied to poor Hank because at that very moment she had been thinking of Claudio who in her present state of Paradise had become a continuous luminous presence. Her mind was always with Claudio behind the bar.
Funny thing, Hank thought of Claudio too; he looked at Sharon and once again realized that she was truly heavenly. It was like old times when he libidinously knocked on her door and she was absent.
Then they made love. It was the first time that Sharon and Hank had made spiritual love and she had to admit that it was overly exaggerated because there was no mystery to it.
“Whadyuo wanna do now?” said Hank.
Chapter Twenty One
Like his weddings, there had been no loud soundings of the trumpets during Hank Merker’s cremation. His parents and a younger sister briefly wiped dry tears away at the sight of his corpse lying cold in his casket in the funeral parlor, but, since they had shied away from making any requests about the funeral, they left the details of the cremation to Robin. Hank’s parents had never recovered from the disappointment of their son not making it as a star quarterback in the NFL. To them, he had died long before, when he was denied football scholarships and, then again, when he married Sharon against their wishes. It wasn’t that they had anything against Sharon, they hardly knew her, but they thought their son not ready for marriage, just out of high school. Nonetheless, Mr. Merker did loan Hank his first two thousand dollars for his hot dog stand, a decision he regretted all his days. Old man Merker secretly had wished that Hank not make it. In a final memorial to his son, Mr. Merker shook his head in disapproval of a wasted life, rather than in pain of his loss. He remembered teaching his son how to throw a melon; and after the heavy melon, the football was a snap.
The arrangements for the cremation were left to the funeral home that Robin had paid upfront before the event. No details were provided for Hank’s remains and his ashes were dumped in the back alley garbage can. From a very early age it had been apparent that Hank was not made of the right stuff and rightfully he had paid for his unrealistic expectations of NFL Hall of Fame immortality. To put it simply, life for Hank had been a trap.
Chapter Twenty Two
“How’s Mark?” asked Myrna.
The three friends were enjoying each other’s company, as they always had, their table facing a blazing sunset that was fast fading over the tranquil Pacific. They took their shades off to gorge their hearts with the warmth of the light magenta Santa Monica sky before the sun would disappear into the huge Pacific. The setting sun was gentle and sweet as the three friends, and the effect was ethereal. They were sitting at the Le Bistro Café on PCH, richly dressed as always. They had been driven there by Kitty whose idea it was to get together for they hadn’t seen each other since Robin’s wedding to Mark. It felt good being together again, but watching the disappearing sun was heart breaking to the magic spell of their beauty. Like the day coming to the end, they too felt a bit lethargic.
“You know … he’s fine. You know how it is with men. Hank was his best friend and he keeps repeating that once you die people forget you and your life ends,” said Robin.
“Duh, there’s a twist; once you die, your life ends,” said Kitty. “Jesus, you sure pick them, Robin.”
“He keeps saying that he will never forget Hank … and then he sometimes cries,” said Robin her voice weakening.
“He sounds queer to me,” said Kitty, and she gave a wink towards Myrna. “I mean, he’s not a Hank, is he?”
“Well, he keeps telling me he especially wants to fuck you, Kitty,” said Robin.
There was a moment of silence. Kitty felt disgusted at the soft proposal. She took a nice big swig of her martini and said, “Are you pulling my leg, Robin?”
“You don’t have one, Kitty,” laughed Myrna.
And then, as in the days past, together, they all laughed.
They were back and they were hot; three beautiful women, pathological victims of their own good looks; sexually powerful women who since adolescence were intertwined in a fateful friendship expected to last forever. Their charm was full of attraction; but they could also be cold bitches, for all beauty is stone cold and immortal in its indifference. Again they were in form: predatory women born into rich unhappy homes who enjoy crushing male weaknesses. They were the best friends, for forever, and they wished that Sharon was there with them.
“I wonder if God forgives narcissism,” said Robin. “If not, poor Sharon is swimming in Hell.”
They all giggled a nervous little sound that aimed at being laughter.
“Claudio said that he wants to go back to Sicily,” laughed Kitty. And then they all laughed aloud together with her.
They were in tune to each other; it was like holding hands back in high school again.
“He said he misses the Mediterranean sun and beaches, except he says ‘bitches’”, said Kitty with huge hilarity.
“It must be the olive oil,” said Robin.
“What an idiot,” said Myrna, “as if any of us cares.”
“Especially Kitty,” said Robin.
“Wouldn’t it be great if Heaven were like this,” said Myrna as she stared deeply into the now almost purple Pacific.
The martinis were getting as melancholic as the friends under the stare of the fast setting sun, and the soft splashing of the nearby tides as they beached on the shore. Whatever thoughts the girls had or spoke seemed insufficient to the fading day.
“Forget it Myrna,” said Kitty. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
“And go where?” said Myrna.
“I don’t care! Somewhere where there’s more action than this deadbeat barn pretending to be a ‘bistro’” said Kitty and they all laughed. “Bistros are for old winos.”
“What about Claudio? Won’t he miss you when you’re late?” said Robin.
“Fuck him,” said Kitty.
“What about your Mark,” asked Myrna?
“Fuck him too,” said Robin.
“OK, let’s go do them both tonight; scare the shit out of both of them,” laughed Myrna.
They decided to go have martinis in the new international terminal of LAX. Driving in the car pool lane in the mellowness of the twilight and the Le Bis
tro martinis, for three seconds Kitty’s brain suffered a syncopated event and went into darkness. Her Mercedes, on its own, swerved out of the car pool lane and was immediately crushed by a semitrailer truck barrelling on the 405 at 75 mph. The three friends died instantly, forever.
Chapter Twenty Three
All Heaven was before their eyes’ and they were all ecstatically happy being together again, and this time, truly best friends forever. Their Heaven was a Paradise full of pleasures, a magnificent Garden of Magnolia High Eden. Sharon, Robin, Myrna, and Kitty were all alive in a Paradise of eternal fantasy more beautiful than any vivid imagination. They walked in friendship, holding hands, feeling breathless in the forest of their Garden. Trees of plums, and pears, and red pomegranates, twin and triplet cherries, burgundy figs, wild strawberries and blueberries, purple and yellow-green grapes, and three hundred types of peaches; pink flowering almond trees competing with the claret blossoms of the pomegranates, and the silver leaves of the sweet olive. Does with their fawns, curly white haired lambs, and kids nipping the endless variety of leaves and flowers; larks, and nightingales, the song of the blackbird, and white doves all in a row; every kind of luscious temptation to satisfy the pleasures of the spirit. And all the while, there were many rainbows across the Heavens to break the dullness of the bluest of skies that fluttered full of the many colored butterflies.
In time, besides the four best friends, with them were Hank, and Mark, and Rick, and Todd, and in brief, all the Magnolia High School friends and buddies that played on the team, too many to count by name but very welcomed additions. In effect, Sharon’s Paradise was the reunion of their high school crowd.
“Sharon, do you remember when we were in high school and you told us how sometimes your breasts felt like grapes? Well, that’s how mine feel right now, with all these naked guys around us,” said Myrna.
“What a lovely thought,” said Robin. “Imagine, grapes for breasts, with wine coming out of them for anybody suckling them. Wine, so much better than mother’s milk,” said Kitty.
“Did you have anyone in mind, Kitty” said Sharon.
“We all know that we’re all gonna be fucking Hank all day long, for a long time.”
“You just have to have a vivid imagination,” smiled Sharon.
“I believe it can be said that Heaven is the original virtual reality,” said Robin.
“Remember, Kitty, first in and not last out,” said Myrna and they all laughed.
And so it was. He was the desired squeeze of all the girls. It was the trophy of being high school Mr. Popular, an accolade that obligates you to display even beyond life. The earthy sinful desire kept secret when alive, now made pure in Heaven, for all the friends to fuck Hank as often as they wished, without the jealousy of who is whose, for there’s no mine or yours, and everybody is everybody’s to be happily shared eternally. The friends, ethereal spirits now, shared and enjoyed the carnal love of Hank, and Phil, and Mark, and the rest of the team, and at times, even Albert and crazy Milton, who refused to abandon his schizophrenia and always threatened to join the Heaven of the Holy Prophets instead of Sharon’s.
“There’s no serious commitment, no monogamy, in Paradise,” said Sharon who somehow knew of these things even when she was still on earth. “Think of it as a new experience, undemanding, with no obligations; a new way of enjoying the pleasures of beauty especially made for the common man. Our Paradise in Heaven is full of pleasures and everything in our Garden, including us, is to be enjoyed by each of us without being tainted.”
“Sharon, have you seen Him?” asked Robin.
“Well, I think so. What I saw was mostly light. But it was light emanating from ‘jasper’ and ‘carnelian’, and there were ‘emeralds’ all around as if a rainbow of jewels; and in front and all around there was a ‘crystal sea’ above which chanted thousands of angels with bright shiny faces, and right in the middle there was a white dove …”
“Bless you, Sharon, that’s quite a revelation,” said Kitty.
“Ask her if she ever saw the four horsemen of the Apocalypse,” asked Phil.
“Not while I’ve been dead, but when I was alive, I had a dream, once, that I saw the white horse and its horseman – you know they stand for conquest - hovering over me in the desert and I was afraid until I understood that I too was a conqueror …”
“Conquerors are terrible people, Sharon,” cursed a Biblical Phil.
“You’re an asshole, Phil,” said Myrna.
“There are no rectums in Heaven, Myrna,” said Phil.
Naturally, all present agreed. There was no reason why spirits should have rectums. They all thought about that for a second and in unison realized: where’s the fun in no shit to sling at each other? No rectums, no sweet smelling shit in Heaven. Melancholia set in, a strange phenomenon in non-repressed Heaven.
Instead relief was found in the dear heart throbbing school song
“Go Magnolia, go Magnolia …” and here all the friends led by Kitty, and the whole team in Paradise, reverberated the dear nostalgic song “… best school in the land, we’re behind you, cheering for you, can’t you hear the band? Rah, rah, rah … Gooooh Tigers!”
For the first three million years they sang their Alma mater song in Heaven before getting tired of it.
*
Claudio and David, even after death, were never there to sing the school song because they were never part of Magnolia High and so they were never part of the ‘in crowd’. One day after they both had settled in the Med, he in Sicily, David in Sardinia, quite by chance, they met over martinis in the Carlton Hotel in Cannes. Justine and Meredith were with them and they all looked spectacularly stunning in their summer tans. The girls wore light, cotton, full summer skirts and underneath commando. Claudio guessed and David knew. They renewed their old acquaintance into a warm friendship and together over their first summer together, they bought a small villa on Santorini where they spent many a summer day and summer month over the next several years. It was a cosmopolitan sharing affair with Justine and Meredith at the center, shamelessly hot aboard one or the other of their yachts from which they all went skinny dipping off their boats, morning, noon, and evening, throughout the long Aegean hot summer seasons. The girls couldn’t help it; they were always hot; they got used to the good life that a lot of money buys, and the warm sun felt so good over their glistening bodies. In their summer love games, Meredith became the favorite of Claudio who reminded David of an old saying that the “greener the wood, the fiercer the fire.”
The endless Aegean sailings were summers full of pleasures allotted only to the rich. Their luxurious easy access made for a long life for David and Claudio, and for Justine and Meredith, whose unblemished skin beauty became the main organ of their golden bodies, a sun drenched treasure awkward lacking in spiritual Heaven. And the in-crowd that often looked down from their Heavenly perch painfully resented the awareness of the desire that can only be felt in the touch of the human skin.
“Give us this day our daily pleasure as it is on earth, so let it be the same in Heaven,” prayed Kitty from her Heavenly paradise one envious afternoon as she looked down on Claudio and Meredith. “After all, we’re going to be here an eternity,” she sighed.
It was during one of those great, happy summers, when at the age of twenty three, Justine wrote a best seller on friendship, published and promoted in Paris. It was a leviathan tome contenting that love was overrated; that the world did not need more love but more friendship. She insisted that long term love was like term insurance – in the end you got nothing. But true friendship was the sounder investment delivering safety, happiness, and long term goodwill. Watching from Heaven, Myrna was proud.
“It’s only friendship that lasts forever without the mental and emotional hang-ups of periodic betrayals and pains of love,” she had said during one interview on French TV.
She and the book became insta
nt international best sellers.
David was very proud of Justine, and her book, and the public attention it got, and he took her many times to Paris and fucked her a lot during that period without the baggage of making love to her. He knew that few men understood the desires of beautiful women, and of those that do, they seek to experience it in more than one. He also knew that loving a beautiful woman could destroy a man, but he believed that it was worth it.
“But even in Heaven pleasure becomes all too familiar, less and less exciting, and in time we become tired of it,” in a moment of clarity explained Sharon to the gang as they watched David and Claudio, carouse with Justine and Meredith while they were sailing the endless summers of hot entangled bodies from one Greek island Paradise after another.
“It was the Devil’s coveting of Eve, as he watched her with Adam, that banished him from Heaven,” said a troubled Robin now watching David entangled with beautiful Justine.
“Yes,” said Sharon. “But the Devil asked the Lord’s forgiveness, and true to his Word, the Lord did forgive, and now all of Satan’s little devils have become angels again. So let us all forgive Justine, and Meredith, and David, and Claudio.”
“What is there to forgive?” said Phil.
*
Included in Heaven, but not part of the Magnolia High team, were the Sargents, Robert and Helen, who were soon joined by Judy and Anton Langdon, Sharon’s parents, Alice and Bob Lawson, Myrna’s parents, and Barb and Michael Irvine, Kitty’s parents. Also, somewhere lost in their own Heaven were Kitty’s first schizophrenic husband Milton, and son Albert.
After their long bubbly filled days of luscious fruit and cold white wines had come to an end in the Med, excluded from the group were Claudio who had been invited by Sharon to join the group, but he kindly refused in favour of the Catholic Paradise somewhere in the depths of Heaven. David too was excluded by Robin who refused him entry. Together with Justine and Meredith, David had converted to the pagan gods of Olympus and had doubled their pleasures in the blissful fields of Elysium.
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