by Ciara Graves
“Why the hell not?” I shouted as I hopped off the counter. “You’re just saying no because it’s me, but it’s our best shot, and you know it. You all do.” I stomped to him and poked him in the chest. “I can handle myself. He won’t get to me.”
“It’s not him getting to you that I’m worried about anymore.” His gaze skimmed the rings on my hand.
“This again? Shit, Draven. We’re going to be in a battle any second now, and you’re freaking out over nothing.” I threw my arms up and marched out of the kitchen. “Whatever, you all figure it out then, and let me know when you decide to stop being idiots.”
I considered going into town but didn’t want to run into anyone I knew, so I exited through the front door and walked all the way around toward the gardens. I moved to the other side of the oak tree so no one could see me and climbed up to the lowest branch. Clouds covered the moon tonight and the stars, but the fires from the ever-expanding encampment were enough to light up the night from here to the tree line.
With my back to the trunk, I swung my left leg and picked at the bark absently.
You’re wasting time.
“How about you shut up for five minutes?”
You know he’s going to make his attack soon. We need him to finish this. With him gone, we’ll have our chance.
“Chance for what, huh? Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want all these voices inside my head?”
Rudarius has much power. If you kill him, we can use it, and we can be free.
I glanced at my rings, always swirling with shadows, and reached to take them off. My left hand shook and finally fell away. My head fell back. “Damn it.”
You know we’re right. You are one of us, Seneca. You will follow our plans.
I was damned tired of carrying around the essence of my entire extinct race. But if killing Rudarius would bring an end to this insanity then that’s what needed to happen. I had to bring him to me so I could finish this for good.
Then what are you waiting for? Do it.
I shut my eyes and reached for the connection I used to have with Rudarius. I knew him as well as he knew me now. Calling to him, forcing his hand would be easy enough if I pushed the right buttons. But as soon as the vampire’s face appeared, Draven’s furious hiss flooded my mind, and I winced, my eyes shooting open.
“I won’t do this to him,” I whispered. “I can’t betray him.”
Yesterday, I’d nearly hurt Draven when he tried to stop me, or them, from doing exactly what the voices wanted me to do now. I’d barely been able to hold back the flood of power then. If I gave in now, I had no way of knowing if I’d make it back to myself. Or if I’d get swept up in the current and disappear in this insanity.
The voices snarled. I clamped my hands to my ears, as if that would tune them out. I hissed and curled in on myself, my legs gripping the tree branch to stop from crashing to the ground. There was too much noise, too much confusion. The voices were using me, just as Rudarius used me. As everyone did. The anger that filled my veins for the last few days hit its breaking point, but it wasn’t mine, not all of it. I slipped from the tree and fell to my knees, clutching at my head.
Do it, Seneca. Do it, and we can all be free.
I wanted to believe them, but I knew that tone far too well. They wouldn’t stop once Rudarius was dead. And what if they didn’t leave my body? What if I was stuck with them forever? I couldn’t do this. I’d find another way to kill Rudarius if I had to, but I couldn’t stand them inside my head anymore. Draven had been right. I should’ve let him take the rings from me days ago. If I could get the rings off, maybe the voices would disappear. But even as I tried to grab them again, another force took control of my left hand and slammed it into the ground.
You will obey us if you want to live.
A scream was on my lips when a hand landed on my shoulder. The voices inside my head reared their ugly heads, and suddenly I couldn’t remember what I was doing out here. Why did my head hurt?
“Seneca?” Draven knelt in front of me, lifting my chin so he could look into my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing just needed some fresh air.”
“You’re on the ground.”
“I said nothing’s wrong. I’d like to go inside now.”
I went to walk around him, but his grip on my upper arm was like steel. “Talk to me. Don’t pull away from me.”
“Maybe it’s for the best.”
His eyes narrowed. “You don’t mean that.”
“You sure? We both know this fight is going to be the death of one of us. Let’s face it, probably won’t be me,” I added. The second the words left my mouth a sharp pain stabbed my chest.
Draven released my arm and took a step back.
“That—uh, I’m not sure where that came from.”
What the hell was wrong with me? The voices in my head cackled, and I flinched.
Draven watched me closely then looked at my right hand. “Have you taken them off at all since you returned?”
“Why would I? Rudarius could attack at any moment. I have to be ready.” Excuses, so many excuses. I wanted them off. Why wasn’t I just saying that?
“I think you need to take them off. Now.”
I tucked my right hand out of sight behind my back. “No. I’m going inside to get some sleep. You going to stay out here or join me?”
He said nothing, didn’t even move.
I shrugged. “Fine, guess you can sleep on the couch tonight. Or in that damned tent of yours.”
Each step I took away from Draven made it feel as if something was being torn to shreds inside me. I wanted to stay and talk to him. I wanted to enjoy the rest of the night with him, out here beneath the autumn sky. We had no way to know how much time we had left. Yet I walked toward the cottage, not slowing down. I was almost at the door when Draven grabbed my right hand. His fingers fumbled for the rings as I punched him in the face with my left hand. He held on fast as Owen and the rest of the crowd in the kitchen charged outside.
“Get off me,” I snarled.
Draven twisted my right arm.
“What are you doing?” Owen demanded as I hissed and flailed.
“Hold her, I have to get these off,” Draven ordered.
I expected Owen to step in and help, but I found myself on the ground with him holding down my legs.
Shane grabbed hold of my left hand.
I screamed at them.
Draven worked the rings off, one right after the other, even as the shadows reached out, desperate to keep them on. The voices in my head, shouting in rage at his actions fell silent. Clarity unlike any I’d had in days rushed through me.
I stilled, and they released me.
Draven fell back, my rings clutched in his fist.
“Seneca? Look at me.”
I blinked but couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eye. “I’m sorry, I don’t… I just… I think I need to be alone for a minute. And keep those out of my sight,” I added, voice shaky. I nodded to the rings. “I don’t want anything to do with them.”
I scrambled to get up.
Draven called for me, but I sprinted into my bedroom and slammed the door shut. Those rings were meant to help me reach my full potential as a dark fae. Not to let the spirits of the Sa’ren weasel their way into my damned mind. What had I been doing the past few days? Shit, what had I been about to do? Call Rudarius right to our doorstep? That was the worst idea I could’ve ever had.
I bashed my fist into the wall, cursing when I pulled it back to find my knuckles bloody and cut up. I needed the rings to defeat Rudarius, but I wouldn’t wear them a minute longer than I had to. I’d just have to keep myself locked away so I didn’t hurt anyone. Stay as calm as possible.
It was all I could hope for.
I walked into my closet and shut the door, sitting as far as in the corner I could. I wrapped my arms around my knees, prepared to stay in here for days. Weeks if need be. I wouldn’t leave my room, wouldn
’t leave the closet if I could help it.
The door opened to the bedroom then closed just as quickly.
“Go away,” I yelled.
“Are you in the closet?” Draven asked, a hint of amusement in his tone.
“Don’t judge me. Just go away, alright? And you better not have those damned things with you.” The closet door opened, and I held out my hands to ward him off. “You suck at listening, you know that? Just go away.”
He sat in the doorway. “You should know by now. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you so good to me, huh? We both know I’m the bad guy, here. Look what I almost did. What I wanted to do. What I did to you and Owen yesterday.” I ran my hands through my hair, the uneasiness seated deep within me. Like something was wrong within my soul, but I couldn’t even begin to describe it.
Draven reached for me, but I flinched away. He grunted and scooted even closer, took me in his arms, and pulled me onto his lap. He held me, just held me.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Not yet.”
“You aren’t going to. You just have to open up to me. Talk to me when it’s getting to be too much.” He kissed the top of my head. “I’m here for you. You know that.”
“I don’t know why.”
“You know, you thinking you don’t deserve a chance to be happy is starting to get old,” he muttered. “We’re together forever, Seneca. I’m not leaving you for anything, so you better get used to it. You want to shove me away? Fine, but I’ll come right back. I’ll track you down wherever you go,” he said firmly, holding my shoulders as he spoke. “You and I belong together, and we’ll get through whatever shit life throws at us together. Got it?”
I sniffed hard then fell against his chest. Every part of me was weak, but at least my nose wasn’t bleeding, and I wasn’t hacking up blood. “The magic,” I whispered, “it’s changing me somehow. The rings… I don’t know if it’s Rudarius or the spirit of the Sa’ren, but they’re not right.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s like there are competing forces inside me. Like I’m being torn in two. Or three. Or four. And the voices are getting worse.”
He stiffened. “You have to tune them out somehow. Ignore them.”
“I’ve been trying, but it’s hard. They’re too strong,” I admitted. “I should’ve told you, but you have so much else to worry about. I can’t lay this on you, too. Whatever’s wrong with me, I can handle it. I will handle it.”
“Seneca.” He hugged me even tighter, and I clung to him, the only person who could stop my spiral into madness. Reality was changing too fast for me to keep up with. All I wanted was to disappear.
“Come with me,” he urged and stood, pulling me with him.
“Where are we going? What if it’s not safe?”
“The rings are hidden away, and the cottage and gardens have been vacated. You’re not going to hurt anyone. It’s just you and me.” He held my hand then leaned in and kissed me. “Trust me.”
I followed him out of the bedroom and through a cottage that was indeed empty. He grabbed the heavy plaid blanket off the couch and then we were in the gardens. The clouds parted and revealed the moon and a few stars peeking through the inky black sky. We walked to the bench, and he pulled me into his lap, wrapped the blanket around me and hugged me to his strong chest.
“So, vacation,” he said after a couple of minutes. “You really think the beach is the best place?”
I waited for a few beats, wondering what he was up to. “Why not?” I glanced toward the encampment. “Draven, shouldn’t we be talking about—”
He cut me off with a press of his lips to mine.
“If you’re about to say anything involving the war or Rudarius, you can just forget it.”
“But we need to—”
He kissed me again, fiercely, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, never wanting this night to stop. “What were you going to ask me?”
I screwed my mouth to the side then gave in. “Yes, I want to go to a beach.”
“Just sand and saltwater. And fish.”
I laughed. “And? I’ve never seen the ocean.”
“What if I took you somewhere else?”
“Like where?”
He smiled softly as he ran his fingers through my hair, which was blowing lightly in the night wind. “Keeping it a surprise. But there are some very interesting beaches across the ocean. What do you say, you up for an adventure?”
I started to say yes, but the word became lodged in my throat. I choked on it and tears burned in my eyes, imagining the vision of Draven killing me all over again.
“Draven,” I whispered, but he held my chin in his fingers, those blue eyes boring into mine.
“No, we’re not accepting that future, remember? It’s not going to happen.”
“But if it does, I want you to be happy, okay? You have to promise me.”
“Seneca, shut up,” he growled then kissed me.
I returned the gesture, dragging the blanket around so it covered him too. I clutched at his shoulders, wishing we could have the future he dreamt about. I wanted to see it, but no matter what I did, all I saw was a dark end to this war.
I sat upright, looking around my bedroom, confused.
Draven was next to me, sound asleep. There was only an hour or so left until dawn. I rubbed my face, not sure what awoke me when a voice rang out in my mind.
You’ve wasted enough time. Do it, Seneca, before it’s too late.
I didn’t want to, but I threw the covers aside and was on my feet walking through the dark cottage. I tried to open my mouth to scream, but the voices directed me, taking me toward the rings.
Draven said he hid them, but it didn’t matter. I sensed their power calling out to me and couldn’t resist it. In the kitchen, I found the small patch in the wall he had created and punched my fist right through it. When I pulled the sheetrock out of the way, I saw a small box sitting on the floor. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this would be it. The second I put those on, there’d be no turning back.
We’ll be right here with you. There’s nothing to fear.
But if I listened to them, I’d lose Draven. One way or another, there was a chance I’d never have him back. There’d be no vacation, no happy future. No orchard, or greenhouse, or large gardens. Just bloodshed and death. My left hand reached for the box without my wanting to. Then it was in my hand, and the second I opened it, all other worries disappeared.
Power. That was the only thing that mattered. Power and those strong enough to claim it for themselves. Too long I’d been used. No more. I slipped the rings on, sighing to have them returned to my fingers. I turned for the back door and stepped out into the cold, wet grass. I threw my head back, shook out my hair, and breathed in deep. My power rushed freely through my veins, and I grinned as I opened my eyes again.
“Rudarius, time to come play.”
I pictured our connection, saw where I’d collapsed that tunnel. Within a few seconds, it was repaired, and my mind rushed to find his in Otherworld. It didn’t take long when I didn’t fight the magic. Rudarius paced around his chambers, glaring at the floor as if he was going to bring it to life then kill it.
As if it was me.
I leaned against the far wall, not physically there, just in my mind.
Rudarius stopped his pacing suddenly and straightened. He sniffed the air then whipped around, those red eyes latching onto mine. “You. How are you here?” he snapped.
“What, don’t you miss me?”
He lunged for me, but his hands passed right through me, and I laughed.
“You and I have unfinished business. What’s taking you so long, huh? Too scared to leave Otherworld and face me? Going to hide here in your fortress until I come and hunt you down?” I pushed off the wall and walked through him. “Until I come knocking
on your front door to claim your head?”
“You will not defeat me.”
I shrugged as I turned around. “You sure about that?” I snapped my fingers, and the fortress disappeared. The amount of power at my fingertips when I gave in was beyond incredible. And I was just getting started. Rudarius and I stood on a battlefield. A fight took place behind us. One fought between me and him.
“Looks like I’m winning,” I whispered in his ear.
“This is not reality. You overstep.”
“Do I now? You’re the one who wanted me to see what I’m capable of. It’s only logical that I kill you. Take that next step. Destroy the monster who created, well, another monster. A worse monster.”
His hands twitched at his sides as he bared his fangs. “This will not end well for you. Is that what you want—death? Why not join me? Why not come to me and fight by my side?”
“Why? So you can continue to use me? Make me your bride? No, thanks. I have other plans.”
“And what might those be?”
I continued to watch the fight between our imaginary selves, mine kicking Rudarius’s ass. He flinched as he watched himself take a hard hit to the face, throwing him back.
“I have another who will stand by my stand and then the real fun can begin. You’re nothing to me anymore. Nothing but a bug to be crushed.”
He opened his mouth, but then his own snarl of pain had him spinning around. He watched his death. Not the first time I’d showed it to him, but there was genuine fear in his eyes this time when he turned back to face me. “Draven will never stand beside you.”
“You’re right. At least, at first. But I’ll convince him. He’ll see reason eventually.”
“Why bother?”
I reached for his jaw and forced him to see his dead body lying prone on the ground. “That’s why. You’re old news. You are nothing.”
“You are not stronger than me.”
“You sure about that? You only have those rings because of me.”
He wrenched away from me, and I snapped my fingers, bringing us back to his fortress.
“I am Rudarius. I have destroyed the fae, brought the mages to their knees, wiped Valesk off the face of the Earth. I will not be stopped by a child.”