by Emerson Rose
I glance over my shoulder at the door to Marcus’s room. He was moved to an ICU room. It’s similar to the ones I work in back home.
There are glass windows covering one side of the room so the patient can be seen at all times from the small nursing station outside the door.
I can’t see anyone or anything out of order but I feel like I’m being watched. I’m probably just tired; it’s getting light outside and I’ve had no sleep.
“Can we talk outside, Imani?” Enrique asks.
“No, I’m not leaving him.”
“I’ll stay with him, honey. Go ahead,” Elena says.
“I said no. I’m not leaving until he wakes up.” I stare at Marcus mentally begging him to let me see those green scowling eyes and bless me with one of his trademark smirks. God, I need to see that right now.
I catch the two of them looking at each other out of the corner of my eye. They think I’ve gone off the deep end and maybe I have.
“Okay, well, can you tell me why he was trying to kill your doctor friend?” Elena asks.
“He told me who Marcus is, or was. I fainted and Brian caught me, Marcus overreacted, end of story.” I’m being rude but I’m so fucking tired and I know this is just the beginning of a long vigil.
I have so much to process and my mind is flooded with thoughts of how I’m going to deal with the past of a man who isn’t that man anymore. How do you come to grips and accept a person’s faults when even they aren’t fully aware of what they’ve done?
I need to sleep. I need to be alone.
“Imani, can I get you anything? Do you need anything from the house?” Enrique asks. He is a kind man. Elena is lucky to have him. A spark of jealousy rears its ugly head. Why can’t things be easier for us? I can’t imagine a more difficult situation for a couple.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s my mom, shit. How does she always know when something’s wrong?
Elijah.
He’s worried about me and I’ll bet he asked her to make sure I’m OK, which I’m not.
“No, thank you, Enrique. Elijah has gone for my things.” I say and answer the phone.
“Mom? Can you hold on a sec?” My mother tries to object, but I cover the speaker with my thumb.
“You both can do something for me, though. Could you look after the kittens Marcus bought for me yesterday? They are shut in our bedroom and they’re probably tearing the place up. They will need food and someone to play with until we come home.”
Bug eyed and mouth agape, Elena stares at me.
“Um, okay. He bought you kittens?”
“Yes, Yes and No.”
“What?” Elena and Enrique say in unison.
“Their names, Yes and No.” Mom is yelling at me to answer her, and I let up my thumb. “Mom, just a minute!”
“So, will you? Take care of them I mean?”
“Yes and No?” Enrique asks.
“Yes,” I answer.
“And No?”
“What?” I’m dizzy with this stupid conversation and bordering on pissed.
“Elena, the kittens are named Yes and No. Get it?”
“Oh, okay, yes, I think.” Fucking finally.
Elena bends down to look closer at her twin brother. She inhales and I think she’s going to say something to him but she doesn’t, instead she lays her hand over his heart for a moment and then looks up at me.
“Wake him up, Imani,” she says, resolute and serious.
“I will.” Enrique takes that as a cue to leave. He rounds the bed and takes her hand to lead her away.
“We’ll take care of the cats. Don’t worry about them,” he says. Elena turns back to me as he escorts her from the room as if she’s remembered something.
“Did you know he’s allergic? To cats, I mean. I can’t believe he bought you cats,” she says, her voice trailing off and her face expressionless.
Enrique rubs her back and gently moves her toward the door and she looks back at me again. I recognize that look. It’s how I feel inside, lost. She feels it, too.
It’s like trying to put a puzzle together without all the pieces. It’s an impossible, confusing undertaking.
“No, I didn’t know,” I say, but she’s already gone.
“Imani! Imani! What. Is. Going. On?”
Oh, shit, my mom, I almost forgot her. I release my thumb.
“I’m here, Mom. Sorry.”
“Good Lord, Imani, Elijah called. He said Marcus is in the hospital again. Is he alright? What’s going on over there? Do I need to come? Is it serious? How many hours is a flight to Italy anyway?” I close my eyes and inhale deeply, gathering patience and strength before I repeat tonight’s events again. This time leaving out the part about Marcus being involved with the Italian Mob.
My mother’s impression of Marcus is warped. She thinks he hung the moon. She’d flip her shit if she knew the whole truth.
In the end, she’s not satisfied with my story, I can tell, but we say goodbye and hang up. I wouldn't be surprised to see her here within the next forty-eight hours; that’s just my mom.
“Imani?”
It’s Elijah. I recognize his scent; it’s clean like soap. I like it, it’s nice. I fell asleep on Marcus’s arm and in turn both of mine are numb.
“Mmhm?” Is all I can manage.
“I brought your things. Why don’t you go lie on the cot, I’ll sit with him.”
“Okay, thank you.” I haven’t moved my ass from this seat in hours and my bladder is protesting. We switch spots and Elijah eyes me as I head out to the public restroom down the hall.
I can’t believe I’m leaving him but there aren’t bathrooms in the ICU rooms. That strange sensation returns even though I’m groggy with sleep. I feel watched and uneasy.
If I can just pee, brush my teeth and get back to Marcus, I’ll be able to sleep. But as I move past the glass windows of each room the nurse in me draws my eyes to the patients.
I stop abruptly three doors down from Marcus’s room. My legs turn to lead rooted on the spot when I see him; it’s Brian. My God, he looks gruesome.
They haven’t taken the time to clean him up; he still has blood caked in his hair, stained down his neck. Nobody is here for him. He was visiting, like us, because of us. A minuscule part of me feels sorry for him. I believe he came here with the intention of protecting me from Marcus, but he didn’t deserve this.
He came here to take me away from him. After giving it a few moments of thought, I wonder why would he tell me about Marcus's past?
He has no ties to me, no responsibility to keep me safe. Hell, we only knew each other from brief encounters at the hospital, the same way I know any doctor.
This is personal. He must have developed some interest in me personally or he’s being paid by someone to ruin Marcus’s life. Two conclusions and neither of them are honorable. I drag myself to the bathroom and get on with my business.
Someone else is in here but she’s not doing much moving in her stall. I sense her, though. I hear her breathing and it’s kind of eerie.
I hustle through brushing my teeth and when I pass the stall that I suspect someone is in, I can’t help but glance at the closed door.
“You are good, you know?” A voice comes from the stall, startling me. Is she talking to me?
“Excuse me? Are you talking to me?”
“Yes. You don’t have dark smoke.” She needs a smoke? What the hell? This is a hospital.
“I don’t smoke, sorry.” There’s no response, just humming and muttering that I can’t make out.
This feels wrong on so many levels. I need to get out of here. This lady is making me uncomfortable.
Back in Marcus’s room, I close the door and the blinds. I don’t want Weird Bathroom Lady looking into our fishbowl. If I could lock the door, I would.
“What’s up?”
“Elijah, have you felt like someone has been watching us since we’ve been here? I mean, I know you’re usually the watcher and you do
n’t have to do that anymore, but I still feel it. It’s not the protective kind of being watched. This feels, well, it feels off.”
I have my back pressed against the door. I’m exhausted, but that crazy lady gave me an adrenaline rush.
Elijah quietly crosses the room and takes my hand, pulling me from the door. No words spoken, his actions speak for him as he leads me to the neatly made cot by the window and draws back the covers.
“Sleep, Imani. Marcus would want you to sleep. I’ll be here with him. I promise not to leave his side. And nobody’s watching you but me, honey.”
“You won’t go to the bathroom? There’s a crazy lady in the bathroom. She wants a cigarette.” He bites his lip to repress a laugh
“No, I won’t go to the bathroom, and I doubt that lady would be in the men’s room anyway.”
I roll my eyes and curl up on the cot. Elijah tucks me in and digs into the bag he brought from the house. He pulls out my sleeping pills and hands me the correct dose with a Styrofoam cup of water from the bedside table.
“Why are you so nice to me?” I ask. I don’t know where that came from. I think I’m suffering the effects of massive stress and sleep deprivation.
“Imani, you’re my friend, and Marcus loves you so I have to make sure you’re safe for him.”
“Are you gay, Elijah?” Since I’m blurting things out, I figure I may as well take advantage of the situation and find out. He raises his brows high and jerks his neck back. I think he’s going to be angry at first until he throws his head back and roars with laughter!
My first impulse is to check and make sure Marcus hasn’t been disturbed, but of course he’s still laying quiet and still in his bed.
Elijah stops laughing and takes a seat next to me on my cot.
“Oh God, honey, no. I’m not gay, quite the opposite actually. I’m a little shocked you had to ask, though. I must need to brush up on my game a little.” I feel a warm blush of embarrassment creep up my neck and I’m glad the covers are pulled up.
“You just, well, you love Marcus so much I thought maybe…” He smiles down at me and tucks a strand of my wild hair behind my ear.
“I love Marcus, but not that way. I love him like a brother, a fucked-up brother maybe, but, yeah, he’s done a lot for me and I’ll be forever in his debt.”
What happens next surprises me beyond belief. Elijah leans down and kisses me on the forehead and then whispers in my ear.
“If he hadn’t fallen for you I would have given you my best try, Imani.” Well, fucking hell. I’ve gone from thinking Elijah is gay to knowing he had a thing for me.
“No worries, though. Honey, you’ve become my family. I love you like a sister and I’d never ever do anything to hurt that man. You’re his heart and soul. You jump started his black heart once, and I need you to do it again.” I nod in agreement.
“Okay, sleep. I have important things to go over with you when you wake up.”
“Ok, night, Elijah. Oh, and Elijah?”
“Yeah?” “Thank you for loving him.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Imani?”
“Yes?” “Thank you for loving him back to life.”
“You’re welcome.” My heavy eyelids slide droop and close. Darkness consumes me and I fall instantly into a blessed dreamless sleep.
Seventy
Sleep is the healer of all things; my mom used to say that. I think she was wrong. I’m really sick of watching Marcus sleep.
The first time he was comatose and I cared for him I hadn’t met him yet. This time it’s torture sitting here hour after hour, helpless.
We’ve been taking shifts for the past three days and I’ve seen no improvement. His nurse has the easiest job on the unit. I bathe, position and talk to him. I read and play music for him. All she has to do is give him meds and charts what I do. I’m not complaining, though; that’s how I want it. No one touches him but me.
I’ve been learning about the business aspects of Dominus from Elijah. I’m not making any decisions. Marcus trusts Elijah and so do I.
Then there’s Brian. He’s recovering as well as can be expected and he’s pissed. He refuses to see me but I make an attempt every day anyway.
If he is really interested in me and that’s what this is all about, then he’ll come around and I’ll be here when he does.
Elena is on her way with dinner. She’s been spoiling me with homemade Italian food. Marcus is not the only one who learned a thing or two from Aunt Angelica, and Elena is determined to fatten me up.
A quick rap on the door and she’s bursting into the room carrying insulated food bags and chatting a mile a minute.
“How’s he doing tonight? Do you like ziti? I hope you do; I’ve brought a lot of it.” She seems nervous. She’s bustling around and that makes me suspicious.
“What’s going on, Elena?” She busies herself by taking things out of bags and arranging them too perfectly on the table, never looking me in the eye.
“Nothing, I’m just checking up on my brother’s condition and bringing you food, nothing’s going on.”
Still no eye contact, something is defiantly going on, she’s a sucky liar.
“Elena, look at me. I repeat, what is going on?” She raises her eyes to mine and sighs.
“I have something I need to talk to you about and I know you’re going to be, oh I don’t know, surprised?” She tilts her head in question when she says ‘surprised,’ like she’s hoping that’s all I’ll be.
“Spill, just tell me.”
“Let’s sit down, maybe have a little dinner before we…” “No, Elena, I’m not eating until you tell me what it is you have to say.” Setting down the silverware she had been arranging, she smooths her unwrinkled skirt and nervously begins.
“Imani, when you signed all of those papers last week did you happen to read any of them?”
“Well, no. I listened to the lawyers and signed what Marcus put in front of me. Why?”
“None of them? You didn’t even look at them?” I’m starting to worry. I told her I didn’t. What the hell is she getting at?
I knew I should have at least skimmed over each document, but there were so many and I trusted Marcus.
“No, I didn’t take the time to read the seventy-five plus, long, dull legal forms. Is there something wrong?” She sits down when Marcus’s nurse arrives to hang a new bag of IV fluids and we wait quietly until she’s finished and gone.
“Alright, Imani. I don’t know how to tell you this, there is no good way. One of those papers was very important. Marcus had you sign a…” She pauses to look over at her brother and cringes before she spits it out. “A marriage license.”
She recoils, anticipating the fallout that will come from detonating a bomb like that.
“What?” My lips are suddenly very dry and my heart hammers in my chest. “I’m sure I didn’t hear you correctly. Did you say marriage license?” She nods her head up and down.
“That’s not legal. It’s, it’s like entrapment or something, isn’t it?” I’m grasping at loose ends as my vision blurs in and out. Why would he do that? Why not just ask me to marry him? I’m stunned, shocked, temporarily paralyzed until I remember he's right here. He may not be awake but that’s not going to stop me from yelling at him.
I whirl around and face the love of my life, the sneaky deceptive bastard with two personalities, my husband.
“What have you done? Why in the hell wouldn’t you just ask me?” I yell and smack his leg. “I would have said yes, I would have said yes, I would have said yes.”
I sink to the floor on my knees and sobs begin to rack my body. I cover my eyes with my hands. I cry for him; I miss him so much my heart feels empty and raw. I cry for us, he must have been so insecure, so unsure of my love for him to believe he had to trick me into marriage.
I cry for the missed experience of having him ask for my hand in marriage. I cry because as strong as I’m trying to be I am scared shitless he’s never
going to wake up and I’m never going to get to have the chance to tell him how mad I am for being cheated out of a proper proposal.
We deserve a chance at love after all the suffering and pain we’ve been through. If God could give us this one thing, we could make it work.
Elena crouches to hug me and helps me up to my chair where I will stay until this infuriating man opens his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Imani. Do you know what I think?” She doesn’t bother waiting for an answer. “I think he was afraid something like this was going to happen and he wanted to be sure you were well taken care of, that you would want for nothing. Maybe he was afraid there wasn’t time for a wedding and all of that.” She could be right but that doesn’t change the fact that he deceived me. It would have been just as easy to ask and allow me to accept and sign the papers. He was scared I’d say no. I don’t know why but he must have been.
“There’s one more thing, Imani.” What the hell else could there possibly be?
“He made all of us promise to make sure you had the teddy bear he gave you when you first met. He was absolutely obsessive about that. He reminded us every chance he could. Elijah put it in your bag.” What? My teddy bear? Diamond? What the hell is that about? He’s always made sure that bear followed me anywhere I’ve gone, even when I left him and went home.
There must be something special about it, other than the fact its eyes are giant diamonds and worth a fortune, I can’t imagine what could be so important. My bag is next to my chair so I bend and rifle through it, pulling Diamond onto my lap and I stare at her.
Okay, bear, what’s your secret? Why is Marcus crazy about me having you? I turn her upside down, nothing different, just the tag I used to snoop and find out where she was from.
But when I look closer, I notice the seam looks like it’s been tampered with.
“What is it?”
“I think she’s been opened and sewn back up.”
“Really? I’ll get some scissors,” she says, jumping up. I stand and go to the edge of Marcus’s bed and take his hand, propping my hip against the mattress.
“You’re so unfair. If you were awake, I’d smack you. What are you up to with this bear anyway?”