“OK. The dining room is out. Going into town is out. There’s a solarium down the hall from us. It has an enclosed balcony, comfortable chairs, and a beautiful view. How about if I go get us some breakfast? We can take it down there and eat while we watch the view.”
“I said I’m not hungry.”
Before Joe could respond, Lisa ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Tension crept up his shoulders and he rolled them backward in an attempt to loosen them up. More frustrated with himself than her, Joe paced the room. Why had he pushed this on her the very second she woke up? He should have waited until she’d been awake awhile before he said anything.
The way their roles had reversed in the course of one day struck him as ironic.
While he paced, he tried to focus on how he might get through to Lisa. Please, Lord, what can I do? As he prayed, he stopped to stare out the window. It wasn’t quite sunrise, but the view was astonishing. Calming. Humbling.
Beyond the nearby islands, far in the distance, a snow-covered mountain towered against the deep purple backdrop of the sky. White mist draped across the majestic peak illuminated in varying shades of pink and orange by the sun as it began to rise.
A hush came over him, and it was as though God stood right there with him.
Lisa had to see this. If it spoke to her as powerfully as it did to him, well…it might make a difference. It might even bring a smile to her face.
She chose that moment to come back into the room.
He took a deep breath and started to speak, but his instinct tried to take over and take him back to yesterday when all he thought about was himself and his misery. But it wasn’t about him anymore. It was about Lisa. And listening to the Lord.
Taking another breath, he said something he never imagined he’d say. “I miss you, Lisa. Having you here, I—I didn’t realize how much.”
She stood in front of him, staring at the floor. He wasn’t even sure she even listened. He hoped so, because there was something else that had to be said. Joe’s heart hammered out his fear, but he spoke anyway. “I’m sorry I treated you so badly yesterday and the day before. I’m sorry for a lot of things. I was hoping we could talk. You were right when you said it would be good for me to get out and see something besides these walls. Sitting around hasn’t been good for me, and I don’t think it’ll be good for you, either.”
She looked at him then, really looked at him. At least that was the way it seemed. But she didn’t answer, and his disappointment squeezed his heart.
“Come here.” He held his hand out to her. “I want to show you something.”
****
Lisa’s bruised heart warmed just a bit as she watched Joe as he stood at the tiny window, a shadow of a smile playing on his face. She’d waited months to see him smile again.
Uncertain, she took a step toward him and stopped. He was just being nice to her because she’d been so upset last night. It meant nothing. She shouldn’t read anything into it. Nothing.
“Come on, Lisa.”
She reached toward his outstretched hand, eager for his touch. As her hand found his, she closed her eyes and reveled in the warmth of his skin against hers. Then he took a sharp breath. She looked at him, searching the depth of his brown eyes. They gave nothing away.
Still holding her hand, he nodded toward the window. What could he possibly want her to see at this hour? It was too dark to see anything.
The whales. It came to her in a flash. They must be out there. That was the reason for Joe’s partial smile.
Stepping up on her tiptoes, she peered out the window. No whales were in sight, but she still inhaled in appreciation as her eyes soaked in the wondrous beauty in front of her.
God’s promise. He was here. She could see Him all around her, could feel Him whisper through her heart. He created this special dawn just for her. To show her He reigns. He is. He loves. He cares. She knew it. Even in those horrific moments when Cody died, she knew the Lord loved her and was with her. And she believed it. But from that moment until now—she hadn’t felt it. She’d been as empty as Joe.
Now, looking out the tiny window, her heart filled with the wonder her mind had known all along. Her heart burned with it, rejoiced in it. This glorious sight was the Lord’s way of saying, “I’m here.”
Her God, her shelter. He thought of her. In this great big world filled with billions of people, He thought of her. Empty as she’d been, as low as she’d been, He hadn’t left her.
Had He not shown her this before because she wasn’t ready for the message? Another reason could be that while she’d been able to draw her strength from Him to get through those awful days, weeks, and months, now she was on the verge of going down the same dark path as Joe and totally withdrawing from everything and everyone.
And Joe. She hoped Joe saw and felt the same thing she did right now.
She had to share these thoughts with Joe. There was something there; she sensed it. But she didn’t want to push it.
It took her a minute to soak it all in. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yes, it is.” Now Joe’s smile filled his face and her uncertainty began to fade.
“He made it for me.” The feeling burst through her, and she couldn’t help but practically shout. “Me. It was what I needed. God didn’t forget about me. And…” she hesitated, uncertain if she should say it.
“Me?”
“Yes, Joe. You, too.”
“I know,” he whispered. At that moment, she would have given anything to know his thoughts. But he turned from her and slipped out of the room before Lisa could even see his expression.
11
Uncertain if she should follow Joe or wait, Lisa went back to the window and stared at the breathtaking sunrise. She wasn’t sure how much time passed before Joe came back into the room, but the sky was no longer purple and the mist had risen.
“OK.” Careful to speak softly, she held her breath and prayed he hadn’t changed his mind about wanting to spend time with her. She hesitated before turning to face him.
Joe held two paper cups encased in fancy brown cardboard sleeves. He furrowed his brow, clearly not knowing what she was talking about.
“Here.” He hesitated then held out one of the cups. “I brought you some tea.”
She took the cup from him, put her nose over the tiny opening in the lid, and inhaled the steamy heat. It smelled wonderful, and a small sigh escaped her before she could call it back.
“It’s cinnamon something-or-other. I hope you like it.”
“It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“You said OK. OK, what?”
“I’ll eat breakfast with you in the solarium.” She took a sip of tea and watched him closely, waiting for him to say something. He seemed to freeze. Maybe he’d changed his mind. Maybe that’s why he was gone so long. “If that’s still OK with you?” she added quickly.
After a moment, he relaxed his brow and gave her a half-smile. Lisa wished the smile reached the depths of his brown eyes. “Of course it is. I’m glad you changed your mind.”
“I hope you aren’t too disappointed about Ketchikan. I just don’t want to be around a lot of people today.” Her heart still felt battered and bruised from the night before. She didn’t have what it would take to put on a happy face.
“It’s OK. We’ll get out of this cramped up cabin, have a relaxing breakfast, and let it be what it is.” He walked over and looked out the window.
“The sunrise is gone.” Though the purple mist and pink and orange hues of the sunrise faded away, the warmth of God’s promise was still there and hope soared through Lisa’s heart. “But the view is still beautiful.”
“I know.” When Joe turned away from the window he seemed more relaxed. “And we’ll have a great view from the solarium.”
Lisa smiled at him, still basking in the warmth of the Lord ministering to her soul. If Joe hadn’t shared it with her, she’d probably still be feeling hopeless.
&
nbsp; “Thank you, Joe.” She reached out and clasped his hand and caught her breath when, instead of pulling away, his fingers gently curled against hers. She reveled in the warm feelings that invaded her senses.
“What are you thanking me for?”
“For taking care of me last night.” She clasped his hand tighter. Relieved when he didn’t pull away, she gave him a wary smile. “For showing me a glimpse of heaven this morning. It did something to my heart. I need to spend some quiet time with God so I can understand it better. When I do, I’ll share it with you if you’re interested. But for now, just thank you for making me feel better.”
She gave him a light kiss on the cheek then hurried into the bathroom and leaned against the closed door.
What had she just done?
Though her heart was undoubtedly lighter, it still slammed against her ribs and thundered in her ears. It was one thing to take his hand, but quite another to kiss him. Funny how those natural impulses took over when she was feeling more relaxed around him. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder how Joe reacted.
And though she felt it in her heart, it was only when she looked in the mirror that Lisa realized she had a wide smile on her face.
****
Bewildered, Joe sank down into one of the ugly olive chairs and stared at the door that stood between him and Lisa. He touched his cheek where she’d kissed him just now.
What had he gotten himself into?
For one half-second, he wished he could go back to yesterday morning. Dark, brooding, and shutting her out. But he realized he didn’t want to be there now. He knew he’d taken his eyes off God, the way Lisa had said, and he didn’t want to do so again. When had she become so wise? Even if she thought otherwise, she’d clearly grown spiritually while he’d stayed stagnant. Or, more accurately, he’d slipped backward.
He got up and crossed over to the tiny window, wishing he could have another look at the beautiful dawn Lisa was so certain God put there for her—for them.
Are you here with me, Lord?
Joe wanted Him to be. He wanted a second chance to be a better human being. Too bad Cody couldn’t be here for it. He’d never get another chance to be a better father to his son. He’d ruined that forever.
But this might be a chance for him to be a better person for Lisa, to make up for his failures in just the tiniest of ways. Not that he could ever make up for it completely. Ever. But the smile Lisa just flashed him, the kiss on the cheek…Something good was happening in her heart. She said it was because of him taking care of her last night and sharing the dawn this morning. Could it be he was doing something right for once? Or maybe he was simply manipulating her.
He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could drown out his conscience.
I want to depend on you, Lord.
If he wasn’t careful, if he failed again, this could still end in divorce.
****
As she showered and dressed, Lisa kept thinking of the sound of Joe’s voice as he whispered her name last night while she pretended to sleep. That, along with his offer of spending the day with her, sent shivers of hope through her heart.
He still cared. He’d proven it last night when he’d searched for and then took care of her.
Either that or he felt sorry for her. No. Lisa quickly dismissed the thought. He cared and a door had opened. She now had a chance to get through to him. She could picture the two of them back in Seattle, walking off the ship hand-in-hand, heading home to Whidbey Island.
Today, for the first time in a long time, they would be spending time together. Eating, talking, and maybe even laughing. Again, a sense of hope whispered through her. This was so much better than last night when all she could feel was desolation, sorrow, and guilt.
She gave herself a last once over in the mirror and reached for the doorknob.
Please, Lord, bless our day together.
****
Lisa watched as Joe set the tray on the small, round table between two lounge chairs. He was trying so hard to make her comfortable, and it touched her deeply. When he motioned for her to sit, she did. Warmed by the morning sun, the cozy nook in the solarium was a perfect place for intimate conversation.
Not that she and Joe were going to be intimate, but they were together. And alone. They could talk freely. Maybe now, Joe would open up to her a little more.
“This is perfect, Joe. Especially the French toast.” She stared at the two food-laden trays Joe had brought to the solarium while she was in the shower. “But I’ll never be able to eat all of this.”
“I know how you love your carbs, even though you look like you’ve missed a few here and there. Just eat what you can. I’m sure I can find room for the rest.”
She ignored the comment that was clearly directed at her weight. She’d lost weight. So had he, obviously. What parent in their situation wouldn’t? She placed a hand on her abdomen. There was more she should tell him. But it wasn’t something she could discuss right now. Instead, she turned her attention to the food. “Where did you get all of this?”
“The Kodiak Grill. It’s just down the deck from the Skygazer Café and the food is served cafeteria style.”
Joe took a healthy bite of a biscuit and egg sandwich, and Lisa was happy to see him enjoy something for a change. Maybe he’d be able to gain back some of the weight he’d lost.
“What?” Joe put his biscuit down and stared back at her.
“Nothing.” A glow warmed her insides. Caught off guard, she blinked. She couldn’t possibly be feeling happy. Joy was an emotion reserved for the day Joe came home with her.
“Then why are you staring at me?”
“I didn’t mean to. It’s just hard for me to believe we’re actually sitting and eating together. It’s been a long time.”
Joe looked away from her, out at the water. The ship moved slowly past a forest-covered island.
“There are tons of eagles on the shore over there.” He changed the subject deliberately. Lisa could tell. But she was determined not to push things. They were together. For whatever reason, he’d invited her to share a meal with him. She’d take a small bit of delight in it and not push things. So she merely nodded and turned her eyes in the direction he pointed, even though she couldn’t see any eagles.
“Hi, kids.” Lisa and Joe both turned from the view to see Jessica, appearing winded, but with a smile on her face. “Do you mind if I sit for a minute while I catch my breath?”
“Morning, Jess. Please, sit.” Joe pointed to an empty lounge chair, and Lisa couldn’t help but notice the familiar way he’d shortened Jessica’s name. Her husband had apparently spent enough time with a stranger to feel familiar giving her a nickname.
Jessica sat in the lounge chair next to her and promptly reached out and squeezed Lisa’s hand. “How are you doing today?”
“Much better, Jessica. Thank you. Joe told me you came by last night. I appreciate your thinking about me.”
“You’re out early.” Joe was pleasant, sincere. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
“Oh, nowhere in particular. I’m just trying to walk off all the calories I consumed at breakfast. They have great food.” She eyed their plates. “It looks like you’re eating pretty well, too. Are you enjoying your morning?”
“We are.”
Whether he meant it, or was just making small talk with Jessica, Lisa couldn’t help but feel happy.
“Hey, are you two going into Ketchikan today?”
“No.” Lisa spoke up. “Joe suggested it, but I’d rather stay here. This little solarium is very relaxing, and I have a book I’ve been anxious to start reading.”
A look passed between Jessica and Joe, but it disappeared before Lisa could interpret it.
“OK. But if you feel like visiting later, I should be back around four o’clock.” Jessica sounded uncertain. But Lisa couldn’t think of a reason why. “We can have tea if you’d like.”
“Thanks. I’ll think about it, Jessica.” Lisa smiled
gently. While she’d certainly enjoy visiting with the older woman, she really had her hopes pinned on time spent with Joe. “Have a nice time in Ketchikan.”
Jessica started to leave but stopped and turned back around. “Better yet, why don’t you two join me for dinner tonight? So far, at every meal, there’ve been two or three empty spots at our table.”
“I don’t think—”
“We’d love to join you, Jessica,” Joe answered for both of them.
Unable to speak, Lisa could only stare at Joe. Had she somehow landed in an alternate universe? Not that she believed in such things, of course. But he’d just accepted Jessica’s invitation for dinner. It had been many years since he’d accepted a dinner invitation without the ulterior motive of winning over a client.
Joe must have interpreted the look she gave him, because he leaned close and whispered in her ear. “It’s OK, Lisa.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Jessica rocked back on her heels, looking extremely pleased with herself.
“Well then, I’ll see you two kids tonight.” She gave them directions to the dining room, winked at Lisa, and headed toward the elevator.
“She’s looking way too smug.”
“I’m sorry, Joe. I may have told her a little too much about our situation. Now it looks like she’s trying to fix our life for us. We absolutely do not have to go. I promise I didn’t set her up to it.”
“Relax. I know you didn’t. I probably told her way too much, too.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. She kind of has that effect on people.”
Lisa couldn’t help but laugh. “She does, doesn’t she?”
“Anyway, you deserve a nice dinner. Especially after last night.”
“I don’t want you to be nice to me just because you feel sorry for me because of last night.”
“I’m not, Lisa. I’m—I don’t know what to say. Let’s just go to dinner tonight, and let it be what it is. OK?”
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