by C. J. Abedi
“Did you?”
She shook her head, confused.
“It hasn’t stopped.”
She stared at me, and I knew it still did not resonate.
“What do you mean? It hasn’t stopped?”
“The hunt is not over, Caroline. It didn’t stop with your parents. They—he won’t rest until you are gone as well,” Devilyn said forcefully. “Do you understand me now?”
She stepped away from me, as if I had slapped her across the face.
“Someone wants me dead?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” she asked, still not fully comprehending what I was trying to tell her.
I took in a deep breath. I had to tell her what she was. What I was. How we fit together. How our destinies were intertwined and had been since the moment our souls were made. She wouldn’t understand until I showed her. She wouldn’t lift her head from the clouds until she saw for herself. Only then could she completely comprehend the risks. Only then would she realize how dangerous it was to be near me. How dangerous it was to have any feelings for me.
Only then.
“I need to show you,” I said as I reached out for her hand. “Walk with me.”
It was time.
I looked down at her pale face and could sense the fear that she had. I knew she wanted to keep it from me, to not burden me with her feelings, and it honestly made me love her even more.
She looked up at me and slowly nodded her head as she reached out for my hand. As soon as our fingers touched, I closed my eyes, and we were gone.
When I opened them, we were standing deep in the Elizabethan Gardens. I watched as she looked around her in awe. She squeezed my hand harder as if she was trying to figure out if I was real, if any of this was real.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” she nodded. “I’m fine. This is just a little overwhelming.”
“We can stop,” I replied, concerned for her now more than ever. “We can stop anytime you want.”
“No, I want to know everything.”
I squeezed her hand in understanding and began leading her through the gardens.
My eyes adjusted to the light that beamed from every crevice of the area. Her people knew she was coming back. They could feel her, and as the wind blew a gentle breeze, they began to hum. They knew that she was finally realizing who and what she was. And I knew she heard the whispers of their soft music because her eyes took on a faraway look.
“What is that sound?”
I didn’t answer her. She would have the answers to all of her questions soon enough. For now, I just wanted her to take it all in. Little by little. We stopped in the center of the garden, surrounded by the bleak white snow, and faced each other.
“Before I tell you anything, I just want you to know that I don’t want you to be afraid,” I said as I reached out my hand to cup her face.
“I’m not afraid, Devilyn.”
Caroline was a terrible liar.
But she was also courageous, and I could not help but admire her for that. Here she was, surrounded by powers she couldn’t understand, running from something she did not even know, trusting me completely. With her life. It almost brought me to my knees. After everything Odin had just told her, I couldn’t understand why she was still standing next to me.
“Tell me. I’m ready now.”
I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. This was the closest moment of intimacy we had shared. In all of the months that we had spent together, I finally knew what it was like to have her soft supple skin brush up against my lips. And I knew that I needed more.
I took another deep breath, inhaling her sweet scent, my hand gently cupping the back of her neck as I forced her gaze up to mine. I took her other hand and moved it to cover my heart. I closed my eyes for a moment then opened them. They were bright with light as the energy moved through my body.
In those moments, I did not have to utter a single word. I allowed Caroline into my soul. I allowed her to see all the images of my life. I allowed her to see our story, the one that I had lived with forever. I allowed her to see my fears. To see what would happen to her if we were ever to be together. And finally, I allowed her to see my love.
The love I had for her now.
The love I would have for her for all eternity.
When I saw the tears stream down her face, I closed my eyes again, quickly allowing the shield to move back into place.
Now she knew.
Everything.
I wondered if she’d run away in fear.
I felt her soft fingers touch my cheek and then allowed her to pull my hand over her heart. It was beating rapidly, as she was no doubt filled with a myriad of emotions.
“Look at me,” she commanded.
I opened my eyes.
“I love you too.”
It was all she said. All she had to say. And I was finally free.
I stood there forever looking into her eyes. Could I believe her words? Could I trust myself if I continued further? My throat suddenly constricted. I needed more.
I wanted to feel her lips on mine.
So badly.
Kiss me.
C
Kiss me.
I stared deep into his eyes in utter disbelief.
Kiss me.
My mind was now playing tricks on me. I shook my head. Did he just ask me to kiss him?
Impossible.
I looked back into his eyes.
No, I knew I had heard him say those words.
I heard him.
And now I believed, no, I knew that he spoke to me. I stepped closer to him, wanting so desperately to follow his silent command. I could feel the heat rising from my face. My hands moved up his chest, and I leaned in more toward him. His arms moved around my waist to pull me close.
I closed my eyes, even though I wished I had kept them open so that I could remember everything about this moment. Everything about his face, his touch, and the completed feeling I had just being held in his arms.
This kiss.
This man.
This moment.
From the minute I set eyes on him, I loved him and there was no shame in acknowledging that. There was only shame in denying what my heart felt. So I leaned in even further. Wanting nothing more than to kiss him and be kissed in return. Even if it meant that I would make the first move. I was willing to do whatever it took, even if I wished deep down that he would be the one reaching down for my lips.
And then, as if sensing my hesitation or hearing my plea, he reached his hand across my cheek and behind my neck and drew me close to him until our lips were one. As soon as our lips met, an electric force went through my body as I kissed him with the longing and passion that had built up in me since I met him.
If possible he pulled me closer and lifted me up toward him as he deepened the kiss. Our lips melded into one.
The moment they touched, I felt like I was on fire.
I wasn’t experienced at all.
He was the teacher.
I, the willing student.
And yet within seconds, kissing him became the most natural thing in the world. He pulled away and ran his fingers across my face. And then he brought his lips to mine again with a hunger and longing that knew no bounds.
It was the most intimate I had ever been with anyone in my life and yet, I felt so comfortable. So at ease.
Because I knew he was the one.
Made for me.
As I was made for him.
After an eternity he pulled away and hugged me close. We both just breathed each other in.
“Devilyn—” I began. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t know where to begin, so I just took in a deep breath and decided to stay as quiet as possible.
It felt like the garden around us was spinning and spinning as we stood there in silence. Until finally he pulled away.
He looked down
at me, knowing that the conversation that faced us would be a difficult one. So much had changed in so many ways.
“Caroline.”
I looked up at him and noticed that everything about him had changed. Gone was the face that looked at me with heated desire, and back was the man I had grown accustomed to. Hard and distant.
“There’s no denying my feelings for you,” he began. “You have to know that everything we just experienced was real and true.”
“I know that, Devilyn,” I replied in a low voice, dreading where this was going.
“I would do anything for you. Anything.” He turned his back to me.
I wanted so desperately to reach out and touch it, to run my fingers around his waist, to hold him and never let go. But I knew that he was struggling to keep his composure, and worse, fearing my reaction to the words that would follow.
“You know now who we are, what we are, and more importantly what I am.”
“We are one and the same.”
He whipped around and faced me. I had tempted his anger with those last words.
“No, Caroline,” he said in a harsh voice. “We are not the same. We may be Fae, but our core, our very essence is quite different.”
“That doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t matter that you are a descendant of someone who is dark or black or whatever it is you call him.” I wanted desperately to shake some sense into him. “None of it matters. The only thing that matters is us. Our future together.”
“Don’t you see? Haven’t you been paying any attention? There is no future,” he said, reaching out to me. “If we continue down this path, there will be no future, no future for you.”
“How can you say that?”
“I can say it because it is true. It has been willed by the Gods. It is our destiny. Your destiny. A destiny that I can change if I keep you safe. One that only I can change by staying away from you. It’s the only way.”
“When I’m with you, I’m safe.”
“We can never be together. Do you understand?”
“Why are you doing this, Devilyn?” I cried out to him. How could he deny this? How could he deny us?
“I love you, Caroline. But I’m not going to allow you to sacrifice your life for this love.”
“I don’t know why you don’t trust me.”
“Trust you,” he practically snarled as he ran his hands through my hair. “I trust you with my life. And I’m asking you to trust me with yours. To accept that we are going to face the most dangerous battle of our lives and that I will protect you at all costs, but when it is over, when you are safe, we will not be able to be together, not now or ever.”
The finality of his words hit me like a brick wall. He had splashed a gallon of ice water across my face. I had nothing left. He had stripped me of all of my hope. I had found love, and now I had instantly lost it. I didn’t know what more there was to say.
“Think of your parents, Caroline. Think of Teddy, Famous. Think of everyone you love and how they would feel if you were placed in harm’s way because of me?”
“You want me to think of everyone except you?”
“I want you to think of how I will feel, how I will feel to live my life knowing that I was responsible for your death,” he said desperately. “I want you to think of me and understand that this is the only way.”
I looked at him and wished that things could be different. I knew his mind was made up. I knew that the kiss we shared moments ago would be forever embedded in my head. It would be a moment I would always look back on in daydreams, right before closing my eyes for bed, as I ran around the high school track, as I took Famous for a walk. A moment I would never forget.
And I moment I would never experience again.
“As you wish, Devilyn.”
“It’s not my wish. This is not my wish,” he said fiercely as he reached for me.
“I don’t think we should touch each other again,” I told him in complete indifference. “It hurts too much.”
His arm immediately dropped. He was just as defeated as I had been. Just as heartbroken. That much I knew. That much I felt. I should have felt solace in it, but I didn’t.
“We should go,” he said after a few moments of silence. “I have some business to take care of after I drop you off at home.”
“I understand.”
“Before we go, I want to make sure I have your word, Caroline.” His voice was hard, pleading. “You will let me protect you. You won’t give me any difficulty.”
I looked at him, initially not knowing what to say. There really were no words. I slowly nodded my head in agreement but kept my other thoughts to myself. Didn’t he know that a life without him was not worth living?
Didn’t he know?
“Your safety is of the utmost importance to me.”
But my love, clearly, was of no value.
D
I heard her. I saw it in her eyes.
Her pain.
Her anguish.
But she had to know. She had to know that the only reason I was pushing her away, yet again, was to prevent her loss. My loss.
I looked down at her again, wanting so badly to hold her as I had moments before and to kiss her just one more time. Just one more time. How could it hurt me? To have her lips against mine.
“I think we should go,” she finally spoke. “I don’t want my parents to worry.”
“I don’t want you to leave like this.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” her voice was strained. “It is for the best. You are right.”
“It’s not for the best!” I shouted out. “I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to keep you safe when all I want to do is hold you and kiss you when you’re around. How can I even think clearly when my head is in the clouds?”
“I thought you said—”
“I know I’m not making any sense. I’ve become a madman. You’ve turned me into a madman.”
“You made perfect sense, Devilyn. You are choosing the easy route. You are choosing to live without me. And I agree. It is the best decision,” her voice was soft, hoarse. I knew she was hurt. And I was the cause of this.
I couldn’t bear it.
“Don’t. I didn’t mean any of it.”
A tear suddenly made its way down her face.
“I’m sorry, Caroline. Forgive me.” I bent down and kissed her moist cheek. “Forgive me. I take it all back.”
“I know there are dangers. I know that I am risking my life. But I don’t care. Because to be honest with you, I haven’t lived. This, this is not living. But a moment ago, I finally felt something. I finally felt alive.”
“So did I.”
“Well, then what are we doing? We can figure this all out together.” I could hear the hope in her voice.
“You’re right.” How could I deny her anything? My soul was in turmoil. “Truce?”
It took her a moment before she believed me. I couldn’t blame her. I had gone from one end of the spectrum to another, but I knew that for now this is what she needed to hear. She slowly nodded her head, and I reached out for her hand. Once she finally took it, I knew I had won her back. For now.
We walked in silence toward my car, and moments later I would drop her off at home and head back to face the reality of my world. The moon was bright against the night sky, and I realized that I needed space from Caroline to clear my head. Face all that I had done. All that she now knew. It was a night of a thousand truths. A thousand realizations. One that I had always wanted to avoid.
A night that would end in the destruction of my sister.
Caroline sat in the seat next to me and leaned her head back and closed her eyes. I knew that she had been experiencing an emotional tsunami just like I had. I knew that she wanted to risk everything. Just as I had.
The risks were real.
They were fated.
But there was nothing either one of us c
ould do but tempt them.
Chapter Fifteen
“As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is my destiny and the meaning of my life.”
—Napoleon Bonaparte
Kingdom of the Dark Fae
Alderon stood by the large windows that overlooked the forest and stared out at the obsidian lake. There were numerous black swans that sat perched on top of the murky water. At once the swans lifted their wings and arched their long necks back. They opened their eyes and all turned to look at Alderon.
They were fire red.
A slow, sly smile came over his face. He turned and came face to face with his daughter, Tatiana.
“I knew you would come back to me,” he said to her as he reached out his hand.
Tatiana’s beautiful face was uncertain as she looked around at the darkness that surrounded him. His palace was very different from Odin’s home. Where Odin’s was warm and vibrant, her father’s was cold and austere.
“How did you know?” she asked him quietly.
“Because you are my daughter. It is your rightful place to be here, by my side. It is your duty,” Alderon said as he stepped closer to her. “It is your legacy.” His hand was still extended to his daughter.
“Give me your hand.”
Tatiana still hesitated.
“Daughter. Let me show you what belongs to you,” he told her. Tatiana took another moment then reached out and grasped her father’s hand.
Alderon smiled as he pulled her close. He walked with her toward the windows, his eyes lit like black coals, and nodded toward the lake.
“Look there.”
Tatiana’s hair lifted magically around her as the water began to swirl in circles, and she began to see what destiny lay ahead. Alderon watched her face with pleasure. He watched as her bright green eyes began to turn a shade darker, like all of her kinsmen. Her transformation was easy.
“This is your truth. This is what you are. This is who you are,” he whispered to her. “You cannot hide from it any longer. You cannot deny what is in your soul.”