Just as I was starting to crank the engine, Micha came rushing around the stand from somewhere in the back. I don’t know if he’d been in the barn or out in the fields. “Savannah! Wait up!” he shouted. I paused in my movements and watched as he jogged towards me. Sweat was pouring off him, and his shirt was clinging to his chest.
“You leaving?” His brow furrowed as he reached my truck and stood by the door.
“Hailey said she was good. Thinking of taking Danny to the playground.” I smiled. “Is something wrong? Do you need me to stay?”
He pressed his lips together in a frown. “Stay? No. I’m good.”
“What is it?” I cranked the engine so I could get the air conditioning running. I was starting to stick to the seat.
“Sorry I haven’t been around for a few days. I’m not avoiding you.” He rocked back on his heels. “I got tested. They’ll have the results soon. Supposed to be sending them to Danny’s oncologist.”
“Thanks, Micha.” I smiled as my eyes started to water. “I really appreciate it.”
“It’s nothing. He’s my son.” He took his hat off and ran his fingers through his sweaty hair. “I’d do anything for him.”
“I just—” I shook my head as I glanced away.
“What?” He leaned closer through the window. “You thought I wasn’t telling you the truth?”
“It’s not that. It’s just… I dumped a lot on you. I didn’t expect you to react this way.” I smiled a half smile. “I really do appreciate it.”
“Don’t get too happy just yet. We still have to wait to see if I’m a match.” Micha sighed.
“I know. I have to have hope, though. We’ve had so much bad news lately that I have to think about the good otherwise I’ll go crazy.”
“So you’re going to the playground? Mind if I stop by later?” He placed his hat back on his head.
“Not at all. Danny would love to spend time with you.” I laughed lightly. “He’s actually been asking when his new friend could come over again.”
“Friend, huh?” He chuckled lightly. “Am I your friend too?” His head tipped to the side as he appraised me.
“Sure.” I shrugged. “That’s all we can be right now, Micha.” I leaned back away from him. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. His smile faltered slightly as he continued to stand there. “My life is complicated enough right now with Danny and all the doctor’s visits. There’s a lot of baggage between us, and I’m not ready to go through it all right now. A friend is all I can be to you.”
“Friends.” He nodded.
“Yeah. Friends.” I sat there waiting. I didn’t want to drive off when he seemed to want me to stay, but there was nothing else to talk about.
“Ok. I’ll see you later at the playground.” He smiled, stepped back away from my door, and then waved as I started to drive away.
Uncertainty. That was my life at the moment.
ooooooooo
It didn’t take me long to get home, and when I stepped through the door, I was bombarded by Danny. My dad was chuckling from his spot on the couch where he was surrounded by Legos. Paw Patrol was playing on the TV in the background.
“He’s been checking that window for the last hour, waiting for you to come home. Something about a trip to the beach?” Dad laughed.
“We talked about it this morning, but I wasn’t sure we’d have enough time.” I tipped my head down and smiled at my son. He was batting his eyes at me as he stuck out his lip.
“Plwease, Mama,” he begged.
“It’s getting kinda late, buddy. I was thinking playground today. Maybe the beach this weekend?”
“Awe, man.” He scuffed his socked foot on the carpet.
“I’ll let you two work this out. I got a grocery run that needs to happen today.” Dad pushed off the couch and started for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He patted my shoulder before heading out.
“You mean you don’t want to stay for the show?” I rolled my eyes as he laughed. “Thanks, Dad. See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow, sweetie.”
“Moooommm, plwease!” Danny tugged on my shirt to get my attention. “I wanna swim.”
“I know you do, but it’s getting late. I was thinking we could go down to the playground, and maybe I could call Micha to come play with you.” I knelt down in front of him. His little lip disappeared into his mouth as he chewed it in consideration. “We could have pizza tonight too.”
“Otay.” He sighed. “Can we do swimming tomorrow?” He turned and surveyed the mess on the floor.
“Saturday. We’ll go Saturday. I don’t have to work, so we can go in the morning.” I smiled as he nodded in acceptance. “I like how you’re cleaning without me telling you.”
“Gwampa says that Legos hurt when you steps on them. I don’t want Micha to hurt his foots.” He grabbed a handful of blocks and tossed them in his bucket.
“That’s a good idea, buddy.” I ruffled his hair before heading to the kitchen to grab us some drinks for the playground. I didn’t plan to be out too long, but Danny didn’t tolerate the heat well.
ooooooooo
Micha
The day seemed to drag for me. I don’t know why, but after Savannah left, I wanted nothing but to follow her. This mix of anger and want seemed to consume me lately. I was still angry at her, but deep down I still loved her. It was painful to be around her, but I seemed to crave that pain. She made me feel; it was something that no other woman had been able to do.
“I’m heading out for the night.” I jumped down from the tractor as Max stepped out of the office.
“You wouldn’t be heading into town, would you?” He grinned.
“What’s it to you?” I narrowed my eyes.
“Just go slow.” Max sighed.
“You’re the one that told me to talk to her, to make this work. Which is it?” I lifted my arms out and shook my head.
“I don’t want to see either of you hurt, that’s all.” Max rolled his eyes. “Make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. You don’t have to be with her to be a good dad.”
“We’re just friends,” I grumbled. It was what she wanted, and I learned the hard way that I need to listen to her more.
ooooooooo
After rushing through a shower, I tugged on a navy tee and some basketball shorts. I normally didn’t meet women dressed so casually, but this wasn’t a date. It didn’t take me long to reach her complex, and I parked near her apartment. The playground was on the other side, but I was hoping I’d be able to convince Savannah to let me stay for dinner.
I jogged around the building, and laughter filled the air. A few kids were running around, but I could see Danny sitting on a swing. I smiled and began heading his way.
“Hey, buddy!” I waved as I approached him.
“Micha! Hey!” He waved frantically, but didn’t move to get up. “Will you push me?”
“Sure.” I laughed as I got closer.
“Not too high or Mama will fwip out.” He rolled his eyes before glancing over to where Savannah was sitting on a blanket.
“Ok.” I chuckled as I grabbed the chains of the swing, and pulled him back. “How’s that?”
“Higher!” He laughed as his little feet pumped, attempting to help me. I pushed against his hip, sending him soaring in the air. “Weeeee!” He squealed as his eyes fluttered closed. “More! Faster!”
“I think that’s fast enough,” Savannah called from her spot. “He’s a daredevil. Kinda like someone else I know.” She directed her gaze at me.
“Eh. Some thrills are worth it.” I shrugged as I continued to push him. He settled in while I worked up a sweat.
“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” I was sitting on one of the platforms of the jungle gym with Danny staring at the sunset. We’d played on practically everything, and were taking a break. Savannah had joined us for our time in the sandbox, but now she was taking a phone call.
“Yeah,” Danny mused. “I like the
mornings better. When I wived in my old house, Mama and I would watch the sun come up. I didn’t sweep a lot whens I was in the hospital. Mama didn’t sweep much eeder.”
It was like a stab to the heart, listening to him talk but I wanted to know as much as I could. “Did you see it rise a lot?” I leaned into him and knocked shoulders.
“More than ten,” he mused. I guess at three, ten is a lot.
We sat there staring as the giant orange orb slowly sunk behind the trees. The summer sky turned from a bright blue to a mix of purple and pink. It was my favorite part of the day. Danny yawned, and leaned against me. “You hungry? I was thinking I’d get us all some dinner.”
“Mama said pizza tonight.” Danny yawned again and rubbed his eyes.
“Well, let’s get some pizza.” I grinned as I hopped down, and held my arms out to help him. He launched himself at me, and wrapped his arms around my neck.
“I’m tired. Cans I gets a ride?” He smiled as he squeezed me tighter.
“I think I can manage.” I felt the knot that had been slowly growing in my throat for days suddenly get exponentially bigger. The grip he had on my neck was no match for the grip he’d put on my heart. My son was slowly breaking me in the best way possible, but I couldn’t tell him. I was just Micha, his friend when I wanted to be his dad. “Let’s tell Mama that we’re getting pizza.” I lifted him higher in my arms as I rounded the jungle gym to find Savannah in a heated conversation.
“I told you I’m busy. I understand that. It’s not your concern anymore. Please stop.” She growled into her phone. “I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t call me again.” She hung up, and stuffed her phone in her back pocket.
“Everything ok?” I watched as she folded the blanket and grabbed the rest of her things.
“Yeah, fine.” She brushed me off. “Just an old friend.”
“Didn’t seem very friendly to me,” I mused.
“Don’t worry about it,” she snapped as she stuffed the blanket into the bag on her arm.
“Ok.” I held up my free hand. “Danny said you promised him pizza for dinner. How about I treat us to a Sammy’s pie?”
“That would be nice.” She slowly deflated. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to take my problems out on you. Pizza from Sammy’s sounds great, and I appreciate you carrying him. He’s getting heavy and harder for me to manage.”
“I don’t mind.” I hugged Danny tighter. “I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
“Thanks.” Her shoulders dropped in a defeated pose.
“I mean it, Savannah. Just ask me.” I reached for her hand, but she recoiled.
“Friends, Micha.” She stared at my hand.
“Sorry.” I stepped back.
“Let’s go call in that pizza. I’m sure he’ll get his second wind once he smells it.” She laughed lightly as Danny scowled at her. “You know I’m right, buddy.”
“Pizza is my favowite.” He hugged my neck and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “It’s Mama’s favowite too.”
“What are you talking about over there?” Savannah glanced at us as we made our way back to her apartment.
“It’s top secret.” I grinned at Danny. “Right?”
“Wite.” He gave a quick nod. “Wanna watch Paw Patrol, Micha?”
“Sounds like a great night. Pizza and Paw Patrol.” I hugged him tighter. I needed to tell him. This was killing me. Savannah and I needed to talk, and she needed to let me tell him. I wasn’t going anywhere, and my son deserved to know that I was his father. I loved him, and I was going to do whatever it took to prove that to both him and his mother. I was in this with both feet.
Chapter 16
Savannah
I’m not sure what I expected my life to be like once I came back here. I wanted Danny to get better, and I wanted him to grow up somewhere I had fond memories of. I never expected Micha to want to be part of our lives like he has. I mean, I knew he came from a close family, but I didn’t think springing a son on him like I did would go over as smoothly as it has.
Dinner tonight was interesting. Danny brought up our trip to the beach this weekend, and invited Micha to join us. I thought for sure that he would say no, but he didn’t. Now I have to decide if I’m really ok with him tagging along. He says he’s going to be around now, but I worry if he understands exactly what that means.
“Go put your jammies on, buddy. It’s time for bed,” I called from where I was cleaning up our leftovers.
“Otay!” Danny’s voice had that defeated sound that kids get when they don’t want to do something but they know they have to. “Will you tuck me in?” I rounded the corner just in time to see my son making the request to Micha.
“Sure.” Micha smiled. “Wanna ride?” He opened his arms, and Danny jumped into them. In that moment I felt the band around my heart get a little tighter. I’d dreamed for moments like this over the years, but had come to accept that they might never happen.
“Gots to tell Mama goodnight.” He scrambled free, rushed over to where I was standing, and tugged on my hand. “Nite, Mama.” He grinned, and I squatted down in front of him.
“Nite, sweetie.” I hugged him and ruffled his hair. “You show Micha where everything is, ok?”
“Otay.” He giggled before running back to where Micha was still sitting on the couch. “Rweady.” He held his arms out, waiting to be picked up.
ooooooooo
I spent the next half hour keeping myself busy in the family room. I straightened the pillows, folded blankets, and packed away toys. I organized the magazines, and then began to pace. Micha hadn’t called for help, and Danny had been quiet, so things must have been going well. I didn’t want to intrude on their time, but I was starting to worry that it was taking Micha so long.
Finally, I gave in and made my way down the hallway to Danny’s room. What I found nearly brought me to my knees. The nightlight was glowing from his dresser, giving off just enough light to see them. Danny was curled on his side in his bed, and Micha was propped up against it from where he was sitting on the floor. One arm was draped over Danny’s pillow, the other was in Micha’s lap. His head was tilted to the side, being propped up by the mattress. Both were snoring softly and looked so peaceful. It had been years since I’d seen Micha like this. So relaxed, and at peace.
“Hey,” I whispered as I nudged his shoulder. “He made you stay ‘til he fell asleep, huh?” I laughed quietly.
“I didn’t mind.” Micha stretched as he glanced over at Danny’s sleeping form.
I nodded toward the living room, and Micha started to stand. He followed me out and waited as I pulled the door to a crack. “He’ll be out all night. Today was a big day for him.”
“Who watches him when you’re at work?” Micha turned to face me, hands on his hips like he was ready for battle.
“My dad.” I searched the room for something to do. I didn’t like the way this seemed to be going. Micha needed to leave before we both said something we didn’t mean.
“Every day? Don’t you think he should get out and play with other kids?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “You could bring him with you. Nora’s always looking for playmates.”
“He’s not like other kids, Micha. He can’t run around and be free. He’s sick. He has meds and limitations right now.” I shook my head. “You just don’t understand.”
“So help me. Help me understand. I want to.” He stepped closer. “You say we’re friends, but you don’t tell me anything about him. I want to be his dad.” He growled.
“Shh!” I whirled around. If he wanted a fight, he’d get one. “You don’t know anything about our life. You don’t know what we’ve been through. What I’ve been through!” I pointed at my chest. “Letting you in scares the shit outta me. He can’t get hurt anymore. Don’t you get that? You have to be here for all of it if I let you in. All of it! The good and the bad, and believe me there has been way more bad than good lately.”
“I’m trying to be. Savannah, I’ve
done everything you’ve asked. I’ve been here when you’ve let me. I’ve backed off when you told me to. I’m trying to give you what you want, but I want, no need, him to know I’m his dad.” He ran his hands through his hair, tugging the ends in frustration.
“I’m trying, Micha. I’m trying to let you in, but I’m also trying to protect him.” I turned and walked toward the kitchen. I needed to escape from the room. The air was getting thick and I felt like I was drowning.
“What are you so afraid of?” He followed and leaned against the doorway. “I’m not going to hurt to him.”
“Not intentionally,” I murmured. I shuffled over to the fridge and grabbed a water.
“What are you talking about? You think I’m just going to walk away? Are you insane? You left me, remember!” He advanced closer and stopped so close I could feel his body heat. “You walked away, not me. I was ready to marry you, Savannah.” His voice sounded strained. I could tell he trying to stay calm, but losing the battle.
“He’s not a toy that you can discard when you’re bored. You have to be here forever if you tell him.” I glanced up at him, losing the battle of holding it together. One lone tear broke free and trickled slowly down my cheek.
“What kinda man do you think I am? I’m here. I’m doing what you asked. I don’t know how else to prove this to you. Ugh!” He sighed and ran a palm down his face.
“I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes. “I’m dealing with some stuff. It’s making me crazy. I know you’re trying. I see it. I do.” I nibbled my lip as I nodded. “We can tell him together…this weekend… come to the beach with us. We’ll do it then.”
I watched his eyes soften and his body relax. “I’d like that.” He stepped back from me. “I’m not trying to butt into your life, Savannah, but I want to know him and you have to understand that I’m willing to do anything to make that happen.”
“Ok.” I nodded.
“Ok?” He bent his neck to look directly into my eyes.
“Yeah.” I stepped around him, and made my way towards the couch. As I flopped down, he kinda stood there watching me.
One Last Time (The Stanton Brothers) Page 11