penance. a love story (The Böhme Series)

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penance. a love story (The Böhme Series) Page 23

by Sarah Buhl


  I wanted that kiss to show her how much I longed for her. I wanted to move with slowness, but every part of me wanted to rush into her, feeling every part of her. I wanted her to annihilate my walls. I wanted to show her that I needed nothing more than to know and explore every part of her. It wasn't her body that pulled me to her, I wanted her heart. I wanted her mind. I wanted her being. I stepped her back toward the bookshelf and put my hands on either side of her, caging her between my arms.

  Her eyes looked across mine as if she tried to write me to memory. I did the same as she embedded herself into me and the light she was bringing with her covered the dark memories that haunted me. The ghosts of my past went into hiding with every one of her smiles. As she watched me, her smile touched her eyes before it reached her mouth. A masculine pride landed on my shoulders as she did that for me. I never wanted to claim a smile from a girl, but Hannah brought out every primal need in me.

  “Hi,” she said with a quiet voice as she kept that smile on her face.

  I smiled in reply and traced my fingers along her cheek. “Hi.”

  She pulled her lips in a tight line and looked away with hesitation. “I have to confess.”

  "Okay, but I'm not catholic, or a priest, but we can stop at St. Joseph's on the way home if you want," I said and she let out a laugh that formed into a snort and my eyes grew wide with shock and I laughed myself. "Holy shit, you just snorted," I said and she shoved my shoulder before trying to duck below my arms and escape.

  I pulled her back to me and held onto her as her laugh tore us both away in the moment. She pushed away from me to lean over with her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. "Now I must confess something myself, Hannah. That was the sexiest thing I have ever seen. My joke wasn't even that funny.” I laughed as I put my hand on her back.

  She laughed harder and raised her finger to me as she tried to stop. I took a second look to verify it, but yes, she chose her middle finger to raise, not the pointer one encouraging me to wait. She flipped me off which added to the growing need she created in me. She caught up with her breaths and turned a scowl to me before she spoke.

  "Okay, ass wipe. Let me talk without your joking. I got a call from my parents and I need to go home for something,” she said and my heart fell into my stomach. I didn’t want her to leave, not when we just began to drop our walls. She took a deep breath. “And, my first instinct was to text you to come here. I didn’t call Maggie, as I always do. I sent you a text without question—what does that mean?”

  I gave her a self-assured grin. “I think it means that despite my lame jokes, you trust me and it means the world that you do.” I kissed the tip of her nose.

  She smiled with a nod. “I think you’re right. I do have a favor to ask, though.” She met my eyes. “Are you up for taking me home? Not my apartment, but home, home. My mom said I needed to come back for this something, but I'm not sure if I can handle going alone. I know we've had just a few dates and here I am asking you to go home to visit my crazy parents. But will you go with me?”

  “Of course, I’ll call work and tell them I’m unavailable for a few days,” I said, causing her to lower her head with an expression I could tell was the start of guilt. “Don’t do that,” I said, as she looked up at me. “I’m serious. I have never taken a break from work. There’s no reason for you to feel guilty for me taking time off work. You should be proud for being the first reason for me to take time off.” I smiled proudly at her.

  “Oh, don’t get a big head now,” she said as she punched my shoulder in jest. I leaned in and kissed the side of her mouth and touched her hand again. The free way I spoke and the comfort I had with her, baffled me. My life never held such promise. With Hannah every moment was a promise of happiness and freedom. I took her hand in mine and kissed every one of the knuckles that had hit me.

  "If you keep looking at me that way, a big head is inevitable,” I said as she sighed before looking off, deep in her thoughts.

  “My family sucks,” she stated with a flat expression. “You heard stories last night, but now you get to see it firsthand. I just want you to know what you are getting yourself into with me.”

  “I want to go with you. It will be our first road trip,” I said as my smile widened.

  She laughed. “Yes—gas station food and the wide open road.”

  I stepped away but kept our hands locked together. “That sounds awesome. I want that jerky that looks like chewing tobacco.”

  “I love that stuff,” she said as she laughed and walked toward the staircase. I watched her shoulders as she walked and I could tell this trip was not one she wanted to take. I didn’t ask what was bothering her about her parents. If she wanted to avoid it, I would as well. From what I have learned of her in our short time together, she will tell me when she is ready.

  We made our way back to the counter, and I watched her as she counted out her drawer. “How’s Petra doing?” I asked as I toyed with a Shakespeare Bobble head.

  “She’s doing better than she was this morning. She said she’ll be up and ready to take on the day tomorrow.” She smiled. “You should go see her, I’m sure she’d like the company,” she said as she pointed to the stairs that led to Petra’s apartment.

  I nodded in agreement and stepped toward Hannah before leaving. I put my hands on either one of her arms and brought her attention to me. Without a word I pulled her into a hug. My main goal was to show her how amazing she was. I kissed the top of her head as I pulled away from her. As I turned, I caught a glimpse of her shoes and what was covering them.

  “I’m not the only lover of quotes,” I said, pointing at her shoes.

  She turned her shoe to the side and laughed. “Yeah, I've been writing on these for five years now. Lily and I were the ones that started them together. She had a pair as well,” she said with a sad smile.

  “We will have to compare notes sometime,” I said with a wink and a kiss to the top of her head before turning to go into Petra’s apartment. I heard her snicker to herself behind me as I opened the door and an easy smile formed on my face.

  “Petra?” I asked, walking into her kitchen.

  “Oh my, Wynn, I haven’t seen you in a while,” Petra responded from her living room. I walked in and found her lying on her couch watching an old black and white film. I couldn’t remember the title, but it was one of Petra's favorites.

  “Yep, it’s me the one and only,” I said as I sat in the old rocker that belonged to her great-grandmother. “How have you been?”

  “Well, I’ve been better,” she said as she lifted the remote to lower the volume. “Me old bum is hurting.” She spoke with a false Irish accent that sounded odd with her German one.

  “I heard. I guess Sid won’t be able to take you to Salsa lessons after all.” I joked and she raised an eyebrow at my mocking statement and I laughed. “I’m serious, Petra. You guys need to get over your selves and go out on a date again. You have always been so close,” I said with a sigh.

  “Wynn, we’ve been friends for far too long. That is not in our cards.” She gave me a pointed glance. “Believe me, I know.” She smiled. “I read the cards several times to find out. Plus if we were to get together that will cause a scandal for everyone at the gallery.”

  I laughed. “Petra, why do you believe in that superstition? Cards, runes, palm reading—it’s just chance and numbers.”

  She sighed and shook her head as she pulled her quilt up to her waist and sat up, curling her legs under her. “Oh Wynn, fate is fate. Even if the cards read otherwise, if it’s not our fate, it’s not our fate. If we were to be with each other, it would have happened years ago. People can’t have their lives intertwined for so long and change this late in life. We are more like siblings than lovers.”

  I pinched my lips together and cocked my head to the side in question. “How do you know you aren’t?”

  “Because my thoughts don't drift to Sid, that’s how I know. I don’t dream of being near him. He
doesn’t fluster me and I don’t have that contrasting ache of the chest where sometimes you feel lost to the person and sometimes you feel free because you can't believe you found someone like them. I don’t have any of that. I care for him though. I want him to always be happy and be in his place, right where he’s meant to be.”

  “When was the last time you watched him in his element?” I asked, and she scowled at my question.

  “It’s been years,” she responded. “I’ve never watched him give a tattoo though if that's what you mean, and I haven’t even been in his shop for months. The last time was to ask if he had change for a twenty.”

  “I don't mean tattoos. I mean with his painting. I think you need to watch him in that element and you will feel a change. Something happens when you watch another person living and breathing their passion. I bet you’ll get a spark going between you two. It’s inevitable. You must have some thoughts about him if you were reading your cards so much,” I said as I rocked in her chair.

  “Who made you matchmaker Wynn Hawthorne?” Her unusual skepticism baffled me. “It's very unlike you and it’s making me wonder if you need to go in for a head examination.” Her accent grew thicker as she spoke. I was getting to her because she knew I was right.

  I laughed. “Petra, nothing is going on with me.”

  She sat up straighter and her eyes grew wide. She lowered her glasses to look over them at me. “I know what it is, boy," she said as she pointed at me. “It’s our, Hannah, isn’t it?"

  I smiled. “Yes, Petra, it's Hannah,” I said as Petra leaned back into the couch and let out a sigh, looking at the ceiling a big smile spread across her face. “What?” I asked.

  She met my eyes. “Wynn, this means so much to me. I knew it. I knew the day I met her and she came into my shop. She is a hurting young woman and you are a hurting young man and sometimes when two people hurt so much, they can meet and make each other’s pain lessen. But there’s something more than that pain that draws you to each other and that thing is the possibility of what’s coming and oh I can’t wait for what is to come.” She smiled at me and the look on her face made me wonder if she was going to bounce and clap her hands like a teenage girl. “We all have pain, but when you find someone who understands you in your pain, that is beautiful. You two drew to each other for a purpose. Maybe you are each other’s purpose.”

  “Petra,” I said as I rose and gave her a hug. “You need to take your own advice, too.” I gave her a wink. “And you need to steer clear of the romance section.”

  I heard the door to her apartment open and Hannah came in and gave me yet another genuine smile. I liked seeing that smile on her. She turned to speak to Petra, but took my hand with one of hers and rested the other around my bicep. "I’m going to have to leave for a couple days," she said. “Are you going to be okay? I can make up my time missed later in the week and will still work my hours for you.”

  “Don’t worry about it schatz. I’ll be fine. I’m already feeling better now.” She looked at me and gave me a wink. “You take all the time you need. Is this about the call you got earlier?”

  Hannah nodded. “Yeah, I have to go back home. Wynn’s taking me,” she said with a smile that she gave right to me.

  “I’ll be fine. You go take care of business, kids,” Petra said as Hannah let go of me to hug her. As they embraced, Petra gave me a wink with a thumb up over Hannah's shoulder. I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head.

  I followed Hannah out of the shop and as we stepped out of the store, a cool breeze danced around us and pushed her hair out of her face. It billowed around her, creating a fluid dance. She pulled a light stocking cap out of her sweatshirt pocket. She put it on, pulling it over her ears and wrapped her hair into her usual bun. I missed the beauty of it dancing free, but every movement she made captivated me. She turned with a demure smile and the height of the sun in the sky cast an orange glow across her face. She was breathtaking.

  “Do we have to head out right away?” I asked her.

  “No, how come?” she asked as her smile widened.

  “I want you to meet someone.”

  She tilted her head to the side with a mischievous smile. “Okay.”

  I took her hand and walked toward Sid’s shop. I had never held hands with anyone like this and it felt awkward at first. I was self-conscious as to how Hannah would react to me holding her hand in the open. When I saw the blissful gleam in her eyes, awkwardness faded.

  “I like this,” she said as she wrapped her other hand around my bicep again. “I feel at home with you.”

  “Good. You should feel at home with me.” I laughed, and she feigned annoyance, attempting to push me away. “What? You think I’m joking?” I gave her a deadpan expression which made her laugh in return.

  “I think you like to use sarcasm to depreciate any good someone says to you,” she said with a knowing smile.

  “I agree.” I smiled and pointed at Sid’s sign. “We’re here.”

  She met my eyes and held her smile. “Is this the Sid?”

  I nodded in response as I pushed the door open to enter. “Give me one second okay. I will be right back.”

  She nodded in agreement as she took a seat on the bench outside his shop.

  I stepped into the shop and found Sid leaning on his front counter reading a magazine. The light blazed in his front window and the painted sign created a silhouette across his face, making it appear like he had a giant S tattooed on him. He looked up when he saw me and he tilted his head in question. “What’s up with you?” he asked in a confused tone.

  I rolled my eyes at his question. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

  “I think it has something to do with the shit eating grin across your face and it's odd,” he said with a crooked smile. He tossed his magazine to the side as he tried to decipher my expression.

  “I met someone, okay,” I said with a smile. I looked back toward the door and saw Hannah still sitting on the bench, watching people walk past her. It reminded me of the first time I saw her.

  Sid sat up with such a jolt it made me step back. “Are you serious?” He stepped around his counter and put his hands on my shoulders and examined my face. “Holy hell, you are serious,” he said as he stepped away to examine me.

  “Yes, and I was stopping in because I need to take her home for the weekend. Her parents live out of town and she asked me to go with her.”

  His smile spread across his face even more and he pulled me in for a hug. It was something he never did. We were close, but he never hugged me. “I hope this works out for you Wynn. I hated what happened to you growing up, you deserve happiness.”

  I lacked a response to his confession and brought the subject back to why I was there. “Well, she’s here,” I said as I looked out the window again.

  “She is?” he asked in shock and I nodded. “Well, bring her in, man.”

  “Okay,” I said as my face tightened from the size of the smile spreading across it. I turned to open the door for Hannah.

  “It suits you Wynn,” Sid said in a quiet resonance. I raised my eyebrow in question and he responded. “Happiness suits you,” he continued as Hannah walked in behind me.

  I took her hand and led her further into the shop as Sid watched us, with a joy in his eyes.

  “This is Hannah.” I smiled at him as we let go of each other’s hand and she pushed hers toward him to shake.

  He looked from her hand to her face and pulled her in for a hug. He held her in the hug for longer than I expected and as he did he spoke into her ear. I couldn’t hear what he said and saw her nod as she listened to him. He dropped her embrace and kept his hands on her shoulders as he looked in her eyes.

  “Well, Hannah. You are breathtaking and I can’t thank you enough for putting the beatific expression on Wynn’s face.”

  “That again?” I asked as I rolled my eyes once more.

  “I can’t help it, Wynn. That smile is more natural than any I have ever seen o
n you.” He gave me a crooked grin.

  Hannah lowered her head with a shy smile. She looked amazing when she was shy. Her confidence was beautiful, but when she was shy it was incredible because her mask was no longer in place. Her guard dropped and she let her innermost feelings show.

  “Well, on that note. We should get heading out. I have to drop you off to get packed.”

  “Okay, sounds good,” she said as she took my hand with a smile and turned to Sid. “It was very nice to meet you.”

  He smiled his usual carefree grin, and it morphed into the largest one I had ever seen on his face. “Believe me, the pleasure is all mine. I hope to see more of you, Hannah.”

  She smiled at Sid, but looked at me as she responded. “I am positive you will.” Hannah started to the door with me in tow. She gave me a gentle tug that made me laugh. I turned and waved to Sid as he went back to his book

  As soon as we exited the building Hannah’s smile grew wider. “Okay, Sid is awesome.”

  18

  Hannah

  Wynn dropped me at my apartment to pack a small bag for our trip. We had little space on the bike for traveling so I planned to pack light. I told Wynn packing light was the way I rolled, and he got a kick out of that. I used humor to focus on a trip alone with him instead of the reason for it in the first place.

  My mom called, saying they received news and she refused to give it to me over the phone. I argued with her for a while because it was as if they were attempting to trick me into coming. But I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to have her reach out to me with such urgency.

  It will be night when we leave and though they live an hour from me, I chose not to go to their house until the following afternoon. I hoped to have time alone with Wynn and planned to put off seeing my parents as long as possible.

  My hand shook as soon as I hung up the phone with my mom at the thought of seeing her and my father. It had been two years since I left their house and I remembered that last day well. My dad told me though I still walked above ground, he considered me dead. They were just words without meaning though. He still called now and then to check on me. Granted, the occasional phone call held disdain, and I learned to let them go to voicemail.

 

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