Grace rolled her eyes. “But do you want him to?”
“Maybe, I mean…” I’d never voiced my true feelings about Ben to anyone outside of Aditi and Hannah. I’d always told everyone else he was like a brother, in part to keep my hopes down.
“Come on,” Aditi urged. “You’ve been holding back all year. Tell her what you really think.”
I gave a little smile. “I like him. A lot. But I’m sure he only thinks of me as a friend.”
Grace raised her eyebrows like she didn’t believe me.
“Seriously, there are so many better-looking girls at this school.”
“I don’t see Ben hanging out with any other girls,” Grace said.
“He talks to lots of them,” I insisted.
Hannah smiled. “He’s just being nice.”
Grace looked up from her nails and caught my eye. “Leave it to me. When I’m done with you, he won’t be able to keep his hands off.”
I giggled. What did Ben truly think? But regardless of what he thought, my heart was full. I had close girlfriends who’d be there for me no matter what happened with him.
When our nails dried, Grace took charge of our hair and makeup. Curls for everyone except Hannah, who chose to flat iron her long, blond hair. By the time Grace finished with Aditi and Hannah, I barely recognized them with their smoky eyes and full lips.
I coughed as Grace doused me in hairspray. “Can I see?” I asked as she began to apply my makeup.
“Not yet,” she said while Aditi and Hannah put finishing touches on their faces in the other mirror.
My stomach filled with butterflies. Most days, I tied my hair in a ponytail or let it hang straight—a couple of French braids was as fancy as I’d get—and used only a touch of dark brown mascara. And of course, I typically wore warm, bulky sweaters paired with jeans. But tonight, I was like a princess dressing for a ball.
Finally Grace announced, “You’re done.”
I stood and twisted my body to each side to get a better view in the small mirror. I couldn’t believe it was me.
“I wish I could pull off a tight dress like that,” Aditi admitted. “You look fantastic!”
“More like gorgeous,” Hannah said.
Grace smiled proudly. “Ben is going to eat you up.”
My reflection turned beet red, which made everyone burst out laughing.
Grace led me to their closet and opened the door, revealing a full-length mirror.
I stared at myself. Even I had to admit I looked hot.
****
At 5:45 many of our friends were meeting up with us in O’Reilly’s sitting room. Ben hadn’t arrived, so we had fun taking pictures. Good thing because my social media needed some serious updating next time I could access the sites. Besides, I’d promised to email some home. Mom was thrilled about my first date. I hadn’t exactly told her I had done the asking. I didn’t want to get into it with her. She was convinced Ben liked me.
After several poses with at least six different cameras, I lifted my gaze. Ben had arrived. Alone. He wore a navy sports coat, khaki pants, and a red and blue striped tie. His blond hair was gelled into place, and a faint hint of cologne hung in the air. He always looked good, but tonight he looked amazing.
“Hey, Autumn.” His voice was so low I could barely hear, and my stomach fluttered. Then he turned his attention to my friends, as they showered him with compliments.
Soon Hannah was clicking pictures of Ben and me. “These are the best!” She shoved the screen of her phone into my face.
At last, the two of us stepped outside. I shivered as the frigid air hit my bare shoulders.
“You okay?” he asked. “You look freezing.”
“I’m fine.”
He took hold of my arm. Good thing because my body was tense, and I had to concentrate on each step to keep from falling. Aditi’s heels didn’t help.
We were going to Rogers Dormitory for dinner. Normally their tables were reserved for juniors and seniors for breakfasts, snacks, and studying, but tonight the Dance Committee had transformed it. The overhead lights were dimmed, and tea lights flickered at each table. Jazz played in the background.
A lady in a white blouse and black pants greeted us with a smile. “Right this way.”
I was curious and a bit worried about who we’d be seated with since my best friends had arranged to sit at a table of girls. But when she led Ben and me to a round table, I breathed a sigh of relief to see freshmen I knew fairly well, including Lucy and Jack. Lucy was a close friend of Grace’s I’d been getting to know since the roommate switch, and Jack was a friend of Ben’s. No sign of Caitlyn, thank goodness.
Everyone was on their best behavior, trying to impress their dates, speaking politely, and using the proper forks and all that. Most of the conversation centered on speculating what the dance would be like.
“I hope the music is better tonight,” Lucy said. “There was too much rap last time.”
“I loved the music at the last dance,” Jack said.
“Fine.” Lucy sipped her drink. “But you have to admit it was hard to dance to.”
And on and on they went.
I mostly listened and picked at my food.
“Come on, Autumn, eat something,” Ben said. “This is the best food we’ve had all year.”
It was silly. It was only Ben. I nodded and forced myself to eat a bit more. By the time dessert came, I felt almost like myself and could speak more than a few words at a time.
After dinner, we went to the gym. Ben held my arm again. This time I was more relaxed and able to enjoy the closeness. Even through his blazer, I felt his biceps flex as they held me steady. Blaring pop music reached halfway across the quad, and the bass vibrated through my body, competing with my beating heart.
“Love this song,” I said.
“Me too. It’s great for dancing.”
I grinned to myself at the thought of us dancing together. We’d danced before in a large group at the informal dance held in the fall, but tonight it felt different.
We entered a crowded gym, the dance floor packed and students strutting their stuff in groups here and there. We stood off to the side taking it all in. The Dance Committee had worked hard here too. A maze of black and white balloons and crepe paper streamers, along with colorful lights, gave the spacious room a magical feel. I was a princess after all.
“Stay close to me,” Ben said. “I don’t want you spraining an ankle.”
I smiled to myself. I’d have to thank Aditi for insisting I wear such high heels. And I’d assumed making my thin calves look shapelier was the primary benefit.
Ben nodded toward the side where long tables covered with snacks and drinks lined the wall. “Um, do you want to eat or something?”
We’d just eaten. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one nervous. “No. I’m good.”
Hannah and Grace emerged from the shadows and ran up to us.
“We’ve been waiting for you!” Hannah shouted over the music, as she grabbed my hand and dragged us to the center of the dance floor. “Come on!”
I glanced over my shoulder at Ben. “I guess we’re dancing.”
He nodded and kept hold of my other hand.
In seconds we found ourselves among many friends while the disco ball covered us with glimmers of light. My body finally relaxed completely as I found the beat of the music and began to sing along with the lyrics. Ben grinned and twirled me around.
After several songs, he nodded to the professional photographer in the corner. “Let’s get some pics before I ditch this jacket.”
“Okay.” I was getting hot, even in Hannah’s spaghetti-strapped dress.
The photographer made us stand in awkward formal positions with our chins facing just so as if we were mannequins. So not the romantic experience I’d expected. When the photographer returned to his fancy camera, I could no longer keep a straight face, and the poor man had to come back and readjust my position. Then Ben cracked up too. Oh well.
At least we got some decent pictures back at O’Reilly.
After the photos, we weaved our way back to our friends on the dance floor. The group had expanded while we were gone. I took a closer look at my friends. Hannah radiated even more beauty than ever, although her eyes were focused on Will’s feet across from her, as they shuffled to the music. I turned to Ryan and nodded toward Hannah.
Ryan leaned over and practically yelled in my ear. “Turns out Will’s been wanting to dance with her too!”
Nearby, Aditi danced with yet another guy who had been on her list. Looked like she was going to check everyone off and then some. I turned back to Ben as we continued to bop along to the song.
Toward the end of the night, while I sipped a bubbly fruit punch and chatted with Aditi, the DJ put on a slow song. In five seconds, the dance floor cleared, leaving the couples behind.
“Come here.” Ben held out his hand.
I winked at Aditi while I set down my drink. Ben led me to the center of the gym.
I’d never slow danced with a guy. I’d skipped most of the dances in middle school. But Ben knew what he was doing and brought my hands to his shoulders and placed his hands on my waist. A tingle of excitement went through me. We’d never stood so close. Then we swayed to the music. I felt like everyone’s eyes were on us, so I kept him between the onlookers and me.
Ben’s lips began to move, but I couldn’t make out what he’d said even though the music was softer than before. I was concentrating too hard on the unfamiliar sensation of his hands on my waist.
Finally his words formed a coherent sentence in my mind. “Having fun?” he’d asked.
I nodded. “Are you?”
“Definitely,” he said, eyes shining.
My mind drifted, filling with thoughts of him as we continued to turn slowly. I forgot about the people around us and enjoyed the moment. I still couldn’t believe after all these months I was actually in his arms. I wanted to pull him closer and wished for a kiss. But it was impossible. Chaperones were stationed all around. And who knew if he’d kiss me back?
After the song ended, the volume ratcheted back up. It was a school favorite, and everyone stampeded to the dance floor. Our friends found us, and the spell was broken.
Soon the music faded and people started to leave. Was I supposed to walk back with Ben or with our friends? We were all together, so I followed the crowd with Ben at my side.
When we neared O’Reilly, Ben pulled me away from the swarm. “One more thing.” He took my hand and walked me toward the far corner of the building. My heart pounded.
Once we rounded it, he stopped and turned toward me. He leaned closer and gave me the lightest kiss. I could’ve sworn an electrical shock passed through our lips.
“I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” he said, gazing into my eyes.
Without a word, I put my hands on his shoulders and pulled him down to me. I leaned in, parting my lips slightly, and kissed him as I’d longed to all year.
Chapter: 33
I dragged my feet across the quad on Friday afternoon. The dirty gray snow and freezing drizzle—evidently typical for mid-March in the Cascades—was a perfect reflection of my mood. I had just met with Mr. Robbins. He’d mentioned he had discussed my progress, or lack thereof, with Principal Locke. I supposed if I were to flunk Dream Management, the principal needed time to plan how to keep my mouth shut. Mr. Robbins didn’t have any new suggestions today but promised he would come up with something. He even planned to call his counterpart at Lawrence Academy to brainstorm solutions.
In many ways this had been one of the best weeks of my entire life. After longing for Ben all year, I could finally call him my boyfriend. And despite the miserable weather, we’d even snuck out to the forest a couple times to make out. But the closer I grew to Ben, the more anxious I became—afraid I’d lose it all.
Time was running out for me to figure out conveyance, not to mention catch up with all the dream assignments. My improvement was slower than a sloth. Last week and again on Tuesday, Aditi received a fleeting image where she recalled opening a gift, but by mid-afternoon, she’d forgotten. And then in the wee hours of this morning when I conveyed, I couldn’t keep my mind on the script. My thoughts kept drifting to Ben—more like kissing Ben. Needless to say, I didn’t get any images across. Right now, a boyfriend wasn’t the smartest idea in terms of my focus and my grades. But maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe I should simply give up and enjoy the next three months of school as Ben’s girlfriend. I was probably going to get pulled out and have my memories erased regardless of how hard I worked. But would my memories of Ben and all my new friends disappear along with Dream Management? I didn’t want to even begin to contemplate how it might work.
Without thinking, my body veered toward the phone booths rather than my dorm room. Talking with Mom about our plans for my upcoming spring break might cheer me up. A chance to escape this campus couldn’t come soon enough. A mindless trip to the mall or the movies might be exactly what I needed.
Mom picked up. “Autumn! Your timing’s perfect! Josh just came home. Hold on. He wants to talk.”
Huh. What’s up?
“Hey, sis. I got in!”
I took in a sharp breath. “UW?”
“Yeah. Got my letter today. I’m so pumped.”
“That’s great.” Josh got everything he wanted, so I was far from surprised, but I forced my voice to sound cheerful and tried to push my jealousy aside. “I knew you’d get in.”
“I thought so. But you never know. Such a relief to actually hold the letter.”
“So you’ll accept?” Part of me thought he might change his mind now that he’d made it in.
“I’m filling out the forms tonight.” The grin on his face came through the phone as clearly as his voice. “And get this. Luke got in too.”
Even better. “Maybe you can be roommates.” Drew would be overjoyed to have his brother attend college a mere fifteen minutes south. And at the rate I was going, I’d be staying in Seattle next fall too. One bright spot would be having Josh nearby. I had truly missed him this year.
****
I sat squished in tight on the couch in the TV lounge on Saturday night, wolfing down popcorn and snickering with my friends. A romantic comedy was playing, and I needed a few laughs. Mid-movie, Samantha tapped me on my shoulder. “Autumn, you need to see Mrs. Humphrey.”
I leaned toward Hannah beside me. “I’ll be back in a few. Let me know what I missed.”
Minutes later, I knocked on my RA’s door. Instead of inviting me in as usual, she stepped into the hallway. “Let’s go to your room, dear.” The older woman’s mouth was set in a straight line rather than her typical, turned-up smile. She grasped my arm and guided me down the hallway.
“Is everything okay?”
“We’ll talk in your room.”
The dorm suddenly seemed too hot, and I tore off my hoodie. It had to be about Dream Management. I’d told her my problems, including the threat from Dad. Maybe Principal Locke had spoken with her too. What if she planned to warn me I was about to be kicked out of Dickensen? I took a few deep breaths while she ushered me into my room. She closed the door, sealing us in like a coffin. Mrs. Humphrey pulled out one of the desk chairs and swiveled it toward where I sat rigidly on the edge of my rumpled bed.
My words tumbled out. “Is this about my inability to convey? I’ve been trying so hard. And I came close not too long ago.” I didn’t dare mention my new relationship with Ben might be an issue.
“Oh no, dear. I wish it were only that. I received an urgent call from the office. There’s been an accident. Your brother is in the hospital.”
Shock traveled through my spine. “Josh! What happened?”
“I don’t know the details except he was in a car accident and taken by ambulance. He’s having surgery tonight.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. This couldn’t be happening.
“Your parents are with him.”
“Wer
e they hurt too?”
“No, they weren’t in the car. But it’s serious, and they want you to come home immediately.”
I trembled.
“The school is arranging transportation. We need to get you packed.”
In a daze, I nodded but couldn’t move my arms or legs. I’d talked with Josh only yesterday. I should’ve been happier for him. What if he died and our last conversation had been tainted with jealousy? His reasoning to accept at UW to remain close to home now made total sense. All I wanted was to be there with him and my parents. Mrs. Humphrey moved to my side and pulled me into her soft arms.
Minutes later there was the faint sound of a key twisting in the door, and then Aditi popped in. Her eyes widened. “Is everything okay?”
I broke free from my RA’s grasp. “It’s Josh! He was in a car crash.”
Aditi gasped as her hand shot to her mouth. She raced over to embrace me.
Mrs. Humphrey spoke up after a moment. “Aditi, can you go retrieve Autumn’s luggage from the storage room?”
After she left, I moved as fast as I could, stuffing my messenger bag with thick texts and notebooks. Soon Aditi returned and began to haphazardly toss clothes into my suitcase while Mrs. Humphrey supervised.
Someone knocked—Coach Kat. “Autumn, I’m so sorry about your brother.” She studied my half-packed bags. “I’ve moved my car to the school lot. I’ll drive you to Seattle when you’re ready.”
I nodded through my tears.
Soon everything was packed. I put on my coat and blindly followed the adults with Aditi at my side. Out in the hallway, several girls rushed up to me, but Mrs. Humphrey shooed them away. They had to know it was serious for me to leave at nine o’clock on a Saturday night, and I’m sure they could tell by my tear-streaked face I’d been bawling.
Halfway across the quad, someone ran toward me—Ben. “Autumn! I heard you’re leaving.” He gave me a tight squeeze, holding on for several long seconds while I choked out what had happened. I could barely breathe, but I needed his hug. Then he grasped my hand and led me to Coach Kat’s car. After many hurried, teary goodbyes, I left. Only after passing the gatehouse did a small part of my mind begin to question if I could ever return.
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