“What’s the problem?” His voice held a mixture of confusion and annoyance.
I focused on the trees for a moment while my body returned to normal.
When I turned back toward him, I said, “It’s nothing. But…”
Ben looked back and forth down the trail. “I don’t get it. We’re alone.”
“It’s…it’s…can we walk?” I couldn’t face him any longer.
He nodded. “Is it your brother? I tried to give you space your first week back. I know it was a big adjustment, coming back and all.”
“No. It’s not that.” I took a deep breath. “I’m scared this is a big mistake. At least for now. Last night when I sat down to convey, I couldn’t get my mind off you. And kissing you.”
He grinned. “Is that so bad?”
“Ugh!” I shook my head. “This is so hard. It’s just… I had a tough time blocking all that out.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I was awake half the night wondering if the conveyance was successful.”
“Was it?” he asked with genuine concern.
I nodded. “I didn’t tell you, but the week before the dance, I was starting to get some images across to Aditi. Finally. But then the following week, you know, when we started to come out here, well, the little progress I’d made disappeared. And now, I’m afraid it might happen again.”
Ben didn’t say anything but only stared into the forest, so I kept going. “It’s still all so new for me. And I’m not like you. This year hasn’t been easy.”
He frowned as if he were trying to understand.
“And I’ve been thinking, it’s not just that. But if, you know, we became a thing, it’ll be that much harder for me to leave this place. And you aren’t even going to be around Seattle most of the summer.”
He took a deep breath and ran his fingers from his forehead back through his blond hair.
Tears formed in the corners of my eyes. “Believe me, I know I might be throwing away the best six weeks of my life for nothing. But I don’t want them to be our last. I have to do everything I can to return here in the fall. And getting good grades is one of them.”
Ben took a deep breath and let it out in a deliberate stream. “So that’s it?” He looked around at everything besides me.
“I’m so sorry. I’m going to work on my parents. I’m pretty sure I’ve got them convinced to let me come back if I improve my Creative Core grade. And I promise I’m going to stand up to them no matter what. But for now, maybe we can slow down a bit? Kind of put things on hold?”
He closed his eyes and nodded slightly.
I reached for his hand. Although he allowed me to take it, it remained limp in my own. And he didn’t say anything more as we walked back to campus. My mind became a turmoil of emotions and unanswered questions. I wanted to pull him back through the woods and tell him I’d made a terrible mistake. What was he thinking? Where exactly did I leave us? I hoped more than anything I’d made the right decision.
****
As the weather warmed, spring fever became contagious. Everyone seemed anxious for summer break. But not me. I wanted more time. I needed more time. Every once in a while, I’d catch a piercing glance from Caitlyn or Tessa, but I ignored them. After everything I’d been through with Josh, I was above petty schoolgirl conflicts.
Most of my nights were spent at the library. After about a week of avoiding me, Ben became my study partner again, but the focus was schoolwork. We hadn’t talked about us once since that walk in the woods, and a thick wall of tension had emerged between us. I poured out my heart to Aditi and Hannah about Ben, and they assured me I was doing the right thing, although Aditi admitted she wasn’t sure if she’d be strong enough if she were me. They said Ben was hurt, but he’d come around. It’s not like I was choosing another guy over him; I was choosing to focus on school and Dream Management, for now. I hoped my friends were right and he’d still have feelings for me if I managed to come back next year.
I kept the grueling pace I’d set for myself when I returned. I grew so tired as the weeks passed by that once I actually fell asleep during dinner. Aditi suggested black tea—her caffeinated beverage of choice. It was disgusting, even with a ton of sugar. Nothing like the herbal tea Mrs. Humphrey served. So I stuck with diet cola.
My hard work was paying off. I’d caught up in all my classes except Creative Core, but I was making steady progress there. I continued to improve, seldom having trouble with each new skill or variation I added to my dreams. Being exhausted during the conveyances seemed to help keep my mind from racing. I was too darn tired to concentrate on multiple thoughts at a time. Thoughts of Ben now rarely snuck in.
Aditi enjoyed playing catch-up three nights a week as my dream recipient. She was glad to be a part of my excitement and relief, and she loved the increasing creativity of my dreams. She promised to do her best to avoid any boundary exploration. I didn’t want her to get kicked out of a dream prematurely, which would require me to resend it and thus waste a precious night.
Before long, finals were upon us. I sat at my desk, struggling to finish my history exam while other students turned in their tests one by one. I took a deep breath, trying not to panic that my test paper was only three-fourths complete. I continued to meticulously match up dates of various wars occurring over the last few centuries. Thanks to all the cramming, I knew this stuff. Good thing because these detailed facts weren’t covered in any of the academic dreams.
At last, the second semester was officially over. I went straight to bed after my final exam, and Aditi couldn’t even wake me for dinner. I’d given it my best, and now it was out of my control. I wouldn’t get my grades for another week. Even if they weren’t perfect, Dad had to cut me some slack since I’d missed so much school.
****
I spent the morning packing and saying goodbye to my friends. We all promised to keep in touch over the summer. I kept my farewells light and upbeat, holding back my fear these might be permanent goodbyes.
Mom arrived in the afternoon. I was riding alone with her since I had so much stuff to take home. Students had the option to store their belongings over the summer, but I might not return. With our huge vehicle, we could’ve driven someone else, but a packed car was a good excuse; I wasn’t in the mood to talk with anyone for the long ride home…especially Ben.
Before we pulled out of the parking lot, I told Mom I’d forgotten one thing. I hoped Aditi was still in our room. I wanted a private goodbye.
I found her packing, humming a playful tune. The sight reminded me for the millionth time how lucky I was to be given the gift of such a wonderful roommate. How many times had her cheer gotten me out of a funk this past year?
My eyes became moist as I gave her a tight squeeze. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
After a few moments, Aditi pulled away, held me by the shoulders, and looked me in the eyes. “Stay positive. All your studying had to boost your grades. And your dreams have been incredible. You’ll be back.”
“Hope so.”
She grinned. “You could always resort to begging.”
I gave a hint of a smile. “Maybe.” I’d been developing a strategy if my parents tried to make me transfer. Although I had asserted myself more during the past two months, I hoped my resolve wouldn’t crumble when I moved back home.
I jogged to the car where Mom waited.
As we drove away, I faced backward until the buildings were out of sight. “I’m going to miss this place.”
“We have all summer to decide.”
Chapter: 44
The moment our SUV stopped in the garage, I jumped out and raced into the house. Mom said Josh would be home. As I burst into the kitchen, Zoey started hopping on her hind legs, blocking my path. As I stooped to scratch behind her ears, I did a double take.
“Grandma?”
Grandma Mattison sat hunched over the table beside Josh in the kitchen nook, the sunlight from the window lighting her silver hair. She studi
ed me through her wire-framed glasses. “Autumn, is that you? My, you’ve grown so big.”
I dashed over to her, with Zoey stuck to my side, and wrapped my arms around her bony body. Joy spread throughout me. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d flown in from Albany. “I didn’t know you were coming!”
“Well, I had to when your father told me all about those fancy graduation dreams your brother had where I showed up at his ceremony.”
“Pretty cool, huh?” Josh said.
I walked around the table and gave him a big hug. It was a relief to see him looking more like his old self. He’d gained some weight, and color had returned to his cheeks.
“Look at your hair!” I touched it gently. “It’s so long.”
Josh ran his fingers through it and turned his head side to side. One-inch, light brown strands covered the shaved patch, although the incision line was still visible. “Might grow it a little longer and see what it’s like.” He shrugged. “But I don’t know. I’m also considering cutting it short again to show off the scar. It’s badass.”
Grandma’s hand flew to her mouth. But it looked as if she were covering laughter rather than shock.
He checked himself. “Sorry, Grandma.”
I shook my head. Silly brother. “Let me see your arm.”
He lifted it up. The scar near his elbow had already faded to pink.
“Much better.” Looked like this spring had been good for him too.
****
Josh’s high school graduation was set for late afternoon on Saturday. Surprisingly, the weather cooperated. June could often be overcast and rainy, but today the temperature hovered around eighty degrees without a cloud in sight, so Mom and Dad were already moving tables and chairs into the backyard for his party. When Mom commented on the gorgeous weather, Josh said, “I knew it’d be this way. I heard a pretty accurate forecast.” He winked at me.
Josh had been selected as one of the valedictorians. Since only a few grades from this past quarter were calculated into his GPA, he maintained the 4.0 he’d held back in March. Although his final GPA might fall when he completed his most challenging courses—calculus and physics—during summer school, there wasn’t a teacher or administrator at Haller Lake who didn’t believe he deserved to be one of the valedictorians and participate in the ceremony. He’d been busy writing and practicing his speech over the last couple of days but was frustrated at having to rely on his notes. He was still having a tough time with memorization.
“You should’ve been more specific in my dreams instead of summarizing,” Josh teased. “Then I wouldn’t have had to develop this speech from scratch.”
I laughed nervously and glanced about, as if the walls could hear. Being able to put the exact words in his mouth by conveying a dream was not something I wanted advertised. “Be careful when you say stuff like that.”
He acted like the Dickensen secret was our inside joke, although it was no joke. I was going to have to have a serious talk with him, and soon, to make sure he understood the danger.
Josh grinned. “Don’t worry.”
****
“Pomp and Circumstance” played, and the graduates in their green and gold silk robes marched into the huge gymnasium.
“There’s Josh.” I pointed him out to Mom. “In front of Luke.”
She didn’t say anything.
I turned to my side. Her eyes were moist. Perhaps the music and the typical emotions shared by many parents at seeing a child graduate were to blame. More likely, it was because not long ago she’d thought this day might never arrive. In truth, only when I was actively conveying that dream over and over did I wholeheartedly believe Josh would graduate with his class.
Partway through the ceremony, Josh approached the stage for his valedictorian speech. Although it was a huge school and he’d always been popular, by the decibels of the cheers, news of his accident and miraculous recovery had obviously spread far beyond the student body.
Josh shuffled his notes and adjusted the microphone. “Good afternoon.” When the gym fell silent, he continued, “I would like to welcome you to our high school graduation. I am here today, thanks to…thanks to…” He glanced down at his notes. “I am here today thanks to many of you. As you may know, I almost didn’t make it because of a terrible car accident back in March.”
My heart ached for him. Josh had to be disappointed he had to read his speech, but everyone outside of our family probably chalked it up to nerves instead of his brain injury. Hopefully his memory problems would improve soon.
After several minutes of encouraging words, his gaze glued to his notes for the most part, he ended with, “My accident changed my perspective. I was lucky to learn at such a young age how priceless life can be. It inspired me to become a better person because I now realize I only have one chance to live my life. Don’t live in the past, live today…and remember to dream.” Just then, he looked directly at me. “If you work hard, your dreams will become your reality.”
My heart skipped a beat. That line hadn’t been in the speech he’d practiced in front of me. I glanced over at Drew’s Uncle Tom—likely the solitary dream-maker in the entire audience besides me—who sat with Luke’s family off to our right. He looked like he’d swallowed an insect. I took a deep breath and clasped my shaking hands. Lots of graduation speeches were full of stuff about dreams. His uncle couldn’t possibly tie them to me. Maybe it was my imagination that he looked so uncomfortable.
I gulped as I refocused on the stage.
Josh left the podium and everyone burst into applause. His fellow graduates on the gym floor stood and cheered. Soon everyone in the bleachers joined the standing ovation. Through my tear-filled eyes, I saw even Dad’s eyes glistened as he clapped enthusiastically.
****
Our family gathered on the steps in front of the school to take photos. The weather was so bright I had to squint, and the pictures would surely have dark shadows, but Josh swore he wouldn’t have it any other way.
When we arrived home, Julia and our cousins, Alex and Skylar, were waiting out front. The little kids dragged my brother out of the car and toward the house. Inside green and yellow helium balloons covered the ceiling, and a huge sheet cake with a tiny, green, plastic graduation cap and diploma sat on the dining room table. Even Zoey wore a mini graduation hat. Someone had been hard at work setting up for the party. As it turned out, it was Lisa, Uncle Greg’s girlfriend, who was arranging appetizers on the table outside. I hadn’t even known she’d come to town. But maybe I should have. I’d put her in Josh’s dream.
Guests came and went throughout the evening. A feeling of warmth wrapped around me. I was home, surrounded by family and friends. I wouldn’t have been as excited about a graduation if not for the accident. I’d assumed high school graduation was a given for both of us. Josh’s accident made me appreciate everything more. However, part of me felt more like an observer, and I couldn’t fully immerse myself into the celebration. In the back of my mind, I was worried about Dickensen and my report card and was already missing my other friends. I pushed those thoughts from my mind as best I could.
The doorbell rang, and Zoey began barking.
Josh was nowhere in sight, so I ran to answer it. It was probably Drew. He’d promised to stop by when he could step away from his own brother’s celebration taking place across the street. What if he came with his uncle? My body tensed. Until Josh’s speech I’d been eager to talk Dream Management with him in private. But now I wasn’t so sure.
I opened the door and froze.
It was Ben.
He held up a package wrapped in silver and blue foil paper. His eyes met mine for the first time in nearly two months, and they held only happiness. The anger and hurt were gone. “I wanted to stop by and give this to Josh.”
I bit down on the smile, which was probably lighting up my entire face. Then I held out my hand.
Chapter: 45
Four days later, I received an email from Dickensen Aca
demy. It could only be one thing: my report card.
As I stared at my inbox, I wiped my sweaty palms on my cotton shorts. These grades could impact the trajectory of my entire life. I held my breath and clicked it open.
****
June 19 at 2:08 p.m.
Subject: Semester 2 Grades—Dickensen Academy
Joan Rothchild, Dean of Students
To: Autumn Mattison
~*~
Autumn K. Mattison
Year 1—Semester 2
History: A-
Science: A-
Physical Education: A
Spanish 1: A
Algebra 1: B
Language Arts: A
Creative Core: A-
****
The third time I read the screen, the heaviness that had been weighing me down for so long vanished. I’d proven I was more capable than either Dad or I had ever thought possible. And I’d done it on my own. I grabbed my notebook and opened it to the page which read Reasons to Allow Autumn to Return to Dickensen Academy. My handwriting already covered three-fourths of the sheet. I grabbed my ballpoint pen and at the very top, under the title, squeezed in the simple word: grades.
A word about the author…
Dickensen Academy is Christine’s debut young adult novel. After graduating from the University of Washington, she earned her MBA at the University at Albany. She honed her technical writing skills in marketing and consulting but attributes the creative part of the process to her passion for reading.
When she isn’t reading or writing, Christine can often be found running, skiing, or hiking. She lives in Newcastle, Washington, with her supportive husband, two avid teen readers, and their energetic wheaten terriers.
Connect with Christine online at:
http://christinegrabowski.com
Facebook: christinegrabowskiauthor
Goodreads: Christine Grabowski
Instagram: @christinegrabo
Twitter: @christinegrabo
Thank you for purchasing
this publication of The Wild Rose Press, Inc.
Dickensen Academy Page 26