by Jillian Keep
“We need to talk,” he husked in that deep, demonic voice of his, sounding so much like that first time she’d spoken with him. Before he took on the pleasing form before her.
She glanced around for a moment before leaning in, her brows furrowing. “About what?” She’d brushed her hair, letting the black strands fall over her shoulders. It was growing out really quickly and was almost down to the bottom of her shoulder blades. More and more she was leaving it down, the dark strands contrasting her fair skin.
“Exams are here,” he said like the death knell of a tolling bell. Plain and simple. It reminded her that they hadn’t trained together for some time, and he’d last left her to train her new telekinesis spell all on her own.
“How could I have forgotten, Varuj?” She leaned back, annoyance tainting her expression. He was risking outing her just for this? He could have come visited her as usual.
“Remember what we spoke of last?” he remarked to her, reminding her of just how long it’d been since he’d last came to visit her in the dark of night when she was all alone. Too long, part of her thought.
She pushed the thought aside. “I’ve been practicing, Varuj.” She didn’t add on, 'You’d have known if you visited,' like she wanted to, though. Her blood warmed just with the thought. She’d been trying so desperately to forget him, to just… make him disappear from her life, but she couldn’t ignore the attraction she felt for him.
“Not that,” he remarked bitterly, his handsome face contorting in distaste. “My tolerance for wasting your time with that fool is up, Firi,” he said like a father scolding his child. “You waste too much of your focus and attention on him.” He leaned forward, his eyes lighting up red as he glared into her gaze. “You are mine,” he said, that last word a snarl on his lips.
“Varuj,” she whispered, leaning in. “Can we talk about this somewhere else? I don’t want to fight with you here.” Why did he insist upon this? He knew her. He knew what was in her heart, in her soul. He’d been a part of her for so long, and she admitted that she missed that absence of his presence. Of his calm reassurance.
Ever since he’d gotten back, he’d been so possessive and borderline cruel to her, and it frightened her. She longed for the days back in her home when she’d slept in his arms, feeling so safe and protected…
Loved.
Her eyes met his and she didn’t see it anymore. Instead there was something darker than she’d ever been able to fathom.
“I claimed you as mine,” he growled to her lowly in their booth. “Don’t you remember that? I took you, your innocence, and made you mine. You accepted it. Became my mate!” He raised his voice so high some people from a neighbouring table looked over. “You must end this ridiculousness now and remain faithful,” he demanded with a deep intensity to his eyes. “That’s the only way we can go on as before. A pair.”
She hissed back at him, anger tainting her voice. “I summoned you. You were mine before I was yours, and I released you. I trusted you. I’m not some… some… possession, Varuj! I’m a person, and I have feelings! You told me that you were better than that hellish place I stole you from, but you don’t even act like you care at all for me! You just want to… to… what? For me to do whatever you say?”
“I was never bound under your control, you foolish girl,” he growled quietly. “I was free the moment you brought me here. I just didn’t want to frighten you!” He was breathing heavily, and looked enraged. He looked… hurt, she realized. A strange hurt, unlike what she’d seen from him before. “I tested you. To see if you could be trusted. And you agreed to ‘free’ me. It was a test! To see if I could trust you. And I thought it worked!” He clenched his fist. “You said you were mine!”
Her eyes hurt as she desperately held back her tears. He couldn’t be telling the truth. He was lying to her. Manipulating her somehow.
She’s summoned him! He’d been bou–
Just like that, she remembered the fumbled words, the hesitation, the uncertainty. She’d been so excited that it’d worked, so terrified of the beast she’d pulled to her… She hadn’t remembered it all, the more complicated incantations that were still beyond her…
Her face fell with the realization and she pulled back, staring at him through those blurry orbs.
Varuj’s anger seemed to abate somewhat as he watched her recoil, her eyes water. He reached across the table to her. “We have a special bond,” he said in his suave voice, as smooth as caramel. “We’ve worked together. I got you into the academy. I saved your father.” He licked along his full, ruddy lips. “I made love to you. Claimed you as my mate. You would throw all that away for this… fool of an elf?”
Her mouth trembled and she had to look away as he stroked her fingers with his. “What we have isn’t love.” She felt so distant from him, and she didn’t know she could ever get back those lonely nights that he’d comforted her. He needed so much from her, so much control over her life, and it scared her.
Even through her lust, her attraction and need, there was something that felt so hollow at the centre. She didn’t even realize she was saying it, her brows knit and her voice a whisper. “Every time, every single time it just feels like we’re trying to cram back together. How it used to be.”
Varuj wrapped his fingers around hers and held her hand tight. “It can be like that, and so much more,” he promised her, “If you just give yourself to me, like a true mate – a true partner – should.” His almond-shaped eyes widened, and she could see the dim flicker of fire within them as he gazed upon her. “Be true to me, Firi. And I shall be true to you. Together we’ll rise to the top of this academy, then the world. We’ve shown each other we can be trusted before this… this fling of yours.”
“It isn’t a fling, Varuj. When you left, after I thought you weren’t returning… You know I feel something for him. Can you still… can you still even feel me, or have you cut that off too? Severed that tie with this new form of yours?”
“I feel it deeper than ever!” he pleaded with her insistently, eyes wide, almost manic. “When I was away I sacrificed much for you. For us! I made myself more human. More like you!” he insisted, and she felt him clutch her hand painfully tight. “I gained a soul of my own, so that I could be a true partner for you when I returned. Does all I’ve done – all I’ve sacrificed! – mean nothing to you because of a few months apart?!”
“No, but it does mean that I had time to develop feelings for someone else,” she pleaded. “I don’t want to hurt him. He cares about me, Varuj, and I care about him!” Her voice was raising and she desperately tried to keep it in check. “I don’t know what to do. I want…”
She paused, licking her lips and swallowing the lump that was lodged in her throat. “I love both of you. In different ways.”
That got his ire, but she watched as he fought some inner battle, his chest heaving as he stared across at her. “You have to choose one of us, Firi,” he said in as delicate a voice as he could muster. “You cannot string us both along forever. And which of us do you think could make you more powerful? More successful? More…” he licked his lips and hesitated, “which of us could make you happier? More satisfied,” and the final word was laced with such hidden meaning.
Him. All of those things, all of those promises, those were ones he could keep. Months ago, they would have been the only ones that mattered.
But thinking of the sweet Mae’lin, of the kindness and affection and quiet adoration… that meant something. It wasn’t powerful, it wasn’t strength, but it made her look forward to waking up in the morning. Didn’t that count for something? Wasn’t that satisfaction?
“Varuj,” she whispered softly, but her voice trembled and she had to stop. To try to get herself back together as she swiped a tear from her cheek. “Varuj, I love you. I do. I don't want to lose you. I…” she swallowed a sob. “I’m so grateful for all you’ve done for me. For my father. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. But I don’t know how I can… I don’
t know what to do.”
Her voice was barely audible, but she forced herself to continue, to be honest with the demon that had somehow stolen her heart and her virginity. “Varuj, ever since you’ve gotten back… you’ve been so hard. So cold.”
“Because you’ve broken my heart,” he said to her. “You gave your love to another when I was out giving my all for you.” He steadied his breathing, staring into her gaze. “I am what I am, Firi. I care for you. I want us to be as before. But I cannot do that while you waltz about the academy hand in hand with another man. When you shoo me away in public, instead of embracing me.” He narrowed his gaze at her slightly, as if inspecting her for the truth, like the answer to his upcoming question would be written on her face, and not said in her words. “How would you feel in my place?”
“Devastated,” she whispered, her shoulders slumping. Yet what was she to do? Tell Mae’lin it had been fun, and that even though she loved him, she was going to date a new guy that no one even knew she knew? It would look like she’d been… cheating on him.
She exhaled deeply, leaning back in the seat and staring at him intently. “Ala would be so broken if we started dating. Ever since you first came back she’d had her eyes on you.”
Varuj’s hard, hurt look melted a little, and he took her hand in both of his, smiling just faintly. “Don’t worry about her. I’ll help ease things. Everything will be fine… the world will be perfect, as long as you’re mine, Firi. All mine.” He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it tenderly. “Together we are bigger than the world’s problems.”
“We’d be breaking two people’s hearts just for the sake of our own,” she protested, but her resolve was weakening.
He brushed the back of her hand against his cheek, his smooth, dark cheek. The contrast of their skins – light and dark – such a pleasant mix. “I would see the world burn for you, Firi, and judge it worthy.”
She looked up at him with such sweet, innocent concern that no longer suited her. “I did something so horrific,” she whimpered, looking around the room briefly as shame rouged her cheeks.
“I know you have,” he said solemnly. “Why do you think I hurt so badly, Firi?” He looked to her watery eyes with such disappointment. “But I can forgive you your… infidelity. As long as you come back to me. And be mine: heart, body and soul.”
Her mouth dropped open and she inhaled sharply. How could he have known? She’d not told a soul about it, and she wondered if what he was saying was true. If he still felt that connection to her, even if she didn’t any longer. That strange, emotional tether that bound them.
Yet in the end, she knew. She loved Mae’lin.
And deep down, deeper than she even knew, she understood she had to leave him. Varuj was what he was, but no matter what happened with them, she wasn’t right for Mae’lin.
She, like Varuj, was too cruel to the ones she cared for.
“Say you’ll do it. Say you’ll leave him and be mine, only mine, and I will forgive you your sins and take you back into my arms and heart, just as it used to be.” He gave her a hopeful smile. “Say you will do it, and I will handle all the rest, as I handle all your problems for you, sweet Firi. It shall be that simple.”
“Handle the rest? What does that mean?” Her head tilted to the side and she stared at him. She knew the demon that lurked beneath the surface, the cruelty he could bestow on someone.
But was he any better than she? She took Mae’lin’s innocence, knowing that she wasn’t faithful. That she was lying to him, constantly, and hiding so much of herself from him. He didn’t deserve her terrible treatment, even if he was ignorant to it.
“Do it your way, my way, you can wait until exams are finished, just agree. Tell me you’ll be mine, Firi. Tell me you’ll forsake that elf, that you’ll pledge yourself and your undying love to me, and all will be right with the world. And more importantly, with us,” he pleaded. “Do it.”
It took her a few moments, her gaze dipping to the table as she sighed. “I will let him know, after exams, that I can’t see him any longer.” That I can’t keep breaking his heart and living with this guilt.
Pressing her hand together between his two palms, he lifted it up and kissed the tips of her fingers. “You are mine, Firi. All mine. Say it,” he pled, “say it again, as you truly mean it. And make me happy and whole once more.”
“Varuj, it feels weird to say it.” She was exhausted with his constant pressure. “Can’t you just accept that I love you? That I’d hurt someone I love because of it?” It was hard enough for her without having to say those words.
“It needs to be said, Firi,” he murmured so softly, no longer any fear of them being overheard. “After what I’ve been through… after what you did… I need to hear it. I need to feel the words and their sincerity. I need to feel your warmth about me.”
Firia inhaled deeply, sighing out the words, “You have my heart, Varuj. You have for a long time. Longer than you know.”
He gave a gentle smile. “That’ll do. For now. Thank you, Firi my love. We are meant to be on this journey together.”
Chapter 50
Bran strode through the academy as cocky as ever. Exams were nearly upon him, but he looked more than prepared. He refused to rush about as the other students did, refused to show any weakness.
So Ala’nase found him like that and touched his arm, tugging him towards the dark alleyway between the dormitory and the wall. “Ala?” he asked, his brow furrowed in some confusion. “What are you doing?”
“Inviting you to continue our discussion from last time, silly,” she said a bit saucily. “You do remember it, don’t you?”
Of course he did. He’d proposed the two of them reuniting again. She’d have none of it, and never thought she would. So it surprised him to see her even mentioning it. Though he followed into the dim alleyway none the less. “Of course I do,” he said, looking a bit confused as he tugged at his mage’s robes, straightening them. “You’ve reconsidered?”
“I’ve thought about it a lot, Bran.” Her voice was low, conspiratorial but tinged with something else. Something dark and seductive. “Things aren’t the same without you. We could go so far together, you were right about that.”
A faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I thought you might never forgive me enough to realize that, Ala’nase,” he said, still holding his robes in both hands as he looked her over. “And it’s a great time for it too. The final test shall be a free-for-all event. All the first-years pitted against one another. A secret alliance could give us an edge over the others.”
She smiled back, her own hands strategically straightening the front of her robe. The dim light still managed to catch the little sparkles of embroidered silver, and she traced over her form, drawing his eyes down. “I will consider it, Bran, but only if you do something for me.”
The human male’s eyes dipped down to that area between the shimmering silver, and he said gruffly, “A favour?” He swallowed, wetting his dry throat. “Name it, Ala’nase. It’s only fair I do something nice for you, after our little misunderstanding.”
Misunderstanding. What a joke. He had tossed her aside in the hopes of finding someone more “suited” to him at the academy.
“I need you on my side this time, Bran. Besides, I think you’ll like this favour.”
She stepped towards him, her hand brushing her hair off her neck and letting the long tresses combine over her shoulder. “We need to get Mae’lin out.”
Bran’s eyes widened in shock and surprise. “Mae’lin? Why him? What’s there to worry about that bumpkin?” He looked her over, the obvious desire mixed with complete confusion.
“I’m surprised you’re not more interested. If he falls, don’t you think someone else may fall as well?” She reached her hand into a small pouch at her hip, running over the glorious curve before handing him a small item. “Just do it, and do it first. Once he’s gone, we’ll take out the others. Together.”
The ta
ll, brown haired human eyed the trinket with confusion. Though he didn’t hesitate overlong before he said, “What if I’m caught though? I would be expelled myself, Ala’nase,” and she detected his worry as the one thing that mattered to him was on the line: his own advancement. It was such a tough obstacle to overcome with the stubborn Bran.
“So wouldn’t that be proof and more of your devotion to us? Come on, Bran, you didn’t think it would be that easy to win me back, did you? You know what a hot commodity I am, but I was too broken up after you to even entertain all those others that were interested. Now I’m here, giving us another chance, and you won’t even take a little risk for it?”
His brows furrowed, and he stared at first the trinket, then her. Then back again. “How do I know you’re serious? And not just trying to use me? You know I’d do anything for you, Ala’nase,” she knew no such thing, of course, “but I need to be sure this is genuine. That you’re ready to forgive and be my girlfriend again.”
Her fingers trailed to his chest, flirting above his heart. “Then know it, Bran. You know me better than anyone, and you stomped on my love. So you’re just going to have to trust that this will make up for that.”
She was unsure if that would be enough to sway him, but Bran gazed down at the crystal trinket as he thought before finally wrapping his hand about it. “Very well, Ala’nase. I will do this for you. And then we can go back to being lovers again,” he said confidently. “Just like before.”
Just like before he ruined everything.
She leaned in, brushing her lips tenderly against his jaw, a little bolt of electricity passing between them. “Just like before,” she agreed, her warm breath washing over his skin.
Chapter 51
All the preparation with Mae’lin over the months prior had made the initial portions of the test a breeze for Firia. A relative breeze, she assured herself. It had still been tougher than anything she’d fared prior to trying out for the academy.