She looked up at me slowly. “What if no one will help us?”
“Don’t think like that. We’ll get off this island. I’m committed to that and if what Aina told me is right we’ll get one of them to help us in no time.”
“What did Aina tell you?” Twee said.
I could hear the voices of the elders getting even closer and started retreating even further back into the woods. “That a lot of them want to leave too.”
Twee still followed me.
“Ask around. You don’t have to ask outright. Just drop hints to feel them out. Start with Variel and then find me in a few days and tell me what you found out.” I looked back at her and she nodded, but it looked like she still wasn’t sure. “You don’t have to do it, but it would help us get out of here sooner.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll ask around. I’ve already been here too long. The sooner I get out of here the better.” She turned and walked back toward the beach quickly.
I gathered the fabric in the robe I had been wearing tying knots at the neck hole and one at each arm hole so I could use it as a sack to carry my things. “You live here. You know them better than me. If you think Variel will help us ask her. I just picked Aina because she seemed like she’d be more willing to bend the rules, but I only met her once so I could be wrong.” I put my boots and the fruit I’d been carrying in my makeshift sack. “I’ll meet you back here in two days around this time. You can tell me what you found out.”
She stood looking at me with a shocked expression. “I don’t know what I’ll find out in two days.”
“Make it four then. I don’t want to be here forever. I have a family.”
“I know,” she said.
The others were getting closer. I could hear their voices now. I didn’t want to be this close to them when they finally came by. If they were really angry with me I didn’t want to fight a god. They could do far more than they let on. “I have to go,” I said quickly before trudging deeper into the forest.
Chapter 19
A few days later I was coming back from surveying the beach on the far side of the island when I saw Variel walking with a determined stride through the woods alone. I wondered where she was going and if Twee had talked to her. I walked next to her for a little while, hidden by the dense shrubbery between us. Eventually she heard me and froze. “Who is there?” she called out.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want her to see me. I was trying to track her to find out if she was really trustworthy.
“Who’s there?” She picked up a big rock. “If you do not answer I will strike you with this rock.” She bent her arm to throw it and even though she still couldn’t see me she’d managed to aim it right at me. “This is your last warning.”
Deciding to take my chances with her, I stepped into view.
“What do you want?” she asked, still holding the rock aloft.
“I won’t hurt you.” When I realized the ridiculousness of what I said I laughed. “Is that even possible? Hurting you?”
“Of course it is…” she said. “I mean… Not physically but…” She bit her lip.
She was millions of years old, but she seemed so naive. “You mean I could break your heart, but not your arm?”
“I guess you could if my heart were not already broken.” She lowered the rock to the ground.
“Who can break a god’s heart?”
“Does it matter?” She dropped her shoulders and crossed her arms.
I knew the gods had feelings. I’d read about their anger and sorrow many times, but I didn’t expect them to be so emotionally fragile. “You brought it up.”
“I didn’t mean to.” She looked behind her as if she was expecting someone. “What do you want? Were you following me?”
“Are you important enough for me to follow?” I listened carefully to the sounds around us, but didn’t hear anything yet. If anyone were following her I wanted to leave before they showed up.
She started walking again toward the settlement. I walked alongside her for a couple steps. "You are following me then."
“Twee told me that you are her friend,” I said.
“She told you that, did she?” She seemed surprised and I knew Twee hadn’t asked her for help with our plan yet.
“She told me that you helped her leave the island. She said you could be trusted.”
“What do you need me to help you with?”
“Is the door still open that I came through to get here?”
“I do not know,” she said.
“What do you mean you do not know?” I asked, getting frustrated. She was a god. Wasn’t she supposed to know all? “You helped Twee leave the island.”
She flushed as if her lack of knowledge embarrassed her. “I only helped Twee build a raft because she was too pregnant to do it on her own. I know nothing of this door that Amara told you about. Many things happen here that they don’t tell me about. I think because I’m the last they keep secrets from me.”
“What kind of secrets?” I asked, cocking my head. I thought the gods shared everything with each other.
She shrugged. “I’m not sure.” She parted her lips as if getting ready to say something, but stopped herself.
“What?”
“If you need help building a raft I can do that.”
“Don’t you think I can build a raft on my own?” The days were ticking away and I was getting nowhere. I just needed a little bit of help.
“I don’t know what you can and can’t do. I’m just trying to figure out how I can help you.” She started walking faster.
I sped up too. "I have a life out there. I want to get back to it. I have a wife and a daughter. I don’t want her to grow up without me.”
She stopped walking suddenly. “Do you love them?”
“Of course. I love them more than anything.”
She looked at the ground for a moment crossing her arms over her chest. “They love you too.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“That must be nice. I mean, it must be good to have a life out there. Sometimes I dream of what that might be like. Can you tell me?”
I turned to face her. “Are you telling me that you wonder what it’s like to be mortal?”
She nodded. “Yes. That’s what I’m telling you.”
“I spent my whole childhood wishing I was a god and I come here and everyone wants to be mortal.” I turned around with my hands in the air. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that we all seemed to want what the other had. “Can you believe it?”
“The other ones that want to leave don’t want to be mortal. I’m pretty sure of that. They just want to leave so they can really be gods. They want power.”
“Is that what Amara wanted?” I remembered how Amara held back the storm and wondered what else she was capable of doing now that she was free of this place.
“Yes. That and Santali. They were friends.”
“I’ve heard.”
“How did Amara tell you how to get here?” she asked.
“You don’t know?”
She shook her head. “I wish I knew. I already told you they don’t tell me anything.”
“She appeared in my house one day on the wall like a movie or something. After that she was in my head all the time, sending me thoughts. She’d show up on my television screen or in my bathroom mirror. She was pushing me to come here.”
“Do you know how she did that? How she appeared to you?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, but when I told Aina about it she said something about a stone.”
Variel smiled. “The seerstone. Father uses it to see into the mortal world. That’s how he answers prayers.”
“That must be it,” I said. “He doesn’t do that much anymore.”
“What?”
“Answer prayers.”
“Why do you say that?”
I was astounded by what she didn’t know. “Everyone has been praying for so long about the babies. They’
re usually born sick. It’s been happening for decades and keeps getting worse and worse instead of better. Eilim hasn’t done anything about it. It’s like he doesn’t care anymore.”
She gasped. “Father cares more than you know. There are just some prayers he can’t answer. The universe has laws that even we must follow. Your mortal babies are sick because your world went out of balance once Santali entered it. Now that Amara is there too it will only get worse. Father can’t change that.”
“If that’s true why do so many gods want to enter the mortal world if they know that this will be the result?”
“We are gods. We don’t think anything of birth or death. All we know is life.” She looked up into the trees with her hand on her chin as she thought. “I need to get to the seerstone when Father isn’t looking. That will be hard. I’m not used to lying.”
“You can find a way.” I saw the wheels turning in her head and wanted to encourage her.
“Even if I get to the stone I don’t know how to work it.” She looked at me with unsure eyes.
“It can’t be that hard to figure out. Amara did it.”
“You say that like you don’t think Amara is very clever,” she said.
“It’s not that at all. I meant to say that you are both gods you must have similar abilities.”
Her face widened with surprise. “You could be right. I’m not accustomed to thinking of myself in that way though.”
“Maybe you should start.”
Her eyes shone like no one had ever suggested such a thing to her before. “Thank you.” She blushed. “Thank you so much.” She started walking again. “That’s all I needed to hear.”
“That’s all you needed to hear? What about me?” I rushed up behind her putting my hand on her shoulder.
She turned around again. “I’ll figure out how to use the stone to call a ship. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’ll be able to do it. In the meantime I can help you build a raft.”
“Okay. That’s a start.” I was finally getting somewhere. Variel was young, well compared to the other gods, but I was confident that she would help me. She seemed so genuine.
She sighed. “I’m so scared though. I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“That’s okay. You’re willing to try. I’ll tell Twee. She’ll be pleased.”
“Will she?” Variel seemed to light up.
“Of course. She wants to get off the island just as much as I do.”
She bit her lip. “I wish I could come with you.”
“If what you’ve told me is true that wouldn’t be such a good idea.”
She looked down at her feet. “I know. I just don’t want to be without Twee again.” She looked up at me and her eyes seemed to be glassy with tears.
“I think you need to discuss this with Twee.”
“I know.” She paused for a moment. “I’ll figure out how to use the seerstone to help you get back home. Can we meet up in a few days? I’ll give you an update and maybe we could talk some more.”
“Okay,” I said.
Variel started walking slowly up the trail back to the settlement. This time I didn’t follow her. I stood and watched until she disappeared amongst the trees. She was my key to getting back home.
Chapter 20
On the island I dreamed about Lourdes and Tatiana mostly. Some nights the dreams were good. I’d dream about the simple things like sitting on the couch in the living room holding Tatiana on my lap listening to her laugh and coo and squeezing her full round cheeks. Whenever I tried to speak she’d cover my mouth with her tiny hands and start saying, “Da da da.” In all those dreams it was as if I’d gone backward in time. Tati was younger than she was when I left. In those dreams Lourdes and I had always been together. I’d never cheated. We’d never split up. It was as if I was creating the memories that I really wanted, trying to replace what was all too real and painful with something more ideal.
My bad dreams were of the future and the life they might have if I never made it home. In those dreams Tati was older, I didn’t know how old, maybe ten or eleven. She was chatty and happy and seemed more like Lourdes than me which I didn’t mind because I thought Lourdes was great. In those dreams I’d come home after many years on the island, but Lourdes and Tati weren’t able to see me. I’d stand next to them and talk, but they wouldn’t hear. They’d walk right through me like I was a ghost, and I’d watch them living their lives as if I were dead. All the while I was right there with them. They just didn’t know. Those dreams sent chills through me. I’d wake up in a panic and feel relief when I opened my eyes to find myself still in the cavity of a rock nestled among the fallen leaves. I wasn’t home yet, but I knew I’d get there before long, especially now with Variel’s help. Lourdes and Tati wouldn’t forget me. I wouldn’t give them enough time to.
One night while I was having one of these bad dreams I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. Thinking it was Lourdes finally realizing I was there all the time I reached over to hold the hand in my misty dream state, but it wasn’t hers. It was too large and rough. Suddenly wide awake I pulled the body attached to that hand to the ground. My assailant yelped as I pulled him down into my pile of leaves and maneuvered quickly so that I was on top of him in the dark, my hand fitting nicely around his throat.
“I’ll kill you,” I said, realizing at the time that the threat was meaningless to beings that are immortal. It wasn’t until after I spoke that I recognized the being I was holding down. A stone a few feet from his head emitted a soft blue light that made his sharp features clear.
“Would you dare try?” Eilim said.
I had my hands around the neck of the creator of all things. I released him immediately and stood. “Forgive me,” I said. Forgetting where I was I attempted to stand whacking my head on the solid rock above me. I fell back to my knees as he sat up.
“It is all right,” he said, placing his hand on my arm.
This was my third time meeting Eilim and each time I was with him I felt a combination of awe, peace, and terror that I could not really understand. It was like watching a large tidal wave rolling toward me.
“Are you here to punish me for taking Amara?” I asked, knowing that he could do whatever he wanted to me in that moment.
“No.” He chuckled as if what I was saying was preposterous. “You are the one with the advantage over all of us on this island. Your physical strength is beyond what we are capable of.”
“I saw what Amara could do on the boat.”
“Damek, Amara’s abilities only happened once the ship was well beyond the barrier rocks. As long as we are within that natural ring of stone we are physically capable of no more than what an average mortal is.”
“The keeper stones,” I said.
He nodded.
“Have you ever been off the island?” I asked.
“I have no need to leave. Everything I need to do can be done from here.”
“But aren’t you curious about what you can do out there? Most everyone else on this island seems to be.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Most everyone?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t really talked to everyone.”
“The ones you talked to have?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Interesting.” He reached out, taking the glowing blue rock in his hand. “I came out here because I thought you might need this.”
I took the rock from him. “Thanks, but I’ve been out here without light for weeks now.”
“This is true. You have.” He gazed out into the darkness. “Some of the other souls on the island are angry and they are blaming you. I just wanted to let you know that you should be careful.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Ever since Amara left they feel wronged. It started with Santali, but has only grown. They’re all ready for a change.”
“And I’m the easiest scapegoat.”
“That is correct.” He looked over at m
e again.
“Why do they feel wronged?” Everything I’d read about the gods seemed to say that they had lives that I could only dream of. We all feared death and wished to be blessed with eternal life. The downside for us humans was knowing that wasn’t possible. Knowing that life would seep out of us all eventually and we would cease to exist. That was our destiny, while the gods continued on for eternity. There was only one race of beings that this planet could sustain forever. They already existed, but that didn’t stop some from dreaming. Some of the people who searched for the Isle of Gods did so because they hoped that by finding it they would also find eternal life. They weren’t looking for answers to prayers or for help with the growing infant deaths. They just wanted to live forever.
“They live lives without progress. We all do. You can only live this way for so long. They think they will continue like this forever and it is making them restless.”
“They think they will but that’s not really the case?”
He smiled. “I cannot wave my hand and change the laws of the universe. I know they are impatient. I too must wait, but our wait is nearly over. A new—”
“Age is coming,” I finished his sentence.
“You know.”
“Yes.” I had so many questions I didn’t know where to start. “What is the new age?”
“What it means is unimportant. It only matters that it is coming.”
This wasn’t good enough, but I settled for it because there were other questions I wanted answered more. “Why have you stopped answering our prayers?”
He slouched, a look of exasperation passing briefly over his face. “I answer the prayers that I can from here, but some are unanswerable.”
“What about the babies?”
He sighed. “Yes, the babies. This is a heart breaking problem that every mortal has been affected by. I hear your prayers about it constantly. There are so many all the time, too many to count, but unfortunately I can’t change what is happening from here.”
“Do you mean that if you were in the mortal world you could?”
“Yes, but that is kind of a sticky situation because if I enter your world the forces of life would become even more unbalanced causing more sick babies to be born.”
Isle of Gods I: Damek Page 13