"Here." He hands me a water bottle.
"But—" I stare lovingly at the iced coffee placed behind him.
"I don't care if you beg. You're not getting that until you drink this."
"I could make quite a scene begging."
"Then do it."
I say nothing.
"Bluff called." He chuckles. "Drink your water."
I do. I drink the entire bottle in four gulps. "Thank you."
His eyes fix on mine. He says nothing about me being polite, simply hands me my iced coffee and the paper bag with my pho in it. He takes a sandwich from his paper bag and unwraps it. "You still look like shit."
"Because I haven't had this." I motion to my coffee then take a long sip. This time, the sweet, creamy flavor hits the spot. Perfect. I take another long sip.
He chuckles then leans back into his seat.
We eat in silence for a few minutes. It's easy, intimate. The noodle soup is perfect comfort food. His company makes it even better.
I'm halfway through my soup when Kit breaks the silence.
"I don't want to be a wet blanket, Piper." He turns towards me. "You're nineteen. You're in college. It's spring break. It's normal for you to have fun."
"You're not a wet blanket. And stop telling me I'm nineteen like you're an old man. You're only twenty-six."
He's quiet for a minute. "I'm glad you called last night. But..." His eyes go to the ground. "Fuck, I was more worried than I'd been in a long time."
"Really?"
"It's ridiculous. You're a good kid. You'd never get into that kind of trouble."
Translation: I see you as sweet, innocent, and not someone I want to fuck.
I take another bite of my soup. I finish the last sip of my coffee.
Kit turns. His knee brushes mine.
I nearly bite my tongue.
His eyes bore into mine. "I like hanging out with you, but that's all it can be." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm a mess and I don't want you wasting your time cleaning me up."
"You're not a mess."
"I am."
"You're just—"
"You have no idea what a piece of shit I was. I lied to everyone I met. I lied to my friends. Threw them under the bus to protect myself. An assistant found my Oxy stash once and I pinned it on Joel. My best friend. The person who's been there for me my entire life. And I didn't give a fuck. All that mattered was staying high. When that didn't work, I had the assistant fired." His dark eyes are on fire. He's off some place, lost in some memory.
I move close enough to whisper. "Everyone makes mistakes."
"Not like this."
"Did you kill somebody?"
"No."
"Then it can't be that bad."
He shakes his head. "Wasn't one thing. Was a million little things." Kit's voice gets soft. "What do you think about most nights, before you fall asleep?"
My cheeks flush. I think about him. I think about his body on top of mine.
He reads my mind. "Besides that."
"I don't know. School. My friends. What I'm doing the next day."
"You know what I think about?"
"Besides sex?"
He nods. "I think about how badly I want to be high. I've been using, on and off, since I was fifteen. It was under control until the band really blew up. Then the pressure, the shows at the big clubs and the arenas— I couldn't take it. I needed more than a mild numb. I needed to be out of my head."
I want to argue with him, but something stops me. There's this mix of regret and hurt in his dark eyes. And the way he's looking at the ground—I can tell it's a big deal he's sharing this with me.
Kit presses his palms into his quads. "Joel's always been a good friend, probably a better friend then I ever deserved. He's always been nosy. But I'd been using for ten years. It was like with your friend— you don't notice how much something has changed when it only changes a little bit every day. I didn't realize how bad it was. Nobody did. It wasn't until I really started fucking shit up—missing shows or recording sessions—that anybody asked if I had a problem. Wasn't like the guys could really talk. We all drank too much and fucked around too much back then."
"Except Mal."
He nods. "Except Mal. Me, Ethan, and Joel were always partying. But they knew when to stop, knew how to stay sober. For a while, I convinced them I did too. But then..." Kit looks to the sky. "One day, Joel came to me with all this evidence. He looked at me like I ripped his heart out. I probably did, lying to him for that long... He had everyone in agreement. Either I could go to rehab, or I'd be out of the band. That's my family, my livelihood, only place I've ever belonged. And I still took a month to decide. I still want to throw that away to feel good for a few hours."
I hold his gaze until he's back from his memory, until he's here with me. "Do you get high?"
"No."
"Then what's it matter?"
He leans back into his seat and looks to the sky. He's quiet for a long time. When he speaks, his voice is soft. It's like he can barely get this out. "You know what I did the first time I found my mom's stash?"
"No, but I doubt it's going to convince me you're an asshole."
"We were at the mall, trying on jeans. I got out of the dressing room and she was different. It was like she wasn't there."
"How old were you?"
"Fifteen."
"That's young."
He stares back at me. "I got her home, cleaned her up, put her to bed. Then I went looking in her medicine cabinet. She had a fucking cornucopia. Oxy, Percocet, Xanax, Ativan. Any painkiller or anti-anxiety med. You name it, she had it."
"And?"
"I should have flushed her stash. Or called my dad. Or told the maid."
"You were a kid."
"I took one, to see what it was like. To see what she chose over being with me." He looks to the ground. "And I got it right away. I understood right away. I understood so well I could barely stay mad."
I move closer. I know he's trying to push me away, but it's not going to work. He's my friend and I can tell he's hurting right now.
I slide my arm around his waist and pull him into a hug. "I'm sorry about your mom."
His posture softens. He presses his palm between my shoulder blades. "You shouldn't hang out with me."
"I'm an adult. I'll do what I want."
He says nothing, but he does pull me closer.
"If you don't want to hang out with me, that's your call." It's a bluff, a horrible bluff. I'll be crushed if Kit pushes me away.
"Don't go to parties like that, Piper. I know you're a good kid but it happens fast."
"I won't." I rest my head against his chest. It feels good holding Kit, having him hold me, even if he's telling me I should run away.
I care about him in a way that goes far beyond friendship, far beyond any affection I've ever felt for anyone.
Chapter 11
Piper
I spend my spring break hanging out with my brothers and texting Kit about nothing.
And going on the two auditions I owe Kit.
Neither one is a good fit, but it feels good preparing and performing. Like it could be a big part of my life. Like this acting career thing really is possible.
Still, I have half a semester to finish. When school starts, I shift my focus back to studying.
I'm sitting at a sandwich shop, catching up on reading between classes, when a text from Joel grabs all my attention.
Joel: Don't get your hopes up, Pipes, but Violet crawled out of Ethan's bed this morning.
Piper: Details. Now.
Joel: It was a little after you left for school. I came over to practice.
Piper: Wasted an hour fucking with Mal?
Joel: Maybe.
Piper: Details!
Joel: She looked embarrassed.
Piper: Of course she was embarrassed. You were there.
Joel: No. Like she couldn't take the backslide.
Piper: Did she look good?
Joel: Of course. It's Violet. She's got that hot goth chick with a tortured soul thing going on. Fuck, the dress she was wearing—if she wasn't Ethan's ex, I'd be all over that.
Piper: You're a pig.
Joel: And you've never stared at a guy's ass thinking you want your hands on it?
Piper: Maybe.
Joel: Bullshit maybe. You've stared at my ass like that. Not that I blame you. It's a nice ass.
Piper: I have not. You aren't my type.
Joel: You should butter me up if you want details while I'm on the road.
Piper: Please, please, please!
Joel: Gossip for gossip?
Piper: I haven't got much.
Joel: Then I can't help you.
Piper: You will too.
Joel: Everybody else thinks you're sweet and innocent, but I don't buy it. You know how the world works. Scratch my back if you want me to scratch yours.
Piper: What if I delete the rest of our text history and show this to Mal with a story about how you were blackmailing me for sex?
Joel: That's a bluff and you're better than that.
Piper: I'll keep an eye out. Anything in particular?
Joel: Yeah. Kit bailed the other day because he got a booty call.
Piper: What?
I try to play cool. Kit got a booty call while he was with Joel? And he left?
He can't be having sex.
Not with what we... Fuck, we aren't anything. He's actively trying to dissuade me against ideas of us ever being anything.
He has free reign to have sex with anyone he wants.
My hands are shaking so hard I can barely read Joel's text.
Joel: It's not like we were doing important shit. Just playing a game. But he looked freaked not excited. Said the chick was some hot virgin who was begging him.
Oh.
He didn't run off to see some other woman.
Joel is talking about Thursday night, about Kit running off to pick me up.
I need more information. Now.
Piper: When?
Joel: You're not interested in Kit bowing to a booty call from a virgin?
Piper: Do you have more details?
Joel: He said she was a hot blond with a great ass.
My cheeks flush.
Joel: You're blond now.
Piper: And my ass?
Joel: Not going there.
Piper: If you want info, I need info. When was this?
Joel: Last Thursday.
Piper: I'll see what I can do.
Joel: I don't see Kit as the cherry popping type.
Piper: As opposed to?
Joel: Well, I don't like to brag...
Piper: Ew.
Joel: You know what it's like. First time is a big deal to most women. They want it to be special, somebody they'll remember.
Piper: Yeah, I bet you make them feel really special.
Joel: Who was yours?
Piper: No comment.
Joel: Hotter than Kit?
Piper: Who's hotter than Kit?
Joel: That hurts. And you're awful at winning favor. That was a perfect setup for you to say "you're the only person hotter than Kit."
Piper: You're better than that.
Joel: That's a start. Keep the compliments coming.
Piper: I'll see what I can find out about Kit and the virgin.
Joel: Yeah. You do that. I'll let you know about the nymphomaniacs.
Ethan and Violet weren't exactly good at waiting until they were sure they were alone to start things.
I'm excited about Violet possibly being around. I'm going to call Ethan and demand details.
But there's something about Joel's texts.
I read them five times.
He can't realize...
There's no evidence.
There's no way Joel could know that Kit was leaving to see me.
But I'm pretty sure he does.
Ethan refuses to comment on seeing Violet. When I ask, he locks himself in his room.
Mal is more sympathetic. He admits that he convinced Violet to join Dangerous Noise on tour for the next week and a half. She's going to check over some potentially fucked accounting.
She's voluntarily spending her spring break on a bus with Ethan.
It's hard to do anything but get ideas about them getting back together.
About having Vi around again.
When Mal tells me she needs a ride to the venue for the show that kicks off the second half of their tour, I jump at the chance.
Seeing Violet is sublime. She looks even prettier than she did two years ago. Her once-long strawberry blond hair is now cut in an awesome short, edgy bob.
God, I hope she sticks around. Not just to teach me how she manages such a perfectly blended smoky eye, but to watch trashy TV with me, to cook dinner with me, to give me advice.
I get lost in catching up with her all the way to the venue. As soon as Ethan locks eyes with her, I know this is happening.
The two of them belong together.
They're going to be together again.
Then I'll have Violet back in my life too.
I'm bouncing with excitement when my eyes catch Kit's.
He's in the back talking to the poor stage slash tour manager Jim. Next to always in control Kit, Jim looks even more nervous and rambling.
My heartbeat picks up. My chest gets light. Kit and I are still texting every day, but there's been something missing since our talk in downtown LA.
I hate it.
Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up in the big house all by myself. Usually, I dread my brothers' leaving for their tours. But all week I've been looking forward to talking more with Kit. I've been excited instead of worried.
Now that I'm looking at Kit, unsure of what he's thinking or feeling, I'm equal parts excited and worried. I want our intimacy back.
What if I can't get it back?
I take a deep breath and make my way to his side of the stage.
His dark eyes light up as he sees me. He nods hello.
"Hey." I move close enough to lean in for a hug. Then my arms are around him.
He hugs me back. "Hey."
"We haven't been talking much." I keep my voice even as I step backwards. This doesn't have to be a big deal. "Did I tell you about the auditions?"
He nods.
"I got a callback for one of the parts, but they went another way." I look up into his eyes. "I need to find some roles meant for twenty year olds."
"You really looking for a part?"
"If I can find something over the summer." I brush my hair behind my ears. "Or maybe some short films shooting on the weekends."
His entire face lights up. "You really going after acting?"
"I'm thinking about it."
He wraps his arms around me and spins me. "Fuck, Piper, that's amazing." His brows screw with confusion, like he isn't sure why he's holding me. He sets me down and takes a step backwards. "I've been busy."
"Busy doing...?"
He flexes his bicep with a smile. He's deflecting. I want to demand an explanation. I want to know if he's been thinking about me, because I can't stop thinking about him.
I want to taste his lips again.
I want to touch him and have him touch me.
Fuck, I'd do it right now.
My slow inhale does nothing to calm my racing heart. I want Kit, badly, but he knows that. I kissed him.
The ball is in his court now.
Damn, I'm staring at his gorgeous dark eyes like I'm thinking about kissing him again.
I am thinking about kissing him again.
I better say something. "Did you see Violet?" I motion to her standing by the side of the stage.
"That is Violet."
"I hope she sticks around. She's sweet but in a take no shit kind of way, you know. I wish I was better at convincing people I don't take shit."
"Nobody thinks you take shit."
Maybe. "She's the one
who taught me how to do makeup and find cute clothes."
"Really?" Kit raises a brow.
"I know she has better style than I do—"
"It's not that." He looks from Violet to me. "More that your style is really different."
It's true. She's a goth sexpot and I'm a college good girl. But at least I'm a cute college good girl. "She was like an older sister to me. She gives the best advice."
"I'll give you advice."
"You'll tell me what to do."
He moves closer. "She doesn't?"
"Not usually."
"Then I hope she sticks around." His lips curl into a smile. "I'm going to keep telling you what to do."
The tension is gone. It's like the kiss never happened. Or maybe like Kit wanted it to happen as badly as I did.
I move closer than I should. "I... If I go after acting, I want to be practical about it."
"Weren't you a waitress?"
I nod. I worked at a little cafe for about two years. I had to quit back in October, when it became clear I couldn't juggle school and work.
"You can wait tables while you go to auditions. Thousands of actors do it every day."
"Maybe."
"Is acting what lights you up inside?"
Yes. But I'm not ready to admit that to him. I can barely admit it to myself. "It's not a stable career path."
"Yes or no?"
I say nothing.
He moves close enough to whisper. "Yes or no?"
It's hard to think anything with his breath warm on my ear. My body is buzzing. I want to touch him. I want to throw him against the wall and rip his clothes off.
This lights me up inside.
I rise to my tip-toes to whisper in his ear. "Yes. But I still want stability. I know it's not exciting, but—"
"I get it." He presses his palm into my lower back. "You don't want to rely on anyone."
I nod.
He drags his fingertips up my spine, over the fabric of my dress. "You relied on me the other night."
"The other night?" Please keep touching me.
"You called me when you were drunk." He drags his fingertips back down my spine. "You relied on me to pick you up, get you home." He moves closer. His voice drops to a barely there whisper. "To console you about your friend."
My voice is just as soft. "Of course."
"You'd call me if you needed to talk."
"Yeah."
Dangerous Crush: A Rock Star Romance (Dangerous Noise Book 2) Page 10