by Paul Kater
involuntary guests.
Zed noticed the tightness around his lips leave. "Who the fuck are you peop-"
Snip.
"vvm."
"That's better." Hilda turned to Ted. "Are you going to do the same thing?" She held her hand up, ready to snip her fingers.
"No, no, no!" Ted shook his head. "No, ma'am, I'm not gonna scream."
"Bmm vvmvm grmvm!" Zed shared his feelings about Ted. He was ignored, though.
The magical couple pulled up their chairs and sat down near Ted. "Right then," Hilda started. "Your friend Theo left a package for you two characters. He was glad we were helpful in storing the package for you, so next time you run into him, you should be grateful."
"Who is Theo?" Ted asked. His surprise was evident.
"Hilda, usually these types do not know each other. That is safer for them as they are dealing with illegal business," William explained. "They don't know each other, so they can never say who did something bad."
The witch rubbed her nose. "There's this remark I'd like to make about this world, William. You know what I mean."
"I do, sweet witch."
"Good. First off, boy, tell us your names."
Ted managed to tell the two strange people his name, and that of his partner in crime.
"Ted and Zed. Sounds like a comedy couple," William snickered.
"William, please pay attention. These two were trying to murder us. That is not a laughing matter," Hilda said, missing the joke. She turned to Ted again. "You may have understood that we are a witch and a wizard. The real deal." She showed her wand. "This is not a stick, this is a magical wand. And I know how to use it. So no tricks. Do we have an understanding?"
Ted nodded as if his life depended on it, rattling his teeth as he went along. With all that had been happening in the last few minutes, he was ready to believe anything this strange woman said. He tried to jolt as he saw the wand vanish. The spell prevented him from doing such a thing, though.
"Now. Slowly and from the start, because I am not from here. Who are you and what do you want to do with that package?" Hilda asked.
Ted was temporarily distracted by Zed, who tried to convince Ted to "Gmmvvvm", otherwise "brrrfff!" would be the consequence.
"Don't worry about Zep," Hilda said, "he's quite harmless."
Ted did not chance a thing, so he let the Zep slip. "We were asked by some friends to come here and collect the package that was waiting for us here."
"Look here, son," said William. "We don't look like we're from here, and she isn't. But I am. Your package contains drugs. You coming here for that means you are into drugs. And we don't like drugs, nor the people who deal with them. So my advice to you is to tell us the story." Calmly, William held his hand out, right in front of Ted's face. Then he made his white and red wand appear. "See, she is not the only one who can do a trick or two."
25. Weirdos
Ted stared at the wand in William's hand.
Zed had fallen silent as all his attempts to attract attention had failed utterly, and the more he tried, the more his face hurt.
"If you are trying to freak me out," said Ted, "you are seriously succeeding, man." His eyes seemed glued to William's wand.
"We're not in the freak out business, Ted. We're here to catch a witch. And do something about you and your drugs as we're here anyway."
The word 'drugs' made Ted look at William again.
"You probably are aware that you can't win, right?" Hilda added.
Ted's eyes went fuzzy for a while; he was thinking. Then he agreed that he as well as Zed had little choice, even if Zed was harder to convince.
"Now, we are going to make this easy on ourselves," William informed the drug runners. "We're going to deliver you to the police station, and there you will tell the officers everything you know of the drug thing you are involved in. Is that clear?"
Ted nodded. If they could get away from it all this easily, these strange people were soft in the head. He glanced over at Zed, whose eyes screamed no but whose head slowly nodded also. Zed had reached the same decision, apparently.
"Wonderful. Now, to make sure you will do as we ask of you, we need to have a safety. The witch here will take care of that." William was very calm as he said that, which worried Ted and Zed.
Hilda waved her wand and said something in Latin while looking at the two captives. "Good. You will tell the police people the truth. Otherwise you'll find out that you should have."
Ted asked: "What did you do? I feel nothing."
"That's the nice bit," Hilda replied, "you won't feel a thing. Hah, I know my spells!" Then she turned to Zed. "Do you think you can stay quiet without my help?"
Zed nodded. He was ready to do a lot of things now, if only he could move his lips again.
"Good."
A moment later, Zed's mouth was free again, making him gasp for air in a reflex. The past experience had made the man wiser: he kept his mouth shut.
William rubbed his chin for a moment. "I have an idea. Hilda, watch these two for a moment, please." He got up and walked over to the table, where the fake drugs package was lying. After some magic, and with a smile on his face, he turned to Ted. "Here. You will take this with you."
Ted hesitated before accepting the package. Certainly these two weirdos were not so stupid as to let them get away with the shipment?
The two 'weirdos' had something better planned, though. Hilda went to fetch their brooms while William kept an eye on their guests. "Right then, gentlemen. Up you stand, and then up we go."
Zed could not hold back. "Are you crazy? Do you think you can fly that thing?" He knew he risked a locked mouth again, but some things just needed to be said.
Hilda however did not take offense. "I don't think so, Zed. I know so. Come, come, outside." She opened the door and walked into the narrow alley.
The two men, Ted holding the package tightly under an arm, shuffled into the cramped passageway, uncertain of what was going to happen. When the first thing happened, Ted stepped back, bumping into Zed, who uttered a curse as his partner in crime stepped on his toes.
"You, Ted. Step up here and sit down. At the front." Hilda pointed at the broom that hovered next to her.
"Oh no. No way." Ted was determined to stay sane. And on the ground.
Hilda sighed. "Perhaps this was a weak part of the plan, William." They had not counted on resistance in this stage.
"Plan B, then, clearly," said William. Hilda was still raising her eyebrows, because plan B had never been discussed, when William waved his wand. The two drug runners silently collapsed onto the ground. "No worries, Hilda, they're just asleep."
"Crude but effective," the witch had to agree. "Nice improvising, that plan B of yours."
They each loaded a sleeper onto a broom and then took off, setting course towards the police station. They flew over a part of town that was mostly covered in darkness. Electric lines had been ripped by the actions of Zelda, so streetlights were out of order. The entire environment below them was enveloped in an eerie silence also.
"Do you know where we are?" Hilda asked after a while.
"Yes, I do," said William. "Let's go lower. We can use the wands to make light."
The two wands supplied barely enough light, but they got the job done. The couple was indeed flying through a street, and at the end of the street was the police station.
"William, you keep amazing me," Hilda admitted.
They arrived at their destination. Inside there was a faint, flickering light.
"Looks like they are still in business," Hilda remarked. "Hey, in there!"
Her yelling startled William a bit; he had not seen that coming. Based on the sound that came from inside the police station, nobody there had either. Seconds later, two policemen, guns in hand, were in front of the building. One of them carried a flashlight that quickly found the two people on the brooms.
"Hands up," one of the men behind the
light said, as he was uncertain how to handle the situation. Police Academy did not prepare their people for witches and wizards. Only the Halloween ones, and those were on foot usually.
"We're delivering two drug runners, officer," William tried.
"Hands up!"
Hilda and William exchanged looks and shrugged. They raised their hands, the very hands they had used to keep their unconscious passengers level on the broom. The predictable result was a double thud. Luckily the brooms were not hovering very high.
"Who are they?" the other police officer asked, the one not carrying the flashlight.
"As I said, we're bringing you two drug runners. They have some interesting information for you, as well as a package that might interest you," William said. "And you'll know if they speak the truth."
"Oh, really. And that is because you say so?" The flashlight sounded annoyed.
"No," said Hilda. "When they lie, they'll turn green and will start itching like crazy, until they say something that's true again. So remember that. Can we take our hands down now?"
"No!" The man holding the flashlight was visibly, well, in this case audibly nervous.
"Mack, calm down," the other policeman said, "they must be the ones that people talk about. If they can do only half the things I heard, a gun won't do much against them."
Hilda lowered her arms. William did too. "Remember," said the witch, "make them tell a truth when they are green and itching. They'll wake up in a few hours. William, come, I've had enough of this."
William nodded, and wands still shining light, they turned their brooms and sped upwards towards the black, cloudy night sky.
"Come back here!"