by Violet Duke
She gazed into his eyes—concern, empathy, and pride all swirling around in that blue abyss. “How on earth did you survive that? Move on from that?”
That was easy. His heart stuttered a beat as he said simply, “You. You helped me move on from that. You help me glue back the pieces of my heart without even trying.”
She blinked in surprise, tenderness softening her expression. Crawling back across the bed, she tucked herself against him and he almost shuddered at the emotions flooding through him at the perfect fit, the grounding feeling she brought him each time.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
QUINN HAD NEVER been happier in her life.
Of course her life raising Cooper alone had always been one filled with love, laughter, and joy. But true and unconditional happiness…she wasn’t sure she’d really ever had that until Rylan came into her life.
It had happened over time, in small and big ways, random and unexpected ways—she’d fallen in love with him. Slowly when she wasn’t looking.
Well she was looking now.
“If you keep staring at me like that, I’m going to be late to work, woman,” warned Rylan, pulling her in for another deep goodbye kiss.
They’d been saying goodbye for a good ten minutes now.
“Alright, alright,” she brushed one last kiss on his lips and fell back onto her heels, smothering a laugh when he looked like a boy who’d just dropped his ice cream cone.
“You need to go to work, and so do I.” She turned to head over to her car, ever so aware of his eyes lingering on her from behind.
She’d just swung her car door when suddenly she felt her feet getting swept right up off the ground.
“One more kiss,” rumbled Rylan as he cradled her body against his.
It was a hell of a kiss.
Hours later, she was still floating along on the same ridiculously happy bubble on her way to pick Cooper up from preschool.
She wasn’t at all surprised when her phone rang when she was just minutes away.
“Hey, sweetie,” Rylan’s deep, velvety rich voice filled the car over the Bluetooth speakers. “Are you sure you don’t need me to take off work and head over to the doctor with you guys?”
“It’s fine,” she reassured him for the umpteenth time. “It’s his yearly check-up with his pulmonologist. They usually just take some scans and check his breathing. No big deal. You coming over tonight?”
That stopped being a yes or no question for Rylan weeks ago. “I should be done here by six.” A loud commotion sounded behind him. “Criminy. Babe, I gotta run. See you tonight.”
* * * * *
HOURS LATER, QUINN was plugging Cooper’s nebulizer in and flipping through the channels of the small TV she’d put in there as soon as they got home.
When he was entranced by the late afternoon cartoons, she set her alarm to half the time of Cooper’s treatment schedule.
Then she went into her room.
Locked the door.
And cried.
Another surgery.
Cooper needed yet another surgery.
The doctors had needed today’s new scans to confirm what they’ve been apparently suspecting for a while. Various areas of scar tissue from the respiratory complications and resulting half dozen surgeries Cooper had endured as a newborn were now blocking a large portion of his airway and hindering his ability to breathe even in normal day-to-day function.
So that hadn’t been mere asthma attacks that he’d been suffering through the past several months.
Quinn cried even harder as she replayed their description of the entire airway reconstruction surgery Cooper would need—a complex procedure that would be multiply invasive, require months of difficult recovery, and of course, cost thousands even after insurance.
Fear and rage and helplessness ripped through her, sliced her heart into ribbons.
As the pain continued to grow, she grabbed for her phone and stared at the number her fingers had already begun to dial.
She stopped herself just in time.
Then, instead of calling the one person she wanted, needed to talk to, she spent the next few minutes looking through photos on her phone.
And crying.
Until her alarm beeped at the fifteen-minute mark.
Then she went to the bathroom to wash her face.
She’d cried for exactly one minute after she’d found Brody cheating on her all those years ago.
And then she’d dried her tears and started on a plan to figure out how to be the best damn single mom she could be.
She’d cried for five minutes when the doctors had first told her about all the respiratory surgeries her newborn son would have to undergo, before she’d even had a chance to hold him, to tell him it would be alright.
And then she’d dried her tears and gotten down on her knees and prayed, and begged, and bargained with God nonstop until Cooper made it out of that first surgery alive.
She’d cried for ten minutes straight when her parents had been killed by a drunk driver, just a few months after Cooper was born, before they’d even had a chance to take him out of the hospital.
And then she’d dried her tears and sat beside Cooper every night in the hospital, telling him every story she could remember about her parents, so he would know what amazing grandparents he’d had.
So today she’d cried for fifteen minutes.
Fifteen minutes to be angry at the universe for torturing her son like this, for being so cruel.
Fifteen minutes to be angry at the universe for letting her feel happiness and then ripping it away.
Fifteen minutes to be angry at the universe for making her have to do the hardest thing she could imagine later tonight.
And now she was drying her tears so she could read through all the literature and paperwork the doctors had given her today, right after she got Cooper started on his next breathing treatment, got dinner ready, and figured out where she was going to find over $300,000 to pay for Cooper’s upcoming surgery and rehab, and simultaneously still keep paying back the $426,171 she still owed from his pediatric medical bills.
Fifteen minutes was all the time she could give her heart to cry.
Tears now dried, she put a big smile on her face and headed into Cooper’s room. Dropping the second vial of medicine in for his next treatment, she asked him brightly, “How does spaghetti sound for dinner?”
* * * * *
RYLAN STARED at the text message on his screen, counting down the minutes, to the very second, to do what Quinn had asked.
>>> I KNOW YOU’RE UPSET. BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE COOPER GOES TO BED FIRST. HE HAD A ROUGH DAY. IF YOU WANT TO TALK, HE SHOULD BE ASLEEP BY EIGHT.
It was eight on the dot when he stepped up onto Quinn’s front porch and waited for her to open the door. He didn’t ring the doorbell. He didn’t want to wake up Coop.
Plus, he knew she’d be waiting for him at the time she specified.
The time she’d designated to break his heart.
She opened the door without a sound and wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Quinn, don’t do this.”
She was running. She was scared and overwhelmed so of course she was running. He didn’t fault her for it. But he’d be damned if he was going to just let her give up on them.
“Did Luke tell you?” she asked quietly.
“I should’ve heard it from you,” he answered instead. “I shouldn’t have been in Desert Confections buying chocolate for you two. I should have been right next to you, holding your hand, comforting Coop. I shouldn’t have heard it from Luke.” Voice raw with emotion, he repeated, “I should’ve heard it from you.”
Fear gripping his heart, he asked the first thing on his mind. “How’s Cooper doing?”
“He’s scared,” she murmured. “He’s old enough to understand so he’s pretty scared.”
He didn’t want to ask her how she was doing because that was an asinine question. Instead, he dragged her into his arms. He grit h
is teeth when she tried to pull back. “Let me hug you, Quinn. And hug me, too. Because I’m scared for Cooper, just like you are.”
Finally, her arms circled his waist and he held on tight. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, needing to know what had been going on in her head when she’d chosen to call Luke instead of him.
A long minute passed before she replied in a voice lacking all the quintessentially Quinn spark and fire he loved, “Because I didn’t want to ruin your day. You had just gotten that email regarding your bid on the museum project—”
“You think I care more about some damn project than you and Cooper?” Frustration and hurt throbbed in his voice.
“Of course not,” she replied, sounding just…tired. “Of course I didn’t think that. And that’s exactly why I didn’t call. I didn’t want you to do anything rash. This is your career. My problems shouldn’t get in the way of your career.”
He gripped her hands in his. “Honey, we’ll figure all this out together. I have a lot saved up—”
“No.”
“Damn you and your pride. I want to do this.”
“No. It’s not my pride. It’s just not your problem, Rylan.”
“To hell it isn’t! I love you, and I love Coop. Your problems are my problems.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Rylan. You don’t know what it’s like to feel like you’re working thirty-hour days for months on end. You don’t know what it’s like to have over a half a million dollars in debt hanging over your head. You don’t know what it’s like to look into your own future and see no home, no money, no job. You don’t know what it’s like to scream at an insurance agent because they won’t effing pay for your child to live, then to scream at God for being so damn cruel. You don’t know what it’s like to have doctors telling you that this day might be your child’s last. But I do.”
“You don’t know what it’s like to have to choose between love and life.” She dropped her gaze to the floor. “And before tonight, I didn’t either. But now I do.”
He could feel her slipping away from him and he didn’t know what the hell he could do to stop it. “You’re right, honey. I don’t know what any of that is like. But that doesn’t mean I won’t go through all that and more for you, and with you.”
“I can’t do this to you, Rylan. You and I just started dating, I can’t possibly put this on your plate.”
“So you think that’s it. It’s just a decision about us that you make on your own.”
She shook her head sadly. “I don’t have the time or strength to fit you in to this new life. It’s not as simple as just standing beside me. I only have the time for thirty hours of work, and hospital, and mom duties in a twenty-four hour day. I only have the strength to protect Cooper’s heart and maybe my own if I’m lucky.”
Rylan flinched, knowing exactly what she was trying to do. “This isn’t the same thing as Lacey. Don’t try to bridge the two.”
“If you’d stop and look at it, you’d see the similarities. If you let you tether yourself to me while I have to go through all this, it would be like Lacey all over again. You stayed with her for so long out of obligation. You took care of her and almost destroyed yourself in the process. I could never ever ask that of you. I refuse to do that to you.”
“And you don’t think breaking this off now isn’t tearing my heart to shreds right now?”
Pain streaked across her face. “I think at least those wounds would be able to heal.”
Just then, they both heard Cooper crying out from the bedroom, “Mommy!”
“I have to go, Rylan.”
And just like that, he watched her close the door on their relationship.
* * * * *
“IT’S OKAY, SWEETIE. Mommy’s right here. You just had a nightmare, that’s all.”
Quinn rocked Cooper back and forth in her arms.
“Mommy?” he asked drowsily, “is Rylan going to read me a story tonight?”
She swallowed back the pain. “No, honey. I know he would if he could though. But remember what the doctors said today, you and I are going to be really busy for a while. So we might not be able to see Rylan too much for a while.”
“Oh.” He nodded sadly. “I think I’m going to miss him.”
Closing her eyes, she whispered back, “Me too, munchkin. Me too.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
RYLAN GOT HOME later that night and punched a hole in his wall.
Staring at the damage, he turned to another blank wall and was all set to do a little more home remodeling with his fists when his phone rang.
“H’lo?” He didn’t even bother hoping that it was Quinn.
“Hi sweetheart. Just confirming that you’ll be bringing this girlfriend we’ve been hearing so much about to our cookout next weekend. Your dad and I are dying to meet her.”
Right. He’d planned to introduce Quinn and Cooper to his folks then.
“No, sorry, mom. Something came up. She won’t be able to make it.”
A measured pause, then. “Everything okay?”
He’d never been one to talk to his folks, or anyone really, about his relationship problems. Hell, that’s why no one knew the reason why he and Lacey never worked out.
“Rylan, I can hear you hurting over the phone.” Her voice quieted, but still resonated in that mom-tone. “I wasn’t able to help you work through whatever happened with Lacey. And it just about killed me. Talk to me, sweetheart. Maybe I can help.”
Startled, he looked at his phone, almost picturing his mom with her Carol Brady hair. Worrying about him. He hadn’t realized. “I never meant to keep you shut out. Lacey and I were…complicated.”
“Judging by the fall-out, I gathered that. Is this the same situation with Quinn?”
No. Quinn was the exact opposite of Lacey. What she was doing, and why she was doing it…he understood. Loved her even more for it, actually. “Remember how I told you her son Cooper has asthma? Well, it turns out, he has to get this entire airway reconstruction surgery on account of scarring from all the surgeries he’d had when he was first born.”
“Oh, Rylan. That poor woman.”
“I know. She’s taking it hard. She’s worried about Cooper and money, and she’s trying to be so strong. If only she’d let me help.” Frustration ate away at him like acid. “She broke things off tonight.”
“Rylan, honey. You need to give it time.”
“I don’t think time is going to fix this one, Mom. You can’t even begin to imagine what she’s already gone through, and what she’s preparing herself to go through. Alone. She doesn’t want to drag me into it.” A bitter laugh burst out of his chest. “She doesn’t want me to give up the museum project for her, and she’d rather I be out dating and having fun instead of holding her hand through this.”
He dropped his head into his hands. “Is dad there? Do you think you could put him on speaker?”
“Sure, just a sec.”
“Hey son. I’m sorry about Quinn and Cooper. I wish there were something we could do.” His father, always quick with the good advice, didn’t have more than that to offer.
“Dad, when Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, if that had happened when you two first started dating, knowing what you know now about how hard the battle was going to be, do you think you guys would’ve survived it?”
His dad was silent for quite a bit, before he answered, “You know, I’d like to think so. But honestly, I don’t know. Maybe not.”
Great.
“Honey, what your Dad means is that we know a lot of survivors who ended up having a lot of problems in their marriages, some even got divorced. It’s a tough thing for a couple to go through. While your Dad and I love each other more than anything, the intensity, heartache, and scares of what we went through would’ve probably been too much for a new relationship.”
Rylan released a dejected sigh. “So you don’t think Quinn and I could handle this. That’s what you’re saying.”
“Actually…I think you could.”
“So do I, son,” added his dad. “You’re a way different man than I was when I first met your mother. And Quinn…she sounds like she’s already gone through ten times more than what your mother had at the time. Plus, we’ve known for weeks now that you’re in love with this woman, am I right?”
More in love than he’d ever thought possible. “Yeah. I love her.”
“Then you two might have a shot.”
If only he could buy miracles with hopes and wishes. “Mom? Can I ask you one more thing?”
“Sure, honey. Anything.”
“If back then, you’d known what you know now, would you have tried to do what Quinn is doing? Would you have tried to push Dad out of your life?”
“Honestly, yes,” she replied softly. “I would do exactly what Quinn is doing now…if I loved him enough to do it. I would’ve tried.”
He sat and processed that last statement long after he hung up with his parents.
Quinn loved him, he was almost certain. But he couldn’t possibly know how much was ‘enough.’
By the next morning, he realized, it didn’t matter.
He loved her and Cooper more than ‘enough.’
* * * * *
ON SUNDAY MORNING, Quinn woke up to the sound of a loud scuffling shuffle in her back yard. She froze and tried to adjust her eyes to the early morning light. The sound came through again loud and clear so she reached under her bed for the bat Luke had bought her back in college, and made her way over to the back door.
She thrust it open and jumped out. “The cops are on their way, assho—” She lowered the bat. “Rylan? What are you doing here at his hour?”
Rylan eyed her and then her bat. “Ten to one, you didn’t actually call the cops before running your Xena Warrior Princess out here. Bat blazing.”
She scowled. “No, I didn’t.”