“That I can’t go to Lillie’s birthday party.”
I’m relieved I got to the bottom of the whole mystery. While my heart still aches for my little angel I know it’s not something that can’t be repaired. It won’t be the last time people will say cruel things to her. She just needs to learn how to handle them.
“You know Mrs. Edelman is worried about you?” I say. She nods, rubbing her eyes. “Mommy and Lucas, too.” She looks at Lucas as if just seeing him there for the first time. She reaches one hand for him and Lucas motions her to come into his arms. She does so without blinking, cuddling at his chest and sticking a thumb in her mouth.
“You know, princess, I didn’t have my dad with me when I grew up, not always,” Lucas says, rocking Ella. “But that didn’t mean there was something wrong with me, you know? Sometimes kids say bad things that hurt me, but then I learned to stay away from them and not listen to what they said. I made other friends.”
“You did?” Ella says, stopping from sucking her thumb.
“Mm-hmm,” Lucas nods. “Some were nice, some weren’t. I kept the nice ones and stopped playing with the bad ones.”
“But Lillie is my best friend.” Ella’s chin tremors again.
“And she can still be if she wants to.”
“How? Gabin won’t let her.” There’s sulk in Ella’s voice and scrunched brows.
“He will,” I say and pull my cell phone out of my pocket, mimicking to Lucas, “Calling Gavin’s mom.” I leave the room and, after I talk with Becca, Gavin and Lillie’s mom, for a few minutes, I return to find Lucas reading “Charlotte’s Web” to Ella. He’s still stretched on the floor with his back against Ella’s bed while she rests her blond curls on his chest, eyes on the open book.
Handing the phone to Ella I say, “Honey, Lillie wants to talk to you.”
She jumps and hesitates to take the phone, glancing from the phone to me to Lucas.
“Come on, Lillie has something to tell you,” I smile at Ella.
She takes the phone and says, “Hello?”
It’s a sweet exchange between Ella and Lillie and the more they talk the more Ella’s face brightens. At the end of the conversation, she announces, “Let’s get Lillie a present!”
Ella sings the entire drive to the nearby store. Lucas pitches in once in a while, as always messing up the lyrics to her delight. She tries to teach him the words, then he again messes them up; it’s like teaching an elephant to rope dance. The singing turns to humming while we are in the store. Once done shopping and back in the car, the two of them sing again, but this time it’s not long until Ella falls asleep.
“She had a hectic day,” Lucas glances at me as he jumps on the freeway toward his house. We planned a barbeque dinner with Cameron and his fiancée.
“It breaks my heart to see her so sad.”
“Let me tell you, if I ever get my hands on that little bugger Gavin, he won’t like it.”
I laugh. “Yeah, right. You want to go to prison?”
“I’m serious. He needs a taste of his own medicine. That little bastard!” Lucas slaps a hand over his mouth as I turn in my seat to glance at Ella. She’s still asleep.
“Hey, potty mouth!” I roll my eyes.
“Sorry. I’m just upset he’s so mean to her. Tomorrow I’ll go to the daycare and show him who Ella’s daddy is.”
I look at Lucas, surprised by his words, wondering if he realizes what he just said. Summer found us still together, making plans for a vacation. If I can figure out a way to sleep in the same room with Lucas without explaining to my daughter why two people that aren’t married do that, and not feel like a hypocrite, it’ll be a perfect vacation. For now I’m working on it. I know he’d do anything for her. I know the two have a strong bond and even stronger feelings for one another. But from that to consider himself her daddy—that’s a long stretch. Not that I would object.
He stares at the road ahead, glancing from time to time in the mirrors. I like the way a few black strands of hair fall over his forehead and the way his full and kissable lips move when he sings along to the radio. He wears a black V-neck t-shirt that accentuates the green in his eyes.
“What?” He glances at me.
“Nothing.”
“You’re staring at me.” The corners of his mouth lift. I can’t resist and, when we stop at the light exiting the freeway, I lean closer and kiss him.
“Whoa! That’s a treat. What did I do to deserve it?”
“Nothing. Just drive.”
“Come on, tell me so I can do it again.” Lucas places a hand on my thigh and rubs it. His palm feels warm through my summer yellow dress. In a soft, low voice he says, “I like this kind of treat.”
“Keep your hands on the steering wheel, please.”
“Yes, Mother.”
I slap his shoulder, and laugh. “I’m serious!”
“And I’m serious when I asked what’s the matter? I know you well enough to know that behind those long stares it’s always something. So, what is it?”
I look out the window. We are about to turn into Lucas’s gated neighborhood. The long row of palms and trimmed bushes guard the two-lane street. Double sand-colored metal gates delineate the quiet neighborhood from anyone without an access code.
I take a deep breath. “You said you want to show Gavin who Ella’s daddy is. I was wondering if you said that consciously or just made a comment.”
Lucas doesn’t answer until we cross the gate and after he pulls over. He turns toward me and rests half of his left arm over the steering wheel. The air blowing from the A/C catches on his cologne—leather, green walnuts and roasted coffee beans—tickling my senses and reminding me of the power this man has over me.
“It wasn’t a conscious remark,” he says and my heart sinks, but I don’t as much as flinch. “Now that you pointed it out, you got me thinking.” His Adam’s apple goes up and down, several times. He drums his thumb on the steering wheel, looking away then back at me. For long seconds Lucas looks at me with those green eyes that send warmth through my body all the way to my soul. Then he glances over at Ella for an extended period of time. When he returns his eyes to me he looks as if something just dawned on him.
“I’m done hiding, Jane. I want an exclusive relationship. I want the dating, the courtship, the romance, the whole nine yards.”
“Why?”
“Because when I went back to Paris, the minute I entered the guesthouse I wanted nothing more than to run away. Everywhere I turned I had a vision of you and Ella. The silence drove me insane. Then the past few months, I’ve been travelling across country and spending time with others when all I wanted was to be here with you. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about us, about what we’re doing. I can’t remember when I last felt so content, so happy with someone. When I’m with you I can be me. No pretense, no façade, no lies. You’re the first person I’ve met who doesn’t want something from me. I want you at my side, all the time.”
“I won’t move in with you, if that’s what you want. I already do so many things that are against my beliefs, my morals. I can almost feel the heat coming from the eternal flames.”
“Jane, just give us a chance. That’s all I’m asking for.”
“Us? As in . . .?”
“Us, as in the future. Together.” He drives away down the street that curves to the left. “I know you must plan everything out, so I’ll leave it up to you to pick a day and time when you feel ready. I know what I want, Jane. The question is what do you want? You don’t have to tell me now; I want to do it in a . . . let’s just say in a nicer, more traditional way.”
I can’t control the tempo in my chest. And I can’t help the knot in my throat threatening to strangle me. But I can—no, I must breathe or I’ll faint before we reach Lucas’s house. Hope spreads through my body like a summer breeze. Am I imagining Lucas thinks . . . marriage?
Chapter 23
“Did you expect Max?” I motion toward the shiny silver Corvett
e parked behind Cameron’s Honda.
“Not really.” Lucas walks up to the front door with Ella straddled on his hip and a bag with groceries in the other hand. “Maybe she was in the neighborhood.”
“Are any of your neighbors her clients?” I let him inside the house after I unlock the door.
“Probably,” he says. “There are other celebrities in the area. Who knows who needs a lawyer?” As we round the corner into the living room we see Cameron and Max out on the terrace, cans of soda in hand. Max’s black business outfit is such a strong contrast to Cameron’s plaid white shorts and cutout blue shirt.
“Go see them,” Lucas takes Ella down the hallway to the guestroom. “I’ll join you in a minute.”
While Lucas puts Ella down for a nap, I stop in the kitchen to put the groceries away, grab a bottle of water, and go out on the terrace. Cameron and Max stand when seeing me.
“Hey, Jane,” Cameron gives me a hug.
“Hi, guys.”
“Hi, Jane.” About five-feet-nine and drop-dead gorgeous, it’s Max’s turn to hug me. She motions me to sit next to her. I used to envy her when Lucas introduced us for her flawless skin, goddess body, and perfect features.
“Weren’t you on vacation, Max?”
“I was.” She glances at Cameron. “I had to cut it short. For business.”
I look at Cameron who also avoids making eye contact with me. I become alert, my instinct raising up the first flag. Is it about Cameron or Lucas? Or both? Is someone suing them?
I decide to play dumb. “Oh, come on, Max. Even lawyers deserve a vacation. I’m sure someone else in your firm can hold down the fort until the boss returns.”
“Not for this one.” Max flips a strand of shiny blond hair over her shoulder. “I had to—” She looks behind me. “Hey, Lucas.”
“Hey, Max. What’s up?” Lucas hugs Max then sits next to me.
Max stands. A deep furrow forms between her soft-angled brows, her baby-blue eyes fixed on Lucas. She glances at Cameron then back at Lucas.
“I . . .” Max clears her throat. “Can I talk to you for a minute? In private.”
I push to get up, but Lucas’s hand wraps around mine and holds me there. He says, “Go ahead and tell me. Whatever it is, I’ve no secrets, not from Jane.”
Once again Max and Cameron exchange glances. It’s a no-brainer that whatever news Max brings involves Lucas and I’m not going to like it. What other reason could there be for all the secrecy, right?
Max reaches for the large envelope on the rattan coffee table and pulls out a bunch of documents. Handing them one by one to Lucas, she explains, “Raven claims a few months ago you forced her to have sex. She also claims she’s pregnant and you’re the father.”
Lucas jumps up from his chair, knocking it to the ground. “What?” The exclamation explodes from him. “This is . . . this is ridiculous!” He’s sputtering in his ire. “You don’t believe this, do you?” He barely glances at Max before taking the documents from her hand. His gaze sweeps across them and then he thrusts them in my hands, pacing away.
I don’t know what causes my stomach to spasm more—the rape allegations or being cheated on. But whatever the cause, my brain struggles to comprehend. Lucas a brute? Lucas about to become a father?
“Of course I don’t believe it. But it’s not my opinion that counts. Like it didn’t count when I told you to stay away from her despite her past.” Max’s tone holds reproach and anger.
“Come on, Max,” Lucas swings toward her. “Everyone deserves a second chance. Just because she sued a guy in the past doesn’t mean she’ll sue every man she dates.”
“Two guys,” Max pushes two fingers in the air. “And she won both cases.”
“I guarantee you she won’t this time.” Lucas pushes a hand through his hair, pacing the length of the terrace. “I’ve never in my life forced anyone to have sex with me. Yes I had a lot of relationships, but never mistreated anyone. You of all people know best.”
If Lucas’s words bring painful memories to Max, she doesn’t show it. She used to be his backup plan whenever any of the women he dated became too . . . insistent, or as he called them, too clingy. She made fun of anyone falling for him, until she herself lost her heart. Then everything changed. In time they somehow managed to mend their relationship back to a friendship, with Max’s law firm representing Lucas in legal matters.
“It’s not me you need to convince if we go to trial. The details are pretty incriminating.” Max gathers everything back in the envelope. “Hopefully we won’t go that far. If you meet Raven’s conditions, which I recommend you do, she’s willing to withdraw her accusations. If you don’t, she’ll sell the story to every magazine willing to publish it.”
“This is insane,” Lucas groans. “If I agree to whatever she wants it means I admit I’m guilty, which I’m not. On the other hand a scandal like this will destroy my career and the magazine. Can you do anything to stop this madness?”
“Meet with her lawyers to negotiate. The sooner the better.”
“Lawyers?” Lucas snorts. “How many does she need?”
“I’ve only met one but apparently she hired four.”
“Four lawyers?”
Max reaches for her black leather briefcase and opens it. While arranging papers inside, she says, “It’s all for show, and of course to intimidate you. We must stop this before it goes to court. You can’t afford to leave it up to the housewives of Beverly Hills to decide if you’re guilty or not. With your reputation, you stand no chance.”
“My reputation? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Heartbreaker and party monster. Countless one-night stands and as many relationships that ended before they even started. Come on, Lucas, just because you’re a good guy now, you do have a reputation. The number of women who adore you is equal to the ones that hate your guts, models especially.” Max turns toward me for the first time since the exchange between her and Lucas began and adds, “Sorry, Jane. I tried to avoid dragging you into this.”
I doubt she expects me to say anything because I can’t. Not sure I’ll ever again be able to form another word, too numb and shocked by the news. Lucas’s voice startles me.
“I haven’t done anything to Raven.” Lucas walks to the terrace’s edge. Behind him, the sun bathes the golden beach and the tireless ocean. Crossing both arms over his chest, he leans against the wood railing. “How much? How much does she want?”
“Half a million for the assault. Since no one hires a pregnant model she wants you to support her expenses until she can work again after the birth. Child support once the baby is born, $7,000 a month. Depending on the baby’s needs, she might ask for an increase but for now she thinks that’s fair.”
“Fair? Does she even know what fair means? Half a million? She’s insane!” Lucas explodes.
I hear someone knocking on the glass door. When I look over, Ella has Cinderella under one armpit and Snow White under the other. I want to get up but can’t, my legs turned to putty.
Cameron rushes to open the door. “Hey, princess.” He picks Ella up and brings her to me.
I stretch my arms to take her but she says, “I want Lucas.”
There’s an eerie moment when we, the adults, exchange glances before Cameron takes her to Lucas. She squeezes the dolls between herself and Lucas then wraps her arms around his neck. Rocking her in place, Lucas leans his head on hers, closing his eyes.
Part of me is glad I don’t have Ella in my arms right this moment, because I’m crushed, as if the universe rests its weight on my shoulders. Raven’s accusations cloud my beautiful, peaceful world, bringing a horrific storm from which I’ve no idea how to take shelter.
Across the terrace, my daughter cuddles in Lucas’s arms. Have I been blinded by his attention? By his love and care for me and my daughter? Have I missed something? Memories of us starting with our first meeting, the trip to France, the first kiss, the first night spent together, the memories we’ve built, e
verything flashes before my eyes. I dig even deeper and try to find one time, one single memory when I saw a side of him, at least hinting at a darker side, the side that might’ve brought pain to another woman, but I don’t find anything.
And yet, a woman claims he raped her. She’s carrying Lucas’s child, the one I’ll never have, one that someday will call him daddy.
“Come to my office tomorrow, Lucas.” Max lifts her briefcase. “We’ve work to do.” She leans over and gives me a long hug. Whispering in my ear she says, “Be strong, Jane.”
“Hey, Ella, you want ice cream?” Cameron offers. “Let’s say goodbye to Max then fill our bowls with ice cream, okay?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” Ella arches in Lucas’s arms. He barely places her down when she runs to Cameron and drags him to the doors, telling him she’ll go tomorrow to Lillie’s birthday party. Max follows them, leaving us alone.
If feeling doesn’t return to my body, I’ll root here in this very place. While life around me continues—seagulls screeching in the sky, the ocean washing the shore, the sun stretching its brilliant colors and heat over the world—mine has come to a sudden halt. Maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe all I need is to wake up and all of it will disappear from the darkness engulfing me.
Lucas comes to sit next to me. His jaw ticks faster than a Morse Code Machine. He leans forward and rubs a hand over his neck, back and forth, harder and harder.
“Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!” He slaps his knees twice.
His reaction startles me, bringing back to memory the night he found out about his mother’s death—the way he threw the bottle into the wall, the way he crushed the glass in his hand until it broke, the way he yelled at his father—and I cannot help but wonder: is Lucas a violent person?
Chapter 24
Silence stretches over us and I welcome it. My thoughts dance out of tune with too many questions flooding my brain. I’m scared to ask the questions, but I must know the answers. The truth, that’s all I need, even if it means the heartbreak I’ve been afraid of all along, the heartbreak I tried to avoid.
Me Tarzan, You Jane Page 19