by P. G. Forte
The heat and the darkness claimed them. Together they moved into a place from which they both knew they could not escape unscathed. But they were too far gone to stop. Scout was aware of his hands hot against her skin and the need for more inflamed her. Nick felt her body writhe beneath his and could not resist the urge to sink deeper, deeper, deeper into her. The climax, when it came – and neither could remember who broke first – only caused them to cling even more tightly to each other. So that when it was over, they were locked together with neither the strength nor the will to separate.
Nick knew that he was probably holding her too tightly, but he couldn’t bring himself to let her go. He lay still, his eyes closed, his hands tight on her, praying that they could stay that way forever, or at least for a little while longer. Praying for the strength to let her go. Praying for he knew not what.
“Why did you ask me to lie to you?” she asked.
She lay so still against him, so soft and unresisting in his arms. As if she knew that she belonged there, as though she’d never pull away from him again. Liar. And her voice was soft as well. Soft and sweet and sorry. Sorry for him, Nick supposed. Well, he was sorry, too. Sorry that he couldn’t have been stronger for her. That he couldn’t have hidden his pain a while longer. That he hadn’t been able to let her go without –
“Nick?”
He sighed, and closed his eyes even tighter. “It doesn’t matter. I just wish things were different, that’s all. I wish...”
“Yes?”
“Nothing. Never mind.” His hands stroked down the length of her back, wanting to remember all of it. The curve of her waist, the flare of her hips, the sweet weight of her as she lay on top of him, so warm and solid and real. How her head fit so perfectly tucked beneath his chin. The way it felt – right now – as she moved her foot a little and it brushed against his calf. Oh, why couldn’t they just stop talking? And let him pretend for a little while longer that she’d ever been his, or ever could be.
“You asked me to lie. To tell you I’d stay. But—”
He opened his eyes at that. “Don’t do this to me. Please. I know what I asked you to say. I know you didn’t mean it. But please don’t—”
“It wasn’t a lie! I mean, I don’t want to leave you, Nick. I thought... I thought that’s what you wanted?”
“What I wanted?” He looked her full in the face then, saw the questions, the doubt in her eyes, and was astonished. “What were you thinking? Don’t you know? My God, Jen, I have loved you since that very first night when you jumped into my car. All those years you were gone, did you really think there was ever a moment when I didn’t want you, and long for you, and dream of someday having you back in my arms? How could you think I’d want you to leave? I don’t ever want to be without you, not ever again!”
She collapsed against him then, and he held her close, his hands caressing her bare skin, not seeming to mind the hot tears she shed against his neck.
“That horrible day at your school, when I learned the truth, when I knew I couldn’t have you – oh, man, I thought I would lose it for sure. But you were so cool and calm, facing everybody down, and then staring through me like I wasn’t even there. And all I kept thinking was, my car is right outside. If I move fast enough, I can grab her and be gone before anyone can stop us.”
His arms tightened around her. “But I couldn’t figure out how far we’d be able to get before they caught up with us.” He laughed mirthlessly. “I tell you, though, I almost didn’t care. I would have driven us straight into hell for the chance of keeping you with me.”
Scout shivered, remembering.
“You’re cold.” Nick grabbed his shirt from the floor to cover her. “There, is that better?” he asked, so tenderly that she could only nod her head, knowing she could never tell him it wasn’t the lack of clothes that made her shiver.
* * *
“So... you’re staying?” Nick asked again a long time later, still not quite daring to believe it. They hadn’t moved from the couch, which suited him fine. He didn’t particularly care if they never moved again.
“Yes. Yes, I’m staying. Oh, Nick, you knew, didn’t you? You had to know that I never wanted to leave in the first place. After everything I did to keep from losing you, whatever made you think I didn’t care?”
He chuckled a little, not bothered by any of it anymore. All the pain was in the past now. It could stay there. “Oh, well, you mean beside the little things like you staying away for twenty years? Not to mention having the incredibly bad taste to fall for a serial killer while you had me head over heels in love with you?”
Scout glared at him indignantly. “I did not fall for Glenn. I always thought he was a jerk. Although,” she fell silent for an instant, he felt a small shudder pass through her. “I didn’t actually think he was insane. The only reason I slept with him was so I wouldn’t lose you.”
“How’s that?” he asked on a yawn. He looked down at her curiously.
She sighed. “I know, it was really dumb. But I thought if you found out that I was still a virgin, you’d guess that maybe I wasn’t quite as old as you thought I was. And the way we were going, I figured you’d know soon enough. I had to do something.”
She paused and sighed again before continuing. “And, there was Glenn. Even though he was seeing Lisa, I knew he was available. Hell, I knew he’d screw anything. And at the time, oh… at the time I was pissed off at Lisa anyway, so… Nick, are you laughing at me?”
“I’m sorry,” he gasped, trying without success to stop the convulsions that had seized him. “So, okay. Let me see if I’ve got this straight. What you’re saying is... you did it for me?”
“In a weird way , yeah. I guess you could say that.”
“Wow. That is just... you know, Scout, I really want to say that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, but... well, hon, it’s gotta be about the dumbest thing I ever heard of.”
She nodded. “Yep, I kind of figured that out pretty quick myself. So, can we please, please never talk about this again?”
“My pleasure. Just answer me one more question.”
“Ohh,” Scout groaned, dropping her head against his shoulder. “What is it now?”
He tipped her chin up so he could see her face. “Let’s be serious for a minute. Are you sure about this? You’re not going to change your mind and disappear on me again? I mean, we talked about this the other day. I know you have a whole life somewhere else, and it’s no secret that you’re not too fond of Oberon.”
Now it was her turn to look surprised. “What does that have to do with anything? I thought I’d lost you forever! What was the point in coming back? And as for my having another life, well, you do too, don’t you?”
She pushed away from him and sat up. “My God, Nick, you have so much more of a life than I ever had. You have a home and a family. People who love you. Your life is so full. I didn’t know if you had room in it for me. I thought probably you didn’t. That was why I couldn’t stand being in your apartment, you know? The whole time I was there, I couldn’t stop thinking what it would be like having a life with you. I knew if I spent time there, if I let myself get comfortable, it would only hurt that much more when I had to give it all up again.”
Nick laughed weakly as he pulled her back down to him. “Oh, God. Honey, you have no idea how much I wanted you to be comfortable, or—” He broke off and buried his face against her neck; inhaling her fragrance and her warmth, remembering the night before, the way she had looked asleep in his bed.
“Okay,” he said, reaching a decision. “You really want to know what living with me is gonna be like? Come on, get dressed.”
“What? But why? Where are we going now?”
“My place.” He rolled off the couch and hauled her to her feet. “I’m making dinner.”
“Dinner? Isn’t it going to b a little late for that?”
“Yeah, it is. And we still have to find a grocery store that’s open, and then the sau
ce has to cook. So, hurry up.”
“All right, all right.” Scout sighed, and began pulling on her clothes. “So, what are we having, anyway?”
“Meatballs.”
“Meatballs?” She sat back down on the couch and started to laugh.
Nick looked at her in surprise. “Spaghetti and meatballs. Yeah. It’s my specialty. What’s so funny?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you cook all these wonderful meals and tell me they’re nothing fancy, or they’re just something you threw together. And then your special dish is, well, meatballs? It’s surprising, is all.”
“Oh, I see. You think just ‘cause it’s meatballs, it isn’t special enough, is that it?”
“Well, yeah. Now that you mention it.”
“Ah,” he said as he pulled her toward the door, a glint in his eyes. “You just think that because you haven’t tried mine.”
* * *
“Well?” Nick’s eyes sparkled in the candlelight.
Scout wanted to laugh at the smug satisfaction in his voice.
She hesitated, taking another bite, chewing and chewing slowly, before she answered. “It’s good.” His eyebrows rose as she nodded her head in thoughtful approval. And then she smiled. “It’s very good. Delicious, in fact. I could definitely get used to this.”
“Told you so.” He reached across the table and took hold of her hand. He held it very tightly. As if he had no plans to ever let it go.
“But” she couldn’t resist teasing, “we don’t always have to wait until three in the morning before we eat them, do we?”
“No.” Nick frowned, sounding ever so slightly scandalized at the thought. “Of course not. Don’t be silly. They’re very good for breakfast, too.”
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* * * *
Epilogue
* * * *
So, it looks like they were able to work things out after all, huh?” Marsha asked, peering out the kitchen window at the two figures huddled together on Lucy’s porch swing.
Lucy looked up from the special Fourth of July dessert she was preparing – strawberries and blueberries layered with a rich mixture of whipped cream and marscapone cheese over Chambord soaked shortcake – and rolled her eyes. “I know. Sickening, isn’t it?”
Marsha looked amused. “You’re just never happy, are you?”
Dan laughed. He sneaked another piece of strawberry out of Lucy’s dessert and fed it to her. “Ah, she’s a real romantic, this one. Don’t let her fool you, Marsha. It’s her aunt she’s thinking about. But like I keep telling her, if they aren’t worried, why should she be?”
“That’s just the problem,” Lucy grumbled. “Those two aren’t thinking about anything right now.” She shot an exasperated look at her husband as he popped a blueberry into his own mouth, but her smile held a hint of mischief as she continued, “Although, I suppose, it can’t be easy for them, what with all the sleep they’re obviously not getting. Which, by the way, some people here might want to take note of.”
Dan grinned. “Hmph. I can see I’ve got my work cut out for me, all right.” He leaned in close, just barely brushing his lips against hers in a mere whisper of a kiss. Pulling away with a wicked, tantalizing smile just as she’d begun to move in closer, he whispered in her ear, “Wait and see how much sleep you get tonight.”
“I’ve been thinking,” Marsha mused, as Dan left the room. “About Celeste’s share of the store.”
“Huh? What’d you say?” Lucy shook her head, as comprehension hit. “Oh, no. Why do I get the feeling I don’t want to hear this?”
“Well, I thought maybe it would make a nice wedding present.”
“A what? Oh, God, Marsha. Please tell me you’re joking? No, never mind, don’t tell me anything. I don’t even want to hear about this.”
“Well, I always did like the idea of having three of us involved in the business. You know, because of the whole Triple Goddess thing? But if you have someone else in mind?”
“No,” Lucy sighed. “I don’t. I suppose it fits. Anyway, Celeste left it to you, along with everything else. So it’s your call, Marsha. Whatever you want to do is fine with me. It’s just... shit, I’m never going to be finished with this particular karmic lesson, am I?”
Marsha shook her head. “Probably not in this lifetime. But come on, Lucy. It’s not really that bad, is it?’
She shrugged. “It could be worse. At least, I guess it could be worse. Somehow.”
“Oh, yeah. It could definitely be worse.”
“Still. It’s a hell of a way to organize a universe, that’s all I can say.”
“You got that right.” Marsha leaned against the counter and regarded her friend fondly. “By the way, are we actually going to eat that dessert any time tonight?”
Lucy nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I’m almost done. Just let me make the coffee.”
“Little late for coffee, don’t you think?”
“Nah,” Lucy chuckled, “The way my life is going? I got a feeling I’m gonna need all the caffeine I can get to see me through it.”
* * *
Fireworks blossomed in the sky above their heads as she and Nick sat together on Lucy’s porch. Scout basked in the unfamiliar feeling of being surrounded by a family.
From the house came the pungent aroma of espresso brewing, and the sibilant hissing, bubbling sound of milk being steamed for cappuccino.
“She’s taking this pretty well,” Scout murmured quietly.
Nick smiled back. “I told you she might surprise you.”
“Oh, you have no idea!” she said, laughing as she snuggled closer. “Of course, she doesn’t know everything, yet. Do you really think I’ll make an okay stepmother?”
“I think you’ll be a wonderful stepmother. And if not, you know what to do, right?”
She glanced up at him, puzzled. “No, what’s that?”
“What you always do. Lie to me.”
“Huh!” For a moment, Scout was speechless. “It would serve you right if I did.” She sighed. “You know, I bet Caroline would have loved the idea that I’d grow up to become somebody's stepmother.”
“Sure she would. She loved you.”
“I still can’t believe it. All those years I thought she hated me, and the whole time – she really was afraid that someone was after me.” She shook her head sadly.
“Well, she was right. And the way I kept showing up on her doorstep looking for you probably only made her more afraid.” Then he sighed as well. “Who knows? If I’d kept away, she might have stopped worrying. You might have come back, maybe years sooner.”
“You came looking for me? I never knew that.”
Nick wrapped both arms around her then, and pressed his lips against her head. “Of course I did. How many times do I have to tell you? I was going out of my mind without you. I kept hoping – And, jeez, I don’t know how many times I tried to ask Lucy if she’d heard from you.”
“Oh, is that right?” Scout’s lips curled into a little grin. “Because I distinctly remember your telling me that my name had not come up in any conversation you’d had with your cousin.”
“Well, they weren’t conversations. Not exactly. And anyway, seeing as you two are getting along so well, I don’t know that we should be talking about anything she might have said back then.”
Scout laughed. “Oh, I think I can pretty much guess. I’ve heard her views on the subject a few times myself. It’s all right, you know. She was only trying to protect you. She just didn’t understand, is all.”
“What is it she didn’t understand?”
“That I loved you, of course.”
“Oh. I see.” Nick looked at her curiously. “You do know, don’t you, that this is the first time you’ve ever actually said the words?”
“Said what? That I loved you? No! Is it?” Scout stared at him in amazement. “Really?”
“Yes. And... is there any particular reason you’re only using the past tense?”
&n
bsp; “Well, what’s the difference?” she asked, with a smile. “Past. Present. Future. Take your pick. It’s all the same, you know. And it’s all true. I love you. I’ve always loved you, Nick. And I always will.”
“Oh, well, in that case. How about I pick... all of the above?”
The smile she gave him then was everything he could have ever asked for. “Mmm. Good answer.”
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BOOK 2
A Sight to Dream Of
Behold! Her bosom and half her side –
A sight to dream of, not to tell
Coleridge – Christabel
Love has gone and left me, and the
neighbors knock and borrow,
And life goes on forever like the gnawing of a mouse.
Millay – Ashes of Life
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* * * *
Prologue
* * * *
Oberon, California
Three days ago
Paige Delaney sat at her same old table on the patio of the Beach Hoppers Cafe, drinking her same old double-tall caramel low-fat-latté, and contemplating her life. The prospect was not a pleasant one. Her thoughts were as gray and as gloomy as the day itself.
Paige had first come to Oberon as a student at nearby UC Abraxas. She had stayed, at first, for all the usual reasons: because she’d been charmed by the climate and the scenery, the open-minded tolerance, and the laid-back, relaxed lifestyle she found there. When those reasons had all worn thin, she had stayed because she’d been spoiled by the big fish/little pond fame she’d achieved as a reporter here. And because she’d fallen in love.