“Worthy causes are often someone else’s problem. Yet I cannot do nothing. Not with what I’ve seen here today. And it’s probably time you called me Lynwood. We did spend much of the day together trying not to be crushed to death.”
Gabriel grudgingly smiled. Rosalind wasn’t sure if the two men would ever be friends, but she was glad to see them get along. While she hadn’t known Gabriel long, he’d played an important role in her life and she’d always be grateful.
Liam seemed to grow restless shortly after dinner. In truth, Rosalind was both anxious and nervous to return to her cottage. She also blushed to have Gabriel and Olivia know what she and Liam were about to do. For his part, it appeared that Liam cared little who knew his intentions for the evening.
Finally, he rose. “Gabriel, thank you for the dinner and the conversation. I fear the exertions of the day are taking a toll and I must be off to bed.”
Rosalind turned crimson, envisioning the exertions yet to come.
Gabriel seemed to know, as well, for it was with a barely straight face that he asked, “Would you care to stay here tonight, your grace?”
“It’s Lynwood and no, Gabriel, I shall escort Rosalind home.”
“Perhaps Rosalind would like to stay here?” asked Gabriel.
“Mr. Mills!” said Olivia. “I told you he wasn’t a typical duke, but he’s definitely all man. You take your life in your hands if you delay him from taking Miss Carson home.”
“Olivia, once again you demonstrate an uncanny ability to read a situation,” said Liam.
“Should I have the carriage ready to depart in the morning, your grace?” she asked.
Liam shook his head. “No. There are a few matters I would like to attend to before we depart.”
“I shall still be leaving,” said Rosalind.
“No. You will not,” said Liam.
With that, he thanked Gabriel and Olivia once again, then escorted Rosalind from the house.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The walk back to Rose Cottage was a quiet one. And quick. Rosalind rather thought Liam was on the verge of picking her up and running back to her home and the bed upstairs. A part of her wanted him to. But her heart was conflicted.
She’d loved him for so long, only to be heartbroken when he’d turned away from her in the library after Lizzie’s wedding. He claimed he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but what had caused him to change his mind? If he could be so easily persuaded to change it once, would he change it yet again sometime in the future? She could not simply live with this man without loving him. And if she were the only one in love, it would be a painful existence. In some ways it would be worse than submitting to the loveless marriage with Fallmoor.
They reached the cottage and he escorted her inside. He immediately began to kiss her.
“I thought we’d never leave,” he said.
“But it was a nice dinner, was it not?” She was trying to keep a sane head about her, which was extremely difficult with his kisses. She also noticed a sudden waft of cold air. She looked down to see that he had already unbuttoned her gown and was running his fingers along her skin, guiding them toward her breasts. If she didn’t speak now, she would not get the chance before he swept her away upstairs.
She pulled away from him. She regretted the loss of his heat immediately. “Liam, we must talk.”
“And I know just the place for it. Upstairs in your warm bed.”
She had to smile. He was so used to the luxuries of Lynwood House, like brick-warmed beds. “My sheets are cold as ice.”
“They won’t be for long.”
Indeed. Just the look in his eyes could have set both of them on fire. But Rosalind stuck to her purpose. “Liam, I could go upstairs with you now and we would enjoy ourselves, but what happens in the morning?”
“I am glad you asked,” he said, slowly approaching. “For I have any number of ways of waking you that would make you appreciate mornings.”
She skirted away from him, though her sitting room was so small there wasn’t anywhere to go. “That is not what I meant and you know it. What if I say yes to your offer of marriage? What if we go back to London and marry? There would be a terrible scandal.”
“I care not a whit. And I shall protect you from the gossips of the ton.”
“But, dearest, can you not see that it is not for myself that I am worried? The ton has gossiped about and derided my family for years. I scarce give it a thought. But this time they would be gossiping about you. They would….they would say you had no honor to take Fallmoor’s fiancé. I cannot be the cause of their attacking you.”
Liam reached for her, but perhaps even he knew this was an issue that had to be discussed without the distractions of touch. Without emotion clouding the harsh reality of the world in which they lived. “My love, several weeks ago I learned that Fallmoor has been frequenting a certain…establishment.”
“Do you mean Madame Thurmond’s brothel?” His look of surprise was almost comical. “Come now, Liam. Even I know Hal used to all but live there. I’d heard rumors of Fallmoor’s frequenting the place. The ladies of the ton are most generous in sharing bad news, especially when there is nothing to be done about it. I knew it was not to be a love match with Fallmoor. I was not shocked to hear he would continue to visit after we married.”
“Why did you not come to me with this knowledge? I would have taken you away from him long ago. It would be dishonorable of me not to protect you.”
She closed the distance between them with a sad smile, then laid her hand upon his cheek. “But do you not see? You are offering to marry me to rescue me, not because you want to.”
“That’s ridiculous. You are misinterpreting my words.”
“Am I? And to make it all the worse for you, I know you would not speak of Fallmoor’s patronage at Madame Thurmond’s, so the rest of the ton would not know you’re doing the honorable thing. They would still think of you as the man who’d stolen Fallmoor’s betrothed. So by rescuing me, you would make yourself look dishonorable and be caught up in a marriage you do not want.”
The man who’d so quietly listened to her talk, now erupted.
“What the devil do you mean, I do not want this marriage!”
Rosalind was taken aback. She removed her hand from his cheek, but he quickly caught it with his hand. “Why else would I have spent the last four weeks in torment, afraid of what had befallen you? Do you know how hard I’ve been searching for you?”
“Were you looking for me when you fell into Lady Elling’s bed?” Damnation! How had that slipped out? Rosalind was trying so hard to be logical and not let her emotions take charge. But she’d been devastated to hear about their affair when she was still in London. It was, in truth, one of the reasons she’d decided to flee the capital. Marrying Fallmoor would have been horrible. But she’d had a difficult home life ever since her father had died. She could have survived her marriage to Fallmoor. It had been the agony of knowing Liam was with someone else that had hurt.
Liam squeezed her hand. “My love, my liaison with Lady Elling was a mistake.”
“But you followed her up here.”
“I did no such thing. I was here as a favor to Lyman to look over his estate. And I plan to call him into account for what happened to the church. If I had known Lady Elling was there, I would not have gone. But, if I hadn’t, I might never have found you. Dearest, Rosalind.” He brought her hand to his lips, turned it, then kissed the underside of her wrist.
Rosalind almost melted. She had to firm up her resolve.
“Even if you claim to love me now…”
“I do not claim to love you. I love you.”
She was on her way to melting. “Even if you love me now. What about five years from now? Or ten? Or after we are older and you have grown bored with me?”
“What if you grow bored with me? I am told by my brothers and sister that I am rather set in my ways, have a temper and like to run other people’s lives. How am
I to know you would not find another to be with?”
Rosalind would as likely choose to stop breathing than to even look at another man. But she didn’t want to tell him that. “That will not happen.”
“And how can you be so sure?”
She took a deep breath. “Because I love you. And that will not change. It may come as a surprise to you, but I am aware that you are set in your ways and have a temper and run other people’s lives. I also know that you would die for your family and friends and probably a good number of strangers. Ever since the death of your parents you have been duke, brother and surrogate father to Ned, Arthur, Hal and Lizzie. You surrendered a part of your life you were only getting to know. You gave up your freedom. If you had never done anything else of note in your life, you would still be the most honorable man I know just for doing that. But that was only the beginning. You saw your siblings married, sometimes quite unconventionally, and you smoothed things over and paved the way for their happiness. You deserve such joy for yourself.”
“Then marry me.”
Rosalind could not help the tears that flowed. She wanted to accept him so very much. But it was so overwhelming.
He reached out to take her into his arms, not sure if she’d let him. But she slowly melted into him. They stood like that for a moment, pressed together. Suspended in time.
* * *
He could not lose her now. Not when they’d both suffered so much. He’d always known he would be faithful to a wife, just as his father had been to his mother. But it wasn’t until he’d realized he was in love with Rosalind that he realized just how enjoyable it would be to keep that resolution. He had to make her believe in his sincerity.
“But what can I do?” he asked. “How can I convince you of my resolve, my conviction that we shall always be together?”
She looked away from him, deep in thought. It was vexing in the extreme to be this close to her, yet not be able to convince her of his intentions. How could he make her see into his heart?
“Trust me with something,” she said softly. “Let me see a side of you no one has ever known.”
“You have, sweet Rosalind. No one has seen me in love. I have never truly made love with anyone before until you.”
“Please, Liam. Show me something that proves this is special. You have my heart. There has never been anyone else. But if we are to go forward, I need to know this means something to you.”
He realized with a start that there was something he could tell her. Something he could show her, entrust with her. But it would be taking a great risk. There were few women who’d ever seen this side of him before, and none knew how much it meant to him. But he feared revealing it to her because he had so much to lose. Yet, if he didn’t, he might lose her anyway.
He drew breath to tell her, then pulled out of the embrace, ran his hands through his hair and turned away.
“What is it?” she asked.
“A part of me I don’t share lightly. A part of me I fear will be too much for you.”
She closed the distance between them. “There is no part of you that is too much for me. For I love you, Liam. All of you. Now and forever. So I must know it all. Please. Trust me with whatever it is.”
He looked into the beautiful eyes which were so dear to him. It was now or never. “I like…that is to say…I want to tie you to the bed.”
At first she did not comprehend, just angled her head slightly as if trying to understand. “Are you angry with me?”
“Not at all. Just the opposite. But there are times I get pleasure from being in control. From doing what I want and having my lover give herself over to my needs.”
“Do you mean to…to hurt me?”
“No! Not at all. Nor would I want you to do anything you truly do not wish to do. But I would so very much like to have you at my mercy, allowing me to have my way with you. To fully let go of myself.”
She took a deep breath. She hadn’t rejected him outright and he could tell her mind was busy considering it. “What are the types of things you would do?”
“I would strip you bare, perhaps even tearing your clothes.”
“I’m afraid that would never do,” she said with a smile. “You’ve already ripped one perfectly serviceable gown beyond repair. I do not have a wardrobe full of them to replace it. I shall have to start off unclothed if I am to have any gowns left to travel in.”
He brought her hand to his lips. “So you are thinking of travelling with me?”
“I am considering it. Now what would you do once I am tied to the bed?”
“There are any number of delights that come to mind,” he said as he moved his hands up her arms. “Would you…would you mind very much if I were to…” Her he grasped her bottom and pulled her to him, so his arousal was pressed into the heart of her. “Would you mind if I were to spank you?”
Her lips parted and her eyes grew darker. He realized this might go much better than he’d ever dreamt possible. She nodded slightly. “What else?” she asked.
“I’ll be looking at every inch of you and thinking of ways to bring you pleasure.”
She moved closer to him. “And will I get to tie you up, your grace?” Her lips were but an inch from his.
“Perhaps. But will you allow me to do this?”
She nodded, a little unsure of herself. But she was saying yes, just the same. He quickly picked her up, then carried her up the narrow stairs to her room. He divested her of her clothes, being careful not to rip them off her, though the restraint cost him dearly. Then he lay her down on the damnably small bed. What he would give to be back at Lynwood House with his large bed and his various ties and other toys.
He quickly pulled off his long cravat, then ripped it in half.
“You are quite wasteful of clothing,” she said with a grin. “But, thankfully, this time it is yours and not mine.”
He grinned, then grasped both of her hands and deftly bound them to the small headboard. It was a light knot, for he had no desire to hurt her or make her afraid. “You shall not move your hands, Rosalind. Do you understand?” She nodded, and he was pleased to see some of her apprehension was being replaced by curiosity and a touch of excitement.
He took the other half of his cravat, then placed it over her eyes. He’d been unsure at first if he would, since he liked looking into her eyes as they made love. Hers were so expressive there were times he thought he was seeing into her soul. But if he was really going to trust her with his secret, there was nothing to it but to go all out.
He gently lifted her head to tie the blindfold, then placed a pillow behind her. He stepped back. She lay there bound, blindfolded and completely trusting. He wanted to drive into her with all due haste. Instead, he bent and kissed her, surprising her as his lips touched hers. She sweetly kissed him back. This had to work. To come so close and have her turn away from him would be terrible.
He pulled off his waistcoat and shirt, then threw them to the ground. Her head turned toward him at the soft sounds.
“Will you be unfastening your breeches next?” she asked.
His hands stilled. “Can you see me?”
“No. But my hearing is heightened and there’s a…a heat that emanates off you when you touch yourself there. Almost like a force unto itself.”
His grin could not be wider. “I shall take that as a compliment.”
“I cannot imagine you taking it any other way. I am certain you hear such things all the time.”
He bent to kiss her once more. This time, her lips engaged longer with his. Finally, he pulled back to finish undressing. “My dear Rosalind, as far as I am concerned, there were no women before you. And since there shall certainly be none after you, my entire experience is you lying delightfully naked in that bed, completely subject to whatever it is I want to do to you. Is that clear?”
A smile was her only answer.
* * *
Rosalind couldn’t believe all of the feelings that were coursing through her. She�
��d been surprised by the revelation of what he wanted to do, and she still wasn’t quite sure what it would entail. But it didn’t take her long to realize that having the full force of an aroused Liam turned loose upon her was what she’d been dreaming of for years, even if she couldn’t have comprehended what that would be like.
She wasn’t doing this just to please him, although she was glad she could be a source of such excitement for him. Because it was clear in his breathing that this would be beyond anything they’d done so far. She wanted to do this for her. Everything she’d done with him had taken her to new heights of enjoyment and fulfillment. She wanted to do this not just for him, but with him. She trusted him not to go too far. He would never hurt her. If anything, she was afraid she would hurt him – that bite she’d given his shoulder had left a mark. Who knew what she would do if driven to that type of passion again without the ability to see or use her hands.
The bed sagged as he sat next to her. “Rosalind,” he said, in a voice deepened by desire. “Before we go any further, we must establish something. If you want me to stop what I am doing, you shall say a word that we agree upon now. When you say it, I will immediately cease what I am doing and untie you.” He ran a hand across her stomach, as if unable to keep from touching her. “It should be a word that would not normally arise in the course of our lovemaking. What word would you like it to be?”
She could not imagine a situation where she would want him to stop. But she had a feeling he would not go further without taking this precaution. So she thought it over for a moment. “Spectacles.”
She heard his smile, even if she couldn’t see it. “Spectacles?”
“Yes. I assume that is a word that would not normally come up between us while engaged in intimacies. Spectacles. Now can we begin?”
“Oh, yes, my love. Now we can begin.”
He rose from the bed again, but she could not detect his movements. Then he walked a few steps and for a moment she was afraid he was about to leave the room, forcing her to yell “spectacles” to bring him back. But he stopped at the end of the bed.
Never Deny Your Heart (Kellington Book Five) Page 14