I listened as she pumped poor Kat for information. “I don’t know but I do know since we got back they’ve been busy with something, and now they’re even more anal than usual. I mean I just asked Logan if I could go see my mom and he all but bit my head off.”
“Colton’s been acting like a bear with his paw caught too. Not that that’s any different from his norm, but now he has the kids under lock and key too, more so than usual. So I know something’s definitely up.” She sounded worried, but more so for her man than herself or her children.
“Dana Sue and the others said the same, but try as we might we can’t find out anything. We thought that whatever it was had to do with the smuggling that’s been rumored about down here, but the fact that the guys went to Law’s and then your place seem to say different. Do you think it could have something to do with them personally, something from their time in the navy?”
“I’m not sure girls, Colt was never in the armed forces, who would have him?” We all had a good laugh at that one and for a minute or so the conversation grew lighter as the women talked about the faults in their men. But there was still an element of unease in the room. We all knew that something big was going on, and the men keeping us out of the loop wasn’t helping.
That was the one place where I felt left out. Even though the other women didn’t know much, I was sure their men shared at least a little something with them. Not Cord, he tells me nothing. He seems to think my head should be filled only with him and his many dos and don’ts and nothing else. It doesn’t exactly make me feel like part of the pack.
I guess I shouldn’t complain, outside of him keeping me well away from whatever they were dealing with, everyone here has been welcoming to my brother and I without question, as if we did belong.
I loved that for my brother. He’s never really had that in his life and he seems to flourish under all the attention they show him. But for me, being the only one of the girls not engaged, it’s kind of hard to know just exactly what my place is here. Except that is, for those times when it’s just Cord and I. Then I know just where I belong, who I belong to, because he never lets me forget.
When I first came here that day looking for my brother, I had no idea what else I was going to find, how could I? It wasn’t like I was looking. I never paid much attention to my brother’s praise of the men he’d recently met. I had better, more important things on my mind. Like finishing school and getting the hell out of the small town that was all I’ve ever known.
Then I met him and everything changed. From the first moment I laid eyes on him, something inside me came alive, but not in the usual boy meets girl way. No, there was something more volatile ignited between us from the start; even then I felt it; like a simmering just beneath the surface of my skin.
He looked at me that day and I felt…something. I still have no words, no, explanation, for what he made me feel then. Or the way his words had seemed to whisper down my spine. It was unreal the affect he had on me from that day ‘til now. I’d never met anyone so…forceful. Even in the midst of all those forceful men, he still managed to stand out as just a little bit more. And now, I am completely under his spell.
The others tease me about the way we are with each other, the way he just looks at me and I mind him without uttering a word of protest. But they don’t know the half of it. They don’t know about the things he’s awakened in me behind closed doors. I would say in the bedroom, but he doesn’t relegate all of our dalliances to just one place. In just a short time I have become something I never thought I could ever be.
I was once the girl always telling other females to stand up, to take charge, basically ten steps away from becoming a full-blown feminist. I was made that way because of circumstances. No father; no male influence in fact, except for the commander, who had taken an interest in my brother and I because of his friendship with mom. That, and watching my mother kill herself to make ends meet, kind-of hardened me I guess you can say.
The commander did his best to fill the void, but he was gone more than he was here. So by the time I hit my teens, I was well on my way to hating anything male. I’m not dumb enough to think all men are idiots; I just had yet to meet one that wasn’t. And then he came along and turned my whole world upside down.
Everything about him speaks to that secret place inside me. That raw needy place that has been barren for so long. He’s kind, loving, protective, and such a bad boy. I doubt anyone else knows just how bad. My face heated up at the thought. These girls aren’t the type to discuss their bedroom antics thank heavens; I wouldn’t begin to know how to share at show and tell. But if their men were anything like Cord, then they must be some very happy women. Not that I would know, not entirely anyway.
I’ve been ready for weeks now, but he won’t seal the deal. He keeps saying that I’m not ready, ready for what I’d like to know. Sure I’ve never had sex before, who had the time? But I was pretty sure we both had all the necessary equipment, and boy was he equipped; cue the fiery cheeks. Then again he could be stuffing his shorts for all I know. Part of his thing is that I’m not allowed to see him until the time was right. I call it the big reveal.
I’ve barely felt his manhood against me on those rare occasions when he lost control, but other than that, he could be lacking in that department. Who am I kidding? No one with that much self-confidence could be anything less than all man. I was pretty sure that when the time came, he would be more than capable of delivering.
Personally, I think he’s trying to make me crazy and it’s working. I want to see him so bad, feel him, all of him, that I’m willing to risk his wrath. He’s turned me into a damn cock hound and I haven’t even had any yet.
For the past couple months I’ve been on a wild rollercoaster ride. Before Cord, I always thought I’d end up with some nice nine to five guy with two point two kids and a little white picket fence, where I could live out the rest of my life in boredom. Maybe that’s part of the reason I wasn’t in an all fired rush to find someone and settle down, plus the fact that I wasn’t quite ready for the shelf yet.
After meeting Cord, I now know there is so much more to look forward to. If only I could be sure that I was enough for him. I still have doubts about that. It had taken him forever before he went beyond a kiss. At times I felt he was treating me with kid gloves, so it was I who’d tried to force things, take them to the next level. What did he expect when he did things to my body with just a touch that made me want to tear my clothes off? But he always pulled back, always said ‘not yet, you’re not ready.’
I’d been so pissed the last time he said that I’d yelled at him and told him I was going home never to return. I’d said some pretty harsh things to him that night in my anger. It was then I saw the real Cord for the first time. The beast I sometimes sensed lurking just beneath the surface of all that control was fully exposed and boy was he a sight to behold.
It was my threat to go find someone to put out the fire he’d started that had done it. I’d never seen anyone go from hot to cold and back so quickly. That night was also the first time I found myself over his knee. At first I’d been too shocked to do more than scoff before I found myself half naked and his hand was raining blows down on my ass.
I’m still not sure if the tears were from the outrage I felt, or from actual pain. I still haven’t figured it out the half dozen times he’s done it since then. That night was the beginning of a new chapter in our relationship.
That’s when he’d sat me down and explained things to me. His reasons for holding back, for all the things he’d been doing to me that I in my innocence of men had not realized weren’t the norm. I mean the men around here all treat their women with that masterful take-charge attitude. How was I to know that Cord took his a step farther?
“You have to be patient little Susie. I will give you what you want, but only when I feel the time is right. I will not be rushed, you have no idea what I will ask of you, what it is that I want…” Those were the first
words he said to me after the spanking.
“But what if I want the same thing?” Did I mention that after he’d heated my ass up he’d turned me over in his arms and kissed the living hell out of me? It was so hot I’d wanted to jump his bones, but once again he’d held me off. I sat on his lap feeling twitchy and needy with my ass stinging in a not unpleasant way. Something had been awakened in me that night and all I could think about was being with him in every way.
By then I knew my feelings for him were more than for the big gruff protector he’d become. I knew that I was all the way in love with him and it tore me up inside to think that he didn’t feel the same. Now he’d shown me another side of him, but all it did was make me want even more.
“You cannot know that until you know what it is that I want.” He looked at me for so long without saying anything else that I begun to get nervous. Then he trailed his finger down my cheek as he looked into my eyes and I lost all thought.
“Have you any idea how much I want you, how much I wish I could just take you into my bed and tie you there for a week? I want to get so deep inside you that you’d feel me even when I’m not in you. But it’s because I feel these things for you that I can’t take you now.”
“But why? I don’t understand. You’ve been leading me on for weeks, all the sweet kisses and little touches here and there. Were you just toying with me?” I tried getting off his lap but he just held me tighter. “I would never do that, not to you, look…there are things about me…” He broke off again and looked towards the fire he had going.
There was a tic in his cheek and I could feel the tension in the thighs under me. “What?” He was beginning to scare me. If he was about to tell me he was a killer or something I could tell him I wasn’t surprised. I mean all you have to do is see him and his brothers in action and you’d know they’ve done a thing or two. But I didn’t care.
“Do you know what a dominant is Susie?” I had to think about that one, I knew the word, but was he saying…? How could I have missed it? Of course that’s what he is, everything about him screamed it loud and clear. But his brothers all seemed to be made from the same mold, so what was the problem? If Dani and Gaby could deal with Connor and Logan, I’m sure I could too. Vanessa and Vicki are a bit more street wise so they didn’t count.
“Yes I think so, but what does that have to do with anything? Who doesn’t know you’re a control freak?” I got a growl and a nip on the edge of my jaw for that one. “That’s not what I mean. I’m a dominant in all things, including in bed, especially in bed. My life, the things I’ve done, the way I’m made; it’s the only way I can find pleasure.”
“When I take you it won’t just be a man taking a woman to his bed. Sometimes it’s going to be rough, sometimes I’m going to do things to you that you might not understand; you’re so innocent. The things someone like me needs in bed might be too much for you unless you’re prepared.” His words were sinking in and where a few short weeks ago I would’ve found them intimidating, even a little frightening, now they heated my blood. And that burn between my legs intensified.
“Most Doms look for subs, someone who’s already naturally compliant to their every wish. But that’s not what I want. I want to tame you, to make you mine in every sense of the word. I want all that fire and ice that runs inside your veins to belong to me, and only me.”
I swallowed hard as I gave his words some thought. Could I ever really be that person? If wishing it alone could make it so that I was his girl, but could I really let anyone have the kind of control he described over me? It sounded like he wanted me to give myself over completely. The prospect was equally exciting and scary at the same time.
“If you say you’re that way- that it’s the only way you can…you know.” I waved my hand between us. Shouldn’t you look for someone who’s already like that? Someone who won’t mind, who actually wants those same things?” Of course I’d have to kill him and the bitch, but the question had to be asked.
“No I don’t want someone who’s naturally submissive, I want to make you that way; I will make you that way. I’m going to fuck you, spank you and love you my way until it becomes everything you crave.”
“I will take you over completely, your heart, your mind, your body, they will belong to me forever. I’m going to teach you how to please me, and show you your own body’s pleasure. There will be times when you become scared, don’t, I’ll always protect you, but I will push your limits because it’s what I need to get off. Sometimes I’m gonna do you rough, hard and without tenderness. It doesn’t mean that I love you less it just means that my lust for you is strong.
Sometimes I will do you slow and easy with all the tenderness your little heart desires. It doesn’t mean that my lust has cooled it just means that I’m reading you and it’s what you need at the time. The time will come when I will know you inside and out, your every fear and joy.
Here’s the hard part, and the main reason for my holding back. Our life together goes way beyond sex in fact sex is just a small part of what’s going on here. I’m talking about a lifetime commitment to me, something that will not be taken lightly.
I will control your every move, even in matters that you may think inconsequential. Some might not agree with that, with my way of doing things and you might be one of them, I don’t care. It’s what I need it’s also my way of making sure that you stay safe always. One more thing, and this, is very important. You must always be very careful to follow my orders without question or divergence.
If you ever endanger yourself I will punish you severely. I would heed that particular warning if I were you. I guard what’s mine. No one is allowed to put you in danger, not even you.”
He placed his hand over my heart and rubbed gently with his fingers before easing it down between my thighs and my body responded. “These will belong to me completely when I take you, there will be no way out for you. Ever.” His words were potent and I couldn’t believe that I was reacting to them this way. The thought of giving myself over to him completely was like an aphrodisiac to my senses.
“So you see, we can’t rush because if I take you before you’re fully trained and something goes wrong, you can get very badly hurt and I don’t want that.”
“What can go wrong? I don’t follow.” I never knew sex could be dangerous, what was he planning to do to me anyway?
“Your place in my life, in my bed, will require complete submission to me. That means you never question my orders, you never disobey me in anyway in or out of my bed. You still need time to learn that and it’s up to me to teach you.”
That gave me food for thought. What was he talking about? I knew he was a little…different, knew that even with Connor’s over protectiveness, Logan’s take charge attitude and Zak and Tyler’s brand of crazy when it came to the girls, that there was something just a little extra about my Cord. I just chalked it up to him being in Special Forces or whatever. The commander had been a bit masterful himself. But this, this was a whole new territory for me.
He’s right, I am innocent but what he was describing would take more than experience, it would take someone with a very strong constitution. Giving myself over to him completely sexually was one thing, what he’d just described sounded almost like a life sentence. Only I wasn’t sure if it was a death sentence or the door to paradise.
“What if I can’t do it? What if I never learn to give in all the way, then what?” Just saying the words out loud made my tummy feel hollow.
“It’s too late for that baby, you have no choice.” Well then!
***
After that night things had escalated between us. He trained my body to react to the simplest things, a look, or a touch in the right place. A part of me tried to hold back, not because I didn’t like where it was going, but there was an element of fear and rebellion involved.
He has this way of taking me under with such ease that most of the time it was like coming out of a dream, like losing time. But while I was un
der, I felt total bliss.
If you’d told me a year ago that I would enjoy being tied to a bed, having candle wax melted on my bare stomach, or having a man tell me when, where, and how but no why, I would’ve spit in your eye and called you a liar. Now I enjoy all those things and more. And when we’re not in his little pleasure chamber where he makes my body sing and my heart yearn, I crave him and his touch.
I’ve grown so attuned to him, that all it takes is his walking into a room. Or on those days when he and his brothers go to their worksite, I miss him horribly while he’s gone. And just when I know it’s time for him to be pulling into the gate at the end of the day, I get butterflies and my heart rate speeds up. My body already recognizes him as its owner.
I love the way he reacts when we’ve been apart for those few hours out of the day. I try to make sure I’m alone in his house at those times so I can enjoy one of his special ‘hello’ kisses. It’s almost worth missing him to be on the receiving end of one of those.
The way he looks at me holds me, as if he’d been gone for years instead of a few hours. I hope that never ends. I hope for the rest of my life he looks at me as if I’m his everything. There’s nothing headier than that.
He’s right, there’s no turning back. I know that no one else would ever, could ever make me feel the things he does. Plus the fact Cord would kill them if they tried. He’s possessive that way. And when he’d whispered just that in my ear while his fingers teased between my thighs, I believed him.
I tuned back into the Charlie’s Angels wannabes behind me as they grilled Kat on what she knew which didn’t sound like much. And now they were setting up a sting. They’re so funny, like these guys will ever let us get close enough to do anything; we can’t even leave the property without them knowing. When will they learn? Hopefully before Cord takes the skin off my ass. I like his special spankings, but his punishments for disobedience are a whole other story, and quite frankly I’m getting tired of bearing the brunt of these women’s escapades.
Cord SEAL Team Seven (Book 5) Page 6