It’s like Dev can tell what I’m thinking. ‘That is, in between some trips to the coast. Joel here is a lot like a seal – if he doesn’t get his skin wet every now and then, he blisters in the sun.’
There are smiles all round, but I’m surprised by an uneasy look between Felicity and Max. But then Max chuckles. ‘The harvesting is finished so you’ve picked a good time to come. We’re having a bit of a break right now ourselves, aren’t we, Felice?’ She nods at us. ‘Felice is a part-time ranger at the local conservation park.’
Felicity is looking at me and I’m not sure I like it. Maybe she’s sizing me up. Not everyone likes the look of me; Scott’s lawyer didn’t, that’s for sure. I used to fly off the handle a lot and that makes people wary, but lately I’ve been trying not to. I’ve even taken pills for a year; they’ve helped too. My mind’s calmer now, like those pills blew away the storms. There’s less noise in my head. Before it sounded like galloping horses some days. I can listen now, and do better at school. Gran’s special diet helps. What will she do without me to fuss over while we’re gone?
‘We have a creek, Joel.’ It’s Felicity. A creek? Sure, there are creeks near home but they’re dry. ‘You can go swimming and there’s a flying fox. I’ll show you after breakfast if you like.’
I feel lighter inside. I’ve never tried a flying fox. They must get some rain down here to have water this time of year.
Turns out the creek’s no raging torrent but it’s still fun to get wet to my knees and fly across it on the fox. Felicity shows me how to use it and then she watches me. ‘You have a turn,’ I say.
She’s much younger than Gran, but older than Zoe, I think. Maybe she’s thirty, it’s hard to tell. She’s tall, got a blonde ponytail, wears cut-off jeans and a hat like a country singer, and she squeals like Mei would as the fox slides down to the other bank. I don’t think Gran would try it, but you never know.
There’s something I should tell Felicity though. ‘You don’t have to stay,’ I call out. ‘I’ll be okay.’ Women usually have lots to do and I don’t want Felicity to feel she has to keep me company if she’s busy.
She smiles at me from the other bank, but she hangs around. Maybe she likes me. It’s a warm feeling and it makes me think of Mei. She would love this flying fox. Some kids like Shawn Houser think that because Mei’s quiet and writes a lot she’s a gutless wonder, but it’s not true. She’s fearless, just like Felicity.
At lunch, Dev’s still going on about helping out and Max gives in. ‘All right, there is some fencing we could do and sheep to check.’
Dev settles back but he still seems tense. I guess it’s hard having a holiday at someone else’s place. We could have gone to a caravan park. They’d probably be full though; our holiday wasn’t exactly planned, as Mei put it.
Felicity goes off to do some shopping after lunch and, taking a cue from Dev, I offer to help. ‘I’ll come and carry everything.’ Besides, I like to keep moving.
‘Thanks, Joel, but I’ll do it by myself today.’ How weird is that? Gran would never pass up an offer of help. I end up helping Dev and Max fix a fence near the house. Lots of sheep keep to the other end of the paddock while we work. A mare comes up to see what we’re doing. It’s a long time since I’ve been close to sheep and horses. It makes me think of Grandad. I wander off at one point when the men don’t need me and climb a pine tree. From near the top I can see the ocean: we’re not far from the coast at all. You beauty! Grandad used to say that a lot. I wonder how far it is and whether I can walk down there.
Then I hear Max calling me. They need me again. When I join them, I notice Max keeps looking around. It’s as if he’s playing hide and seek and doesn’t want to get caught.
That night Mei texts again.
hi joel how r u?
fine how was school?
ok lots of classes. got lost once. missed u.
wish i was there
wish u were here 2. lots of tourists still in town
haven’t seen town here yet.
c ya Joel.
c ya.
I lie down and think how strange it is Dev and I haven’t gone anywhere yet. I mean, the ocean is right there! I haven’t asked yet when I can go. Max and Felicity don’t seem keen on taking me anywhere. Some holiday. I’m getting agitated so I think of Mei to calm myself down. I savour her words: missed u. wish u were here. I say them again in my head. They make me smile.
7
The next day I see the inside of Felicity’s room. She’s a country-music freak. There are posters of Keith Urban and Lee Kernaghan on one wall; on a hook hangs an Akubra hat like Lee Kernaghan’s but white.
‘So do you belong to their fan clubs?’ I ask. Girls at school do things like that but Felicity laughs.
‘No. I like their music but I don’t want a second-hand life. That’s all fan clubs give you. I want to live my own life.’ I’m with Felicity on that one.
On the other wall are pictures of shipwrecks. ‘This is the Geltwood. It was a three-masted hull barque.’ Felicity raises her eyebrows at me to check I understand. I nod for I know about shipwrecks: Gran works in the maritime museum at home. Mei and I do volunteer work in there too. It’s full of pictures like these. ‘It was on its maiden voyage from England in 1876. There were no survivors.’
‘None at all?’
Felicity shakes her head and I wonder about those people: whether they were looking forward to seeing someone in South Australia, and how scared they must have been when they knew the ship was floundering. It must have been a stormy sea for none to get ashore. ‘Are they all still . . . there?’
Felicity looks at me with her head tilted to the side. ‘Bodies, you mean?’
I nod.
‘I guess so.’
‘At home there’s a grave for the men who didn’t make it off the Clan Ranald alive. They had a rescue operation for the ship.’
Felicity shows me another picture. ‘This is the Admella. They reckon it got wrecked on the reefs near here because of a racehorse.’
‘You’re kidding? They had racehorses onboard?’
‘Yes, the sea became rough and a horse fell. The captain and the owner of the horse took an hour to get him on his feet, and by then the ship was off course. People were hanging off the wreckage for days, but the sea was too rough for rescue boats to get close. Only one woman survived and twenty-three men. Some guys stole food from weaker passengers. Shipwrecks can bring out the worst in some people.’ She’s thoughtful as she says that and so am I.
‘Wrecks could bring out the best too.’ I wonder if that’s a situation where Dev would say it’s whether you do your best that matters, not whether you live or die.
‘True, others risked their lives trying to get help. Some died doing it too. Finally two seamen got to the shore on a makeshift raft. When the sea died down enough for a rescue boat to reach the Admella, the captain was one of the first to leave the ship. There was a court case but he was let off in the end.’
It’s like she realises what she’s said and she quickly looks at me. ‘Dev told me you’ve given evidence. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. It can’t be easy.’ Then she adds, ‘I wouldn’t like you to worry – we’re here to help you. I’ll do all I can.’
I’m speechless. She’s a female version of Dev.
She smiles at me. ‘Have you ridden a horse?’
‘Only with Grandad when I was little.’
‘Come on then. Mine need exercising.’
She shows me how to put the saddle on. Then she checks the straps that the stirrups are connected to and shortens them. ‘Don’t want you falling off, do we?’
We ride around the sheep paddocks. I hang on tight and Felicity says that Gypsy, my horse, is quiet. She just copies whatever Felicity’s Topsy does.
It’s only afterwards in my room I wonder why Felicity’s got so muc
h time to spend with me. Doesn’t she have to work at the conservation park? Or is she on holiday too? Maybe she’s interested in me because she and Max don’t have kids.
Tonight I message Mei first.
hiya mei howz things?
good. got our first homework. pretty easy. how about u?
rode a horse 2day. felicity took me riding.
wish I could 2. c ya.
I reckon that’s when the seed of my idea gets planted.
8
It only takes another day for me to think the novelty of having me here is wearing thin for Felicity. She wouldn’t take me with her to town again today. I reckon she wants some time alone. She’s brought back some DVDs for me though; I can’t work her out. If I’d gone I would have helped pick the movies but she’s got some good ones. Million Dollar Baby, for one. Imagine being able to fight like that girl. I doubt Gran would like me watching it but I don’t tell Felicity that.
Felicity comes out with a surprise at dinnertime. ‘Dev tells me you like diving, Joel. How about we go sometime?’ Max throws her a look that could singe her ponytail and makes Dev and I raise our eyebrows at each other. But Felicity isn’t deterred. I bet nothing much deters her. She’d be great in a boxing ring like that girl from the movie.
‘It’s okay,’ she says. ‘I enquired today when I was in town.’ So that’s why she didn’t want me to go: I might have heard and got disappointed if the gear was booked out. ‘We could go tomorrow.’
Even Dev looks interested. It’s something he likes to do too. Maybe this will be a good holiday after all.
It’s later that the calm in my mind gets shattered. I’m helping with the dishes. It’s a pain doing dishes for Gran, but Felicity makes it fun. She tells me a joke about a frog who asks a bank teller called Paddy Whack for a loan. He even offers a little pink elephant statue as a down payment and says his dad is Mick Jagger. The bank teller asks the manager about it. ‘He’s even got a pink elephant statue. How stupid.’ The bank manager says, ‘It’s a knick-knack, Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.’
She sings the punchline just like in the old nursery rhyme and it makes me laugh. I even know what a knick-knack is because Gran has piles of them in her china cabinet. I suddenly realise I’m missing Gran, but I don’t want to say that so I try ‘making conversation’ instead. It’s a bad move. ‘So I suppose when you have a family my room will be the baby’s?’ Women usually like talking about babies. Gran does. She goes gooey when she sees one.
‘Who’s having a baby?’ Felicity’s tone is sharp.
Maybe making conversation wasn’t a good idea. ‘You and Max being married and—’
‘Me and—’ Felicity stops washing up and turns to face me. ‘You think Max and I are married? How did you reach that conclusion?’
Hell, I’ve offended her now. ‘I’m sorry, I just thought—’
To make matters worse, Max chooses just that time to get beers from the fridge. ‘Hey, Max.’ Felicity’s laughing now so it can’t be too bad. ‘Joel thinks we’re married.’ Max just grins. I know a lot of people don’t get married.
‘That’s okay,’ I say to show I can be broad-minded.
‘Joel.’ Felicity is being gentle now, as if she knows she’s going to blow my world out to sea. ‘Max is my brother. We’ve lived here together since our parents died.’ Then she turns back to the dishes. ‘One day I might get married, you never know, depends if the right guy turns up.’ She says that sort of slowly and suddenly I can see it all, can see what could happen.
Dev.
She’ll like Dev for sure, who wouldn’t? He’s smart, strong, got a bike and looks out for you. He makes you feel like there’s not a worry in the world. What lady wouldn’t want all that?
I used to worry about Zoe too. She turned up last year out of the blue and I thought she’d take Dev away, but she wasn’t Dev’s type at all. With horror, I realise Felicity could be. Look how she was on that flying fox. And she wants to go diving. I bet nothing would spook Felicity; she’s tough and pretty at the same time. Gran and I won’t stand a chance. Without a word, I put the tea towel down and walk outside.
‘Joel? Are you okay? I’m sorry I laughed. Joel?’ Then I hear Max say, ‘Felice’ and she stops calling for me.
Two years ago I would have lost it, shouted at someone or punched a wall. I don’t do that now but it sure is hard not to.
Why does stuff like this have to happen? Why can’t life be easier? We’re supposed to be on holiday and now I’ll be spending the whole time worried sick. ‘Dev tells me you like diving,’ she said. ‘Dev tells me’. When did they get so pally? And she does get in his space. How does he put up with that? My mind’s growing murky, like it used to be. I’m trying to look up to see the surface, but it’s like there’s been a rough sea, nothing’s clear.
It’s late and the phone buzzes under my pillow.
hi joel howz things?
not good. felicity not married 2 max.
felicitys old enuf 2 b married? thats a relief. who’s max?
they live here. felicity might go 4 dev. what do I do?
dont worry. devs not silly.
Good old Mei. She always makes me feel better.
At breakfast I ignore Felicity. At the moment I have to, even though it looks childish; I don’t want to lose my cool. Afterwards, I go outside to the dunny and I guess they think I’m still out there because as I’m about to open the kitchen door, I hear Felicity’s voice. She sounds hurt. ‘Do you think he’s caught on? Is that it?’
Dev answers her. ‘I don’t know. But we should tell him.’
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ Felicity says. ‘I’ve had some experience in this.’ I bet she has. ‘It would worry him; he’s still a kid.’
Listen to her! I’m worried already.
‘You don’t know Joel like I do.’ That’s Dev. ‘He’s been through a lot. He can handle more than you’d think.’ Good old Dev, but I don’t hear any more. Max’s farm ute roars into the backyard. ‘Hiya, Joel,’ he calls. I nod at him and push open the screen door.
Felicity’s sitting too close to Dev. I sit on the other side of him. Dev’s nice to everyone and she might get the wrong impression. I’ll have to keep my eye on her, I can tell. I steel myself to look at her now. She’s hot for a thirty-year-old and that’s what makes her so dangerous.
‘Joel?’ She’s half-smiling, walking on eggshells. I hate making people do that. I try a grin; I’m sure it must be only half on, but she relaxes a bit. Dev doesn’t: he knows me better. Bet he’ll be wondering why I’ve suddenly gone cold on Felicity but I can’t let on. How childish does it sound that I don’t want Dev to have a girlfriend because she’ll take him away from Gran and me? My grin is just to get the heat off. She’s smiling at me as if she still likes me, but I won’t let Felicity get her claws into me. She’s most probably been hanging around me to make a good impression on Dev. I won’t be falling for her tricks again.
9
We are finally going to the beach. Max and Felicity try to get us to come with them in their four-wheel drive. But I can’t imagine Dev as a passenger in a car, not when he has his bike. I’m glad he says no. Felicity looks like she’s going to argue but Max tells her they won’t be far away. Sounds like Felicity’s got the hots for Dev real bad. Dev just raises his eyebrows. ‘Thought we’d have some time by ourselves, mate.’
‘Too right.’ Grandad used to always say that. I fasten my helmet and climb on behind Dev as he twists the throttle. Felicity has the four-wheel drive idling, waiting for us to go. Dev looks behind at me and gives me a lopsided grin. I know that look: it means, Hang on tight, let’s have a proper ride. We fly out the gate with a roar. Felicity hasn’t even taken off. If I didn’t know Dev better I’d think he was trying to lose Felicity and Max. Maybe I don’t need to worry about her.
We’
ve been here for days and this is the first time we’ve been off the property. The road is gravel and we slide a bit before we reach the bitumen, and then Dev fully opens the throttle. I need this ride as much as he does. It blows away the mist in my head. Right now I don’t have to think about anything: it’s just Dev and me. This is when I can see that Dev likes our family and he’ll stay with us. After all, he’s stayed this long.
Dev drops through the gears; we’re nearing the town. I can smell the sea. Maybe I was just having withdrawal symptoms. My head feels much better. We pull up in a car park by the jetty; it’s even longer than ours at home. We don’t have to wait long for Max and Felicity. They don’t look too pleased, like they know we lost them on purpose. Max actually says, ‘That’s not a good idea, Dev.’
‘Nothing happened.’
‘Maybe not, but don’t make it difficult for us.’ Dev almost looks sorry. Max’s acting like a kid who got last place in the canteen line. I can’t believe it. But then Felicity gets out the gear she’s hired.
‘There are a few wrecks around the coast here,’ she says to us. We have a lot where I live too and I tell her I’ve even seen the Ethel at low tide. It sits on the sand like the rusted carcass of a dinosaur. I listen to everything Felicity says about diving in case the rules are different here. This, I do not want to get wrong.
I can feel Felicity’s approving gaze on me as I check the equipment and manage to put the first regulator on the tank by myself. Out in the boat she’s hired we all suit up. Felicity doesn’t know exactly where the wrecks are. ‘People don’t dive on them much,’ she says. ‘We’ll just dive in the bay.’
Killer Ute Page 3