I had a feeling that tonight he wouldn’t be talking about the things that needed to be done around the farm.
Obediently, I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Dad paced the length of the kitchen several times before he leaned over the table, pressing his palms down on it as if he had to ground himself.
“I thought I told you to stay away from that Miller boy.” He was angry, and the disappointment was evident in his voice.
My thoughts were still swirling around on the words that Brock had said before he left, and I hadn’t listened to a thing my father said.
“Tessa, did you hear me?” Dad repeated, speaking a little louder now. I looked up, blinking. “I thought I told you to stay away from Brock Miller.”
“Yeah, you did tell me to stay away from him, but you also told me to stay away from every other guy that’s ever liked me, and you know, anybody with a penis,” I tossed out casually, as if saying a sentence with the word ‘penis’ to your father was a typical thing for an eighteen-year-old girl to do, for me to do. Damnit, I must be drunk, I thought, giggling out loud at the shocked look on my father’s face.
Dad didn’t look like he found any of this humorous. I sighed deeply. “Look, Dad. I’m eighteen. I’m not a little girl anymore and you really can’t treat me like one. I’m going to occasionally hang out, and maybe even kiss boys. You probably won’t like them, either. But it’s my decision who I choose to see. Besides, I’m not even seeing Brock. He gave me a ride home from Melanie’s house, that’s all.”
“Where were your brothers?” Dad demanded, his jaw clenching with aggravation.
“They were striking the fear of God into Travis Channing,” I said, my tone bored. I even went as far as looking at my nails.
“Why were they doing that?”
“Because Travis danced with me, and they were just doing what you taught them to do,” I responded. “If anyone touches Tessa, make sure you teach them a lesson!” I added, mimicking my dad’s deep voice.
“I never taught them that.” Dad frowned.
I stared at him, blinking slowly. I didn’t even have to open my mouth to prove my point; both Tommy and Gordon stumbled into the house laughing.
“The look on Travis’s face was hilarious! He really thought you were going to sock him.” Tommy was cackling. They both came into the kitchen and froze, seeing Dad and I sitting around the table.
“The prodigal sons return with news of their triumphant battle.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. I can’t even dance with a guy without everyone around here losing their goddamn marbles. It’s driving me insane! Tommy and Gordon have both been dating since before they were sixteen!”
“Tessa, you know that isn’t true,” my father argued.
“You almost decked Brock for driving me home, Dad,” I pointed out.
“Wait, Brock drove you home?” Gordon’s eyes flashed with anger.
“Sit down, the both of you,” Dad demanded. Gordon and Tommy exchanged a look with one another as they sat down in their usual spots at the Armstrong table.
My father paced from the table to the kitchen counter and back again, rubbing his bearded chin with his fingers. Occasionally, he would glance from Tommy and Gordon to me.
He came back to the table and pulled his chair out, sitting down and fixing me with a serious stare. “You’re right. You are eighteen years old and I need to stop treating you like a child, but you’re still under my roof and I won’t see you making poor decisions. I have rules that you’ll need to abide by, even if you’re going to college in the fall. I told you to stay away from Brock Miller because he has a criminal record, not because I want you to stay away from every guy out there. I expect you to heed my advice, and I expect you not to be alone with that Miller boy again. Do I make myself clear, Tessa?”
“Yes, Dad.” I sighed, my shoulders slumping in defeat. I wasn’t about to admit my intense feelings for Brock, not to my father and especially not with my brothers sitting right there.
“Boys, what’s this I hear about you striking the fear of God into Travis Channing for dancing with Tessa?” Dad switched his focus to my brothers, fixing them both with a stern look.
“He was pawing her on the dance floor, and –”
“Improper use of the term ‘pawing’,” I interrupted, as if we were in a courtroom and not sitting around the kitchen table in the middle of the night. “We were dancing; people have to touch each other to dance. It’s kind of how it’s done.”
“Whatever.” Gordon frowned. “He’s supposed to be my friend, and my friends know not to go there.”
“If your sister wanted to dance with Travis, and willingly did so; there’s no reason for you to go put the fear of God in him, friend of yours or not,” Dad lectured. I smirked, finally feeling those scales tip a little bit in my favor.
* * *
The next morning, my father woke me up two hours earlier than usual. It was his way of punishing me for drinking the night before. The Armstrong offspring didn’t get to nurse hangovers or sleep in until noon; they had to get up at first dawn and get their chores done. By eight o’clock, I’d already given the horses a good brushing before setting them out in the fields and mucking out all the stalls in the barn.
After my chores in the barn were completed, I set out to the hen house to collect some eggs for breakfast. Dad always insisted on having laying hens so he could have farm fresh eggs whenever he wanted them. It was my job to raise the hens, and it had been since I was a little girl.
I thought about Brock while I worked, placing each freshly laid egg in the basket. I thought about the things he said to me, about the way he made me feel. He unlocked urges in me that I never knew I had before. He made me want to act in a way I didn’t typically act.
I wanted to know everything there was to know about Brock Miller. I wanted to know about his past, I wanted to know about his dreams for the future. I wanted to fall into him, fall into that feeling I had whenever I was around him, and never come up for air. It was dangerous, it was stupid, but there it was.
I walked into the kitchen, humming to myself distractedly.
“Someone’s looking chipper this morning.” Elle’s voice startled me and I almost dropped the basket.
“Jesus, Elle. Some warning next time.” I carefully set the basket down on the counter. “What are you doing here?”
“Dropping off your truck,” she responded, joining me at the counter. She leaned up against it, crossing her bare arms. Elle was wearing her signature shorter-than-hell shorts, a tight tank top and sandals. Her long dark hair was pulled up in a messy bun, and although her face was free of makeup, she still looked like a damn celebrity. I was certain I looked like absolute shit. My hair was a curly, tangled mess from last night, and I still hadn’t had time to shower. I definitely didn’t look fresh and radiant, like my best friend. She pulled herself up onto the countertop while I set to washing the eggs. “And checking in on you to see how last night went?” she added, her voice quiet.
She swung her slender legs back and forth, waiting for me to answer. I glanced around the kitchen, declaring it empty. “It didn’t,” I whispered, my brow furrowing. “I thought it was going to…we kissed, and it was amazing but…”
“But what?” Elle whispered, her eyes wide and impatient.
“He drove me here and told me I deserved more than a quick…you know, in his truck, and that he intended on giving it to me,” I responded, keeping my voice so low that Elle had to lean forward to hear me.
She whistled lowly. “Wow. That’s intense,” she bit her lip, repressing a grin. “Holy shit, that’s romance novel stuff right there.”
I blinked at her blankly and then shook my head. “I don’t really know what it means or anything, and I doubt I’ll find out…”
“Why the hell not?” she demanded, her voice rising indignantly.
“Shh!” I hissed, glancing around again. The kitchen remained empty. My two o
lder brothers were busy with their own chores and my dad was also outside working. It still didn’t prevent me from being totally paranoid though. “When he dropped me off last night, Dad came out. He lectured me about being around him and told me I wasn’t allowed to be alone with him again.”
“Why?” Elle pouted, displeased by this development.
“Because Brock has a criminal record.” I sighed. “Because my dad thinks that he’s dangerous.”
“Oh.” she frowned, chewing on her tongue thoughtfully. “Well, Brock isn’t dangerous. At least, not to innocent people.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Elle rushed to say. “All I mean is that he isn’t dangerous.”
“I don’t think he is either,” I said thoughtfully, thinking back to how Brock had reacted to Chris attacking me. Then I thought about how he’d acted the next day, in his trailer, and again in his truck. I didn’t believe for one minute that he’d hurt me. I worried my lip while I thought, barely seeing the eggs in front of me as I set to washing and cracking them in a frying pan.
“Why do I feel like there’s more you aren’t telling me?” Elle asked, arching a delicate brow.
“Oh! Right, there is. So…I pointed out that I’m eighteen now and how unfair it is I can’t even date without everyone acting like total cavemen around here. Dad was going to argue about it, but then Tommy and Gordon came in bragging about the whole Travis thing.”
Elle’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “And?”
“And he agreed with me. He gave them shit. I think that’s going to change but…” I trailed off, sighing.
“But what? Damnit, Tessa you are the worst for dramatic pauses,” my best friend grumbled, crossing her arms and sulking.
“But I’m still not going to be allowed to see Brock,” I added, Elle’s pout made me smile a little. “He said he’s going to stop treating me like a child, but I still have to follow the rules while under his roof, and one of those rules is that I can’t be around ‘that Miller boy’.”
“Are you going to sneak out and see him anyway?” she whispered mischievously, winking.
“I might.” I smiled, my heart thrumming at that possibility. “But first I have to make breakfast and shower. Are you going to sit there, or are you actually going to help me?”
“Fine, fine.” She hopped off the countertop. “I’ll make the bacon.”
* * *
I ate quickly before I hopped in the shower. I didn’t have time to wash my hair, so I ran my fingers through it in an attempt to separate the curls. Then I dressed in a pair of clean shorts and a button up, plaid top.
Elle was sitting on my bed, waiting for me.
“What are your plans tonight?” I asked, pausing in front of my mirror. The small bruise on my cheek was starting to fade, but I was going to still need makeup to hide it before it healed completely. Otherwise, I’d have to answer questions that I didn’t particularly feel like answering.
“Braden and I are going to the rodeo again. You should come!” she answered, watching while I set to work. “Ugh, let me.”
Elle was better at making skin look flawless. I never really had a purpose to learn before. My skin was naturally creamy and smooth, my Nordic features, courtesy of my mother’s side, were sharp yet delicate.
“I don’t know, I should probably find a job or something.” I sighed, closing my eyes and letting my best friend work her magic.
“You could hand out a few resumes and then we could go,” Elle suggested. “We aren’t leaving until this afternoon anyway. The strongman competition is this afternoon, and Mom’s doing the chili cook-off again. She could use some extra hands,” she added, wiggling her eyebrows at me. She knew how much I loved her mom’s homemade chili.
“I’ll think about it. I don’t even know if I’ll be allowed out of the house.”
“You will. Your dad didn’t seem too angry at breakfast this morning. Then again…” I opened my eyes to look at her. She was grinning mischievously at me. “He doesn’t know what’s brewing between you two,” she added with a wink.
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” I grabbed a stack of freshly printed resumes and my phone. “Do you know if anyone is hiring?”
“You could try the grocery store and Tim Horton’s in town, but…” Elle shrugged. “It’ll be hard. It’s already summer time. They probably filled those job postings months ago.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. I really wanted to get a part-time job this summer, just to have some extra cash on hand come September.
We walked out of my room and down the old wooden stairs, flying out the front door like our feet were on fire. Dad was walking up the steps, and we came to an abrupt stop in front of him. He caught sight of the papers in my hand. “More resumes?”
“Yeah, there are some places in town that might be hiring,” I answered, holding them up for him to inspect. “I’m going to drop Elle off and then do a little job hunting if that’s okay?”
Dad looked between us, chewing on the toothpick in his mouth. Chewing on toothpicks was a habit he’d picked up after he quit smoking six years ago. “Alright,” he finally said.
“Could Tessa come with me to the chili cook-off tonight, Mr. Armstrong? Mom could use the extra hands.”
“I suppose that’d be fine.” Dad nodded once, the corner of his lip twitching with a repressed smile.
“See you in a bit,” I added, standing on my tippy toes to kiss his cheek.
“See you later. Say hi to your mama, Elle,” Dad said as we raced down the front steps towards my truck that Elle had parked haphazardly in the middle of everything, true to her unconcerned nature.
“I will!” she called over her shoulder. When we were buckled in and flying down the driveway, she turned to look at me with a devilish glint in her brown eyes. “So, that was easy. You basically have the whole day now.”
“Basically.” I bit my lip, thoughts of Brock rising to obscure thoughts of being responsible.
“Tell me more about this kiss,” she demanded as I turned onto the road. She had the passenger window all the way down and she’d discarded her sandals on the floor so her feet could half hang out the window. It always made me nervous when she did this, but complaining about it never made her stop.
“It was…I don’t know.” I sighed, a small smile tugging up the corners of my lips. “It was incredible. I felt it everywhere, in every nerve ending and in my bones. It was intense.”
Elle sighed too, a happy, blissful sigh. “That’s a kiss of true love,” she remarked, grinning at me.
“I never said that.” the smile vanished from my face. “I just said it was a really, really good kiss.”
“Uh-huh.” She smirked.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “It’s lust. He made me want more, and I want it, but I’m not in love with him. That’s stupid, Elle.”
“No it’s not,” she argued, still smiling. “When you find ‘the one’, it’s instantaneous.”
“Ugh.” I exhaled, puffing my lips out like a fish. Elle was exhausting me.
“There are only so many places you can drop your resume off in town…” she trailed off, not really changing the subject at all, and winked.
I pulled up in front of her house, promising that I’d call her later if I changed my mind about the midway. Then I set to the boring task of handing out my resumes. It was the same at every stop I made: we’ve already hired our summer staff but I’ll put this at the top of the pile – just in case.
I was never going to find a job at this rate; it was the curse of living in a small town.
I was on the highway, just before the exit I would need to take to get to Brock’s property. My hands gripped the steering wheel just a little too tightly. I was torn between what I desperately wanted to do and what I should do.
I made a split second decision to turn onto the off ramp that would take me to him. I drove up the road a little bit, pulling over to collect myself and organize my th
oughts.
I wanted to go to him, to kiss him again. My body was practically vibrating with this need. But I shouldn’t go to him; I should stay away from him. I should listen to the rules in place. Brock was dangerous and he’d never be welcome in our home.
But a part of me didn’t care because I wanted him anyway. He doesn’t have to come over for dinner. I told myself, chewing on my lip and staring at the road ahead like it would give me the correct answer.
I wanted to get to know him, and that was dangerous; that was against my rules, newly placed. Daydreaming about falling in love and actually falling in love were two different things. Daydreaming was safe; it was an unattainable dream, a future goal. Daydreaming was an outlet, a way for me to pass the time. Falling in love was dangerous; it was the here and now, it was giving someone else complete control of my heart and I wasn’t sure I knew how to do that.
He unlocked things within me. Things that I wanted to explore. He made me feel sexy and powerful and I wanted to embrace it. I wanted to bask in all of those feelings and sensations he coaxed out of me with a simple glance. I wanted to be the woman I knew he saw when he looked at me.
Only I couldn’t promise myself that if I kept driving down this road, I wouldn’t end up falling in love with Brock Miller. I wasn’t prepared to do that, to fall in love, but thoughts of him occupied my waking moments and I felt like if I didn’t do this…the not knowing would consume me.
If I was being completely honest with myself, I was hesitating out of fear. The fear of rejection, the fear of losing something I didn’t even have. I played it safe because I was afraid of getting hurt.
But I was tired of playing it safe. I was tired of longing to feel something for someone, then running away at the first opportunity of that feeling growing into something more.
I had reached an impasse. Sighing, I shifted the truck from park to drive and took off down the road.
Brock
After tossing and turning the rest of the night away, my mind restlessly spinning with thoughts of her, I finally drifted off to sleep around five in the morning.
Rebel Soul: (Rebel Series Book 1) ((Rebel Series)) Page 10