“Want me to help you with your exercises?” he says, and she says that’d be nice and smiles and backs up to the pool’s edge till her shoulders are braced against it. He looks up and sees the girl looking at him and smiles and she smiles and he thinks everyone’s smiling, the three of us, smiling, smiling, smiling, and waves with just a flap of his hand at her and she looks back at her pad and resumes writing, though her strokes seem broader now, so she might be drawing. His wife holds on from behind to the lip in the drain—or whatever that part is right at the edge of the pool that acts as a gutter; the gutter, he’ll call it, though who knows, that might actually be it—holds the gutter lip from behind and tries to make her legs buoyant but can’t raise them to the top of the water. He grabs the left leg, holds it out of the water, and twists the toes around and back and forth as the swim therapist in the Catonsville Y back home told him to, bends the foot and then the calf as he also was told to, presses the leg to her chest at the knee, does the same with the other foot and leg, looks up while doing it and sees the girl staring at them, and he smiles and she looks back at her pad but makes no writing motion on it, just stares at it. He does this with his wife for about ten minutes—it’s tedious to him but the therapist says it helps her, loosens up the legs and feet and increases the circulation in them—and then tries walking her in the water; and after a few attempts—she tips left and right and never gets a step forward—she says, “I can’t today, the legs are stuck, won’t move when I ask them to.” “Lean back against this thing again—the wall—and we’ll see how strong they are right now,” and she gets in the same position as before, shoulders against the end of the pool, and he grabs her calves and sticks her feet against his chest and presses her folded-up legs into her body till her butt’s raised almost above the water—and he gets an erection seeing her in that position and thinking of her that way in bed, she on her back with him on his shins above her and watching his penis go in and out as he moves back and forth—and he says “Push” and tries to keep her legs pressed to her chest, and she tries pushing them out but she can’t today, she does about half the times he does this with her, when she’s really trying, and he says, “Again, push, let’s do it,” and pretends to exert himself in keeping her legs against her chest but lets them out slowly till she’s pushed him all the way back and straightened her legs. “Good, great, way to go; took a while but you did it.” She grins—“I didn’t feel I had enough oomph in my legs to do it, and boy was it an effort”—and he says, “How about again?” and pushes her legs in the same way, her butt rises a little above the water and he gets another erection though doesn’t remember losing the last one, and looks at the girl, who’s staring at him and he smiles, checks to see the erection’s underwater, and says, “It’s exercise for my wife,” and thinks, There’s no double meaning in that for himself, is there?—no, and the girl continues to look but doesn’t smile, and he says, “Exercise for her legs—they’re a little weak so we got to strengthen them, make them strong,” and his wife turns to see whom he’s talking to and says, “Why are you telling her that? You might frighten her,” and he says, “Nah, we’ve established some kind of tacit relationship with our looks and she seemed interested so I thought I’d explain it—no good?” and she says, “Well, you just untacitized it, and maybe I don’t like every kid and Harry knowing so much about it if they don’t have to or they don’t find out for themselves,” and he says, “Sorry,” and then, “Push, come on, gibt ihm ein push,” and lets her push her legs out again. “Good, twice in a row; you practically shoved me across the pool. Now walk. I think you have the strength for it now,” and she tries, hands on his shoulders, he holding her around the back, but she can’t walk a step. “Maybe I’ll just swim a little,” and she gets on her front and swims out about fifteen feet, her behind for some reason bobbing above the water, and he swims alongside her just in case she suddenly sinks, which she has. Then she turns over and swims back to the shallow area and grabs the pool’s edge and says, “I guess it’s time to leave; you’ve had enough, haven’t you?” and he says, “I’ll stay if you want some more swimming and stuff,” and she says, “No, I think I’ve had it, I’m all in, and not a very successful day—I even got tired with those twenty or so strokes,” and pulling herself with her hands along the edge of the pool she gets to the handicapped stairway, sits on the bottom step in the water, and hoists herself up each step till she’s on the top. He climbs up the regular stairs, moves her wheelchair to the stairway she’s on, and helps her into the chair and pushes her to the women’s door, opens it and looks away, so no one will think he’s looking inside, though there’d be nothing to see since it’s just an entry corridor with a railing and ramp, the door to the dressing room not visible from the pool door, and pushes her inside. “Thanks, see ya later,” and she wheels herself down the corridor, and he starts for the men’s entrance at the other end of the pool when he thinks, The girl, should have waved goodbye, and turns to her and sees the handicapped stairway and thinks, Oh, God, forgot that too, and removes the landing part of it from the board underneath, disconnects the board from the stairway in the water, puts those two pieces together and drags them to the place against the wall where he always leaves them, then stands at the pool’s edge and thinks, Go on, jump or walk down to them but no way you’re gonna get the stairs out without getting wet, and jumps into the water and tries lifting the stairway onto the deck. Often, when the lifeguard sees him doing this—maybe every time he sees him doing this—just as when he sees him dragging the various parts to the pool or assembling them or putting the stairway into the water—Gould’s never asked for help on this but always welcomed it—he comes over and helps. But the lifeguard’s rolling in one of the lane lines at the other end of the pool. The swimming instructor’s helped him a couple of times too, but he’s in the water demonstrating another underwater breathing technique to his swim team. The stairway seems especially heavy or resistant or something today and he’s not getting it out of the water. “Can I help?” the girl says, standing above him, and he says, “Thank you, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” and she says, “If I pull the bar here will it help you?” leaning over and grabbing the railing, and he says, “It’s really too heavy; it might fall on you once I get it up, but I’m not kidding when I say it’s very nice of you to ask,” and she smiles and he does too and she goes back to the bench, looking at him, and picks up her clipboard and pencil and she’s shivering again and he says, “Really, sweetheart, don’t you want to sit away from the door? That’s what’s making you cold, and maybe because your hair’s still wet,” and she says, “I want to be cold; it was so hot today that it feels good,” and he says, “Okay,” and tries lifting the stairway again, and this time—maybe whatever water pressure or suction that was keeping it down has let up or something—he gets it out of the water and onto its side on the deck. He gets out of the pool, stands the stairway up, and starts dragging it to the wall. She quickly puts her clipboard and pen down, jumps up and runs over, and says, “I can help you do this without getting hurt,” and he says, “Why, thanks; you’re something, you know, a real helper, but you got to watch your feet,” and together they drag the stairway to the wall beside the other parts and he’s sure, compared to the times he’s done it alone, she made the dragging a little easier for him. Then he asks her name and she says, “Regina,” and he says, “I’m Gould, and I know little girls because I have two, one just around your age and both in day camp today, and let me tell you, you’re about the nicest and most helpful I’ve ever met,” and she says, “Not more than your own,” and he says, “No, the three of you,” and says goodbye and walks to the other end of the pool, gets his bag off the hook, looks back—she’s still standing and looking at him—and he waves and goes into the men’s dressing room.
The Poet
IT’S SNOWING; HE’S in Washington, D.C., carrying his radio news equipment back to the office (heavy tape recorder, mike and mike stands, tapes, extension cords, brie
fcase of books, newspapers, magazines); gave up on finding a cab; snow slashing his face to where he can barely see two feet in front of him, must be eight to ten inches on the ground already, twenty inches or more are predicted. Snow started this morning when he was taking the trolley to work, let up, his boss told him to go to the Capitol, which was his regular beat, and get a few stories and interviews and about ten choice minutes apiece from some hearings going on, then from the office window of a congressman he was interviewing he saw the snow coming down blizzardlike. “Oh, my God,” he said, and the congressman said, “What’s up?” and turned around and said, “Holy smokes; well, worse comes to worst, if I can’t get to my apartment across town I’ll spend the night here on the couch.” He called his editor, it’s around 3 P.M. now, and Herb said to hustle right back, government’s been shut down, “You might as well get here before you can’t get here, as we’re short of air material and can use whatever you got so far.” Called cabs, waited for cabs he called, went into the street and tried hailing the few passing cabs, for they’re allowed to pick up four different fares at four different spots: nothing. So he’ll walk, he thought, slowly make his way back till he finds a cab or bus going his way. It’s about a mile to the office on K Street from where he is now. Or even farther—two miles—for these streets are so long. No bus, and when he stuck out his thumb several times, no cab or car stopped. Well, who can blame them, nobody wants a sopping-wet fare or stranger in his car with all his sopping-wet gear. Walked about a half hour in the snow, only has rubbers on (“trudged,” he means, instead of “walked”), feet are frozen, hands will be next, pants soaked to the knees, doesn’t see how he can make it to the office with all this equipment—it must weigh sixty pounds altogether and is cumbersome to carry. He might have to go in someplace, a government office building if one’s still open or a museum, and plead with someone there to store his stuff till tomorrow. Should have left it in the House radio/TV gallery while he had the chance, then walked to the office with just the tapes to be edited and aired, and he might have got a hitch without all the gear—when a car pulls up, driver leans over the front seat, rolls down the window, and says, “Need a lift? I’m heading toward Georgetown, I hope I can get there before I have to abandon this car, but you seem stuck.” It’s the new Poetry Consultant to the Library of Congress, did an interview with him a few months ago, same outfit and tobacco smell: tweed jacket and button-down shirt, bow tie, pipe back in his mouth, smoke coming out of the bowl. “Gosh, you bet, but I’m awfully wet and I’ve got all this stuff with me,” and the poet says, “So what, this rattletrap’s seen much worse,” and puts his blinkers on, jumps out of the car, and helps him stick the equipment into the backseat; they both get in and the poet says, “Where to?” and he tells him and the poet says, “That on the way to Georgetown? I still haven’t got my bearings in this town,” and he says, “It’s sort of, with a slight diversion, but I wouldn’t want you going out of your way—you’ve been too kind as it is,” and the poet says, “Ah, listen, you help a guy in need, you earn a few extra coins to use in the slot machines in heaven, so why not? If it’s at all feasible, I’ll take you to your door, and if we get stuck in a drift, you’ll help push me out. You must have a ton of belongings back there, what do you do? A TV repairman?” and he says, “Radio, a news man, you don’t recognize me, sir?” and the poet says, “Why, you famous? Someone I should be listening to to know who’s who in town?” and he says, “Me? Just starting out, but a small news service, so I get to cover just about everything. I interviewed you when you took up your position. Your first news conference. I mean, you gave one, right after you got to Washington, also read a poem for the TV news cameras, and then I asked you for a more personal interview and you granted me one in your office.” “No kidding. I did that? Did I say anything intelligent? I must be a nice guy, seems like, but a forgetful one. Maybe it’s your hat and your snowy eyebrows,” and Gould takes off his hat and rubs his eyebrows, and the poet says, “You want to shake the chapeau over the backseat?” and he does and the poet says, “And the snow on your shoulders and hair—you’ll catch a cold,” and he says, “Sorry, should’ve brushed myself off before I got in,” and the poet says, “Don’t worry, nothing’ll hurt this heap and these are intemperate times where just survival is in order,” and looks at Gould and says, “You look a little familiar. What’d we talk about? Did I dispense my usual nonsense? I tend to freeze up before you electronic news guys when you jut your paraphernalia in my mug,” and he says, “No, you were fine, my boss said. He was afraid, in his terms, I’d get a supercilious literary stiff, since I was the one who suggested my going to your press conference, your building being so close to the Capitol, which I normally work out of. But you know: about your job, what you’ll do in it for the year you’re here or two years if you feel like staying on. What poetry means in America—there never was a time it commandeered, you said, anything close to center stage in the States. And how you plan to make it more a part of the mainstream—your primary goal,” and the poet says, “I propounded the possibility of that? What an idiot! And of course I gave no ways how I’d go about it. Listen, poetry will always be for a small devoted clientele, and nobody in government’s interested in it in the slightest. My position’s a sham—no one consults me and I can’t find anyone to consult—and it took a coupla months to learn that. But I am getting plenty of writing done—teaching’s much tougher and more time-consuming—and meeting a few nice people, though no one who’s read a stitch of my work or knew me from Adam till I arrived here, and I know they think anyone calling himself a poet’s a joke, except Sandburg and Frost, because they were homespun and made it pay. Next time disregard any poet who takes on a government sinecure, even with the word ‘poetry’ in it, or holds a press conference, at least during the first two months of his job.” The drive’s slow, the poet’s funny, garrulous, and lively, slaps his knee, relights his pipe several times, offers him a candy and, when he refuses, a mint and then a stick of gum, drops him off in front of his office building. Gould shakes his hand and says, “I can’t thank you enough, sir. I would’ve frozen out there if you hadn’t showed.” The poet says, “Drop in on me if you like—when I’m there, door’s always open. I can use the company; all the officials and librarians in the building stay away from me as if I’ve the plague. I won’t have anything to say into your machine, but we can have a coffee and chat.” He tells his boss what happened: “I meet him in a blizzard and he turns out to be the nicest guy on earth.” “Did you get another interview with him? Would have been a good bit; Washington conked out by its worst storm in twenty years, but it doesn’t stop the muse.” “Oh, come on, the guy helped me out of a terrific spot.” “You could have put the recorder on the floor, held the mike up to him while he drove. He would have loved it, maybe composed a sonnet about the storm, on the spot. Poets die for such attention, and like I told you on the phone, with the Hill probably shut down the next two days, we’ll need more tape than you ever could have brought in,” and for the first time since he got the job he thinks he has to get out of this profession.
Now he hears the poet’s in a nursing home and most likely will never come out. He’s past ninety, has been sick and so disoriented that he hasn’t been able to come to his Maine summer cottage for two years. Gould met him once up here; no, twice. First time at a reception after a poetry reading ten years ago. Was sitting next to him and said, “Excuse me, sir, you no doubt wouldn’t remember me, but around twenty-five years ago you did something for me I was always thankful for and could never forget,” and the poet said, “I did? We’re acquainted? Here, at the colony or at my university?” and he said, “No, this is the first time I’ve seen you since the incident. You were the Poetry Consultant then—this took place in D.C.—and I was a radio news reporter, and one of the worst blizzards to ever hit the city was going on and I had all this radio equipment to carry back to my office. I couldn’t get a cab so I thought I’d shlep the stuff rather than leave it in th
e Capitol building, which is where I worked from. Nothing was transistorized then, everything was still tubes and complicated circuitry, or at least my tape recorder was. That’s right, some radio newsmen had started to use these hand-held ones, but my outfit stayed with the enormous Wollensacks because they said the sound quality was better. I’m just trying to show how heavy my equipment was—metal microphones and mike stands—and so how grateful I was to you for giving me a lift,” and the poet said, “How’d I do this again?” and he said, “You stopped on the street in the middle of a blinding blizzard—you were in your car and must have seen me struggling in the snow. I’m not getting this out right, but without knowing who I was and that I’d even interviewed you in your office a few months earlier when you started your position, you offered me a ride back to my office. You even jumped out of the car and helped me with my equipment. It was—I don’t mean to embarrass you with this—one of the most magnanimous kindnesses ever done to me, since you were risking your life, almost. Oh, that’s going too far, though the streets had to be very slippery and big drifts were piling up fast. I know, for I was trying to wade through them, without too much luck, and I don’t even know if you made it back to your Georgetown residence after you dropped me off,” and the poet said, “Where’d all this happen again?” and he said, “Washington—when you were the Poetry Consultant, your first year. Winter, during this record-breaking snowstorm, and you were probably driving home from the Library of Congress, told like everyone else to get the heck home while you still had the chance. They closed—the government did—all their offices early because of the storm, Congress included. But who actually does give the order for the government to close up? I just thought of that. Probably no one person or office but each branch, given the separation of branches and such, or even each department gives orders for its own closing, wouldn’t that seem right?” and the poet said, “Don’t know,” and stood up and said, “Lucy, listen to this. This nice young man here. I stopped for him in a blizzard when I was the Consultant in Poetry in Washington and gave him a lift,” and Gould said, “Consultant in Poetry? That was the official title? Now it’s Poet Laureate,” and she said from across the room, “When did all this occur?” and the poet said, “I just told you: in D.C., Washington, the capital, when I was the C.P. to the Library of Congress, or should I say ‘the C.P. to the L.C. in D.C.,’ though no one called the Library that. The institution, you remember, that typically came with all the honors and regard money couldn’t buy, but scant remuneration. I don’t recall the episode myself, not even the blizzard, but this nice young man here seems to recollect it perfectly. I pulled over for him during a raging snowstorm, it seems. Act of kindness, he calls it, because he had a bevy of heavy radio equipment for his news work, and I took pity on him, I suppose, when I saw him trekking through hills of snow. I did that. Do you recall my ever telling you of it?” and she said, people she was sitting with looking at him too, “That was around thirty years ago?” and the poet looked at Gould and he nodded and the poet said, “I believe so,” and she said, “No, but it would be like you to do that. That’s how you were. But at this moment, for me, though I remember the consultancy well, it’s as if this is the first I’ve heard of the incident, which would also be like you—not so much not to remember but not to tell me of the good deeds you did then. But I could have forgotten,” and the poet said, “It was sort of nice of me to do it, wasn’t it, something I couldn’t afford to do today because of my age? And I don’t even drive anymore—you do, or our college-student driver. And a little self-admiration isn’t undesirable from time to time if you’re feeling especially down on yourself, am I wrong?” and she said, “I think it’s fine, anything you wish; you deserve even more,” and resumed talking to the people near her. The poet said to Gould, “Thank you for reminding me of it, young man. That was extremely gracious of you. Do you know the quote of Samuel Johnson about the rare friend who will help you celebrate a good review? I like things to be brought back, especially acts like that. What do you do now, still a journalist?” when a woman stopped beside them and said, “Bill, I wanted to say good night,” and he said, “Well, good night, and I guess I’ll be seeing you at the Academy this year one time,” and she said, “The Academy? I’ve never been to it, so why would you think I’d see you there?” and he said, “You don’t go? You never went? I haven’t seen you there any number of times? The Academy in New York, the one we’ve been members of for so many years, of Arts and Letters and things?” and she said, “My goodness, I thought you meant the Maine Maritime Academy training vessel, so I thought, Why on earth does he think I’d step onto that old tub?” and he said, “Perhaps because we both spend entire summers so close to it, you in the same town and straight up the street from the pier, in fact,” and she said, “Yes, but there’s still nothing there for me, can’t you see that? So why must you insist on winning this misunderstanding instead of simply laughing at it?” and he looked at her, mouth open, stared at the ceiling a few seconds, felt around behind him for the chair arms, grabbed them and made a move to sit, but then sprang up straight, kissed her cheek, and left the room, smiling as if he’d just exchanged some simple but satisfying pleasantries, and the woman said, “Lucy, you have your hands full, I see; I didn’t realize how much,” and Lucy said, “Don’t tell me, dear, let me guess.”
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