“He's taking cocaine.”
Beth gasps. “No way.”
“I'm afraid so, ever since I fell pregnant. He never used to touch it, well at least only occasionally. It's changing him. When he hasn't taken any he's lovely but as soon as he takes it he's a different person and I hate that person.”
“You have to tell Frank. He's the only one who can sort him out.”
“No, Frank will kill him. Promise me you won’t say anything.”
Beth looks reluctant.
“Promise me Beth,” says Rachel vehemently. “If you tell Frank there'll be major ructions.”
“Okay,” she says, holding her hands up. “I promise, but I think you're making a mistake.”
“I can handle it. Don't worry.”
Beth pats her friend's hand. She could kill Danny. The wanker never knew when he was well off.
Rachel returns home troubled, wondering what state she is going to find her husband in, if he’s there at all. So she is surprised to find him up, showered, shaved and in the kitchen cooking dinner. He looks so much his old self that she is momentarily lost for words.
“Enjoy yourself Babe?” he says cheerfully, kissing her on the cheek. She notices his eyes are their usual bright blue, which means he isn't on anything.
“Err, yes thanks.”
“Get anything nice?”
“Just some bits.”
“For the baby?”
She frowns, puzzled by this sudden change. “A pair of bootees.”
“Let's have a look.”
She takes them out of the bag and drops them in his hand. A lump forms in his throat. They are so tiny they sit on his palm with room to spare. His child would be wearing them and the thought, although it still scares him, also makes him happy.
“I got yellow because it’s a colour for a boy or a girl.”
He pulls Rachel into his arms and kisses her hard, smiling at the bewilderment in her eyes.
“Why don't you sit down? Dinner's ready.”
“What are we having?” she asks, taking off her jacket.
“Fillet steak with corn on the cob, carrots and potatoes. All the ingredients are fresh today, very nutritious,” he smiles, putting the plate down on the table before her, the smell causing her stomach to rumble in anticipation.
He hands her a glass of rose wine.
“I can't…”
“It's alcohol free.”
She sips it gingerly then smiles. “It’s nice.”
He raises his glass and tries some too. “Yeah it’s not bad.”
“Just because I can't have alcohol doesn't mean you can't.”
“No, I want to.”
She smiles at him fondly and he hands her a huge bunch of lilies.
“They're beautiful,” she smiles. Then the frown returns. “What's this all about Danny?”
“Can't I do something nice for my pregnant wife?”
“Yes but I never know what mood you're going to be in from one day to the next. It's like living with Jekyll and Hyde.”
“I know I've been difficult lately but this baby has come as a bit of a surprise. You've handled it so well and so calmly and I've been a total prick. It's the coke, I should never have started taking it.” He pauses and his eyes take on a faraway look. “At first it helped me chill out but sometimes when I'm on it I feel like a different person. I can hear what I'm saying and I know what I'm doing but I can't stop it. It's like it's happening to someone else, like it's not real.”
“I'm glad you've finally realised. So what's responsible for the sudden change of heart?”
“Last night when I came home drunk and woke you up, you looked disgusted, like you hated me. It was horrible.”
“I'm begging you Danny, if you don't stop taking the coke then this marriage won’t survive because there's no way this baby is going to suffer a druggie for a father.”
He kneels down before her and grasps her hands in his. She gazes into his beautiful eyes, which are open and earnest and he touches her face.
“I'm finished with it, I promise. You and the baby are the most important people in the world to me and I won’t risk losing you. Either of you.”
“You'd better mean that. There's only so many chances I can give you.”
“I know, I know,” he says kissing her gently. He rests his head in her lap and kisses her stomach. She runs her fingers through his hair as he whispers to the child inside her.
They move into their new home a few days later, Danny insisting that Rachel does nothing and lifts nothing, which pleases her because she’s been overwhelmed with exhaustion lately. The pregnancy is really taking it out of her. The house is in such pristine condition that they don't even need to decorate.
For a week they are happy in their new home and Danny avoids taking anymore cocaine. He's attentive and caring and even his lovemaking is for once extremely gentle, as though he’s afraid of hurting the baby. However his new man act is short lived. Rachel knows he's gone on another stately home job with Terry, despite the fact she'd begged him not to. It’s high risk and the thought of him getting caught fills her with horror. But they'd pulled it off and he'd gone out to celebrate. That was two days ago and she hasn't seen him since.
“Where the hell have you been?” demands Rachel angrily.
It’s eight o'clock in the morning and Danny has finally returned home from his two day bender. Rachel has been out of her mind with worry. She is dismayed to see that he’s obviously been on the drugs again. His skin is pasty, hair lank and eyes vacant. He's a complete mess.
“Just at the club,” he replies, avoiding her eyes.
“For two days? Why?”
“We were celebrating. The job went well.”
“Couldn't you just have rung me once to let me know you were okay? I was imagining you dead in a gutter somewhere or banged up.”
“Sorry, I got caught up.”
The excuse sounds lame even to him.
“You're pathetic. I had an appointment with the midwife yesterday, which you promised to take me to. Beth had to go with me instead.”
“Was that yesterday? I thought it was tomorrow.”
“You've been on the coke again haven't you, after you promised me you wouldn‘t touch it again.”
Her eyes fill with angry tears and Danny experiences the urge to hold her but he resists, his pride coming to the fore.
“Look, I've had a lot on my mind lately, alright?”
“No it's not alright. I'm sick of you. Ever since I got pregnant you've been a complete arsehole.”
“Yeah, well maybe I didn't want you to get pregnant. You should have got rid of it,” he yells, instantly regretting his words. He doesn't mean it, he just wants to hurt her.
She slaps him hard across the face. “Why don't you just piss off?” she yells.
“Fine by me,” he yells back, snatching up his jacket and storming out, slamming the door shut behind him.
Rachel sinks onto the couch, her arms wrapped around her stomach protectively and starts to cry.
Eventually she falls asleep on the couch and is woken by a nagging pain in her abdomen. Slowly she sits up, pushing her hair back from her face. Tentatively she touches her stomach and her heart thuds when she feels it’s hard and tense, not a good sign. As the pain steadily worsens she decides she needs to get to hospital. Not wanting to see or speak to Danny she tries Beth then remembers she’s at work so she tries Mikey instead. After explaining the situation he’s on her doorstep in minutes, concern etched on his face. He escorts her to his car, the pain making it increasingly difficult for her to walk. Terrified, she clutches his arm tightly. As he drives she tells him about the argument she had with Danny, particularly the part where he said she should have had an abortion.
“He said what?” he cries incredulously.
She is about to reply when a terrible pain rips through her abdomen.
“Rachel, what's wrong?” says Mikey.
She can't reply as the pain tak
es her breath away. Panic engulfs her as she feels a wetness between her legs. “Hurry Mikey. I need to get to the hospital fast.”
Mikey nods and puts his foot down. Rachel groans as the pain becomes more intense. She knows she's miscarrying.
“No, please God no,” she sobs.
Mikey's knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel tightly.
The ride to the hospital only takes a few minutes but to Mikey and Rachel it feels like a lifetime. The car screeches to a halt outside the Maternity Unit. Mikey grabs a nurse who is just entering the building and they help Rachel inside, doubled over and crying with pain and fear. They get her settled in a private room but she can tell by their faces she’s losing the baby.
“I'll go and ring Danny,” says Mikey.
“Mikey don't leave me, please,” exclaims Rachel, grabbing his arm.
“Okay I won’t. I'll stay right here,” he says, holding her hand.
“Thanks.”
A short stocky doctor Rachel recognises as an obstetrician enters the room with a portable sonogram machine. A nurse lifts up her t-shirt, applies the warm gel and runs the monitor over her abdomen. He looks at her with sympathy in his eyes.
“I'm sorry Mrs Maguire,” says the obstetrician gently.
“No, don't say it,” she rasps, tears streaming down her face.
“You've lost the baby. I’m so sorry.”
Danny sits at the bar in one of his clubs drinking heavily as usual, trying to rid himself of the sense of doom this baby has brought him. The women as usual are giving him the eye and for the first time since he met Rachel he actually finds himself eyeing them back. He sighs, wishing they could go back to when they’d just got married, he'd never been happier. Then this baby had come along and spoilt it. Now he can barely bring himself to touch her gorgeous body, knowing soon it will be saggy and covered in stretch marks. He feels very sorry for himself. His phone rings and he pulls it out of his pocket. Rachel again. That must be the tenth call tonight. She probably wants to make up after their fight. He rejects the call. Let her sweat a bit longer.
Mikey is in the Relative’s Room, staring at the phone in disbelief. He didn't bring his own phone out with him so he's had to use Rachel's. Frank, Martina, Beth and Alex are already in Rachel's room comforting her and her parents are on their way. They’re on holiday in Devon and are driving through the night to get to their daughter's side. He just can't get hold of her prick of a husband. He’s probably getting pissed somewhere while his wife is going through hell. If he could get his hands on him right now Mikey would kill him.
He returns to Rachel's room and they all look at him expectantly.
“I'm sorry Rach. I can't get hold of him.”
She looks disappointed.
“Thanks for trying,” she says weakly.
As Frank looks at her a lump forms in his throat. She looks so lost and frightened, like a little girl. She is always so strong that the difference comes as a shock. He feels ashamed. He knows that Danny didn't want this baby, that they had a row not long before she miscarried and now he’s leaving her to go through this alone. Well he will make his son face up to his responsibilities if it’s the last thing he does. Frank gets to his feet.
“I'll find him.”
Martina looks up at him and nods, knowing exactly what’s going through his mind.
“I'll come with you,” says Alex, feeling exactly the same way as his father.
Danny is chatting with a pretty but extremely dumb blond when Frank and Alex enter the club. When he sees his son Frank experiences a rage so acute that for a moment everything blurs. He shakes himself out of it, marches up to his son and hauls him off his stool backwards by the scruff of the neck.
“What...what you doing Dad?” demands Danny.
Frank doesn't reply. He drags his son out of the club backwards, ignoring his protests, Alex following. Everyone watches the strange procession.
Outside Frank shoves his son up against the wall and yells in his face
“While you've been here drinking and chatting up women your wife has been in hospital having a miscarriage.”
Danny sobers up instantly. “What, Rachel?”
“Yes Rachel. How many wives have you got?”
Danny hasn't seen his father this angry for a long time and it has certainly never been directed at him before. He knows he's screwed up big time.
“Is she alright?”
“Course she's not alright,” interjects Alex and Danny is surprised to see the same anger on his brother's face. “She's just lost a baby.”
“You're coming to the hospital right now,” bellows Frank, hurling Danny towards his car.
As they drive off Ryan, who witnessed this exchange from afar, approaches the doorman, who overheard every word.
“What's happened?”
“Danny's wife's had a miscarriage.”
He watches the car progress down the street, experiencing a murderous rage for Danny Maguire.
Danny stumbles into Rachel's hospital room, shoved in by Frank. Beth and Martina take this as their cue to leave.
“I'll come and see you in the morning,” says Martina, kissing her on the forehead.
“Me too,” says Beth.
“Thanks,” croaks Rachel. She's so tired she just wants to close her eyes and sleep but she knows she has to deal with Danny first.
Mikey kisses her on the cheek.
“Thanks Mikey, for everything,” she whispers.
He gives her a gentle smile and glares at Danny on his way out, closing the door behind him.
When they are alone Danny stands awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Rachel looks so lost and vulnerable that his instinct is to take her in his arms but he's uncertain how he'll be received.
“I'm sorry Danny,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears. “I lost our baby.”
As she utters these words he realises exactly what he’s lost. He made that baby with her Rachel, the love of his life and now it's gone. He recalls their argument earlier that day and wonders if that hadn't happened then would they still have their child? He sits in the chair by her bedside, suddenly weighed down with reality. He leans over to stroke her hair and she winces at the stench of alcohol emanating from him.
“It's not your fault,” he mumbles.
He stares at her numbly, in shock. All she wants is for him to comfort her but he doesn't, he's too caught up in his own grief.
“What happened?” he says quietly.
“I started having pains this afternoon. They got worse and I started to bleed. I tried calling you but…”
Danny closes his eyes and puts his hands over his face as guilt washes over him.
“So I called Mikey,” she continues. “He brought me here.”
A jolt of pain passes through Danny. Another man being there for her when it should have been him. Again. In his pain and drunkenness he turns his self loathing on her.
“Why are you always with other men? Mikey, Alex even fucking Ryan Law. You're always with other men.”
She stares at him in disbelief. “What are you talking about?”
“How do I know that baby was even mine?”
Rachel is furious but she keeps her voice low. “How fucking dare you?”
“Ooh Rachel's angry. Quick, hide the irons.”
The hurt in her eyes causes him to regret his words but his pride prevents him from taking them back.
“Get out,” she hisses, a tear rolling down her cheek.
“Fine, I'm going,” he mutters petulantly.
He stomps out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him and she dissolves into tears.
Later that evening Ryan walks into Rachel's room to find her curled up in bed, gazing out of the window and he’s surprised to see her alone. She’s exhausted but her mind won’t let her sleep. She smiles weakly when he enters, pleased to see him. He takes the chair vacated by Danny earlier and smiles gently.
“What are you doing here?” she says.
“I wanted to see how you were and to bring you these,” he says, placing a large bunch of lilies on her bedside table.
“Thanks.”
“I'm so sorry,” he says.
The tenderness in his voice causes tears to well in her eyes and she bites her lip.
“I thought Danny would be here.”
“I told him to get out.”
“Why?”
“He came in half cut and insulted me. He never wanted this baby. Now as usual he's got his own way.”
“He's a fool.”
The tears threatening to spill now pour down her cheeks. “It must be my fault. What if I did something wrong? Me and Danny argued, I let him wind me up. It was my fault I lost the baby.”
Ryan clutches her hand. “Don't say that Rachel, don't even think it. It wasn't your fault. You didn't smoke or drink or do drugs. You did everything right. You'll send yourself mad thinking like that. Unfortunately these things happen and often there's no real reason why. They just do.”
Rachel feels herself calm down. She needed to hear that and even though Danny hadn't said it, it still means a lot coming from Ryan.
“Thank you.”
She looks so vulnerable that he is overwhelmed with the urge to comfort her. “Get some rest,” he whispers, stroking her hair back from her face.
“Will you stay until I fall asleep?” she says, eyes already heavy.
“Yes.”
He stays long after she’s drifted off, gazing at her and stroking her soft silky hair. Even though she wears no make-up and her eyes are red and puffy from crying she looks more beautiful than ever. Ryan's past is littered with many sexual conquests but never before has a woman managed to get under his skin like this one has. He can't stop thinking about her and he knows it's not just because of her beauty. It's her entire personality; her strength, intelligence and determination that make her unique in his world. As he sits beside her watching her sleep he has never felt more at peace.
Rather than return home, Danny goes to The Wherry Tavern. After last orders he arranges a lock in for his regulars, which includes a pretty redhead with large breasts and a pouty mouth. He's snorted a couple of lines in the office, out of sight of anyone who might tell his father, and the pain has numbed to a dull ache. As he laughs and jokes with his cronies the redhead, who's name is Amanda Moore and the local bike, gives him her best smile and he grins back. Battler and Bruiser leave in disgust.
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