Hanging on (Jessica Brodie Diaries #2)

by K. F. Breene

  Lump was still standing in her pose from earlier. She was calm, but looked shaky nonetheless. It looked like she was confronting a demon with no hope of salvation.

  Too much alcohol and emotion for any sort of normality from the lot of us. Add in boys to a wild group of females and a shit storm ensues.

  Adam took two big strides and was directly in front of Lump in seconds. She looked up at him with caution and steadfast determination.

  Once in front of her, he slowly, ever so slowly, reached his arms out wide, giving her ample room to withdraw if she needed to. Still moving at a snail’s pace, he reached his arms around her. She tried to step back but couldn’t because of the bench. It was like a rabid animal that was cornered. She looked at all escape routes and decided on one when we all heard, “I will not hurt you, Betsy. I will never, ever hurt you. Please, please believe me. I behaved badly. Horribly. Like my father would have. I swore I wouldn’t never be like him. I crushed a beautiful flower, just like he did. Please...” he begged.

  I couldn’t see his face, but I could swear he was crying. I bet that was a first, too.

  “Please, Betsy.” He was not saying her name to be an ass this time. He wanted to connect with her. Begging to connect with her. To be forgiven.

  His hands were nearly around her now. Moving ever so slowly. She looked up into his eyes, tears gleaming, her body quivering. His arms closed, and he brought her to him. She bowed her head and let him.

  He hugged her fiercely. “You were right,” he was saying. “Everything you said about my mannerism was right. I did want to hit you, Jesus help me. I did. I was bullying you. Like you was a man. Like you could fight back.

  “Lord, Betz. You could. You can fight back. I ain’t never been hit so effectively by any man. Or bull. If there weren’t a door there, you woulda dropped me. Timber, straight the ground.”

  Adam shook his head. He was definitely crying. She was crying. I was crying. We were all crying.

  “I wouldn’t’ve though, Betz. Please believe that. I would not have hit you. I would not have hurt you. I wouldn’t never, never hit a woman. Never!” he said this with such venom it surprised me he had it in him.

  He hugged her and rocked her, burying his head in her hair. “I came out here to apologize. You had me pegged, don’t ya see? I was even...you know...hard. Kinda. That made me feel sick. To realize that, and you knowin’ it ‘n all. How disgusting—picking on a smaller person. I ain’t like that. Lord, I ain’t never been like that. My dad was, though. He did that to my mom. To me. To my whole family. I was the only one that could fight back when I was grown. Rich family, never raised no fuss, tryin’ to hide it, but he would get drunk and mean.”

  I even think William was squeezing out a tear or two. This was awful. I knew I should walk away, but couldn’t. I was hypnotized by his testimony. I suddenly realized I had never seen his family. He obviously had moved very far away from them.

  “You scared me,” Lump squeaked out.

  Adam squeezed tighter. He turned her around, sat on the bench, and sat her on his lap. He laid her against his chest like she was an infant, and she promptly started bawling. He put his head in her hair again and rocked her. I heard him say he was sorry over and over again.

  I felt William’s hand on my shoulder. I turned to him and let him put his arms around me.

  “Let’s give them some space,” he said quietly. “She’s in safe hands, now.”

  I nodded mutely.

  Everyone went back to their rooms after that. Ami and Gladis saw us all coming in, William beat to hell from Flem and Claire losing their minds and trying to protect Lump, everyone crying, some of our clothes scuffed with snot and things all over it. I think Claire half fell in the pond. She stunk.

  We gave some quick explanations for why we were in such a state, and excused ourselves. Lady was sent to check on the other two and an extra room made up for Adam, whom Gladis wanted to make sure was staying. It looked like she knew about his family history and didn’t want him spending any time alone.

  William and I went back to my quaint pool house. I tended his scratched face.

  “William?”

  “Yes?”

  “Why did you come barreling out with Adam?”

  He stiffened a little. “Well, I guess he said as much, so there is no harm in telling you now.” He paused and flinched when the alcohol touched his scrape. “When I got to Adam, after Lump had left, he looked like I had seen his dad look a million times. Blind fury, mostly. Ready to do battle with someone. Anyone. Adam has let himself get that angry only a few times. Each time it was defending a woman. It was never because of a woman.

  “Adam’s dad looked like that when he got his dander up. Usually when drunk. If he didn’t fight a man in a bar, he would come home and beat his wife or kids. Adam got beat up plenty, but his mother got beat up more. Especially as Adam got bigger. His old man was a cowardly bastard.

  “Adam grew up protecting his mother and sisters. When he eventually got bigger than his old man, his dad stopped hitting the family in front of him. But Adam would see a new bruise crop up on his mother, or on his sisters, every so often. He couldn’t do anything because everyone protected the father.”

  “Why would they do that?” I asked.

  He sighed. “They were an affluent family. His mother wanted to protect the family name so their kids wouldn’t be affected by bad publicity. It is always the mothers that stay and get abused in the name of the kids. It was a bad situation for everyone.

  “Well, one night Adam came home and found his dad beating his mother and his sister. Adam was 17 years old I think—somewhere around there. He was big, tough, muscled, and knew how to fight. He had been ready for this day since the first time he remembered his mother getting hit.

  “He brought hell to his father that day, beat him within an inch of his life. His mother was furious. What would everyone think? Adam drove his dad to an alleyway and deposited him there. His dad was found and taken to the hospital. He nearly died.

  “Adam knew his dad would blame it on him like the coward he was. Adam waited in that hospital room day and night until his dad was coherent enough to understand him. He told his dad that if the finger was pointed at him, then Adam would put him in jail for spousal abuse. However, if his dad never laid a finger on his family again, Adam would leave home with his trust fund and nothing else.

  “The dad agreed for Adam to leave. The story was that he was beat up in a bar. Adam left him with a parting warning that if he found out his mother or sisters were beat up or hurt in any way, he would come back and see to it that the dad ended up in the morgue. His sisters wouldn’t live there without Adam, and went with him.

  “A short while after he moved out with his sisters, his mother killed his father with a frying pan, of all things. He was laying into her again. Without children to keep her quiet, his mother defended herself. Adam’s dad had been so drunk he could barely stand. She was a small woman, but she got in a few good shots. He had no will, and since they were married, it all went to her. She made sure the children were well provided for, then moved to Florida with her family. Adam’s sisters followed.

  “Adam now rarely lets himself get that worked up. Very rarely. He is usually extremely even tempered unless there is just cause. How he was acting with Lump was like his father would have, like he said. It was a warning for me to see it.”

  William was quiet for a minute, then, “I asked him what was going on. He told me what Lump said. He told me it was true. He was starting to break down—I could see it. He had completely lost control. If not for Lump’s presence of mind, and pointing out the warning signs, he very well might have hit her.

  “If that happened...Well, Adam is exceptionally strong. He has a mean punch. He hit me once when I jumped in between him and someone else when he lost control...I went tumbling. I weight 150% more than your friend does, and I can match Adam for strength, yet he knocked me clean out. He would have made putty of her face.”<
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  “She is fast, though. She has fought against men as big as Adam,” I said in her defense.

  William nodded. “I’m sure she could hold out for a while. But when a man loses control in rage, it’s worse than a drunk. He feels no pain and he is faster than lighting.”

  “Lump is fast!”

  “Jess...Lump is a woman.” I bristled. “No—don’t take this the wrong way. But, Lump is a woman. Women...” I could see him looking for a good explanation. He better, too, because I was ready to argue!

  “Okay, men have testosterone, right? Young men have a lot of it. It tapers off as men get older. Some men more than others. A shot of testosterone makes men faster than normal, usually because there is adrenaline with it. Reaction-wise they are genetically faster, and they are stronger than your average woman. Lump is not your average woman, so she would hold up against most men. But Adam is not an average man, either, and when he loses control, which happens rarely, he is a force of nature.”

  “But... but her moves helped me get away from Dusty.”

  “Yes. But Dusty is small, not very strong, not very good at fighting, and a wanker. Your friend Lump would have probably made mince-meat of that guy. If given the opportunity, I would tear that little snake limb from limb for what he did to you!”

  William calmed himself down. “But Adam is not Dusty. Adam, also, has a violent past and a lot of demons.”

  I nodded sadly. Poor Adam.

  “Would you hold up against Adam?”

  William sighed. I could tell he didn’t like to think along these lines. “If Adam was in a rage, it would be a toss-up. I did a little boxing in my youth, so I have a slight advantage there, but a man in a rage like that—if I didn’t lay him out early, or really keep my head, I don’t know. I like to think I would win, but that is ego talking.”

  William changed the subject. “If Adam knew what was good for him, and if Lump was half-crazy enough to go for it, Adam should marry her.”

  “What? What are you talking about? Let’s forget for one second that they hate each other. Which they do. They aren’t compatible. Totally in different worlds, those two. How would they get married? We, you and I, are crazy compatible, and we aren’t talking about marriage! You have gone nuts! Seriously. Nuts.”

  “Talking, no. Thinking...”

  “Don’t even joke, Davies! Don’t even joke. People my age and with my immaturity do not marry. Next thing you’ll be trying to have kids or some stupid thing!”

  “Well?” He smiled in good humor.

  I just scoffed. Talk about kids having kids. Age meant nothing when it came to me.

  “But seriously,” he said, “she is perfect for him. She is tough, she is easy going, she sticks her ground, and she knows how to navigate violence. She also knows, better than anyone in the world, how to push his buttons. That must mean she gets him.”

  “Cripes, Cupid, don’t quit your day job. I think you need to relax and stop trying to get all your friends hooked up. Let the guy be single. They don’t like each other. Leave it alone.”

  William just shrugged. “If only she wasn’t going back I would work on it like a Jewish mama!” he said with a playful smile.

  “Well... Um,” I winced, “actually, she’s staying.”

  “What?” he said with bright eyes.

  “She is staying. She has nowhere to go. She is staying with Gladis for a while until she gets a job.”

  “Then what?”

  “If you must know, she is going to get her own place.”

  “Here?”

  “Somewhere in the city, yes.”

  His smile got bigger. “Really?”

  “Don’t get any ideas, you!” I said, needling him.

  He just laughed and pulled me into a hug. We laid together enjoying each other’s arms until we finally fell asleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The next morning William and I were heading into the big house for breakfast. Since the conversation with Gladis's kid, I was no longer feeling great about partaking in Gladis's kindness. What if I was somehow taking what was not due me? What if I was taking daughter rights of kindness or something? I don't know--it seemed like that Shauna girl was pissed about something, and it was obviously something I was doing.

  Going into the lounge I ran into Lump. She asked if she could talk to me. I excused myself from William, who was relieved not to be involved, and took her outside into the crisp morning air. Fresh air was always good to help the brain turn.

  "Listen, Jess," Lump started. "I’m sorry about last night. Adam brings out all these emotions in me. Sometimes it is hard to sort through and figure out what it all means."

  "Don't apologize, that’s stupid. What happened after we left?"

  She sighed and her eyes got distant. "I’m not sure how long we sat there, but he started telling me some of the horror he grew up with. Some of the pent up feelings that no shrink could ever fully help him get rid of. I guess he took to heart what I had said, and, with the help of William came to grips with himself, and came to find me to apologize. He wanted William there in case he spun out of control.

  "I think part of him thought I was sent by God to test him. But when he came to find me, and then saw me...in that state, he realized I was mortal or something. He had a flash back to when he had seen his mother or sisters like that... It wasn't good. The full reality of what he did hit him, I think. Or what he might have done, I guess."

  We were quiet for a few minutes, walking through the grass. I hadn't known Adam was so troubled. He was always so kind hearted and warm. I always felt safe with him. I said as much to her.

  She still had the faraway look in her eyes. "Yes. I think he has those demons mostly under control, but something about me sparks it. Him in me, too. I haven't ever told anyone this, and I hope you don't repeat it to anyone..."

  Shivers went up my back.

  "My mother was abused at times but I didn't find out about that until adulthood. I was never touched except for once, so until that once I didn't think my dad had it in him. He was always so controlled, so disciplined. I found out later he went into martial arts to find that control and discipline- to focus the mind.

  "Anyway, I was just starting Muoy Thai, already had a black belt in another discipline at that point—I must have been about sixteen or so I think. Something I did set him off. He went into this, like, animalistic rage. I still, to this day, don't know what set him off. It wasn't human. He wasn't human. He came at me with everything he had. He was fast. So fast... And strong. My God, his strikes were fierce. Hard. I’d trained against men, of course, men his height. I had trained against him often, even. But he was wild. Beyond wild. My father wasn't in there. I wasn't ready for what took over.”

  Lump took a deep breath, eyes not seeing the clear day.

  "You know how some cops tell stories of men on PCP?" She looked at me, hurt from her old wound plain in her features. I nodded mutely, trying to not show pity or anything close to it. "Well, that was what it was like. Super human strength and speed. He was insane! I fought him off for a while. I don't know how. I was dodging and blocking mostly. I would throw a strike just to put him on the defensive for a second, long enough to try and get toward the door to run.

  "He would have had me. He connected on a couple hits and I thought it was the beginning of the end. I was getting tired. Moving slower. He didn't seem to feel the exertion at all. I honestly thought he would kill me. Honestly. I still remember thinking it vividly. It was then that my oldest brother came in. He saw what was happening and joined me. Didn't take over, but joined. We fought him back and my brother connected to the head and neck a couple times, finally knocking my father out.

  "When he came to he didn't remember going mental. Or he said he didn't. As he gets older I feel like I see glimpses of guilt, but who can tell. My brother said he’d seen my dad like that a few times, but there were always a couple people to help counter. I was unlucky.” She shook her head then continued, "I bided my time
until I get could get out of the house and go away to college. I was never in a room alone with him again after that. But I will never forget it."

  She paused with the memory of that day. It pained me to see her dejected look, still so fresh, though from so long ago.

  "I lost most of my fear of men after that. You fight someone like my dad, as he was, and it changes you. Nothing else seems so bad. It helped me in a way, I guess. I would rather not have had that help, but you have to think of the good points.”

  “That’s what Dr. George, says.” I nodded.

  "Well...last night I saw that look in Adam. That same inhuman rage from somewhere deeper." She took a raged breath. "It instantly took me back to that time with my dad. Even though there were too many people, William especially, that would have stopped Adam if he tried anything, I still felt like he would kill me. Like I had thought my dad would kill me. It hurt just as much. I was a lot more scared, though, because I knew what that look meant this time around. I knew what he would turn into.

  "I tried to take a page out of Jane's book and fight with knowledge. It seemed to work. Who knew?" She half smiled. Her eyes were glistening. "So...he told me some of his stories, I told him that one. I thought you should know, too. Just because. But anyway, then we just sat with each other for a while. We at least know where the other is coming from."

  "Well..." I began. "how come you are each so good at picking on the other? On making each other so mad?"

  She smiled a sad smile. "Who knows why we can get under each other's skin. Maybe on some unconscious level I knew of those demons that were so similar. Maybe I wanted to finally beat it or something. I’m not smart enough to analyze that stuff. But I don't know if I could ever trust him. I don't know if I could live with a person that can lose it like that. That is capable of that sort of rage. I don't ever want to face it again. I am confronting my fear just by knowing it is possible in him.

  "I wish I could have what you have in William. With Adam or anybody. You are so lucky, Jess. He gets you. He gets you in a way that no one has ever gotten me. That no one has ever tried to know me. He is perfect. Looks, brain, brawn, head for business, raised right, good relationship with his family—the list goes on and on. And you..." She shook her head, a tear leaking over.