by K. F. Breene
"Uh huh. Farm boy, huh? Hm." He turned to me. "How about you? You into Muoy Thai like your friend Lumpy?"
I shook my head. "I am a gym go’er and a dancer. Not much into hitting people."
"Too bad. I would love to get you in the rink." He looked down my body and gave me a crawling sensation. William didn't move a muscle, but I could tell he'd just lost his sense of humor; it had something to do with him holding his breath and clenching his teeth.
Thankfully Lump chose that time to come downstairs on legs for days, to meet a weasel of a man. I wasn’t a great judge, and I could admit that, but from my perspective the groove she thought she found was a bit lopsided.
And then her date whistled at her. Like she was a street walker.
The incredulous look on William’s face was actually quite funny. I would have laughed if I wasn’t worried about the look of murder on Gladis’s. She was not above throwing things, as Lump and I found out the hard way. I was worried that the bottle of wine might end up alongside this moron’s head!
“Betz,” Gladis said, scowl smoothed over into a pleasant, though sardonic, smile “ your date was just telling us he would like to get your female friend in the rink.”
Lump looked at me with a shock of jealousy. Odd. And completely unlike her. I put my hand in William’s.
“I told him I didn’t like to hit people,” I said calmly.
“We could train her, Lumpy.,” John intoned.
“She isn’t one for fighting,” Lump replied blandly. “Should we go?”
Everyone mutely nodded. John quickly drank the last of his drink and followed Lump out. I kept my face blank, like William was doing, and winked at Gladis. She shook her head and told us to have fun.
Lump and John took us to a crappy steakhouse. John drove an old SUV of some sort that was boxy and uncomfortable, but who was I to judge? I was a kept woman by the friend of my boyfriend. I didn’t really have a pot to piss in.
He blared rock tunes the whole way there, though, making conversation impossible. The only thing we could do was focus on the ride. And strangely, having talked to him for that short time, I was fine with being jostled like I was in a sack over someone’s shoulder.
Once there, William reached the door first and held it open for everyone. The first to enter was none other than John. He nearly pushed Lump out of the way to get in. Memories! I had to remember to remind Lump about that idiot Johnny. He totally did the same thing one time! Ha!
Of course, it was only funny now because I had a great guy with manners. It probably wasn’t all that funny to Lump-O.
After Lump made it through, I stopped in the doorway and offered William to go in, as a joke. Face in dead pan, he jumped in front of me, making sure to gently push me out of the way, and tried to close the door in my face.
“Ass!” I shouted. William slowed down immediately with a satisfied smirk and lifted his arm so I could duck under. He let his hand rest on the small of my back as we walked in.
The place was a mediocre, at best. The atmosphere was non-existent and noisy. Plants were fake, waiters were bitter, and the décor was weird. For the first time that night I saw that Lump had a crinkle in her nose. She wasn’t used to expensive places, but L.A. had great cuisine and one rarely went to a chain on a date. In some neighborhoods, finding a chain restaurant was a chore. This place wouldn’t stand up to her scrutiny.
Now I knew what my face looked like with Randall! We were definitely high-maintenance! Poor William.
The indifferent hostess seated us in a booth in the back. We ordered a bottle of wine to split and everyone chose steaks. It was then that the conversation started. Unfortunately.
“So... John. What is it you do?” I asked politely.
“Sales.”
“Oh? What kind of sales?”
“I sell products on the open market.”
“Uh huh. Hmmm.” I nodded like I knew what that meant, suspecting it meant nothing.
“What do you do for fun?” William tried.
“Muoy Thai, baby!”
“John is one of the best in the class,” Lump informed us proudly.
“Little Lump-O here can hold her own. Most girls aren’t worth shit. But Lumpy can handle herself. And me!” He ended that comment suggestively.
“Ew,” I mumbled.
“Will.” John looked across the table, straightening up as he did so. “We should get in the ring. Throw some punches around. I would like to see what a big guy like you can do.”
Chapter Eighteen
William smiled politely. “I am not much of a fighter, I’m afraid.”
“No, huh?” Did John just preen a little? Confidence boost, maybe? “Well, maybe we can bring it out of ya. Throw the fists around and see what happens.” It sounded like he was suggesting playing catch.
“Maybe,” William said in a noncommittal tone. He would not be baited, thank God.
The food arrived quickly. I thanked God for that also.
I was trying desperately to give this guy another chance. Sure, he sounded like the biggest tool alive, he was acting like a tool, he smelt like a cheap tool, but maybe he wasn’t, in fact, a giant tool. Or douche. Or useless pile...
I had to look away from the food rolling around in his mouth. It was hard, though, because he was making smacking noises.
We painfully got through dinner, Lump trying as hard as William and I to get a topic that everyone could agree on. It apparently didn’t exist. This guy didn’t have a broad scope of knowledge. He frankly seemed fairly stupid. And violent.
When the bill came William reached for it smoothly. John did not. Instead, John took out some twenties and pushed them across the table at William. “That ought to cover Lumpy and I.”
Lump looked apologetically at William, keeping her eyes directed away from me. Wise.
“I’d be honored,” William said, shaking his head at the wad of bills.
John looked surprised, but took his money back quickly, thanking “good Will Hunting.”
When we were back in the car I was about to make up some excuse to have to go home early, but William said, “I have some friends that are at a bar not far from here if anyone would like to go?”
Lump agreed and John just shrugged. It wasn’t as awesome as just going home, but hopefully I wouldn’t have to talk to this nincompoop once we got there.
Walking into the bar all eyes turned to Lump and I. We had been expecting a classy meal and dressed appropriately. William as well, but when men dressed up, they rarely showed leg and cleavage. Hence, he didn’t stand out as much in a bar with jeans and sweaters.
So yeah, we were a tad over-dressed. Sore thumbs in a sea of manicures.
I turned to William in outrage. “You--! We are going to stick out here!”
William had a shit eating grin. “Is it my fault I wanted to show off the two fine-looking ladies I had the pleasure of accompanying to dinner, in a place where they would feel like diamonds among rocks?”
Lump looked back at him with a smile. John looked back with thunder clouds.
“Cute,” I said, looking away with a huff.
“What?” he asked exaggeratedly. “Besides,” he quietly whispered to me, “we don’t have to talk to that guy and we can get a cab from here. I don’t trust him.”
“Trust him how?” I whispered back.
“He keeps sizing me up. I doubt he goes many places without starting a fight. Firstly, I didn’t want to be the one fighting. Second, I didn’t want to have to bail him out of anything by default. Including jail.”
I nodded as we walked. I still would rather have just gone home.
Moose saw us walk in. With a smile, he stood up.
John stopped mid-stride, making Lump crash into him.
William easily stepped in front and clapped Moose on the back. “Moose, you remember Lump?”
“Of course,” Moose said in good humor. He stepped up to hug her. “You look beautiful tonight, Betz.”
“Thanks,
Moose. You look like shit, as always.”
“I’ll have to tell Jasmine. She dresses me these days.”
“You can dress up a goat, but, in the end, he is still a goat.”
“Oh man!” Moose laughed, putting his hand over his heart in mock pain. “You’re worse than Jessica!”
“Pupil surpassed the teacher!” I said.
“And this is her date, John,” William said, putting his arm around me as he nodded toward the douche.
Moose turned to John. If he noticed the littler man’s aggression he didn’t show it.
“John knows Lump from Muay Thai kick-boxing,” William continued. “Lump tells us he is quite skilled.”
“Oh really?” Moose said politely. “That’s interesting. I had a friend that took lessons in Muay Thai. It is pretty intense I hear.”
“Very,” John said with a scowl.
Moose smiled and nodded, still unaffected. “Would y’all like a drink?”
“Beer,” William and I said together.
Moose laughed. “Glad to see y’all out tonight. We were short of pretty people—poor Adam was being hit on by women and men!”
“Where’s your girl?” I asked.
Moose gave me the international sign for C’mon and I’ll tell you, which was a wave of the hand. I followed like a puppy, happy to be away from Lump’s dude.
“She is out for a girl’s night. You and Lump really ought to hook up with them. I hear they have a great time.”
“I might. That sounds fun!”
“Jess, first, I heard about you meeting Dez. Dezeray. Look, that was a long time ago and Willie is so far over that lady, you have no idea! He was done a year before he finally walked away.”
“I know Moose.”
“Second,” he got more serious. “What the hell is up with Lump’s boyfriend?”
“I know, right?! He is such a douche! She said they were totally good together and whatever. Like, immediately hit it off!”
“Wow. Valley girl.”
“Shut up.”
“I heard about her and Adam’s thing, too. Not good.”
“Men are a bunch of gossips.”
Moose shrugged.
“Yeah, they repaired all that. Kinda. The falling out I mean. But she doesn’t trust him—or maybe is scared of him? Not sure, she won’t say. And he is being him, which is over-cautious as always.”
“Yeah, he won’t say much about it. Bothers him, though.”
“Oh?”
Moose shrugged and paused to order. Then, “He doesn’t like someone thinking bad about him, you know? Especially a girl. But then, Willie said he deserved it; that he lost it.” Moose shrugged again. “Bad situation all around. I think Adam is embarrassed by it, but also hates that she thinks he is capable of it. So yeah, he’s gonna steer clear. Doesn’t want to worry her, I reckon.”
“I know. Over-cautious.”
Moose just shook his head. “Adam is a deep guy. He has a lot of past haunts, you know? She might ‘a gotten a little too close.”
“For her, too, I think. They are completely opposite, but apparently they share the same horror stories.”
“Makes for an explosive friendship. Great sex, I bet, though.”
“She said they didn’t. Did they?” I asked excitedly.
“Hey now. Whoa there! I was just saying that explosive friendships make for great sex. He said he didn’t stay there that night. Sounded like he didn’t trust himself.”
“Yeah, that’s what she said. Boring,” I admitted blandly.
He laughed. “Probably for the better, Jess. You don’t need sexual drama between friends.”
“Still boring.”
We brought beers over to those that wanted them. Lump and her man had moved toward the table where everyone was sitting, of which there were ten in all—many I had met before, none of which I remembered their names. As Lump neared, Adam got up easily and offered her his seat. Lump declined politely, but it was clear her heels, though cute, were not very comfortable.
I kept trying to tell her: that’s what you get for buying cheap shoes!
Moose offered his seat to me, and I declined as well. I had good shoes, and bare legs. I needed to let things breath a minute! Plus, I wanted to stand up by William. He was looking hot and I was getting horny.
Moose pointed to the chair and said, “Sit.”
“Bigger standin’ like a dog sittin’.”
“What?”
“What was that?” Adam said with a smile.
Everyone was looking at me. “It’s an Irish saying. Or at least I heard it from Claire. Bigger standing like a dog sitting. Dogs are taller when they sit down. Get it?”
“Dogs aren’t taller when they sit,” Brad said laughing.
William was using his hand as a marker to guesstimate.
“They are!” I laughed. “I had the same debate with Claire. We tested out the theory on some stranger’s lab. Nice dog. True, though.”
“It’s true,” Lump affirmed with a nod. “I was there. It wasn’t much taller, but it was taller. When dogs stand their heads stick out in front of them. Not up so much as out. When they sit their body goes at an angle and their heads point up. I dunno, but it’s true. Swear!” She made a motion like she was crossing her heart.
That started everyone on a debate. William gave his opinion that that couldn’t be true—he would know, he breads them. Brad agreed. He would know, he owns them. Other guys said they would know, but had the opposite opinion.
In the middle of a heated debate in which everyone had an opinion with no real evidence, Adam, who hadn’t sat down, took a slow, half-step toward Lump. Her man was off to pee or smoke or God knew what. Probably looking for expensive things to steal.
She tensed up and looked at him sharply. Adam froze, not moving anything but his mouth. “I don’t mean no harm, Betz. I jus’ wanted to let you know that you win the contest. Hands down, you and Jessie win.”
Her face blushed slightly. “The most dressed up contest, or the prettiest contest?”
She did a hair toss when she said “prettiest.” She was such a chick with Adam. Or maybe he just made her nervous and not many people did.
“The your shoes are the least comfortable contest. You’re too late for the prettiest contest, I already won that one. Ain’t that right, Jessie girl?”
“Always had that one down pat, Adam. I’ve never seen a prettier man than you.”
He turned back to Lump and shrugged with nonchalance. “She told me she picked Willie because I was too pretty. Ain’t that like a woman!” He started to laugh. Lump loosened up a fraction. “Now that we got that straight...Betz, please take a seat. My feet are hurtin’ jus’ lookin’ at ya. Jessie, you, too.”
“Adam, these shoes make the outfit,” I said in a haughty tone. “No one will be able to appreciate that if I sit. Look how good my legs look!”
“Adam, please refrain from looking at how good my girlfriend’s legs look,” William said.
Everyone listening started laughing, which was most of the table.
“Jessica,” William said, ushering me toward the chair. “You are making everyone uncomfortable. Do as the menfolk say, sit!”
“Whatever happened to women’s lib?” I cried.
“Women can fight perfectly well seated, thank you very much,” Lump said as she gratefully sat down.
Lump’s idiot man came back smelling of marijuana. Adam scooted out of the way and let head dick hover behind Lump. He eyed everyone suspiciously, but said nothing.
I couldn’t understand it. William had plenty of cute, nice friends that weren’t scary and weren’t violent. There were a bunch sitting at the table just waiting for Lump to talk to them. Couldn’t she find one of those?
Toward the end of the night I got up to hit the bathroom and Lump followed. We did our business, fixed our hair, and had a few seconds of nothing important before heading back out to join all the men. It was as we were headed toward the table that we heard a com
motion.
Lump put the jets on, dragging me behind her. “Stay out of the way if anything happens, Jess,” was all she said.
Sure enough, William had called it. That tool Lump brought was picking a fight with a tipsy Moose.
Everyone was away from the table, leaving all the drinks and what not there. Because I would have no action in this stupid thing, I went for my beer. Which wasn’t there.
Shaking my head, because I still had half a beer left before someone chucked it, I had a few sips of Lump’s vodka-cran instead. Being that it was a fresh drink, someone obviously forgot about me, and now would never hear the end of it.
I took a big gulp and winced. Salty. Yuck. I gave it a stir and took another sip.
No, still gross. It wasn’t worth it.
I thought about sitting down, but thought that might be foolish in case the commotion came over here. Lump was inching toward the action, so I stayed close enough not to be left behind, but far enough away not to be involved.
“Look fella,” Moose was saying with his arms up. “I wasn’t even talking to you. I got no problem with you. Let’s just all relax and go back to what I’m good at, drinkin’!”
“Fuck you, haus. You were talking about my woman, right? Talkin’ about her sweet ass, right?” John yelled for the whole bar to hear. He was in some sort of stance and looking stupid. It was hard to imagine he was the best in the class, because Lump never looked stupid when she was in her “ready” stance.
“I was talking about my girlfriend, and nowhere did the words ‘sweet’ or ‘ass’ come into the conversation. I don’t need your woman, John, I’ve got my own. One woman’s enough, know what I mean?” Moose was smiling and still trying to ease the situation. He was giant, and he could throw a few punches if he wanted to, but he was generally too nice to fight.
William was behind John, looking like he’d rather just throw the littler man out and get back to the table. Adam was between William and Moose with a posture that said he had nowhere to be, but would rather not get involved. As soon as he saw us coming, though, he blocked us from entering the scuffle.
Lump, predictable as she is, said, “Adam, move.”