Before Kate could answer Karen’s question, the front door to the daycare center opened and a slew of children poured out into the yard. Several children ran for the backyard, screaming and hollering along the way. Others picked up balls and other toys and began to play out front.
Kate scanned face after face, almost afraid she wouldn’t know her own daughter if she saw her. How would she know Hallie? Which one of those little girls was hers? The question ate at her as she continued to observe each child playing. Squinting she caught sight of a slight girl with dark black curls in a pair of light blue jean shorts, playing catch with a large red ball. At that moment, she knew. Without thinking, she opened the car door and stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“Kate—” Karen warned.
Kate ignored her. She slammed the car door behind her and before she could stop herself, walked slowly across the street. The closer she got to the little girl, the harder it was to control herself. When she reached the chain link fence, her fingers instinctively wrapped around the metal. She squinted through the square spaces, and for the first time in three years, she watched her little girl play.
Her first thought was that the child was beautiful. More beautiful than the last time she’d seen her. Her long black curls were pulled up on top of her head in a ponytail. She was skipping back and forth, laughing with excitement. Everything about her was blessedly normal. Normal and alive. Kate’s breath was knocked from her suddenly and she reached up and covered her mouth, unable to stop the tears from falling. Her baby was alive.
The children played on as though she wasn’t there. She knew she was pushing her luck, but for some reason she couldn’t stop herself from walking down the side of the chain link. Just a little closer, she thought to herself. I just need to get a little closer. When she was only a few feet away from where her daughter was now swinging on a swing set, she stopped and her hands clutched the chain link again. Now she could see clearly that the little girl was indeed her daughter. Or rather, she was Luke Garrison’s child. God, she looked just like him. Those eyes. Those deep-set blue eyes. When she smiled, Kate was shocked into a sea of memories. She saw her own little face as a child.
“Kate, now. We have to go.” Karen’s voice made her jump.
“Just one more minute.” The words were a whisper. Kate tipped her head to the side as she viewed Hallie again. She forced herself to swallow. This was far more painful than she had imagined. How could she walk away from her daughter, now that she’d found her?”
“Don’t do it, Kate. She’ll only get hurt.”
“I can’t leave her.” Kate’s voice was almost a whimper. “God, I thought I could just see her and walk away but I can’t.”
“She doesn’t know you. You can’t just go walking up to her and say hi, I’m your mommy. She doesn’t know you.”
The words slapped Kate in the face and she stiffened. Karen was right. Her own child didn’t know her. To Hallie, she was a complete stranger. At that moment, she hated Louis Ferndale more than anyone she’d ever hated in her life.
“Come on. You can cry later. It’s time to go.”
“No!” Kate hissed on a sob. “Please don’t make me leave.”
Several young heads turned their way. Hallie’s was one of them. Her tiny blue eyes focused on Karen first, and then on Kate.
Kate froze. The minute her eyes locked with those of her daughter, she froze. It had been so long. So very long since she’d been able to hold that tiny body in her arms. So long since she’d been able to say I love you and know she was being heard.
Karen let out a curse and gave Kate one last tug, finally succeeding in pulling her away from the fence.
“Can I help you?”
Both women tensed at the sound of the adult female voice. They had not heard anyone approach but there she was when they turned around; a young woman with a look of suspicion on her face. Clearly, she did not like that they were lurking around the playground.
“We’re just checking out your place,” Karen said quickly. “Got a couple of kids that need daycare. Heard you’re the best.”
The young woman smiled. “We do pride ourselves on having a five star establishment. Unfortunately, we’re full at this time. I can add you to the waiting list if you want.”
Karen cleared her throat. “No, no. We haven’t decided exactly what we’re going to do with the little cherubs yet. You know how it is. Hate to not have them at home.”
The woman nodded her understanding.
“We’ll be in touch.” Karen grabbed Kate’s arm and pulled her back across the street. When they were safely in the car and headed away from the daycare, Karen finally spoke.
“Are you okay?”
Kate could only shake her head, her eyes never leaving the spot where her daughter was still playing, oblivious to the world around her. Smaller and smaller, the daycare got, until she couldn’t even see the playground anymore. At that point, she leaned her head over and bawled her eyes out.
Luke turned a steak over on the barbecue. He took a swig of beer and watched as Hallie tossed the ball to Bentley. The dog took off happily after it, his tongue hanging lazily out of his mouth. Across the yard, Nate and Suz sat, both nursing beers. They had stopped by with the twins earlier and brought steaks with them. They had thought today was the perfect day for a barbecue.
Luke would have agreed with them, had he and Hallie been alone. Unfortunately, they hadn’t. Sara had stopped by and before he’d been able to stop himself, he’d invited her to stay for dinner. His brother’s raised brow as he’d walked into the backyard and spotted Sara playing with Hallie had unnerved him. They had the wrong idea. Both Suz and Nate’s faces had lit up like the fourth of July. They had gushed and fussed over Sara, being as friendly as two people could be. He didn’t know why that made him uncomfortable, but it did. After all, he and Sara had only been out one time, besides the pizza thing with Hallie. He’d taken her to dinner and a movie. The date had been okay. Maybe better than okay. He’d enjoyed himself. He liked her. He’d given her a peck on the cheek when he’d dropped her off at her house after the movie. That was more than he’d given any of his other dates. He had even called her the next day, more because Hallie had asked him to than anything else. But as for where they were going now, he wasn’t sure. He felt a basic attraction to her. She was good looking, so that was natural, he figured.
“She’s cute.”
Luke blinked. Nate was standing in front of the barbecue, a beer in his hand as he smiled widely and gestured toward Sara. She had grabbed the ball and was playing Keep Away with Hallie and the twins. She was cute, he had to agree, but only shrugged his shoulders at his brother.
“Hallie says she’s a teacher at the daycare.”
“So.”
“So, what gives? How long have you been seeing her?”
Luke frowned. “I am not seeing her. We’re friends.”
“You don’t have to justify anything to me, bro. Hell, I’m just happy you’re dating someone.”
“We’re not dating,” Luke snapped, scowling. “Don’t go telling people that crap. It’s not serious.”
Nate only grinned and took a pull from his beer bottle.
“Damn it, Nate, you’re pissing me off.”
“I didn’t do a thing.”
“You’ve got the wrong idea about us—about her and me.”
“You’re too touchy about the subject. Relax.”
“I am relaxed.” Luke glanced over at Sara again. She was running after one of the twins, her blonde ponytail bouncing up and down. She was wearing a pair of very short shorts that did her rear end more than enough justice. Her long tanned legs stretched out nicely as she ran. Yeah, he supposed he cared enough to get to know her a little better. “She’s only twenty-four,” he said, without thinking.
“So. You’re only thirty-one. What’s your point?”
“My point is that she’s young.”
“Suz is four years younger than me.”
&nbs
p; “She’s a little younger than I was looking for.”
Nate grinned. “Really? I didn’t realize you were looking at all.”
Luke ignored him. He took several steaks off the grill and laid them on a plate. “Can we just talk about this later? It’s a little awkward with her standing right over there.”
“She seems smitten,” Nate went on, nonplused. “She smiles at you all the time, even when you’re not looking. That’s a good sign.”
“You’re nuts.” Rolling his eyes, Luke grimaced. He wished Sara had been a little more discrete about her smiles. He’d seen them. He’d smiled back. He liked her smiles even. But for Nate to see them was the start of a disaster. He would never let up now.
“Don’t look so bothered. It’s not like we expect you to marry her or anything. Interaction with the opposite sex is good though, don’t you think?”
“God, you’re pushy. And it all depends on how you look at things. I don’t want a girlfriend.”
“Why not? Women are fun. You know that as well as I do.”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m a little bit old to be rolling in the hay. I have a kid to think about here. You know Hallie begged me to find her a mommy who will bake her peanut butter cookies? That’s all she wants. A woman to bake for her. It’s as easy as that.”
Nate’s brow furrowed as he looked at his niece with what appeared to be mild concern. “She’s a little kid. It probably is that simple to her.”
“Should it be?”
“I don’t know man. I’m not a psychologist. I think kids have a way of minimizing things. They’re not mature enough to go to the root of the situation.”
“I can’t marry someone just because she makes a mean cookie.” Luke shut the top on the barbecue once he’d pulled off the last steak. Both men headed for the kitchen.
“I never said you should marry anyone, bro. I’m just saying that I’m glad you’re dating her. It’s good for you.”
“I’m not dating her!” Luke’s voice raised and he cleared his throat, irritated with himself for letting Nate get to him. “Look, the bottom line is what do I do when this Sara woman bakes Hallie up some cookies, and then decides to leave? She didn’t remember Kate enough to be hurt by the loss. She’ll remember this one.”
Nate couldn’t argue with that. He just shrugged his shoulders. “So why did you invite her to dinner?”
“I don’t know. Don’t ask me that. I guess because we get along good. I like her. She’s cute.”
“You just gave me a lot of good reasons. That’s not an I don’t know sort of answer.”
“You’re reading too far into things for someone who isn’t a psychologist.”
Nate grinned sheepishly. “I just like to see you guys hanging out with someone. She’s upbeat. I think she’s good for you.”
“For now,” was all Luke said.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that I don’t want any emotional entanglements right now. Not for me or Hallie. We do just fine on our own.”
Nate took the corkscrew his brother offered him and went to work opening a bottle of wine. “No one’s saying you don’t, Luke. We just want you to be happy, that’s all.”
“We are happy. I’m happy. You don’t know everything there is to know about everyone.”
Nate was quiet. Then he grinned again. “I think you like her more than you want to admit. That’s why you’re so testy about this. You really like this girl and it’s scaring you so you’re denying it.”
Luke sent a rude gesture his brother’s way.
“Is this a private conversation?” Suz asked, stepping into the kitchen.
Luke had always liked his sister-in-law. She was perfect for Nate. She was cute. She kept in decent shape for a woman who had twins to keep after twenty-four hours a day. She was smart and funny. The only bad thing about her was that on occasion, she could be just as annoying as her husband.
“I think our boy here is in deep like,” Nate said, winking at his wife.
“Nate—” Suz began, sensing Luke’s discomfort.
“What’s not to like? She’s great.” Nate went on.
“Would you just mind your own damn business?” Luke snapped, scowling. “I am not interested in having a girlfriend, or any of the entrapments that come with it. You get me?” He glared at his brother. “Drop the subject, Cupid.” He was so absorbed in his spew of anger that he didn’t realize the room had a new inhabitant until Suz practically coughed up a hairball. He looked over his shoulder and saw Sara standing in the doorway, looking as though she wished the floor would open up and swallow her.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I thought you might need a little help with dinner. I didn’t mean to intrude.” She turned and disappeared as quickly as she’d shown up.
Luke glowered at Nate. “Nice going.”
“We tried to warn you,” Nate said lamely. Suz was silent, obviously at a loss for words.
“Well, shit. What am I supposed to do now, Dr. Freud?”
“I would go talk to her,” Suz interjected before Nate could say a word. “Be honest with her. She likes you. Don’t hurt her.”
Luke let out a few choice curses before he turned and followed in Sara’s tracks. He found her in the front yard alone. She was almost hidden by the large elm tree that hung over the house like an umbrella. Her back was up against the large trunk. She was looking down at the grass. God, if she was crying….
He was an ass, he decided, and walked across the lawn. A few feet from her, he cleared his throat. She looked up, surprised. She wasn’t crying. She did look uncomfortable, to say the least. After they stared at each other in silence for a long minute, she forced a smile and checked her watch.
“You know, I forgot I sort of promised a friend I would go shopping with her. It completely slipped my mind. I don’t mean to be rude-”
“I’m sorry,” he interrupted abruptly.
She stopped fidgeting with the keys in her hand and looked up at him. “For what?”
“What you heard back there.”
“So you’re not sorry you said it, you’re just sorry I heard it?” She shook her head as she laughed softly. “You don’t owe me anything, Luke. I hardly know you.”
This was true, he figured. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”
“I know you weren’t. Hallie told me you’ve been alone awhile now. It must be hard.”
Hallie had told her that? He shrugged his shoulders, mildly uncomfortable with the idea of his daughter filling in near strangers on his personal life. “It’s no excuse for me hurting your feelings,” he said solemnly. “I do like you.”
“I like you too. I know you have some issues with your wife. You’re awfully young to have lost a spouse.”
“Yeah, well, it happens. You’d be surprised how many widows there are under the age of thirty.” He leaned against the tree trunk next to her.
“Look, you don’t have to explain anything to me, okay? I thought you were a nice looking guy when I first saw you. I pursued you, right? It’s my own fault. No harm, no foul.” She smiled halfway. “It’s not like I’ve been around for a few months and am just now opening my eyes to the truth.”
“The truth?” He repeated the words out loud, as he studied her face.
“You’re still in love with your wife. I mean even though she’s gone.”
He wanted to be able to tell her that wasn’t true, but he couldn’t. Kate was in his heart so deep that he didn’t know how to get her out. “You want me to lie?”
“She must have been something special,” was all Sara said.
“She was.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I am too.”
“Hallie’s a great kid.”
“Yeah, she’s a good kid. I worry about her a lot, not having her mom around. It’s hard on her.”
“You do a good job, Luke. She’s a happy child.”
“I hope so.”
“Look,” she bega
n, standing up straight and giving him a half smile. “I don’t need to pry into your personal feelings. I just thought we could be friends. If you’re ready for that, that’s great. If not, that’s okay too. I’m not trying to move in on anyone’s turf. I don’t know a whole lot of people around here yet and you seem like a nice guy. Why don’t you give me a call down the line if you want to be friends? We could always take in another movie. My treat.”
“I never let a woman pay.”
She smiled at that. “Okay, your treat again.” She turned to go.
He found himself stepping forward to stop her. It surprised him, and it definitely surprised her. “Why don’t you stay? I’ve got enough food for an army.”
“Daddy! Dinner!” Hallie’s voice called from the backyard.
“What do you think?” he asked, turning to Sara again. “You think you can try to forget the crappy things I said, at least for tonight?”
She smiled easily. “I think so.”
It was easier than he imagined, offering her his hand. And when she took it, he didn’t feel all that uncomfortable. They walked up the front steps and onto the porch. At the last minute, he turned around and faced her. Before he could stop himself, he leaned over and let his mouth graze hers. It was a simple, innocent kiss, yet something he felt he should do. Something he guessed he wanted to do.
Sara stared at him, a surprised look on her face.
“If I was ready to jump into a relationship, it would be with you. Does that count for anything?”
She let her fingers reach up and brush his bottom lip. “More than you’ll ever know.”
SEVEN
Kate’s skin felt cold and clammy. She had been walking for a while now. It was getting dark. Karen had dropped her off reluctantly earlier that day. A lonely street corner in downtown had become the start of her new life. Downtown Seattle was huge. The buildings were ominous and the traffic was non-stop crazy. Still she just kept walking. She had nowhere to go. Nowhere to be. She was alone.
Hearing a blaring car horn, she jumped. She hadn’t realized it, but she’d stepped off the curb and almost into oncoming traffic. She stepped up quickly and checked her watch. Six-thirty. Time was not going by quickly.
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