“I’m sorry.” She rubbed her hands over her arms. “I don’t know what happened.”
“Doctor gave you something. You were probably just disoriented.” He gestured to the bed, seeing that she was shivering. “Get in. You’re freezing.” He got up and shut the window. When he turned back, she had climbed into the bed and under the covers. She was peeking up at him from beneath the thick duvet, her eyes still tense. She reminded him of Hallie. How many times had he looked at his daughter that way, with her peeking at him from under the covers? It dawned on him then, just how much Hallie did look like her mother.
He didn’t want to leave her but he couldn’t help but wonder if he was scaring her. “Would it be better if I left?”
“No!” She sat up quickly, her eyes wide. “No, no, no!”
“Okay, okay.” He walked over and sat down in front of her on the bed. “It’s okay. I won’t go anywhere.”
“I didn’t know it was you.”
“What?”
“When I woke up, I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know it was you next to me.”
This was not good news. The idea that someone else may have been sleeping next to her for the past three years made him sick to his stomach. If Louis Ferndale had touched her….His anger began to seethe.
“I’m sorry.”
Her voice startled him and he blinked. She looked uncomfortable, her eyes watching him carefully.
“You don’t need to apologize. You don’t need to be scared of me, Kate. I’m the same Luke, okay? I’m not going to hurt you. Nobody’s going to hurt you. Not again. Not as long as I’m here.”
She seemed to relax a little. “Okay.”
He wanted to touch her, just run his fingers through her hair or brush a thumb over her cheek, but he didn’t. He sensed she wasn’t in the mood to be touched. Again, anger swiftly roared through his body. He was going to have to tamp down on that if he hoped to re-gain her trust.
“Those pills should help with the anxiety. Do you need another one to help you sleep?” He reached for the bottle of anxiety meds the doctor had prescribed the night before.
“No more pills. I don’t like them.” She surprised him by reaching from under the covers and shoving his hands away from the bottle.
“They’ll help you calm down, Katie.”
“They make me feel fuzzy. I don’t like them.”
Seeing she was getting upset, he relented. “Okay. No more pills.” For now. If she freaked out again, the way she had in the doctor’s office the night before, he’d have no choice but to make her take them. His stomach growled, making him remember he hadn’t eaten any dinner the night before. He looked down at her. “You hungry? I can make us something to eat?”
“You don’t cook,” she said quietly.
He grinned. That was true. When they’d been together before, she had done all the cooking. He’d never had to worry about it. That had of course changed when he’d been forced to learn to cook, or starve. “I do okay, baby. I can fry an egg.”
She looked interested. “Can you make pancakes?”
“Yeah, I can make pancakes. You want pancakes?”
“With syrup?”
“Yup.”
She eagerly nodded her head and he began to feel better about things. This was more like the old Kate. She’d been a huge fan of pancakes and syrup.
“You got it,” he said, standing. “I’m actually starving myself. I’ll be back.”
“No!” She startled him by raising her voice and grabbing his arm. “No, no, no!”
The idea of him leaving had startled her. And it was no wonder. She was going to have some serious separation anxiety for a while. So was he, he decided, sitting back down. They were going to have to work on this, for Hallie’s sake. He reached for her hand and entwined her fingers with his.
She looked down at their fingers, then up into his face. “Don’t leave me here.”
“I’m not leaving you. Never again.” He squeezed gently. “I know this is hard for you to believe, but I’m not going anywhere. You and me, we’re a team again, okay?”
She still looked apprehensive.
“Come on. You can come down with me. I might need a few tips anyway.” He stood up and walked over to the dresser. He found a pair of sweatpants and tossed them her way. “They’ll be big but they’ll be warm.”
Déjà vu, he thought to himself, remembering the first night they had spent together in his dorm room in college. She slid them over her legs, then climbed out of bed and followed him downstairs. He flipped on the lights and watched as she peered around the room, taking in each detail. She had been sound asleep when he’d carried her into the house the night before so this was the first she was seeing of her new home.
“Sit,” he told her, pointing to a stool at the breakfast bar.
She ignored him and walked across the kitchen to the fridge. There were several drawings Hallie had created stuck to the stainless steel door with magnets. She observed them carefully, her fingers reaching up and running over the paper.
“She likes to color,” he said as he went to work making some pancakes. “I got her this huge art kit thing for Christmas and she spends hours making pictures.”
“What’s she like?” Kate asked, turning and watching him as he worked.
“Hallie?” He thought for a moment. “She’s a beautiful kid, Katie. Smart. Funny.” He grinned halfway. “A little sassy at times. She’s got a temper. She reminds me a lot of you.” He could see the sadness in her eyes and it nearly broke his heart. He stopped what he was doing and walked across the room to stand in front of her. He reached over and ran a finger along her cheek, ignoring her flinch. “You’ve got time now, Kate. Time’s what it’s going to take, okay?”
“I’ve missed so much,” she said, her voice cracking. “I didn’t get to see her walk for the first time or say her first words.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I missed her first birthday, Luke.”
He felt her pain like it was his own. Without thinking about it, he pulled her against him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She didn’t fight him. Instead, she buried her head against his chest like she’d always done when she was upset.
“I have that stuff on video. I know it’s not the same, but at least you’ll be able to see it.”
She sniffled, backing away from him. “Does she know about me yet?”
“She doesn’t know you’re alive. No.” He wanted to tell her he had already figured out how he was going to deal with their daughter but he couldn’t. The little girl had believed her mother dead her entire life. It wasn’t going to be easy trying to convince a four-year-old child otherwise. He was still worried about that himself. “I need to talk to her. Right now she’s with Nate.”
“She may hate me.”
“She’s not going to hate you, baby. She’s four. She’ll be confused and we’ll help her deal with that. She’s missed you too, even though she doesn’t remember a lot of stuff. You’re her mom.”
“She doesn’t know me.”
He gave her half a smile before he turned back to the pancakes he’d been making. “She knows of you. She’s asked questions and she’s gotten answers.” He poured some batter onto the griddle, thankful as he watched her slide onto a barstool. “Her favorite story is about the day she was born. I tell her that most nights before she’ll go to sleep.”
For an instant, something that looked like the beginnings of a smile flickered across her face. Just as quickly, it was gone. “Where is Karen?”
The random question surprised him. He flipped a cake as he shrugged his shoulders, his anger returning full force.
Her gaze narrowed. “She helped me, Luke.”
He frowned. “She held you captive, Kate.”
“She brought me home.”
“After she held you against your will for three years and made you think your family was dead. She can rot in hell as far as I’m concerned.” He hadn’t intended to be so brutal but the mention of Karen McPher
son brought his blood to a boil. Every time he looked at one of the cuts or bruises on Kate’s body he got even madder.
“He hurt her too.”
“She could have left.” He tossed two pancakes onto a plate and covered them in syrup before sliding them over to her and handing her a fork. She wasn’t happy with him, he realized. Those big brown eyes were squinting up at him in irritation.
“What?”
“If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here.”
“If it weren’t for her, you never would have been gone in the first place.” He shut off the griddle and pulled out a stool for himself. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until the food hit his tongue. He was starving. He took a sip of milk and swallowed before he realized she wasn’t eating.
“Do you want something else?”
“I want you to help her, Luke.”
He looked at her as though she were crazy. Then he shook his head, taking another bite of pancake. “No.”
“Why not?”
He swallowed. “Just no.”
“I told her you would help her.”
He didn’t want to look at her because he knew he was going to see sadness in her eyes. He could hear it in her voice. She wasn’t angry anymore. She was sad again. He liked the anger—the irritation—better. He could handle that. The sadness he couldn’t take. Not in those once happy, coffee colored eyes.
“I promised her,” she repeated.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” was all he said at first, then added, “Eat. You’re skin and bones.”
She picked up her fork and pushed the pancakes around, but made no move to eat them.
He sighed. “Kate, I can’t help the person who took you away from me. Do you understand that right now I’d like to kill her myself?”
“You would never hurt anyone like that,” she said quietly.
“Maybe not. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to.” He knew she probably was suffering from some kind of post-traumatic stress thing. He’d heard of people who had been kidnapped worrying about their kidnappers once they were returned home. What did they call that? Stockholm Syndrome?
“I told her you would help her,” she said again, this time looking up into his eyes.
Just like that, he crumbled. “She’s a lying bitch, Kate.” He knew his voice was wavering and if the old Kate was in there somewhere, she would know she was wearing him down.
“She took care of me, Luke.”
“I’m not making any promises.”
The old Kate was in there, he realized as she forked up some pancakes and lifted them to her mouth. And she knew she’d worn him down. Irritated, he carried his plate over to the sink. By the time he had loaded it into the dishwasher, she had finished nearly the entire plate of food. Relieved, he took her plate and set it in the sink. It was early still, he noted, checking the clock on the wall. There was still time for them to catch a few hours of sleep.
“Let’s see if we can get some sleep.”
She didn’t argue when he led her upstairs again. This time she climbed under the covers without preamble. Leaving the lights on, he climbed in next to her, though he didn’t get under the covers. He wasn’t sure how comfortable she would be with that and he didn’t want to set her back again. Disturbing thoughts had crossed his mind since he’d realized she was alive. He didn’t want to admit to himself either way what he thought of the possibility that she had been raped. If they had to cross that bridge, they would have to. It was a likely possibility, considering the physical abuse she’d been subjected to.
His stomach felt sick so he made himself push the thought aside. Tossing his arm over his eyes to block out the light, he tried to fall asleep.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
He lifted his arm and looked over at her. She lay on her side, the blankets pulled up to her shoulders. “You didn’t make me mad.”
“She’s my friend, Luke.”
“I get that.”
“Are you sure I’m supposed to be here?” she asked, after several quiet moments.
The words surprised him. He turned onto his side and faced her. “Yes, you are supposed to be here. I want you here.”
She appeared to be satisfied with that. Resting her head on her folded hands, she shut her eyes.
He watched her for a long time, wishing he could take her pain away. But he couldn’t, he knew that. It was a miracle that she was even alive. The rest would have to be worked out with time.
TWELVE
When Kate opened her eyes she felt anxious. Then she saw Luke sleeping soundly next to her. He lay on his back, an arm flung over his eyes, probably to block out the light she’d insisted on having on. He was still wearing his clothes, but his feet were bare. He needed a shave and he was disheveled but he was still the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Her Luke. He was here and he was real. She had prayed for this moment for so long that now that it was here it nearly overwhelmed her.
She grimaced as she thought of her own appearance. She knew she had to be a mess. Her hair was hacked to pieces and uneven. Its color was dismal. Her face was a mess of cuts and bruises. She knew she was too skinny. He’d as much as told her so the night before. She was not the kind of woman Luke Garrison would marry. Not anymore. She felt sadness at that because deep inside she was still head over heels in love with him. She didn’t want to believe that he felt those feelings for the woman at the daycare center, or anyone else.
Nestling deeper into the blankets, she decided she wanted to stay this way forever, Luke sleeping soundly at her side. She knew there was a wall between them yet. She hadn’t helped matters the night before when she’d begged him to help Karen. She’d seen the anger in those stormy blue eyes of his. During their courtship and marriage, Kate could only remember a handful of times when she’d managed to make Luke angry. They had rarely fought. He was an easy going, generally happy person. She had been too, at one time. Now she would have to find that person inside herself again—if that person was still there.
She let her gaze fall back on Luke again. Three years hadn’t changed him much. He had a few more lines than he’d had in his twenties but they looked good on him. He had definitely kept his athletic body in shape. The contours of his chest were muscular and well defined. His arms were toned and so were his long legs. She zeroed in on his left hand and saw the white gold band resting on his ring finger, exactly where she’d put it five years ago. He was still wearing it. Even though he’d thought she was dead, he’d kept the ring on. She looked down at her own finger. Her ring was gone. Louis had taken it in one of his rages and likely pawned it.
“I’ll get you a new one.”
The words startled her and she looked up. Luke had turned over and was staring down at her, concern clouding his features.
“I’ll get you a new ring,” he repeated. “Anything you want.”
A warmth spread over her as she looked up into those blue eyes. She saw the love there. Wall or not, he still cared for her and she was relieved, though still unsure about the woman at the daycare. “I didn’t lose it. He took it.”
Anger flashed in his eyes again and she knew she’d made a mistake bringing up Louis again. “You didn’t take yours off.”
He flopped onto his back, letting out a sigh as he lifted his hand and looked at the ring on his finger. “Not once.”
“Why?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t ready to.”
“I wouldn’t have taken mine off either,” she said sadly, looking at her ring finger again. “I didn’t have a choice.”
“I know. It’s not your fault.” He looked over at her. “I don’t blame you for any of this, Kate.”
“But you were angry with me last night. About Karen.”
“I wasn’t angry with you. It’s her I’m angry with. It’s Louis Ferndale I’m angry with.”
“He was there yesterday. At the daycare. That’s why Karen ran into that car. He scared her.
”
Luke tensed. “He was at Hallie’s daycare?”
The way he said the words made her conscious of how serious things could have turned out the day before. She felt shame at the cowardly way she’d behaved. “I shouldn’t have run. I was afraid. He might have hurt Hallie.”
“He won’t ever hurt Hallie.” Luke looked at her seriously. “He’s not going to hurt you again either, Katie. I mean that. He caught me off guard three years ago. That won’t happen again. I will keep my family safe this time. Whatever it takes.”
“I’m sorry. For Hallie and for you. I didn’t mean to lead him to her. I just had to see her one more time.”
“You should have come to me first. Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know,” she lied, not wanting to tell him that she had come to see him at the house and had instead, watched him with another woman.
“It doesn’t matter now anyway.” He sat up and stretched. “You’re here and Hallie’s safe. That’s the way I plan to keep it. You wanna take a bath? I know I need a shower and a shave. Nate will probably stop by soon. Maybe Suz. She was going to bring you some clothes to get you by until we can get you some stuff that fits.”
“Luke?”
He glanced at her.
“I don’t want to hurt her. Hallie, I mean.”
“I know you don’t. I don’t want to hurt her either. She’ll adjust eventually.”
The fact that she knew nothing about her daughter hurt. Luke knew Hallie—had raised her. He’d bandaged and kissed her owies. He’d been there when she had a nightmare or a tummy ache. Her daddy was her daddy and her mommy was a stranger that she didn’t know anything about. The realization was painful and the idea of rejection was staggering. She felt the beginnings of panic threatening and she tamped down on it, remembering her trip to the hospital the night before. She hated hospitals. She didn’t want to go back there.
“Don’t.” He walked to the other side of the bed and leaned over her, his eyes searching hers carefully. “She’s going to love you. It’s all about time. Little kids are resilient.”
His words were somewhat reassuring. She sat up and he backed away.
Root of All Evil Page 12