“Baby, I’m not trying to scare you, but I need you to promise me you won’t do that again.”
“Was she a bad person? Like the ones you were talking about last night? The ones who hurt Mommy?”
“She’s a stranger. That’s all you need to know. You are not allowed to talk to strangers.”
“I thought it was Uncle Nate.”
“That’s why it’s just better if you let me answer the door, okay? I can see the peephole and you can’t.”
After a moment, she appeared to accept that and nodded her head. “We’re going to be late for daycare. I already got dressed.”
“You’re not going to daycare today. Daddy doesn’t have to work.” He took the rubber bands and the brush from her anyway and prepared to do her hair.
“But I want to go. I want to see Christie and Sara and all my friends.”
“Not today.” He dragged the brush through her dark curls, eliciting a shriek from her when he encountered a snarl. “Sorry.”
“I want to go to school. You told me I would be smarter if I went.” Her voice was now whiny.
“I said not today. Maybe tomorrow.” Not likely, he thought to himself, but was determined to detour a tantrum. No such luck. She turned and lifted her chin in defiance, those big blue eyes staring into his.
“I want to see Sara!”
Annoyed, he gripped her by the chin. “No. You’re not going to school today. And you’re not seeing Sara. You have to let that go for now, okay? I know you like her and that’s great but she’s only your teacher, Hal.”
“She’s my friend!” she said angrily, her little face turning red. “You said she was your friend too and now you’re being mean to her.”
“Hallie, stop it,” he warned, growing irritated with her temper tantrum.
“I like her and I want to see her. You only made her cry!”
“That’s it, go upstairs to your room.”
Instantly she began to bawl. And not quietly, very, very loudly.
“Go!” He pointed to the stairs, anger taking over.
“I don’t like you! You’re mean!” She turned and ran up the stairs, nearly plowing Kate over at the top of the staircase. “I want her to go away!” The words were flung at Kate so fast that neither he, nor she, saw them coming. Kate looked as though she’d been struck. She backed away from her daughter, stunned.
Luke took the stairs two at a time and grabbed a hold of Hallie by the arm. “Go in your room and shut the door now or I’m going to spank you!”
She glared up at him defiantly, almost seeming older than her four years. “I wish I could live with Christie. I like her daddy better.”
“Okay, that’s it.” He picked her up, kicking and screaming and carried her into her room. After giving her a swat on the behind that probably hurt him more than it hurt her, he stepped back into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.
“She doesn’t like the door shut,” was all Kate said, her face ashen.
“It’s not dark in there right now. She’s fine.” He walked down the hall toward her. “I’m sorry. She’s having a hard time, Kate.”
“She hates me.”
“She hates me right now, too. It’s not real hate. She’s not getting her own way so she’s ticked. I told you she has a temper.”
“She wants Sara.”
“She doesn’t know what she wants.” He sighed, feeling defeated. Yesterday he’d thought they’d taken a few steps forward, even after he’d brought Hallie home. Now they had just taken ten steps back.
“Maybe I should talk to her,” she surprised him by suggesting.
“I don’t know, Kate. When she gets like this, sometimes it’s better to give her some time. She’ll come around and apologize later.”
“I’m the enemy to her, Luke. I can’t stand that feeling.”
“There’s not much you can do about it right now.” He leaned back against the wall, dejectedly.
“She’s my daughter. Let me try.”
After a moment, he motioned to the closed bedroom door. “Be my guest.”
Kate walked past him and opened up the door. When she looked into the room, she found Hallie lying on the bed, her thumb in her mouth as she held onto her monkey. When she saw Kate, she buried her face in her pillow.
“I’m sorry I’m making you so sad.” Kate walked over to the dresser and looked down at the wedding picture of her and Luke. “And you’re right, I don’t look like the mommy in this picture. But I want to. I want to be that person again real bad.”
Hallie lifted her head from the pillow, but still didn’t say anything.
“Can I sit with you a while?” Kate motioned to the spot on the floor next to the bed, figuring that gave the child a little space. When Hallie shrugged her shoulders, Kate walked over and knelt down, settling into a sitting position on the floor. “You know what my favorite thing to do when I was little was?”
Hallie shook her head.
“I loved dolls. I had a collection. Do you like dolls?”
The little girl nodded and removed her thumb from her mouth long enough to point behind Kate to the big dollhouse in a corner of the room.
“That’s a nice dollhouse. You know what else I really liked? Stuffed animals. I had a special bear named Ike.”
Hallie let out something that sounded like a giggle.
“He was my best friend. I lived pretty far from all the other kids in my school so I used to have to play with him by myself a lot.”
“Why did you name him Ike?” Hallie asked quietly.
“I don’t know. It just fit I guess. Why did you name your monkey Beasley?”
Hallie pulled her thumb from her mouth. “I didn’t. Daddy did. He said Beasley just looks like a Beasley.”
“He’s right,” Kate said, smiling. “Do you know why we named you Hallie?”
Hallie shook her head.
“Because it was my grandmother’s name. She died a long time ago, just before you were born. Her name was Hallie Jane.”
“Just like me,” Hallie said, looking interested. “What did she look like?”
“She was very pretty, with big brown eyes. That’s where I get my eyes from.”
“I have Daddy’s eyes. Grandma told me.”
“You do.” Kate looked at her daughter, sensing they were making progress. “You look a lot like your dad. When you were first born, you had a thick head of black curly hair, just like he does.”
“Grandma told me that too.”
“You were such a pretty baby. You hardly ever cried.”
“Do you know the story of when I was born?” Hallie asked suddenly.
“I don’t know how your dad tells the story but I was there.” Kate smiled. “You want me to tell you about it?”
“Okay.” Hallie sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She slid down next to Kate on the floor. For the next few minutes, Kate went back in time and relieved one of the happier days of her life. With every detail and every laugh she felt a little lighter at heart. God, that day had been special. The most special day of her life.
When she was done, she looked down. Hallie had a smile on her face.
“I like your story too. It’s almost like Daddy’s.”
“Your daddy’s a good person, Hallie. He only wants what’s best for you.”
“Daddy and me are a team,” Hallie said matter-of-factly.
Kate smiled at that. “I know you are. And I know you’re sad right now because things are changing. You like your teacher a lot, don’t you?”
“She’s my friend. We laugh lots and she said she’d take me to Pizza Palace again. I like it there. She can play Ping Pong really good.”
Kate tried to quell the sadness she felt at hearing Hallie’s adoration of Sara. “Maybe since you can’t go to school right now Sara can come here and see you. Would you like that?”
Hallie’s face lit up. “Like a play date?”
“Sort of. We’d have to ask your dad, of course.”
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Hallie’s smile faded. “I don’t think he likes Sara anymore.”
“Hallie this is going to be hard for you to understand, but I’m going to try and explain something to you. Do you think you can listen real good?”
“I can. I’m a good listener. Ms. Tammy told me so at school.”
“Okay.” Kate reached up to the dresser and picked up the framed photo of her and Luke. “Do you know what this picture is?”
“My daddy and mommy.”
“That’s right. But do you know when it was taken?”
“On their wedding day. Daddy told me.”
“Yes. And do you understand what that means? A wedding, I mean.”
“It means you’re a mommy and a daddy.”
“Yes, it does. But there’s more to it than that.” Kate set the picture down, choosing her words carefully. “See your daddy and I are married. We have been, even though we’ve been apart sometimes, for five years. Just because we weren’t together every day, doesn’t mean we didn’t love each other. There were some bad people that wouldn’t let me come home. They kept me far away from here and I couldn’t be with you or your dad for a while.”
“Someone hurt you,” Hallie said, her thumb back in her mouth again. “That’s why you were scared last night.”
Kate regretted the fact that Hallie had seen her in the throes of a nightmare. It definitely hadn’t helped her daughter feel any more comfortable around her. “I’m sorry you saw me like that. Sometimes I have bad dreams.”
“Sometimes I do too. I hate to be scared. That’s why Daddy leaves my door open.”
“That’s a good way to feel safer,” Kate agreed. “What I’m trying to tell you is that your dad is married to me and that’s why he isn’t going to do things with Sara anymore. Can you understand that?”
The little girl appeared to think that over. “Because he’s already married to his girlfriend. So he can’t have another girlfriend,” she realized in her own words.
“Something like that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t like Sara. I’m sure she likes you too. Would you like me to ask your dad if she can visit you since you’re not going to daycare for now?”
“Why can’t I go to daycare anymore?”
“Because right now your dad wants you here with us. So do I.”
“Because you’re my mommy? My real mommy?”
“Yes, baby, because I’m your mommy.” Kate felt the tears burn in her eyes and struggled to blink them away.
“Can we go ask Daddy if Sara can come and play tomorrow? I want to show her a new trick I taught Bentley.” Hallie jumped up without warning and scampered out of her bedroom.
Kate sat there by herself for a few minutes, still staring down at her wedding picture. She didn’t hear Luke come into the room until he sat down next to her on the floor and glanced at the picture.
“You okay?”
“I’m okay.” She leaned her head against his shoulder and he reached up and put his arm around her, his fingers tangling in her hair.
“I told her maybe you would let Sara come over and see her. I hope you’re not mad.”
“She told me. I can’t believe you would want that.”
“It’s the best thing for her. She needs to have some kind of normalcy in her life right now. She needs someone she can trust to just be with her and not carry any emotional baggage. Maybe Sara is the person to do that.”
He gently rubbed his fingers over her hair. “What about you?”
“She knows I’m her mom. She just hasn’t completely accepted it yet. I have some hope that she will now.”
“She said you explained to her that I’m already married to my girlfriend and I can’t have another one.”
Kate smiled at that. So did Luke.
“She picked that up from a kid in her class whose dad has a girlfriend he’s marrying that bakes peanut butter cookies.”
“Ah, that’s where the cookies came from.”
“Yeah, this Christie kid is getting to be a pain in my ass.”
She elbowed him lightly, causing him to grin.
“I’m sorry about last night. I meant to tell you earlier but all this happened. I feel really bad that she saw me like that.”
“Baby, maybe you should see someone. Like a doctor.”
She’d figured that was coming. And she couldn’t blame him. She knew she needed some kind of help dealing with things, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to talk to anyone yet. “Can we think about it for a while?”
“Yeah, we can. I’m not trying to rush you or anything. I just want you to be happy again.”
“I am happy, Luke. I’m happy to be back here with you and Hallie. And I know I probably need to see a doctor and figure all this nightmare stuff out. Right now I just want to be with you, okay?”
He leaned over and rested his forehead against hers as he looked into her eyes. “You’re the love of my life, you know that?”
A warmth spread through her and she met him halfway in a kiss that shook her straight to her toes. His tongue mated with hers and his hand came up to cup the back of her head. God, he felt good. Just being in his arms felt so incredibly good. He pulled his head back, his fingers brushing over her cheek. His nose bumped against hers and he smiled. “The minute I saw you I knew you were the one, Kate. There has never been anyone else and there never will be.”
“I’m a mess, Luke. Are you sure you can deal with that?”
“The only thing I’m scared of is living without you. The rest I can take.”
All of her doubts about him and about Sara vanished. This time it was Kate that leaned over and kissed him. She climbed into his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, and held on for dear life.
NINETEEN
The light was keeping him awake. It had been four days since Luke had been able to sleep. He knew night time was the worst for Kate so he hadn’t even asked tonight, he’d just left the light on. It was getting to him though. The glare was driving him nuts.
Tossing a hand over his eyes, he thought of dinner earlier. The three of them had put together some Hamburger Helper. Hallie had even torn herself away from her cartoons and helped make the salad. She had chatted casually with Kate, which was an improvement over the night before and earlier that morning.
After eating, he’d let Hallie call Sara. He wasn’t sure how comfortable he was going to be seeing her, but she had agreed to come by after daycare let out the next evening. They would have a barbecue, Kate had decided. He really didn’t know how he felt about that. It was going to be awkward but he knew it meant a lot to Hallie. Not only that, it was taking the bad guy persona off of Kate. Now she was the hero and he was the bad guy. He didn’t mind though. For three years, he’d had all the good times. It didn’t bother him to be slightly outcast right now. In fact, he felt more than okay with it, actually a little relieved. Kate was making progress with Hallie and that’s what was important.
Nate naturally thought he was crazy. He’d invited himself, Suz and the twins over to take in the “show” as he’d put it. Luke had told him no at first and then thought the better of there being only he and Kate around when Sara was here. It would be less awkward to have Nate and Suz here. They knew Sara and she knew them. Maybe it would ease the tension on both sides.
Luke thought about the fact that he hadn’t told Kate about Karen coming to the house. He’d planned to at first and then decided not to after realizing it would probably only upset her and set her back again. There was nothing anyone could do to help Karen McPherson. Louis Ferndale had his grips too tightly on her. That was something Karen would have to escape on her own. He’d be damned if he was going to let her drag his wife down with her.
“Is the light bothering you too much?”
Hearing her voice, he lifted his arm and glanced down at her. She was wide awake now, those round eyes of hers looking up at him curiously. There was a shyness about her that she’d never had before and again, the thought that someone might have touched h
er—or worse—crossed his mind. He felt something akin to rage and tamped down on it for what seemed like the millionth time.
“You can turn it off if you want.”
“It’s fine. I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
He shrugged, staring up at the ceiling again. “A lot of stuff. It’s still hard for me to believe you’re back. A lot has happened in a short amount of time.”
“Are you upset about Sara coming around tomorrow?”
“Are you?” He met her gaze.
“Maybe a little. Hallie likes her an awful lot. That intimidates me.”
“She’s not Hallie’s mother. You are. I think what you’re doing is really great though. You’re being pretty selfless, Kate.”
“I want Hallie to be happy. That’s what I care about.”
“Yeah, I know. I do too.” He turned over onto his side, resting his head on his hand as he looked down at her. “Can I ask you something?”
“What?” She sounded somewhat uncomfortable, as though she could sense what he was going to ask her.
“We’ve been getting…closer again.” He reached a finger down and ran it over her bottom lip. “I just wondered if you’re uncomfortable with that.”
She lifted a hand from under the covers and entwined her fingers with his. “I’m not uncomfortable with you. I like it when we kiss.”
“I do too. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn’t moving too fast. It hasn’t even been a week since you’ve been back. I don’t want to rush you.”
“I dreamed about you every night, Luke. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, baby.” He lowered his head, his mouth covering hers. His tongue immediately licked against her lips, before gaining entry and sliding into her mouth. She kissed him back just as ardently.
It was strange that a week ago, the idea that she was alive would have seemed impossible to him, and yet now she was here and he was kissing her. His body reacted to her strongly, and after three years without actually having sex with anyone, he was definitely ready to go. He lifted his head and looked into her passion filled eyes. She looked content, not uncomfortable at all.
Root of All Evil Page 18