Aside from the practicality of many of the modes of behaviour, there is also the underlying code of conduct in which duty, honour, reliability, decency and all the other sterling virtues are living concepts to which one is expected to aspire. Nobility is not just a matter of rank, but a way of being, which is why one of the biggest insults in elite circles is to accuse someone of not knowing how to behave.
It therefore came as something of a surprise for Meghan to indicate, with Harry’s full backing, to many of the people she was now associating with, that she regarded their way of life, their values and their codes of conduct as way beneath hers. ‘She almost spelled it out that she was here to rescue us from our pathetic way of doing things,’ a courtier said. ‘She is so breathtakingly sure of being in the right at all times that she is beyond arrogant. I’ve never seen anyone in my life so entirely lacking in self-doubt. She is so upfront about it that she is beyond shameless. She walks into a room, takes over, tells everyone how she wants things to be, and sashays out expecting everyone to fulfill her demands. She is beyond dominance, beyond being a dominatrix. She fancies herself a force of nature, and a perfect one at that.’ And Harry considers her perfect.
One of the royals bore this out, stating, ‘She is so self-confident it’s frightening. I used to think Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mother) was the most self-confident person I’d ever encountered. Meghan puts her in the shade.’
It is here that we see the line going back into previous generations. Meghan is not the first of the powerful personalities to have been absorbed into the British Royal Family. The Queen Mother was the first. Admitted into the family as the Duchess of York in 1923, she was such a force of nature, so determined and strong-willed, so wily and effective an operator, that even Hitler felt compelled to describe her as ‘the most dangerous woman in Europe’. Her husband Bertie, better known to history as King George VI, was as besotted with and entranced by her as his brother David, then Prince of Wales and afterwards King Edward VIII and Duke of Windsor, was by Wallis Warfield Simpson. I knew the Duchess of Windsor slightly, but will save my comments regarding her for later. Suffice it to say that Meghan and Harry are continuing a long tradition of powerful women captivating the House of Windsor’s princes, many of whom seem to have a susceptibility for placing their fate in the hands of these women, each of whom has been treated as the Delphic Oracle by her prince. All three were frankly ambitious, but only two of them actually ended up getting what she wanted, the third living out her worst nightmare.
With hindsight, it is obvious that Meghan had an agenda where her wedding was concerned. She wanted it to be the most beautiful and glamorous occasion. It must be the perfect setting for her introduction to the world at large. It would establish her as a beautiful, desirable, ‘classy’ woman of style and taste, as someone who had everything, every virtue, from superficial style and beauty to profound depth of character. She was a jewel that the Royal Family was lucky to have in its Crown and the world must see this. She did not want any of her family, with the exception of her parents, there. She wanted none of them or her oldest friends raining on her parade. She was flying high and didn’t want too many links with the past she had left behind. Then, she had been an ordinary girl on the make. Now, she had made it. She was now an extraordinary woman, and one moreover who conveyed the message that she was full, complete, and as perfect as it was possible to be. This was the beginning of a new life, a glorious life, a life where she would enjoy the approbation she had sought all her life and had been gaining in increasing measure for the past seven years. Her wedding was also an opportunity to cultivate people she’d barely met but who were potentially useful in the future, such as Oprah Winfrey. She would hereafter be an A-Lister, and she intended to reinforce her status by having real A-Listers such as George and Amal Clooney there, notwithstanding knowing them only slightly.
By Meghan’s own account, she is supremely aspirational. Quite how so still remains to be seen, though the past two years have shown that she is a woman of boundless ambition and vision. ‘No one actually realised just how ambitious she is, nor how financially-driven,’ a royal cousin told me. However, once she and Harry announced that they were retiring from royal life to make their fortune financially, it became clear that being a senior royal, having one of the most eminent positions on earth, was not sufficient for her. It was too limiting, and rather than adjust herself to it, she had decided to have it adjust to her. In doing so she demonstrated to what extent she is a true game changer. This is something which her admirers applaud, and ironically, one of the people who have been most supportive of her has been the Queen. Elizabeth II and Philip were, in their day, game changers too, but they did it in such a way that they did not rock the royal boat. The Queen still hopes that Meghan and Harry’s float into the future will allow them to function in such a way that they make their way without damaging their royal heritage while creating a new way of being from which future generations of spares might benefit.
Although Meghan and Harry emphasised when departing from the Royal Family that their goal was financial independence, not everyone thinks that her ambition is limited to lining her pockets to the full extent of her capacity. ‘I’ve heard that she intends, down the line, to run for President of the United States,’ one of Harry’s old friends told me. ‘I believe she’s using [her royal status] to improve her chances. Let’s see if she achieves her objective.’
Long before the public knew that Meghan was encouraging Harry to step back from his royal role, she was laying the ground for them to do so. She did it in a variety of ways, one of which was to convey the message to everyone with whom she came into contact that she had no awe for the monarchy. As his friend said, ‘One thing’s for sure. She’s never had any respect for the institution she married into. From the word go, it was obvious that she felt she knew better than we did, and could enlighten all us poor slobs in how we should be living our lives.’
While Meghan’s supporters will consider it admirable that she could be so rock-solid in her beliefs and attitudes that she remained unmoved and unimpressed by her inclusion into the world’s most eminent family, those who crossed paths with her were astonished by what they took to be disrespect for themselves. Her conduct in the run-up to her marriage was an illustration. From the outset, she bucked royal tradition with the full backing of Harry, who went around saying, ‘What Meghan wants, Meghan gets.’ There were incidents such as Meghan reducing Catherine Cambridge to tears over Charlotte’s dress; Meghan virtually calling a member of staff a liar when the woman was patently telling the truth (which resulted in Meghan being advised that royals do not speak to staff like that); and the kerfuffle over the supposed mustiness of St. George’s Chapel, which had resulted in Meghan being blocked from spraying scent all over the ancient chapel so that it would smell like the ladies’ room at Soho House.
I have attended many events at St. George’s Chapel over the years, including Prince William’s Induction as a Knight of the Garter. I can tell you, it has the reassuring bouquet of the ancient, well-tended and clean chapel that it is. The pews glow with the patina of centuries of beeswax, which also gives off a subtle but delightful fragrance. This was clearly anathema to someone as ‘classy’ as Meghan, who by this time was viewed by her followers as not only the Petronius Arbiter of ‘classiness’ but as its quintessential embodiment. Despite having had some exposure to what passes for antiques in America by way of her grandfather’s antique shop, Meghan was still not au fait with an older way of life, so would not have known that what passes for antique in America, i.e. something older than 75 years, is almost new in Europe. She would not have been familiar with the aroma of furniture well-polished over centuries. Rather than recognising the appealing fragrance of a well-tended building like St. George’s Chapel, she found the scent alien and therefore off-putting.
People do not enjoy a newcomer telling them, in word or deed, that their way is not as good as the newcomer’s. This causes especial offence
when the recipient of the criticism believes that his way is the better one and moreover has proof of that fact in the thousands of compliments he has received over the decades from compatriots of the critic which run absolutely contrary to the critic’s criticism. Since Meghan was accusing the chapel of malodorousness when it is often praised for its subtle and ancient scent, this caused offence. It also resulted in many people at Windsor coming to the conclusion that she had a lot to learn and Harry would be wise to inform her of that fact instead of acting as if everyone else was ignorant but the two of them. A good starting point, in their view, would have been the couple understanding how limited her knowledge of their world was. Instead, she was so supremely self-confident that she gave the impression of being a disdainful know-it-all.
And where the wedding was concerned, she knew exactly what she wanted, and they both intended that she get it.
‘Harry and Meghan were throwing their weight around in the most extraordinary fashion,’ a royal said. ‘Their conduct did not bode well for the future.’
‘It’s our wedding and we want it done our way,’ Meghan said, but since Harry had little or no input beyond repeating the mantra, ‘What Meghan wants, Meghan gets,’ no one was deceived into thinking that her use of the plural first person pronoun meant anything but the singular. The invitation list was the first of the many traditions that were jettisoned at Meghan’s command with Harry’s full backing. Hundreds of people associated with charities were invited, which ratified their credentials as humanitarians who think in terms of charity. They also weighted the list heavily in favour of every celebrity she had ever crossed paths with and was still speaking to. Some she had barely met, others only two or three times, but she and Harry asked them all and they all came, adding glamour to the occasion while embarking on what Andrew Morton observed was a clever career move, for once they had been asked, they were thereafter in the couple’s debt.
Marrying into the British Royal Family was not an everyday occurrence. It was a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. For Meghan’s family, it was more than that: it was a source of great pride that had turned into worldwide humiliation. Prince Philip especially understood how painful it is when relations are not asked. His three sisters had been excluded from his own wedding because their husbands had been German officers during the war, which had ended only two years before his wedding. This had caused him pain and Princess Gottfried von Hohenlohe-Langenburg, the Margravine of Baden, and Princess George of Hanover tremendous embarrassment. Meghan and Harry, however, were indifferent to the effect of their actions upon her family. As far as they were concerned, she had a new family, one which he was now gravitating towards. This was not the royals, who by this time they were already resiling away from despite Harry’s comment over the radio that she had bonded so well with his relations that they were substitutes for the family she had never had. No, this new family was the many showbiz or celebrity-related representatives from a life which seemed to have begun, with few exceptions, only after Meghan had gained her role in Suits. This new family included what Meghan and Harry called her Suits ‘family’, all of whom were out in force at the wedding, as well as friends like Jessica Mulroney, Markus Anderson, Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King, and Amal and George Clooney.
To everyone at the palace, Harry and Meghan’s management of the invitation list seemed inappropriate as well as dangerous. Royal and aristocratic weddings are not occasions for the bride and groom to ratify their humanitarian credentials before the eyes of the world or to include celebrities who are actually thrilled to be admitted to royal circles and are not ordinarily asked to such family occasions but to other, less personal, events, like premieres and parties. Weddings are meant to be celebrations of union, with all branches of the bride’s and groom’s families being asked, as well as all close or longstanding friends. By excluding her family, Meghan and Harry had not only harmed them, but themselves as well, Meghan herself especially, for the conclusion most people would draw would be that Meghan more than Harry bore primary responsibility for the exclusion. The one thing the palace didn’t want was someone entering the Royal Family as damaged goods, but as Harry and Meghan’s wedding was not a state occasion, no one at the palace had the right to intervene.
There was another dimension to Meghan and Harry’s approach which also seemed destructive. To justify the exclusion of Meghan’s relations, they had also neglected to invite what one royal, who expected to be asked and was not, called ‘the wider cousinage’. This caused no end of offence, all of which was totally unnecessary, especially as how there were hundreds of available seats in the chapel. Although everyone put a good face on it, it rankled. The Duke and Duchess of Kent’s grandchildren Lady Amelia Windsor, Lord Downpatrick and Lady Marina Windsor were but three of the many glaring omissions. So too were all the European royals. Although Harry’s marriage was not an affair of state, hence why no heads of state or government were asked, it was a family affair. Everyone in royal circles knows how important such occasions are as bonding exercises. On a human level, they were even more important to the royals who had lost their thrones. Such occasions as marriages and big birthdays are a rare form of ratification of their once-glorious and now lost status. Confusing family occasions with social networking events or career moves not only deprived these people of a meaningful opportunity, but also led many to conclude that Harry and Meghan were being heartless.
What was also viewed as cruel was the way some of Harry’s oldest and most loyal friends were brushed aside. They had been true to a fault. People like Tom ‘Skippy’ Inskip had taken flack for Harry when he had been caught taking drugs. Tom had allowed the press to pillory him unfairly, accepting blame that was rightly Harry’s, remaining silent to save his friend’s skin. It was beyond belief that Tom and Lara Inskip were excluded from Frogmore House. His offence? To warn Harry against rushing into marriage.
Harry had been an usher at Tom’s Jamaican wedding to Lord St. Helen’s daughter the Hon. Lara Hughes-Young at Round Hill in 2017. They had been such good friends that he and Lara made the ultimate sacrifice to satisfy Meghan’s desire for privacy by preventing their guests from using their mobile ‘phones throughout their marriage celebrations. This had not gone down well with many of the guests, but best friends are happy to accommodate other best friends even to the inconvenience of lesser friends. Yet, once Meghan knew that Skippy had been less than enthusiastic about her existence, he was given the deep freeze treatment and excluded along with his wife from the holy of holies, giving out the message to everyone, including the world’s press (which picked up on their humiliation), that the Inskips had been demoted from first to second class.
‘All the score settling Meghan and now Harry are involved with is just pathetic,’ a royal cousin said. ‘Totally uncalled for and so much the opposite of life enhancing.’
The Inskips, however, would get their own back. Normally, royals are invited to be godparents of their friends’ children. Failure to issue such an invitation can be interpreted as a snub. With Lara about to have a baby, their friends wanted to know if they’d be inviting Harry to be a godfather. They said they would be doing no such thing, and said it so often that the slight ended up in the Mail on Sunday’s gossip column.
Royal weddings are memorable occasions not only for those who watch them on television, but those who attend them, and those who do not. There were so many surprising omissions at both St. George’s Chapel and Frogmore House that several people asked the question: What is going on? Had Harry and Meghan abided by royal and aristocratic tradition, all the relations whom custom decreed should have been invited, would have been. Very few invitees would have declined, so the chapel would have had a plethora of obscure royals and fifty or so attendees from Meghan’s past. These would have included people like her paternal Uncle Mike Markle and her maternal Uncle Joseph Johnson and his wife Pamela. They most likely would not have made the cut for the evening celebration at Frogmore House, but honour would have been served all around a
nd Meghan would have shown the world that, proud as she was of her ascent in the world, she was not ashamed of her roots. This would have enhanced her reputation, instead of which the omission called her values into question. It was a fatal error on her and Harry’s part.
Admittedly, Meghan and Harry had sufficient supporters who would have behaved exactly as they did, for their viewpoint to enjoy merit in some quarters. But the controversy they created meant that they started their marriage in a maelstrom and, once that tone was set, it became difficult to alter it. Nevertheless, the church service, the reception at Windsor Castle and the subsequent black tie celebration at Frogmore House were great successes. According to one attendee, ‘it was a lovely party,’ a ‘very happy occasion.’ The couple was obviously ‘very much in love though they spent quite a lot of their time posing for photographs.’ Despite this, the absentees generated a great deal of talk and an even greater deal of speculation. Because such exclusionary conduct seemed atypical of Harry, people asked whether Meghan could have got such tight control of him so early in the game that she was already freezing out his friends?
To the older generation, this was reminiscent of the way Harry’s mother had used the invitation list to her own wedding, and the wedding breakfast following it, to wield power. She had struck her step-grandmother-in-law Dame Barbara Cartland’s name off the list on the grounds that she would garner too much attention from the public, thereby stealing thunder that Diana reserved for herself. The diarist Kenneth Rose wrote how Diana’s father ‘Johnnie Spencer tells me that he wanted to wear his Greys uniform when Diana marries the Prince of Wales, but that Diana herself objected. She thought it would detract from her own appearance. This is most extraordinary, like something out of King Lear.’
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