“I can barely take care of myself right now, Val. How the hell am I supposed to take care of a dog?” She raised her voice a little louder than she meant to.
Val blew out a frustrated breath and led her to an empty pair of chairs. “Those dogs are trained—” She was cut off when a woman came out of the side door.
“Staff Sergeant Hollister, the doctor will see you now.”
“Already?” Darien’s face scrunched. They’d had to wait a half hour at her last appointment.
“Yes ma’am. As a matter of fact, he’s been expecting you,” the assistant said as she led them to the exam room. When she walked away, Val turned to Darien. She had taken her glasses off once she heard the door handle click, but her eyes were closed.
“What’s that all about?” Val murmured, wondering why the doctor was so anxious to see them.
“I don’t know. Maybe he’s bored.” Darien shrugged and ran her hand through her short, spiky brown hair as the door opened once again.
“Good morning, ladies.” Dr. Feldman stepped into the room holding Darien’s chart and pulled the rolling stool over to her. “I hear you’re thinking of getting a dog.”
“No, I’m not,” Darien growled through clenched teeth. The doctor laughed when he saw Val shaking her head yes.
“So, why don’t you want a dog, Staff Sergeant?”
She wasn’t ready to talk about her personal life to this man and she was tired of everyone calling her by her rank. She was no longer part of this country’s military. She was a retired veteran, something she never thought she’d be until she was at least fifty. Although, she still sat ramrod straight and presented herself as someone with a high-ranking military caliber. She could get out of the Marines, but she couldn’t get the Marines out of her. “I’m allergic to dogs, Dr. Feldman,” she answered simply.
“Oh, well there are allergy pills that can help with that. But, a dog isn’t the reason for your visit today,” he added, setting her chart on the table next to her as he slid closer.
He took his pen light in one hand and opened each of her eyelids, flashing the light in them one at a time. Her eyes were solid white and slightly milky grey where the pupils and irises had been. They were severely damaged in the accident and had been removed during surgery. Val turned her head. Even though she had seen them before, it still hurt her to see what her cousin and best friend was going through.
When the doctor finished the notes in Darien’s chart, he turned back towards her. “How do you feel about experimental procedures?”
Darien cocked her head to the side. “What exactly do you mean by that?”
He cleared his throat and gripped her hand. “A colleague of mine brought something to my attention a week ago, and I immediately thought of you. A doctor named Harry Norton has performed a small number of moderately successful and highly experimental eye transplants.” He heard Darien and Val gasp at the same time. “Keep in mind this is an organ transplant and many times there are complications. Dr. Norton, as I said, has been somewhat successful. I believe you may be a candidate for this procedure. That is, of course, if this is something you would consider.”
“Uh—” Darien was speechless.
“What are the complications? How many has he done?” Val was spitting questions off the top of her head. Dr. Feldman held his hand up to stall her interrogation.
“I contacted Dr. Norton last week and asked him to send me some information for you and your family to take a look at.” He handed Val a couple of pamphlets. “There are complications with any organ transplant, particularly with infections that cause the body to reject the new organs. Currently, there are a vast number of immune system medications that help reduce the threat of infections. Also, there is a very high risk of the procedure failing, which means you will still not be able to see even with the new eyes.” He paused.
“Now, as far as the ratio of success, Dr. Norton has performed exactly three of these transplants. So far only one of them has been successful. This person has fully restored vision in both eyes. One of the three had a stroke and passed away during the operation. The remaining recipient has had mixed results. His body rejected the new eyes at first, but slowly the nerves are starting to grow together. Some days he can see a little and most days he is still blind.”
He squeezed Darien’s hand. “Staff Sergeant Hollister, the choice is yours. There is a small chance that this doctor can give you your sight back. But, there is a bigger chance that you may have complications during or after the transplant surgery. Plus, you will have to rely on daily medication for the rest of your life to keep your body from rejecting the organs.”
Darien felt weightless. She wasn’t sure she was even breathing. The room felt as if it was closing in on her rapidly with every heartbeat and shallow breath. She’d never hyperventilated or fainted in her life, but she was sure it was about to happen if she didn’t get outside soon. “I need some time to digest this, Dr. Feldman. I…I think I may be in shock.” She felt his large warm hand squeeze hers again.
“Sure, I don’t expect you to make a decision this serious without thinking it through. You have my number.” He paused to look at Val. “Call me if you have any questions. There is a process to follow, so this is not something that will happen overnight.”
“Thank you, doctor. I appreciate everything you have done for me over these past few months,” Darien said as she stood and waited for Val to lead her out of the office. She stopped to take a deep breath when she hit the warm air and felt the sunshine on her face.
“Want to go to the beach?” Val asked. She knew that was the only place Darien allowed herself to relax. Val didn’t try to understand what Darien had been going through. All she knew was the numerous nightmares she’d witnessed where Darien awoke with tears of anger and sadness.
Chapter 3
Darien sat in front of the waves with the scorching sun beating down on her face and the coarse grains of tan, Southern California sand, slipping through her fingers like an hourglass. It had been three months since Dr. Feldman had told her about Dr. Norton and his success stories. She’d met with him right away and begun taking the immune system boosters to prepare her body for the transplant surgery. She was the next recipient on the waiting list for the experimental surgery. To say that she was nervous would be an understatement. She wanted desperately to see again, but that actually scared her more than the surgery process of having her own eyes removed and someone else’s eyes attached in their place. It frightened her because if she could see, then she’d have to face the reality of her new life. Since the attack, everything was covered in darkness—the various pictures on her walls from her tours, the uniforms hanging in her closet—the life she used to lead. The waiting game was an emotional rollercoaster. Any time, any day, she could receive the call that she was waiting for; the call saying they had a donor. It could be in ten minutes or two years. She tried to remember what life was like before the accident. That seemed like another lifetime; a time when she was happy, enjoyed her job, and took her sight for granted. In one split second, her world was ripped out from under her. Tears ran down her cheeks when she tried to picture a sunset and couldn’t. She was stuck in a life of total darkness. She cried a little harder as she thought about the only way for a pair of donor eyes to come available. Someone would have to die. She hated knowing that she’d be benefiting from someone’s death.
Darien looked up at the sky and let the heat from the sun dry her tear-stained face. She had never been a very emotional person, not until the day she woke up in the dark. It took her a full month before she was ready to stand up on a stage in her full dress uniform, in front of her parents, Val, and a select group of her peers. She received the commending Silver Star and Purple Heart medals from the President of the United States for her meritorious service and sacrifice in the War on Terrorism. She knew there were reporters and TV cameras close to the stage. She could hear the commotion. It wasn’t until later that Val told her she’d been on na
tional television. She wasn’t exactly pleased that the ceremony had been televised, but she’d understood why.
That same day Darien had also signed her Honorable Discharge papers. She could no longer serve her country and do the only job she had ever known because she was blind. She still wasn’t able to adjust to being out of the military. The fact that she couldn’t see meant her life had already changed drastically. Since she was eighteen years old, the only life she’d known was the United States Marine Corps. It felt weird being a civilian. Fortunately no one had come up to her saying they’d recognized her from the news stories about the attack on her convoy or receiving medals from the President. But she was going to be the center of a media circus once again when a donor became available. That thought didn’t appeal to her at all.
Darien had barely spoken about the procedure or the fact that she was probably going to be able to see again. Maybe not perfectly, and maybe not even in both eyes, but at least she would see something besides total darkness. Every time Val or her parents mentioned anything about her eyes, she simply changed the subject or left the room.
“Sun’s setting soon.”
“I know. I can feel it.” Darien didn’t have to turn around. She knew her cousin’s voice and had heard her walk up nearly five minutes earlier.
Since losing her sight, her hearing had taken on a dramatic change in sensitivity. She felt like she had dog ears. She barely slept most nights because she heard every single sound in the house. It drove her nuts.
***
Darien had just sat down at the dinner table when Val’s cell phone rang loudly. She listened as Val answered and told whomever it was to hold on.
“It’s for you,” Val said, grabbing her hand to place the phone in it.
“If it’s my parents, tell them I’ll call them later.” Darien pulled her hand away.
“It’s Dr. Norton,” Val whispered.
Darien turned her head towards Val’s voice and reached her hand out. “Hello?” she answered, holding the phone to her ear.
“Darien, it’s time,” he said. “You have a donor and the organs are on a private jet, headed this way as we speak.”
“Okay,” she murmured in shock. Pulling the phone from her ear, she whispered, “There’s a donor.”
Val immediately grabbed the phone to get all of the details from the doctor. She ran to the kitchen to write down the specifics. Darien was sitting at the dining table with her head in her hands as she took in one labored breath after the other, letting them out slowly.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Val asked, patting her shoulder.
“There’s nothing I want more than to see again.”
“What if it doesn’t work, Darien? Is it worth going through another surgery?”
“I thought we went over all of this?” Darien huffed.
“We did. I’m just making sure.”
“Val, it’s a done deal. I know the consequences. It’s my life. This is what I want.” She pushed her chair back from the table and reached for her walking cane. “What’s our timeline?”
Val smiled at the woman in front of her. The rigid composure and stern temperament of a military officer were drilled so deeply into Darien. A lifetime could go by and she would still be a Marine.
“We have to check in at the hospital in half an hour,” Val answered.
“What are we waiting for then?”
In all honestly, they weren’t waiting for anything. Darien had insisted that they have a bag packed and ready to go in case they got the call and needed to rush out. The only thing Val needed to do was get her in the car and to the hospital.
“You need to call your parents,” Val said while she watched Darien walk down the hall towards her room with the walking stick bouncing off the baseboards as she found her way.
“You can call them when the surgery starts,” Darien said as she changed into a pair of black gym shorts and a dark gray t-shirt with USMC written across the front in black letters. She pulled on a black pair of running socks and her sneakers before walking back into the living room. “I’m ready,” she called out, turning her head when she heard footsteps on the right.
“Your parents will be on the next plane,” Val informed, grabbing her hand.
“You called them already?”
“Of course, damn it. You can’t do this alone.”
“I’m not alone. You’re here. Now come on before I figure out how to drive us there myself.”
Val shook her head and helped Darien to the car before going back in for the packed bag.
***
The surgery had taken four long hours. Dr. Norton walked into the waiting room with his mask pulled down off his face. Val jumped from her seat next to Darien’s parents.
“Her optic nerves gave us a bit of hassle, but everything went smoothly,” he said.
“Can she see?” Darien’s mother asked.
“These are Darien’s parents, Paula and Mike Hollister,” Val added.
“I’m pleased to meet you both.” Dr. Norton smiled softly, then sighed, “I’m afraid we won’t know anything for at least twenty-four hours. She’s in recovery now, but we have her heavily sedated. We don’t want her to stress out the new organs.”
“We understand,” Paula said.
“Can we see her?” Val asked.
“I’ll have the nurse come get you once she’s been moved from recovery.”
Mr. Hollister stood up, hugging his wife and niece as they cried tears of hope. Darien had already been through so much in the last seven months. They weren’t sure how she’d handle it if the surgery failed.
***
Darien’s father had spent the rest of the night on the couch in the intensive care waiting room, while Paula and Val curled up in chairs in Darien’s room. The nurses had checked on her continuously throughout the night and into the next day. The doctor had called that morning and instructed the staff to slowly reduce the medication that was keeping her sedated.
Dr. Norton finally arrived later that afternoon and asked the family to wait down the hall while he removed the bandages and checked her eyes.
“Darien, can you hear me?” he asked, squeezing her hand as he watched her begin to wake up. “Come on, I know you’re fuzzy, but I need you to wake up for me.”
The nurse held a cup of water close to her with a straw at Darien’s lips. She took a few small sips and cleared her throat.
“I’m sorry. The medication we gave you makes everyone feel like they’ve been steamrolled and eaten a bag of cotton balls,” Dr. Norton laughed.
Darien cleared her throat a few times. “Did it work?” she rasped.
“We’re about to find out.” He instructed the nurse to turn the lights completely out as he began removing the bandages. “What do you see?” he asked.
“Darkness,” Darien murmured.
“That’s to be expected. It’s dark in here.” He shined his penlight on the wall above her.
“I see light!” she exclaimed.
“Good. I don’t want to stress the eyes, so we’re going to cover them back up for a couple more days. I’m going to keep you in here a little longer so we can keep a close watch on you and make sure your new eyes get the drops they need every two hours.”
“Do you think I can see since I saw the light?” she asked as he put new bandages on her eyes.
“Well, you couldn’t tell light from dark before the surgery, so that’s a good sign. We’ll talk more in a few days. Take it easy. Stress builds pressure in the eyes and blood vessels, and we definitely don’t want that.”
***
When the doctor returned a few days later, the bandages over Darien’s eyes were removed, and she saw shadows in the dark room. He worked the light up to a medium level slowly over the next couple of days. Darien’s eyes focused a little more as the light was increased in the room, until she was able to fully recognize everything in the dim lighting.
She’d become a little nearsighted with her new
eyes so Dr. Norton had ordered her a pair of glasses to wear outside at night. She was instructed to only wear dark sunglasses that completely covered her eyes while outside during the day, so he ordered her prescription sunglasses as well.
The only issue she seemed to have was the loss of her peripheral version. She could see straight ahead and up and down nearly thirty feet before it started to become a little blurry, but there was also this black wall, built up on both sides of her face, extending out nearly six inches. Dr. Norton told her that would probably never go away, but it didn’t matter as long as she could see again.
Chapter 4
Six months after the surgery, Darien was fully recovered and had finally gotten used to the loss of her peripheral vision. She hated wearing the prescription glasses at night and went without them on most occasions. She’d been a ball of mixed emotions since the day she’d opened her eyes and saw her family’s faces. Knowing someone had to die for her to be able to see again had broken her heart. Enough death and destruction followed her as it was—this only added to the pile that weighed heavily on her shoulders. She still hadn’t gotten used to seeing the bright, turquoise blue eyes staring back at her in the mirror. Hers had been a dull shade of brown, and the change made her feel like she was looking at a stranger.
Darien had sat on the beach for weeks, silently thanking her donor as she watched the sun rise and set, until she’d finally decided the only way she could move on with her newfound sight was to find the donor’s family and thank them for the gift she’d received.
Val had told her she was nuts when Darien met with Dr. Norton to see if he’d give her the donor’s information, which of course, he couldn’t because it was anonymous. All he was able to tell her was the donor had been a healthy woman, and the organs had come from somewhere in the Midwest.
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