Baby Bombshell

by Lisa Ruff

  “They’ll appreciate it,” Ian said.

  “If they ever speak to me again,” Evan added flatly.

  “How long does Pop hold a grudge?” Patrick asked. “A couple of explosions, then it’s over.”

  Evan wasn’t so sure, especially in this case. This was not some schoolboy prank that deserved a paternal tongue-lashing. This was a serious, heart-deep wound. He followed the two men back downstairs and to the door. Letting them out, he stood on the front porch as they walked away. But Ian turned back a few steps as if he had forgotten something.

  “You’ve kept a flame burning for Anna for twelve years, Evan. That should tell you something about your ability to be faithful.”

  “Desire isn’t love.”

  “Maybe not, but it’s a damn good place to start.” With that, Ian turned and caught up with his brother.

  Sighing tiredly, Evan went back inside and shut the door. All he had done lately was hurt people. Anna, Antonio, Elaine, Patrick, Ian: another endless list. Ian had obviously forgiven him, Patrick would eventually, but damage had been done to their relationship. As for Antonio and Elaine? Evan sat on the sofa and stared blankly out the window. He had lost the only real family he knew.

  He laid his head back and closed his eyes. At least he had proven himself right: just like his father, he had abandoned those who mattered most to him. The look on Anna’s face when he had asked her to marry him flashed in his mind. She was right, too. He didn’t love her. Thank God for that. If he did love her, just think of the damage he could have done.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Oh, look! There’s Claire!” Elaine patted Anna’s arm. “I’ll just go say hello.”

  Anna turned and saw Mimi’s parents, Claire and George Green, strolling down the aisle toward them. She waved and smiled, but did not leave her chair. She needed a few minutes alone to compose herself. Physically, she was prepared for the coming meeting, emotionally was another story.

  Facing forward, Anna gazed at the same navy-skirted table arrayed with microphones she had seen a week ago. The same two flags hung limp behind it. The same podium stood off to the left on the same dull, gray carpet. Yet everything in Anna’s life had changed. Amazingly, it had taken only seven days for her to travel from anger through passion and down to the pit of despair, from which she was still trying to crawl.

  Thrusting away the depressing thought, Anna reviewed her notes for her presentation. The tactic didn’t work too well, since every page bore Evan’s stamp. He had taken her words and expanded them, adding his thoughts, corrections and—dare she think it?—his charm. His style was vastly different from hers: less direct, more diplomatic. Yet somehow, they meshed. Why couldn’t they weave their lives together like that? Dropping the papers to her lap, Anna looked up and stared blindly ahead.

  She had to stop this.

  She had to stop loving Evan McKenzie.

  Closing her eyes against potential tears, she took a deep breath and held it as she counted to ten. Letting it out slowly, she regained composure. Choices had been made and now they all had to live with them. She would make it through this meeting, fly back home and enjoy the rest of her life without him. No one had ever died of a broken heart. They had just felt that way.

  At the sound of her name, her eyes opened and she turned around in her seat again. Mimi and Ian waved from the back of the room as they worked their way up to the front. Anna was surprised to see so many people: nearly half the chairs were filled already. She set her paperwork on the adjacent chair, stood and hugged her brother and her friend when they reached her side.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “Full family force,” Ian said with a smile. “If they don’t grant us permission, Pop wants us all to rush the stage.”

  “Everyone’s coming?” Anna asked, frowning.

  “Pretty much.” Ian ticked off attendees on his fingers. “Us, Jeannie and Charlie and their kids, Ma and Pop, Patrick, Kate and Kate’s aunt Molly. Then there’s most of the guys from the yard, the Greens and at least two dozen other neighbors and friends. You’ve got the house stacked in your favor, sis. Give ’em hell!”

  Anna felt a swell of love for her family. “You did not have to come,” she said, hugging them again. “But I’m glad you did.”

  “We’re in this together, Annie.” Ian kept his arm around her. “Anything you need, we’re here for you.”

  “Thanks.” The word wobbled a bit as it came from her lips. Why had she moved three thousand miles away from these wonderful people?

  The noise level in the meeting room had risen as they talked. Ian was right: the room was going to be full. She waved and smiled at her family and those she recognized from the boatyard or the neighborhood. A trio of commissioners now stood behind the table. They seemed oblivious to the crowd as they chatted with each other.

  Patrick and Kate walked up and greeted them all.

  “Ready for action?” Patrick asked.

  “As I’ll ever be,” Anna said. She turned to Kate. “What, no Beth? I’m disappointed.”

  “The last thing we need is a toddler who’s reached the ‘terrible twos’ a few months early.” Kate shook her head in dismay.

  “She’s ahead of all her peers. We’re so proud of her,” Patrick said with a grin.

  “You don’t get the pleasure of her tantrums all day long.”

  “No, but I get the pleasure of yours after work,” Patrick said, putting an arm around his wife and squeezing her to his side.

  Kate threatened to slap him, then gave him a kiss. Watching them tease each other, Anna felt a pang of loneliness and envy.

  “Everybody’s here,” Patrick said. “The whole family, except for McKenzie. I doubt he’ll show up, since he’s still on Pop’s shit-list.”

  “He may be crazy, but he isn’t stupid,” Ian said.

  “Too bad he’s not crazy about me,” Anna said with a rueful laugh.

  An uncomfortable silence fell over the group, until Ian spoke up. “The thing is, Evan is crazy about you. He’s just fighting it.”

  “Sounds like someone else I used to know. Doesn’t it?” Mimi asked, nudging Ian with her elbow.

  “Hey, I came to my senses,” Ian said.

  “Gave up a losing battle, you mean,” Patrick said with a chuckle.

  Ian shrugged, but his face lit with a grin. Anna glanced to the left, toward the doors. Her parents were greeting everyone they knew. She smiled as she saw Antonio throw his hands up in the air, then clap a man on the shoulders and kiss him on both cheeks. The Italian always came out when her father worked a room. Then, out of the corner of her eye, Anna caught a glimpse of a figure framed in the doorway. It was enough to stop her heart for a second and send a shiver across her skin.

  Evan had come.

  She felt a sudden burst of pride. What it had cost him to be here, she didn’t know. But he had done it. He had shown up, even though he must know he was the last person her father wanted to see. He looked tired and weary, yet strong and handsome, too, in his dark blue suit with a tie in navy stripes, his hair brushed and gleaming. Everything she could want in a man.

  But everything she would never have, too.

  “Well, I was wrong,” Ian said. “He is stupid.” He put a hand on his sister’s shoulder and gave it a consoling squeeze.

  They watched Evan square his shoulders and step cautiously into the room, as if he expected someone to shoot him at any moment. As he edged his way through the crowd to a seat in the back, eyes and whispers followed his passage and more than one person glared at him.

  Anna caught the moment that he saw her parents. His cool, stoic expression shattered for just an instant. She saw such grief and pain on his face that her heart ached for him. It hurt even worse when his quick glance took her in, standing together with her brothers and their wives. He looked away and Anna wanted to weep for him; he seemed so alone. But there was nothing she could do. He chose his path.

  “Better grab a seat,” Patr
ick said. “Before they’re all taken.”

  Anna sank down onto her chair, weak and numb. Pulling her files back onto her lap, she kept her head down, eyes on the letters of the first page. The words themselves were illegible to her. Evan was not the only stupid one in the room. Her heart was just as foolish. It could not stop loving him. Maybe it never would.

  ONE LOOK AT ANNA AND the sadness in her eyes was enough to make Evan crumble and almost back out of the room. He had to force himself to keep moving forward. Regardless of what they had said yesterday, Patrick and Ian didn’t look happy to see him, either. Evan was pretty sure that Antonio and Elaine had not noticed him. Which was a good thing, because Antonio was likely to throw him out into the street. Not wanting to push his luck, Evan slipped into an aisle seat in the second-to-last row.

  He had contemplated not showing up tonight. It would be the safest alternative. He knew he would not be welcome. Two things had gotten him to his car and underway. First was that Anna might need his help. She probably wouldn’t want it, but he was not going to let Miriam Shermer sharpen her claws on her again. The second thing was that, even if they hated him for the rest of his life, he was going to do everything in his power to secure Antonio and Elaine’s future. He owed them that much.

  With any luck, things would go well. He could sneak out before it was over and disappear into the night. In the meantime, he hunched over in the chair and put his head in his hands. It ached with the accumulated pressure of three sleepless nights and a new, deep understanding of his own immutable flaws.

  Those standing around him began sitting down, too. Just when he thought he was out of danger, a familiar voice called his name loudly. He looked up: Elaine Berzani was headed his way. Conversation nearby ceased and everyone turned to look at Evan. He froze for an instant, then steeled himself to stand. He would face this on his feet, like the man he had failed so miserably to be.

  As Elaine approached, Evan watched her intently. Her face was lined not with anger or vengeance, but with sadness. Elaine stepped closer and he braced himself. He deserved anything she chose to throw at him. When she kissed his cheek, then put her arms around him, Evan was so shocked he simply stood there, unable to move. His heart thudded in panic mixed with hope. Slowly, fearing he was dreaming, he returned her embrace. Elaine patted him on the back and Evan held her tighter.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her hair, his voice a hoarse rasp.

  “Yes, dear. I know,” she said, drawing back to gaze up at him. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she dabbed at them with a handkerchief. Evan felt a renewed rush of shame and anger with himself. Even though he knew Elaine cried for the smallest reason, he was sorry to know that this time he was the cause of her tears.

  Evan was not surprised when Antonio came and stood beside his wife. Elaine was too soft to chastise Evan, but her husband would have no such qualms. As a boy, Evan had learned that lesson well. Ready to receive his rightful punishment, Evan released Elaine and turned to meet the older man’s stern gaze. Antonio’s dark eyes, so much like Anna’s, drilled into Evan’s mercilessly.

  “We must talk, you and I.”

  Evan swallowed. “Yes. Mr. Berzani, I—”

  “Hey! What is this ‘mister’ business?” Antonio scowled at him. “Am I no longer ‘Pop’ to you?”

  The question struck Evan’s core and bewildered him. He did not know how to answer. “I screwed up. I made a mess of Anna’s life.”

  “Yes, you have done that,” the older man agreed sharply. “And you have done the same for your own, I think.”

  Evan could only nod.

  “Well, this is why we must talk. You and I, we can straighten things out, make sure this child gets what it needs.”

  “Not now, dear. We better get to our seats.” Elaine tucked her hand into the crook of her husband’s arm. “I saved three up front next to the kids.”

  “Perfetto!” Antonio rubbed his hands together triumphantly. “They cannot say no to the whole Berzani family.”

  Evan looked at them, unsure he could believe any of what he had just heard. Was he forgiven? Or were they just being kind? Or maybe this was some elaborate fantasy he had dreamed up.

  As if he sensed the younger man’s confusion Antonio stopped, put a hand on Evan’s shoulder and shook him a little. “You are family, Evan. Nothing can change that.”

  Evan searched the man’s eyes and saw the truth. There was disappointment and hurt there, but love shone more brightly. The knowledge dazed him. When Elaine tugged at his arm, he followed unresistingly.

  “Hurry up, dears,” she said. “The chairman is seated.”

  Seconds later, Evan found himself sitting in the front row, a line of Berzanis stretching out to his right and behind him. His head whirled as he tried to understand why Elaine and Antonio still loved him. How could it be that he could hurt them so much and still be part of their family?

  The gavel fell, the meeting started, but Evan barely paid attention. Anna rose. He had a clear view of her as she took her post at the podium. She began to speak. Her words were a murmur of sound in his ears, their meaning indistinct, but her face fascinated him. She was so beautiful, so vibrant and alive. He had missed her unbearably over the past two days. How was he going to endure a lifetime without her?

  Evan glanced down the line of seats and saw a family that stuck together through the hard times. Generations supporting each other: living, loving, fighting, working. Together. They were a wonder to behold. Even more wonderful was the realization that he was a part of it. Evan looked at Patrick and could almost hear him saying again how no one got a guarantee. Marriage was work, but it was the best, most satisfying kind. Evan could also hear Ian asking him to look deep into himself and discover his love for Anna. They were his best friends and his family and, for better or worse, he belonged to them. Both he and Anna.

  Elaine, sitting beside him, took his hand. She was holding Antonio’s hand on her other side. She shot him a glance full of forgiveness, gave him a reassuring squeeze, then turned back to her daughter’s speech. He loved her like a mother. He loved Patrick and Ian like brothers. Antonio he might very well love more than his own father.

  Looking over at Anna again, Evan admitted that he loved Elaine and Antonio’s daughter, too. What he felt for her was deeper and wider than his love for any of the other Berzanis. He wanted her in his life for now and forever, even more than he wanted this family. Acknowledging this truth was like shedding a terrible weight he had carried for too long.

  Evan realized that he wanted to take the chance he had never allowed himself before. He wanted to be a true part of the family with Anna and their child. Without intent or forethought, they had laid the foundations. Now he knew he wanted their child to have the parents he had not been born with, but had been lucky enough to find when his own failed.

  It occurred to Evan that his reasons for avoiding marriage were based on the worst that could happen. But what if it didn’t? What if the best happened instead? What if he reached out and took what he wanted and they were both happy? Evan had always claimed to be his father’s son, but now he wondered which father held the most sway over him, Antonio Berzani or James McKenzie? A leopard never changed his spots, and neither did Evan McKenzie. But whose spots was he wearing?

  Evan heard Anna begin her summation. He had written most of it himself. He might be biased, but he thought she was doing well. He looked at the table of commissioners and tried to read their minds. Except for Miriam Shermer, they appeared so stoic or even bored that he could not tell. Anna concluded, thanking the committee for allowing them a special session and for considering their request.

  The chairman turned to his cohorts and asked if there were any questions or concerns. There were none. Except for Miriam Shermer. Her scathing questions and sarcastic criticisms were nearly a repeat of last week. This time, Evan’s temper boiled over before Antonio’s. He was not letting her take a piece out of Anna—never again. It was time for the gloves to co
me off. Standing, he went to the podium.

  Anna was in the middle of showing the commission a graph of noise levels in the new development, assuring them that they would be far less than the boatyard now produced. Miriam was already making negative noises, sending huffs of irritated breath through her microphone, triggering feedback. Evan nudged Anna aside gently. With a look of shock, then annoyance, she stepped back.

  “Mr. McKenzie, it is not time for comments from the audience,” the chairman said stiffly.

  “Mr. Chairman, as you know, I’m an applicant for this project,” Evan said, raising the microphone to his level. “In fact, most of the folks in this room tonight are, too.”

  “What is your point, Mr. McKenzie?” the chairman asked.

  “My point is that we’re all wasting our time. These people all want the work to go through and you would have approved it if Miriam Shermer hadn’t raised such a stink. A stink that she knew was bogus from the start.”

  A few loud agreements and some groans came from the audience. The chairman banged his gavel. “Order! Order!”

  “Quiet everyone,” Evan said sharply into his microphone. As the crowd quieted, Evan looked directly at Miriam Shermer. “I’m sorry I hurt your niece, Miriam. I didn’t love her, but I should have been kinder in letting her know that. My only excuse is that I was confused about the woman I do love. If it’s any consolation, I managed to hurt her at least as much as I hurt Kippy.”

  The whispers in the room rose to a buzz. The chairman rapped for quiet again. Evan looked at Anna and saw her eyes were filled with tears. She had put a hand to her trembling lips.

  Before turning back to face the panel, Evan took Anna’s hand and pressed a gentle kiss to her palm. It was a simple request for her forgiveness, for spurning the love he had never deserved in the first place and now wanted more than anything in life. She blinked and gazed at him with wonder and confusion.

  “Miriam, I understand why you want to repay the suffering that I caused Kippy,” Evan continued, looking at the older woman again, but keeping Anna’s hand tightly gripped in his own. “I know that’s probably why you’ve picked apart our project. Family takes care of family. I didn’t realize what that meant before tonight. I do now. I hope you’ll realize that this project is about family, too.”