“What way? Tell me.”
Alex tipped her head back. The pale linen canopy and pine plank ceiling beyond held no answers. Lids lowered. Ugh. Well, he is good with the psychology stuff. She brought her gaze back to his. A sincere concern softened his countenance. Just tell him. Still no words came. Alex frowned.
“Just remember some of the talks we had on that ship deck. I am still here.”
She pushed her shoulder at him and giggled. “Okay, yeah, some of those were pretty deep. And if I didn’t scare you off with my paranormal stuff… guess my weirdness is a turn-on for you?”
An eyebrow hike and wink accompanied a smirk that widened to a devilish grin.
“Stop!” His playful acceptance eased her misgiving. “All right, here goes.” Oh Lord. At least with all their talks and consummate friendship, he’d already experienced her sentimental, heart-on-her-sleeve side. He’d always offered great perspectives that helped her better understand perplexing thoughts. And there was their talk over dinner at her apartment. You have spilled your guts to him about plenty already. She blew out a breath. “I don’t know where this hesitation is coming from. I know you. And I know what I want. I just… I don’t want you to think that I… I want you to think the best of me. I don’t just…” She squeezed his hands. “This, with you, means… everything.” Her gaze lowered to his chest and its sparse coating of hair. “Maybe I just care too much. I want you to think the best, to know… that it’ll always be you and only you.” Her voice hushed. “I’ve known that for a while.” Damp lashes veiled the impassioned charge of her admission as she refocused to his attentive gaze. “I feel like I’m falling so fast.”
That small line that forged between neat brows whenever she searched for words that eluded her. But she needn’t search further.
Aaron couldn’t help analyzing her at their first few encounters on the ship, and the profile his mind had developed remained solid. An easy jovialness in conversation, flirtation came only once she reached confidence in interaction. And not with just anyone. Kind and funny, she still kept reservations to a point, making sure the person she dealt with could be trusted in honesty. Cautious with the need to get to know someone before she would open up fully. And even then, she would hold back in observation.
Her playfulness with him had been sweet with just the right amount of naughty without going over the top. She would never throw herself at anyone, too self-respecting to act sleazy, too weary of being taken advantage of. The type of quality woman that would laugh at and walk away from a player. In general, a woman like that would be hard-pressed to participate in one-night stands or any frivolous relationship. Commitment of body and soul to another would be reserved only for a most cherished and loyal partner. To some that could come off as superiority, but it was only the wish for a more meaningful long-term experience than a quick fling could hold. The discipline to wait for what she wanted most.
Written through discord that now colored downcast eyes lay the burning desire to give herself to him crashing headlong into the ingrained reluctance to appear an easy mark and a fear of subsequently being discarded. She had solid core values. And she’d been hurt before. A tenderhearted soul, was she afraid to truly give her whole heart lest it be unrecoverable? No, that wasn’t it at all. She’d already given it and wanted only to be perceived as respectable and worthy of the highest expression of love in return. She respected herself too much and deserved that respect and self-respect in another.
There also resided the shy little girl from childhood.
She might not grasp the subtle nuances of her personality, but her struggle at sharing their first physical intimacy endeared him to her even more. And made him want to be a better man. Also, bringing to the forefront of his mind just how much he wanted her only for himself. She would love completely. She had fallen for him. Did he deserve that?
His eyes stung, and he gave her a comforting smile. The world could be cold, and shame at some of his own conduct in the past began to surface. After the orders, after he’d left the devastation of that cruel life, trying to find his way in an unfeeling cocoon he felt due him because of it. But that was long ago and under completely different circumstances concerning all parties involved. When he couldn’t bear sharing his true self with anyone. Long before he’d found this one. His one. He swallowed down the growing lump in his throat and squeezed her hands. “Don’t feel weird about it. Religious and cultural beliefs, societal expectations, and moral values shape our thinking, and they often clash. And when something holds high value in your heart, you want to keep it sacred and safe. Honestly, having it bother you this much, well, that’s damn inspiring, especially these days.” And to know you place that high a value on me… He rested his forehead against hers. “Who knows, maybe even if we were both the biggest players out there, this connection we share would’ve negated all that and made us only want each other anyway. Just my thoughts. And if I was out for one thing, you’d know that by now. That’s not me. And I know that’s not you either.” Hell, I could tell that the first time I saw you on the ship. “I wouldn’t have you here if it was. And I could never be disappointed in you. Ever. Whatever you choose right now. I’m right here either way. Believe that. I don’t think I could give you up even if I tried. This with you means one helluva… it means everything to me too.”
His husky voice was soft and nearly shaking. Long lashes framed shimmering blue-green pools that reached inside her soul, his gaze unwavering despite the glisten of tears. He sucked in his bottom lip to halt its quivering.
Alex couldn’t speak but leaned forward to kiss him again. Damp streaks traced both their cheeks to blend at ravenous lips. He wrapped his arms around her and trapped her hands behind her back, locking her against him. Enfolded in his embrace, she felt the aura around them energize with the singularity of their union.
Enticing heat from his bare chest and arms permeated the thin fabric of her T-shirt. Warm scent of freshly washed skin, hearts in unified cadence. Pure intoxication. She crushed her body to his. Sinewy biceps, the strongest steel, a tender armor to her cares, snugged her into his secure hold.
“Alex… I’m gonna do something that may piss you off.”
“Uh…” What in the world was he saying? Oh shit. “What?”
He brushed his lips to hers again. “I’m gonna tuck you in for the night.”
Was that some sort of slang term she’d been oblivious to in life, or was he being straightforward? The sudden shift in perceived direction caught her off guard. Yet again. He was good at that. “Um, okay?”
He smiled back at her and hugged her tight, disengaged one hand from hers, and leaned her back just enough to grab the top of the comforter and top sheet. He dragged them near her and lowered her onto her back.
Alex lifted her hips, allowing Aaron to pull the bedding all the way from underneath her. He took her leg and placed a soft kiss on her ankle before sliding both her feet under the sheet. He bounded up beside her, and she rolled to face him as he slid in on his side and pulled the covers up over them both.
“I’m gonna sleep with you. But actually sleep. Tonight. Hopefully.” One corner of his mouth turned up, and the inner corners of his brows rose.
Alex couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the playful light on his face and that quirky half smile, lower lip caught once again in his teeth. Oh my God, this man is adorable! She reached over to brush dampness from his cheeks.
How many times had she wondered at the extreme variances in his being? The efficient killer in defense, the smart-aleck joker, the childlike, intelligent, fun, and comforting partner with her. And while he could hide them well, he was becoming much more open in sharing his true emotions with her. She could find no words.
The chivalry of his decision relaxed her and brought her to awe, but at the same time she couldn’t help the longing that swept through her. It just made her want him that much more. He could take her right now and she’d let him.
Those opposing aspects
tore at her, but he was giving her exactly what she needed. His honor. His body in close contact with hers, his desire obvious, and yet he cared more for how she felt and what she would experience than acting on his own yearnings. Her admiration of his reverence for her was pushing her further into her own passion for him, and she ached to share herself with him and embody in that way the true love which he so richly deserved. What was it he had all but whispered the first night in her apartment as she lay against him on her couch? In time. She sighed into a smile. It would be worth it all the more. Enraptured in his presence and care, she snuggled up closer as he looped an arm around behind her.
Aaron read the continued conflict in her hazel eyes. Soft pink surfaces of flushed cheeks, smooth and warm under his fingers as he wiped away her drying tears. Well, it would definitely make for an interesting night to see if they could make it through and keep to his word. Oh boy. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it?
No, this was something he needed to prove to her and himself. He could be honorable. He was honorable. Maybe that was more a thing he needed to convince himself of. And maybe he didn’t need to be in this particular situation, but he wanted to be. At least for this first night. For her. Tomorrow however… He’d plan something extra special for them. They were both ready.
They were intimately connected, closer than he’d allowed anyone to touch his soul since his childhood. Damn. What was it about her that made him let his guard down? There was something extraordinary with her, something sacred. Their initial physical intimacy should be nicer than just jumping into bed after a long day on the road.
He tangled his fingers into her hair. “You good?” he murmured.
“I’m good.” Slender fingers drifted along his shoulder blade as she caressed his back. Her eyes glistened in the low light. “Thank you for being sweet.”
Aaron chuckled and stretched up over her to click off the bedside lamp. “Don’t think most people would call me sweet. But you’re very welcome.”
He slid his hand back into Alex’s hair and brought her mouth to his. Her tongue entwined in urgency with his own, and that arresting, magnetic wave of whatever it was swept rational thought from his mind.
Her kisses, one place she didn’t hold back. This is incredible! Lord, I could get lost in these kisses. He pulled back from her lips and rested his forehead against hers. What is it about staring into the eyes of this woman? “Can I keep you?”
Alex kept her captivated gaze steady with his. “You know you can.”
“Okay. This is what we know.” Les looked at the guys and Alex.
All five sat around the table to review information and work out a plan of action.
Les continued. “There is nothing we can find left of the original group except you and Essex. For this to work out, it’s got to be so catastrophic that there’s no chance of anyone spending much time even thinking about looking into it.”
Aaron sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Honestly, the catastrophic idea is the best—take care of it all at once. I’d just rather not actually bite the dust on this.”
“That’s the whole point,” Les said with a dry chuckle. “But I agree. Find a way to take him out that looks like you went too. Just on the off chance that he does have anyone left that we don’t get. Though I doubt anyone else would care that much. Explosions are, of course, the best and most showy. And they can hide a lot. But we’ll have to consider all options on how to best accomplish it.”
Alex studied the center of the table, silent. Focus and positivity tripped over themselves in a rapid dash to the exit door in her overthinking brain. Though the guys were experienced in these types of operations and tactics, it all still came off as terribly uncertain and dangerous. Scary.
She pushed her chair back, got up, and walked to the other side of the room. Damp palms mashed across jeans-covered thighs. She hugged her shoulders. The aerial map on the wall in front of her disintegrated into a mosaic of muted colors. What they spoke of brought back to her too much of the ship. The why in their thinking made sense of course, but she just had to step away for a bit.
It had been hell enough then… but now? Waking in his arms this morning, last night’s tenderness, and the promise of his intentions for some extra quality alone time for them this coming evening; the rush of sparkling warmth and the beautiful ache that accompanied those thoughts combined in a crash with the heart-crushing lump in her chest at the risks of the scenarios being hashed out at the table behind her.
Every single tiny detail would need to be applied with incredible precision to pull off their plans. Aaron’s very survival depended on it. The hum of their voices reached her, but she didn’t register much more of what was said. She bit hard on her bottom lip to stave off tears.
After some time, discussion came to a close. Chairs scraped across cement as the four left the table. Footsteps behind her. Strong arms wrapped around her in a tight hug. Alex took hold of his hands and pressed them to her, remaining silent. Aaron rested his chin on her shoulder, the warmth of his cheek and breath on her neck a sweet balm. He held her a few minutes before speaking.
“Hit a little too close to home, didn’t it?”
A quick nod. The comfort of his body against hers now brought a safe sense of calm. After several more minutes, she turned around to face him. “I don’t want to be all screwed up about this, I don’t. But I can’t help it right now. It’s too much. It’s just the same thing, the ship all over again…”
“Except this time we’ll know what to expect.”
“Will we? Really?”
“Yeah, we will.” He gave her a brief smile. “We’re not going into this blindly. Of course there are always wild cards, but we’ll take the time we need, plan it down to the last detail. This discussion? It’s just preliminary, a rough idea. Just a place to start.”
Another nod and she wiped her eyes, trying to smile. “I’ll get it together, really.” How am I ever gonna get through this? She set her jaw. I just will. I have to trust. Them and myself. Contained apprehension morphed into a playful smirk. “But right now… I really just want to shoot something.”
Aaron laughed and gave her a quick hug, rubbing her back. “You know, that’s not a bad idea.” He released her and took hold of her hand, leading her back toward the others. “Hey, Les. Range time?”
“Sounds like a plan.” Les walked over to join them.
“Yesss!” Andy exclaimed and headed straight for the “toy box.” “Hey, Brain, ya comin’ this time?”
Mikey remained in the kitchen to make himself a snack. “No, no, I’m gonna hang here.”
“C’mon, you hardly ever shoot.”
“I’m good,” Mikey replied. “Enjoy.”
Andy waved him off as he punched codes and moved through the doors to the weapons room. The others followed, gathering various arms and ammo. They headed outside.
The range was crude but well laid out. Close-up targets maxed out at about two hundred feet with marks at distance for rifles.
Alex and Andy fired various handguns for over an hour. Running out the last six rounds in her current magazine, Alex checked her pattern. Not too bad for that far. They’d need to walk out there and check it up close later. Andy hadn’t fired yet on his last reload. Maybe he was just waiting for her to finish out hers. She glanced over at him and nearly burst out laughing.
“Uh, what?” she asked at his starry-eyed stare.
“Dude! You totally been hitting that two-hundred-foot one!”
“Yeah…?”
“With a handgun!”
“And…?”
“Well… I can’t hit one that far with a handgun. Not like that.”
Alex smiled at him. “Practice. But I always have. I still miss some out that far, but not too many.”
Andy still gaped. “But that’s like, less than a two-foot round… at two hundred feet? That’s rad!”
Alex gave a humble shrug. “Thanks.”
Of her last set, the center of th
at farthest disposable target liner did appear rather lacy upon closer inspection, even from this distance. A giggled snort escaped her when a good lower third of it flopped down to dangle in the breeze. Most, if not all, shots had hit their marks.
Lou would appreciate a field grouping like that. She’d take a picture of the riddled paper and show it to her… sometime. Wish I could text you right now, girl. She holstered her own favorite pistol, her SIG 9mm she’d just finished firing. Many holes in targets… oh yeah. Her accuracy bolstered her confidence in the face of the earlier vexing discourse.
She looked back to Andy and grinned. “And I feel a whole lot better now too.”
Percussion still sounded from Les and Aaron picking off the long-range targets, and she turned her gaze toward them.
Andy nudged her arm. “You should totally try the rifles too. Bet you’d be good.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know about that,” she replied with a laugh. “But I’d love to.”
Andy elbowed her arm again and started over. She followed. They waited in observation a ways behind until Aaron and Les reached a stopping point.
Andy approached them, Alex trailing a step. “Sweet shootin’, guys!” He motioned to Alex as she stopped beside him. “She’s over there pickin’ off crap at the two-hundred-feet mark! Puts me to shame.”
Off the Deep End Page 19