by Hart, Alana
He was smiling but I felt awkward and put on the spot. "I can't afford this."
"I know, that's why I'm going to be paying for it. You might as well get used to it now, Ellie."
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. We're engaged. What's mine is yours and so on."
"Cade..."
He put his arm around my shoulder and stopped kidding around.
"Ellie, listen to me. You don't have to struggle anymore, alright? That's over. I know it's sudden and I know it's going to take some getting used to, but it's how things are going to be from now on. I want to take care of you and the boys. There's nothing I want more, alright? So bite your tongue, because we're going to have a feast tonight."
I bit my tongue. Cade was right, though. It felt very, very strange to walk into the grocery store with what was essentially a blank check. I couldn't stop myself from checking all the prices, doing comparisons and calculations in my head for the best deals. He knew I was doing it and he was very patient with me, but when I was done comparing bargain cuts of beef he just grinned and threw about eighty dollars worth of steaks into the cart.
"This is nothing, Ellie. I can spend way more than this on one steak in L.A."
"Really? A steak from some kind of magical cow?"
He laughed and then suddenly stopped as he spotted someone behind me. Without thinking, I turned. It was Katy Grebling and she was staring right back at us.
"Cade, let's go," I whispered, trying to push past him in a near-panic to get away from her. He stopped me.
"No, Ellie. Why should you run away and not her?"
"Please. Please, let's just go."
My stomach was sinking. I knew Katy Grebling wasn't going to try and beat me up right there in the grocery store but just seeing her was enough to bring back a sudden rush of shame and humiliation.
"No!" Cade said, much louder that time, holding me steady.
"Aw, look at this. A domestic in the grocery store, how perfectly appropriate."
It was Katy. Cade and I both turned to stare at her, shocked she'd had the balls to say anything.
"And by 'appropriate,'" she continued, "I mean 'trashy.'"
I looked at Cade as his face reddened with anger and he took a few steps towards her.
"No, Cade. Just leave it. Just forget it, let's go. Please let's just go!"
But he wouldn't leave. In fact he walked right up to Katy Grebling and smiled at her.
"It must be pretty hard for you, Katy. I understand."
She made a little scoffing sound but I could see the indignation on her face.
"What the fuck are you talking about, asshole?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. How's life for you, by the way? I heard you had three kids and got divorced. Actually I heard you got divorced twice. I can't say that I'm too surprised. Not many men like cruel, violent women. What happened to that law degree you were going to get? The apartment in New York City?"
It was Katy's turn to go red. "What are you talking about? I'm very, I'm very happy," she spluttered, turning away from Cade to walk away. He didn't let her go.
"You never got over high school, did you? Why else would you act like this? Why else would you talk shit to a woman you tormented for years, a woman you know damn well is a hundred times better than you'll ever be?"
I knew Katy wasn't going to be able to walk away from that, the comparison to me, and she didn't. She whipped around to face Cade, her face now a dark, scarlet red.
"You, uh, you keep telling yourself that, Cade."
"I feel sorry for you, Katy. It must be kinda shitty, being you. Having to look down on other people to feel better about your own tawdry little life. Here, look at this."
He lifted up my hand and showed Katy the sparkler on my finger.
"You see that? It's an engagement ring. We're getting married. Maybe you can sell the story to the tabloids and make a few bucks?"
I turned around then, too, to face Katy. It was the first time in my life I'd ever felt brave enough to do it.
"What? Cade, you're marrying her?"
She tried to laugh but it wasn't very convincing. I could see the shock on her face.
"Yeah, we're getting married. I love Ellie. More than anyone will ever love you. You should try and be a better person, Katy. It's the only way there's any hope for you at all."
I smiled. I couldn't help it, I smiled. Katy's eyes met mine for a few delicious seconds that felt like justice and then she disappeared down one of the aisles, stumbling slightly in her rush to get out of the store. Me and Cade looked at each other.
"Damn, Cade."
"She deserved it, babe. I remember everything about the day she beat you up. She's lucky I didn't rip her fucking head off."
I just stood there for a few seconds, working out what I was feeling. Cade put his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.
"I'm with you now, Ellie. Do you understand? I'm with you. I'm on your side. No one is ever going to be allowed to mess with you again, I promise you that."
That's what it was. The feeling of having someone who had my back, no matter what. It was brand new and it made me warm with gratefulness and love. I nestled my head into Cade's chest and whispered.
"Thank you."
"It's OK, beautiful. But just so you know, you're now obligated to jump onto the ice the next time someone tries to kick my ass."
I giggled and we continued shopping. Neither of us mentioned Katy Grebling again. There was no need.
We cooked dinner together, all six of us, even Christopher, who was put in charge of mashing the potatoes and managed to keep most of them in the bowl. It was about twenty minutes into this dinner that Cade looked up from his steak and looked around the table.
"So, boys, I think it's time you knew."
All four of them looked up, rapt as they usually were when Cade was speaking to them. It was Baby Ben who spoke first.
"Are you getting married to Ellie?"
"Ah, our secret's been discovered!" Cade laughed as an undercurrent of excitement filled the room, bouncing from person to person.
I went to my bedroom and got the ring at David's request and they each took turns examining it, remarking on how sparkly it was and making impressed sounds.
When the initial surprise had worn off Cade asked them what they thought and Jacob answered for himself and his brothers, looking at me as he spoke.
"I think it's awesome. I remember you two when you were still in high school and I was a little kid - everyone knew you were in love, we could just tell. You were meant to be together and me and David and Baby Ben all agree."
Tears started to form in my eyes and Jacob threw me a jokingly stern look. "Don't start, Ellie."
I laughed and Cade squeezed my knee under the table.
"Where are you going to live? Is Cade moving to North Falls?"
It was Baby Ben asking the question. I looked over at Cade to explain, although we hadn't actually discussed it ourselves yet.
"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking about that," he started, "and if Ellie doesn't mind I'd like to suggest something to everyone."
I caught his eye and nodded, giving my approval. Cade continued with all four boys hanging on his every word.
"Now before I go any further let me just say that this is up to Ellie, too. So we have to get her OK before we make any plans. Alright?"
Jacob, David, Baby Ben and Christopher all nodded in unison.
"Well, I have two years left on my contract with the Kings. I have to be in Los Angeles for those two years, and after that, who knows. But I have a very big, very empty house in L.A. and there's definitely room for five more people. We could probably fit in ten more if we needed to."
The boys laughed and I glanced at Cade, wondering if he was going where I thought he was going.
"Anyway. You've grown up in North Falls. I don't know how attached you are to it. But if Ellie was OK with it and you boys were OK with it I thoug
ht we could all live together in Los Angeles until my contract is up and then go from there."
As soon as he was finished, the room erupted with enthusiastic 'yeses' and shouts and pleading looks aimed in my direction. Cade turned to me.
"And what do you think, beautiful? Do you think you could get used to the California sunshine?"
I didn't know what to say at first. North Falls didn't hold any particular sway over me. I'd been an outcast for as long as I could remember, it wasn't a place filled with many warm memories. The boys, too, all went to school with other kids who knew them as the 'poor' Heskeths and treated them as lesser-than every chance they got. Just two months ago Jacob had almost been suspended for punching one of his classmates after he'd said something rude - something Jacob refused to repeat to me.
"Maybe we should let the boys sleep on it," I said, picking my words carefully, "but if we're all together, I honestly don't care very much where we live. And leaving this town behind wouldn't be any great trauma, believe me."
"We don't need to sleep on it! Let's go, Ellie!" David yelled, followed by Baby Ben beginning to chant 'L.A. L.A. L.A.' and Jacob flashing me a wide grin. Christopher was just sitting there laughing with happiness, not entirely sure what was going on but just pleased everyone around him was happy.
"What about school?" I asked Cade, who swallowed a mouthful of steak and nodded at me.
"Already looked into it, Ellie. No problem transferring. Absolutely none."
And that was it. We were moving to Los Angeles. I was marrying Cade. It still felt like a dream and that small, paranoid part of myself was filled with dread at the extent of my happiness, certain it couldn't last, certain that Ellie Hesketh just didn't get this kind of happy ending.
Chapter 26: Cade
I flew back to Los Angeles two days later, leaving Ellie and the boys to start the process of packing their belongings - and their lives in North Falls - up and list her trailer for sale. My physical therapy continued in earnest and I secured places for Christopher and the boys at a private school located close to my house. A couple of weeks before they were all due in L.A., I told my parents about my son. The next day, we met for lunch and I told them the rest of the news concerning my engagement to Ellie. Their reaction was predictable. My mother looked completely horrified and started to cry at the table. My father refused, for a few days anyway, to even believe me, treating it like some big, cruel prank I was playing on them.
"Why are you so upset, mom?" I asked as she sat in front of her half-eaten Waldorf salad wiping tears off her rouged cheeks.
"Caden, I don't understand. I don't understand the hold this girl has on you. How can you do this to our family?"
I was determined not to get angry. My acceptance of my parents' fallibility had been a long time coming but with it came a kind of zen acceptance. I wasn't going to be able to change them. But I was going to be able to impress upon them that Ellie, Christopher and the boys were to be treated with kindness and respect, and to emphasize my own willingness to stay away from them if they didn't feel they could do that.
"What have I done, mom?"
My father sat puce-faced as my mother and I talked but I was under no illusions as to his feelings - if anything he was probably more upset than she was.
"What have you done? You've fathered a child with the uneducated daughter of an alcoholic and now you're compounding the mistake by marrying her. You know she has nothing, don't you? That she could take everything you've worked so hard for."
"Mom, you don't know anything about Ellie Hesketh. She may be uneducated, but she's one of the smartest people I know. Also one of the kindest. You should see her brothers and Christopher. All four of them are good, solid, happy boys. And her mother's circumstances have nothing to do with her."
My mother sighed and shook her head sadly, as if this was the biggest mistake that had ever been made by anyone, ever.
"Well I'll schedule an appointment for you with Rosenberg, you're going to need an ironclad pre-nup."
Rosenberg was our family lawyer. I did not intend to meet with him.
"No thanks, mom. We're not getting a pre-nup."
My father shook his head and my mom started to cry harder.
"Cade, you are making a big mistake. You're a grown man now. How can you risk everything we've worked for?"
"We, mom?"
My mother looked momentarily shocked. "Yes, we, Caden Parker. Who do you think paid for those private schools you went to as a child? Who drove you to all those five in the morning practices? Who spent months negotiating with agents and scouts to get you the best contract?"
"It's true, you did a lot for me. I'm grateful for it, believe me. But my success is my own. It was my talent and my hard work that got me here. I've been independent for ten years, I've bought you and dad a beautiful house and I'm sorry to be blunt, but the time when you had a say in my major life decisions is long past. I already told you all this, just before the accident. I can see that you're upset and I'm sorry, but you're going to have to accept it."
Before they left, I made it clear that I expected Ellie and the boys to be treated well. I told them I wanted them at the wedding, but only if they could behave themselves. They walked out together, my mother clutching my dad's arm and muttering like she'd just been told her life savings had been stolen. I walked out a few minutes later, relaxed and smiling into the bright sunshine.
Ellie was worried about the boys settling into school, especially David and Baby Ben, who were old enough to comprehend the drastic changes in their circumstances but not old enough, like Jacob - who was months away from graduating - to have an out if things went badly. The day before their first day of classes, Ellie sat up with me late into the night, stressing herself out.
"It was different for you, Cade. You were popular. None of the Heskeths have ever been popular, I'm not sure you understand what a nightmare it can be."
"You're right, babe. But I understand it better than I used to, and I researched all the schools in the area. This one is very progressive and they focus on the student's well-being in an active way. They reassured me again and again that everything would be done to make sure the boys settle in well, and they're very eager to meet you and talk about these things."
"Well, good. I'm meeting with the principal on Friday. I just, oh God, Cade, I'm so freaked out."
I leaned over and kissed the top of Ellie's head. "I know you are. But Ellie, think about it. How much worse could it be than it was in North Falls? That school was like a social gladiator academy, the strong preying on the weak and all the adults just looking away. It's going to be better here. I promise you."
It was better. Ellie met with the principal on the Friday, but by then it was already obvious that all four boys were settling in well. They came home every afternoon bursting with stories about friends they were making, activities they had participated in during the day, things they'd learned. Within two weeks, Ellie had made a complete turnaround. Seeing the boys socially thriving at school for the first time was something I don't think Ellie had ever even bothered to wish for, so impossible did such a scenario seem to her. One night after dinner as we cleared the table and the boys did their homework, she gave me a wistful look and told me she wished she could have gone to a school that good.
I frowned at the memory of North Falls, of the way Ellie had been treated like a second class citizen by the very people who were meant to be nurturing and educating her. Even then, a decade later, it still had the power to instantly piss me off. I turned to her.
"No one is ever going to treat the boys like that again."
"No," she agreed, "they're not."
One sunny day seven months later, I married Ellie Hesketh on a bluff overlooking the Pacific. The sound of the ocean played in the background as we looked into each other's eyes and took our vows. She, having characteristically refused to spend a large amount on a dress she was only going to wear once, wore a simple cream gown. All four boys walked her do
wn the aisle. Afterwards, we hosted a party at my house. It was there, standing alone in the kitchen where I had come to get another bottle of wine out of the fridge, that Ellie found me.
"We did it Cade. Didn't we? We really did it."
I looked down at my glowing new wife.
"We did. Who could have known, that day when I walked into history class and just had to sit beside you, that we'd end up here?"
Ellie looked up at me, her expression serious.
"I felt brave today, you know. Standing up there, making those promises. You always made me feel so brave. Like I could do anything."
I brushed a strand of hair off her face tenderly and pressed my lips against her flushed cheek.
"That's funny. I always thought it was the other way around."
Chapter 27: Ellie
The spring after we were married, the Kings - captained by Cade - won the Stanley Cup. I sat in the front row with Christopher, my brothers and Cade's parents who had, a short while after the wedding, taken their son and I out for dinner and apologized for their behavior towards me. Maybe we were never going to be as close as blood family, but their apology was sincere and I wanted Christopher to have a warm relationship with his grandparents.
When Cade scored the fairytale winning goal, flipping it almost nonchalantly past the opposing team's goaltender, all seven of us exploded with joy alongside everyone else at the Staples Center. Cade skated straight over to where we were sitting and, just like he had at an Ice Kings game in a small town in Michigan ten years earlier, threw his entire body against the glass right in front of me.
Most of the time, nostalgia is a thing you feel for a time or a place or a person that has already slipped into the rearview mirror of your life. It isn't always like that, though. There are those rare times when you know, right in the midst of a moment, that it's going to be something you remember for the rest of your life. That was one of those moments. The joyous din of the crowd, the slight chill of the arena, the sight of my husband and my family absolutely out of their minds with happiness. I made eye contact with Cade through the glass, just before he was mobbed by his teammates, and I could see that he felt it, too. Later that night, around three in the morning after the overexcited boys had finally succumbed to the need for sleep, we sat down at the kitchen table.