Traces of bitterness and anger seeped into Lacey’s thoughts. Was her mother selfish? She had put her career first, hadn’t she? Joe Taylor had been prepared to leave Lillian, so Cora would not have been a single parent. Why did she turn her back on her daughter? Or on Joe, who loved her? Lacey was haunted by so many conflicting thoughts. What did it say about her mother as a person? Had Lacey inherited some of that looking-after-number-one streak? Is that why she had been fed up with Willow, because the focus was not on her and her troubles?
An uneasy and painful feeling settled in the pit of Lacey’s stomach. This was a new way of assessing herself as a person. She had never really questioned her motives before. Was she selfish, self-centred and unforgiving? Philip had been wise to stop her from rushing headlong into a reunion. He had realised that Lacey was looking at the situation in a romantic and idealistic way, pushing reality aside.
Sitting in the solitude of the former church, Lacey felt uncomfortable. In the clear light of this wet day, she wondered now if Cora Maguire and Lillian Taylor were more alike than she had first realised? Both had put their own interests first, not their children’s – Cora had her career, and Lillian had her private fund for her gambling.
She was getting nowhere with this, not today anyway. She was too angry now. She didn’t want to pen a letter where her resentment showed through in her words. It would have to be later, or another day, when her head was clearer. Lacey packed up her writing things and text Sally to say she was going home and would make a start on dinner for the evening.
Mindlessly chopping vegetables and washing up after the preparation gave Lacey time to reflect. The smell of the roast chicken wafted through the kitchen, as it slowly cooked in the oven and a bottle of wine cooled in the fridge. She would take tonight off from her exhausting thoughts and devote it to enjoying the company of her sister and brother-in-law. Some family time was required, and Derek certainly needed her support and full attention for the evening. She would prove to herself she was not selfish, that she could show concern and be caring for others.
With dinner under control, Lacey lit a fire in the sitting room. Placing coal and timber on top of each other, she soon had a welcoming fire blazing in the hearth.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Cora Maguire could not shake off the uneasy feeling she’d first felt some nights ago. She was distracted and making silly mistakes with orders in her shop. She was not happy with her behaviour but, not knowing the cause, was unable to resolve it. She had never felt so out of sorts before. Even hosting a red carpet fashion show did not bother her in this way.
Why was she so unsettled? Although there was a recession everywhere, people were still willing to spend money on a wedding day. Business was going well, and so far she had been able to keep all her staff on full-time hours. Whatever the problem was, it was not business-related; this was personal.
Maybe her biological clock was running out of steam, she thought to herself with a smile; she would be fifty in a couple of years, and time was marching on. Not that she had ever allowed her biological clock to interfere with her life. Cora enjoyed her success, working at what she would consider her hobby. Her privacy through the years had been sacred to her, allowing her to sleep soundly at night knowing her secret from the past had not haunted her. She didn’t allow herself to give it much thought. If truth was told, she seldom wondered where her daughter was or what was she doing? In fairness, Joe had kept his word. He had raised their daughter without her help.
Joe, what a sweetheart he was. She sighed, a pang of nostalgia for those special memories. No-one had ever replaced him in her life. She gave herself a shake: time to get on. It was seven-thirty in the morning and she was working at her sewing table, putting last minute adjustments to bridesmaid dresses that were required for that week.
* * *
Lacey went back to the library, well supplied with paper in case she had a repeat of her previous efforts. She had asked Philip if she could maybe e-mail the correspondence and ask Cora to contact her, but Philip had firmly replied, “No way, never!” It was too impersonal, he pointed out, and what if the e-mail got into the wrong hands? A hand-written letter was more appropriate. So, like a scolded schoolchild sent to re-do their homework, Lacey found herself back at the library struggling to put pen to paper again.
It didn’t matter what way she approached it, the words would not come. Philip suggested keeping it brief, not a long flowing autobiography; just enough to introduce herself and state her intentions in a clear and concise manner. It all sounded so simple, so why was she still unable to hold the pen without her hand shaking? This was torture. She wanted to scream out loud and let the frustration out of her system.
“Deep breaths,” she murmured to herself, trying to keep calm. Just be honest, she thought, it will all come right somehow. Her hands trembled again as she gripped the pen a little harder than she meant to, and began to write the words that would surely change her life.
Dear Cora,
Writing this letter isn’t easy, but I believe I must do this. I mean no harm or hurt to you, but I do need to make contact with you. Joe Taylor was my father, and he told me in a letter he left for me after his death, that you are my mother. Enclosed with this letter is another short note from my dad’s family solicitors confirming who I am. I am Lacey, your daughter, and I would love if we could meet. Looking forward to your reply,
Lacey Taylor
There. That was brief and to the point. If she were in school, she should get an A for it! Now it just had to pass Philip Sherman’s approval! She hoped she had said enough in the letter without sounding either pushy or needy.
Having left the library pleased with her letter, she strolled through the streets again lost in thoughts of dresses, and weddings, and coffee mornings with Cora. Maybe she would get involved in her mother’s business, be her partner? She did have a business degree, after all, from University College Dublin. Lacey popped into the next newsagent she found and bought four or five bridal magazines. Pure madness, but what the heck? A little dreaming was okay, surely. Who knows, she might come across some of her mother’s designs while reading up on the trade?
Before heading home, Lacey dropped her letter into Philip’s office. He was working there today and she had already phoned to tell him her letter was ready. With that task completed – and a few silent prayers – Lacey prepared for an afternoon of magazine reading.
Settled in the sitting room with a pot of tea and some chocolate biscuits for comfort, she laid the magazines out on the table. Even though she felt like a glass of wine to celebrate fulfilling her difficult task, she declined the impulse. Willow had taught them all a hard lesson. So she flicked open a magazine and settled herself to learn all about the bridal business. The hot steaming mug of tea warmed her as page after page of glossy photos smiled out at her.
How did brides decide what they wanted? There were hundreds of shapes and styles – and the prices! It was amazing what a huge selection each magazine offered, and it was only the tip of the iceberg of gowns. New collections were being unveiled every few months, so what you picked for your wedding today could well be considered dated when the big day rolled around. What a ridiculous business the whole bridal thing was!
Lacey surprised herself when she realised she was tut-tutting the “must have” finest cotton handkerchief, and the delicate shell pink nail varnish with matching pink silk butterfly hairclips for goody bags for the female guests. The male guests got top quality tiepins with the wedding date engraved on them. Why would you wear a tiepin with someone else’s wedding anniversary on it? Honestly, what a money-making racket! Cora had chosen the right business to set up in, Lacey thought, full of judgement all of a sudden. Flipping through the pages of another bridal magazine, she was immersed in an inane list of “Last Minute – Don’t Forget!” when the phone rang and interrupted her bewilderment.
“Hello, Lacey here.”
“Hello, Lacey, I got your letter. I’ve put my
one in with yours confirming your identity, and they are in the post as we speak.”
“Oh God, Phillip, it’s finally happening, isn’t it? It’s actually happening!” Lacey jumped up with joy at his news. She was really excited, at last there was action.
“Are you okay? Is there anyone with you?” Philip sounded concerned.
“I’m fine. It’s just that, well, I only just finished the letter and now it’s all done and it could be in her hands very soon. Thank you so much,” she was laughing as her words tumbled out.
“I told her any contact should be through my office, and that it should happen only when she felt it was good to do so. We must wait now, Lacey, and allow her time to absorb what’s happened. Don’t hold your breath for a quick response.”
Lacey remained silent for a minute, she calmed her breathing and allowing her excitement to settle.
“Guess what I’m up to? I bought bridal magazines,” she smiled as she said it.
“Oh? Is there something I should know about?” he teased.
“I decided to read up on the whole wedding scene so I might understand her more. Don’t worry, I’m not planning on any elopement!” she laughed out loud. “Have you seen the prices they quote for this wedding business?” she chuckled, so positive now for a good outcome.
“I shall leave you to it. I’ll be in touch if I hear anything.”
* * *
By two o’clock that afternoon, at “Bridal Creations” in Chester, owner Cora Maguire had decided to head home early. The high profile business was just around the corner from the magnificent cathedral, so it attracted a lot of attention from young women imagining themselves floating up the aisle of such a majestic building. Leaving the shop in the capable hands of her manageress, Cora grabbed her bag and headed out into the busy streets.
Was she getting old? She would be forty-eight on her next birthday. Maybe the early morning starts were taking their toll, especially since she rarely got to bed before one am. Troubled, Cora decided to go for a leisurely walk down by the River Dee and feed the ducks and pigeons. The fresh air might clear this foggy feeling she’d had for a few weeks now. She just wished she could put her finger on what was causing it.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
The next few days were torture for Lacey. She jumped each time the phone filled the house with the shrill sound of its ringing. Waiting for acknowledgment of her letter was eating away at her; Philip had reminded her that it could be weeks, months, or maybe never at all. She knew there was nothing else she could do right now, except accept the agony of waiting.
She thought about redecorating the house to fill her day, but it was also Sally’s home and she might feel it was too soon to change things. Instead, she and Sally went over to help Derek pack up for his move.
Boxes and plastic wrapping were scattered around the rooms; pictures and photos had been removed from the walls; the whole house had an abandoned feeling. There had been a good deal of interest in the house and several serious offers, so Derek was hoping for a quick sale.
Sally had been in a quiet mood for days. Lacey had noticed she seemed remote from what was going on. At Derek’s, she worked in silence, only sharing an odd smile if someone spoke to her. Lacey wondered if her sister was finding it too difficult to cope with being surrounded by Willow’s belongings and Derek leaving. The family was breaking up. The once solid Taylor clan was getting smaller, and their lives were heading in different directions.
Lillian’s death had destroyed more than Lacey’s life. She had ruined her own children’s lives. Watching Sally wrap some ornaments in old newspaper, Lacey went over and hugged her sister.
“What was that for?” Sally was surprised.
“You look tired, drained in fact. Are you feeling alright?” Lacey’s face showed genuine concern.
“Like you say, I’m tired. It’s been a whirlwind of sorts the past few months. I don’t think any of us will ever recover properly from this. You know, Lacey, I still don’t understand why Mum – my mum, I mean – agreed to Dad’s proposals after you were born. It would have been so much easier if he had left her and we had been raised by him.” The weariness in Sally’s voice filled the air. She was no longer the optimist of the family.
The empty sound of a deserted house wrapped its creepy atmosphere around them, echoing what they both felt. They finished the packing and stood at the foot of the stairs where they had said goodbye to Willow the night she died. Now they would be saying farewell to her house and, when it sold, to Derek. Looking at the empty coat stand, the bare walls, stripped of the paintings Willow had been so proud of, loneliness and sadness wafted in the air. It had always been a house Lacey thought, never a home.
All being well, Derek hoped contracts would be finalised in a week or two, and another chapter in the Taylor saga would come to an end. He was putting a lot of the furniture into storage before starting work in Galway at the end of the month.
Sally and Lacey had offered to organise a dinner later that week – one final family meal before their brother-in-law moved away. Lacey shuddered. It sounded a bit like the last supper, she thought.
* * *
“This is smashing, ladies, I think you should open a restaurant together and I would be your best customer.” Robert stretched his arms in the air, full of contentment. The wonderful lamb casserole had filled him up, washed down with a full bodied red which Derek had brought.
Lacey and Sally looked at each other and laughed; cooking for a living was not on either of their agendas. They had pushed the boat out with their menu, offering a choice of starters and a trio of desserts. It would be a long time before they would all meet like this again, so they’d made a determined effort to make it special.
“Looking forward to Galway, Derek?” Aoife asked across the table. She was an accepted member of the family now.
“Yeah, I’m excited. It’s not a million miles away so I’ll be over and back, and sure you all will visit, too.” He glanced around the table at everyone nodding in agreement.
“Try keeping us away. A free weekend,” Robert laughed, “especially during racing week.”
The evening was pleasant and relaxed. The pretending was over, no more secrets.
“Any news from the solicitors, I mean Sherman?” Derek enquired as he started into some tiramisu.
“Not yet. Maybe never.” Lacey shrugged her shoulders as she spoke.
“Surely your mother will reply, one way or another. I mean, even if it isn’t what you want to hear, it’s only courtesy,” her brother-in-law added, between mouthfuls.
“I would think so, but the ball is in her court now,” Lacey replied, as she refilled their dessert dishes.
“Well, whatever the outcome, we’re here for you.” Sally squeezed Lacey’s hand gently for reassurance.
They laughed and reminisced as the evening gave way to nightfall. Aoife was the driver for the night, so the men poured a few after dinner brandies and relaxed as memories of Willow and their parents were shared. As a family, they had suffered so much in such a short time that they knew only too well how important it was for each of them to be available for the others.
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Cora felt as though her life was in a downhill spiral. The uneasy feeling should have been a warning to her to expect trouble of sorts, but she had dismissed it. Now her hands trembled. A letter fell from her grasp onto the floor. She had difficulty breathing with the shock of it. She needed to lie down, meditate on something pleasant. Focus her thoughts. She started to count, “One, two, three, breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth.”
She lay on her bed trying to sort her thoughts; her world had taken a massive and totally unexpected hit. How could this happen? Could she seek her out like this without any warning? The questions rattled around in her already troubled mind.
She had not slept well for a while, but now she doubted she would ever sleep again. Joe had promised this wouldn’t happen, he’d said he would take care of it.
This wasn’t fair, why now? They had agreed all those years ago. No contact. Yes, she had loved Joe and having a baby together was fine, acceptable. But when he’d said he wanted his other three to live with them, too, Cora had been overwhelmed. She was young. Being a mother of four, when her career was only taking off, was not possible. But Joe was adamant he wouldn’t leave his other children with their gambling mother.
Why did he have to be such an honourable fool? But a sweet fool. It had been so easy to fall in love with him. When they first met, neither of them had intentions on each other. They had talked business and Joe, already successful, had been happy to share advice with her on getting her name out there. It had been networking, long before it became the buzz word it was now. Their friendship had grown and when she’d leaned in to kiss him goodnight after a fundraiser event, he had willingly responded. He’d never put pressure on her. They’d fallen in love, their relationship no casual fling.
Even finding out she was pregnant – although unplanned – had been a delight for them both, once they got their heads around the idea. Joe had been unfazed by it; the age gap between them never came in to question for either of them. They had discussed setting up home together but Joe had struggled with leaving his three children with Lillian. He couldn’t do it. His wife was unstable at times and he could not allow his children to be raised in that environment.
Cora remembered it all – the talks, the rows, the compromises. She recalled Lillian’s shouting and hysterics when Joe told her of his plans to leave. She did not want to raise the children alone so he had told her he would happily take them with him. But Cora’s designer star was just beginning to shine, with offers to travel abroad for fashion weeks – and four children wouldn’t allow that. So, reluctantly, it had been agreed Joe and Lillian would remain together, and Cora got her career. But at what price she wondered now. And Joe raised the four children he adored.
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