She had a manicure as well, no colour on her nails, just left them all natural and shiny. She was going to do William really proud…
He’d told her to arrive at about seven thirty: “Then we can have a drink; Mother likes to feed everybody at eight sharp.”
She resisted the temptation to say, What if everybody didn’t want to be fed at eight sharp? Tonight, the world was going to see a new Abi. Or rather, the Graingers were. And actually, who knew? She might even stay that way.
She’d read a Telegraph that was lying around the office, so she could converse intelligently, if required, on politics or whatever. Not the foreign stuff; that completely baffled her. And listened to PM on Radio 4 as she drove back from the hairdresser. God, it was boring: how could people like that stuff?
She left Bristol at six; that would give her so much time.
***
“Barney, hi. Lovely to see you. Come along in. You’ll know nearly everyone, I’m sure… Micky, darling, have you met Barney Fraser? He’s at BKM, on the commodities desk.”
“Not sure. Hi, Barney.”
Burne Proctor gave Barney an ice-cold smile. What a cliché, Barney thought: the Etonian drawl, the slicked-back blond hair, the blue eyes, the striped pink-and-white shirt, worn tieless under the excruciatingly well-cut dark suit… and worth how many millions? Well, it was usually billions now, on that list. A good few anyway. He reputedly took home over a million every year in salary and bonuses alone. Well done, Tamara.
“Hi,” said Barney. “Congratulations.”
“Yeah, great, thanks.”
“Off to Barbados, I hear.”
“Yah, well, not quite Barbados -one of the little islands off that coast I’ve bought. Should be fun. And Tam needs a break; she’s had a tough time.”
“Indeed,” said Barney.
“Well, nice to have met you. Hope we’ll be seeing you when we’re settled.”
Yeah, right. He was about as likely to receive an invitation from the Burne Proctors as from the Queen. Probably rather less.
He looked around the bar. It was huge, very, very long, one of the old-fashioned brass-and-glass jobs. With the usual impossible din going on. He must be getting old to notice that. Tamara was right: he did know nearly everyone. Well, they did work for the same firm, so it was hardly surprising. Loads of pretty girls, which was nice. They all looked the same, these girls, with their long hair and their long legs and their dark suits and their high heels. One of the things about Emma was that she didn’t look like that. Well, she had long hair and long legs, but she was quirkily pretty, not one of your preppy monotones; her voice was quick and light; she never drawled, and when she smiled… God, when she smiled. She’d light up the city of London unaided with that smile. And her nose, and the way it wrinkled up when she giggled. He loved her nose…
Shit, Barney, stop thinking about the girl and call her. Go on. Just do it. Lay the ghost if nothing else. Go and… Damn. He’d left his phone on his desk. He never did that, ever. Better go and get it. He-
“Barney! Hi! Lovely to see you. You know Sasha, don’t you? Yes, I thought you did. Sasha’s got the most incredible new job, out in Dubai. How are you, you old bastard? Come and tell us what you’ve been up to.”
The phone would have to wait.
***
She’d written the text; she just hadn’t sent it. She’d do that bit later. When she’d got her courage up.
She’d written it on the bus: Hi, Barney. How are you? I was thinking about you and wondering if we could meet sometime. Just for a chat. Call me if you have a minute. Emma.
She’d added two kisses and then taken them off again about six times. At the moment they were there.
Her phone rang sharply; she jumped. Had she sent it already, by mistake; was he ringing her…? Don’t be ridiculous, Emma; you’re getting Alzheimer’s.
“Emma? It’s Mark… Listen, we’re in a different place, not the Indian; it’s a Thai, just by the big shopping arcade; that OK? Got a pen…?
Emma scribbled down the address and went back to looking at her text. And deleting and reinstating the kisses.
***
This was good. She was in really good time. She’d even been able to put her car through the car wash. That would amuse William; he didn’t believe in cleaning cars. He treated his cars like shit. Not like his tractors. He tended them as carefully as if they were his animals. One of his cows. One of his girls.
It was a funny thing, their relationship. Everyone was baffled by it; she could see that. Even Sylvie, who was always going on about how fit William was.
“You can’t marry him, Abi,” she’d said. “You don’t have anything in common. What are you going to do in the evenings, talk to the sheep or something?”
As long as it was in the lambing shed, Abi thought, that’d be fine. She really couldn’t see the problem with having nothing in common with William. It made life more interesting. Anyway, they did. They found the same things funny; they liked the same people… She even liked his farming friends, and they certainly seemed to like her, and he loved people like Georgia… And actually she did find the farming genuinely interesting. The pattern of it intrigued her, the progress through the year, the hatching and dispatching of animals, as William called it, the way it all worked: stuff was planted and grew and was harvested and then you started all over again, and it was all rather… neat. Neat and satisfying.
She was not particularly fastidious; she didn’t mind the mess and the smells-except perhaps the silage; that was quite gross-and she genuinely liked the animals. Especially the cows. They were so sweet, with their big, curious faces and kindly eyes, their swinging walk. She had seen a calf born a couple of weeks earlier, and she had found it wonderful; this little thing slithering out, wet and curly and a bit bewildered, and the mother’s great tongue licking it, and the hot, sweet, strong smell. William said it wasn’t always like that; they often didn’t slither out; they had to be hauled, brutally; she’d been lucky. He’d promised her a night in the lambing shed when the lambs were born: “You’ll like that; it’s such chaos, and so noisy. They come out one after the other; it’s like a sort of conveyor belt; you’ve hardly delivered one, or rather a set, when there’s another one on the go. And they just come out, stagger up on their little legs, make for the milk, and-Don’t look at me like that; there’ll be no time for us to do anything. Together, that is. You’ll have too much to do. You won’t be able to just watch.”
She was impressed by the rams’ performances: “One ram to fifty ewes, thereabouts.”
“Not even you could manage that, William, could you?” she said.
And, “Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “Over a few days, you’d be surprised.”
They had discussed the matter of children; they both liked children, wanted several.
“But not yet. I want to get my company up and running first.”
“That’s fine. I can wait. Although not too long; you’re marrying an old man, don’t forget.”
She did forget how old he was: ten years more than her. It was quite a lot.
He was completely relaxed about her working; he said it was what made her interesting; he didn’t want her hanging about, bored.
“You can carry on working when we have kids, if you like. It’s fine by me. Just don’t expect any help, all right? Farmers are not new men.”
Abi said she wasn’t too keen on new men; they always seemed a bit suspect to her.
“All that wanting to breast-feed their own babies. Yuck!”
***
“Sherry, Abi?”
She was doing it on purpose, Abi thought. She must know that nobody young drank sherry. She’d hardly ever tasted it; she seemed to remember it was absolutely filthy.
Mrs. Grainger had done a double take when Abi had walked in; her disguise as well-bred, well-brought-up girl had certainly worked.
“How nice to see you,” she said. “William, take Miss Scott’s coat.”
�
�Please call me Abi,” she said, thinking how bizarre it was to be addressed as Miss Scott by a woman who had seen her pubes. Twice.
And, “Very well… Abi,” Mrs. Grainger had said. Mr. Grainger had pumped her hand vigorously and told her it was jolly good to see her; he was a bit of a sweetheart, she’d decided, definitely where William got his charm from.
“Now, I do hope you don’t mind,” said Mrs. Grainger, “if we eat in the kitchen. It’s just scruffy supper, as I’m sure William will have told you.” What was scruffy supper, for God’s sake? “Do forgive me, but I’ve been so busy this week. But let’s go through to the drawing room and have a drink.”
The drawing room was the room where Abi had sat that first day after the crash, waiting for William. It looked rather better, as William had lit a fire in the huge fireplace, but struggle as it did, the fire wasn’t making much of a job of heating the room. She made for the chair nearest to it, then drew back, fearing that was not what posh people did. They were used to the cold; for some reason central heating seemed to be regarded-by the older generation, at any rate-as a bit common. Well, cottage number one was going to be dead common; she’d make sure of that.
“Well, congratulations to you both,” said Mr. Grainger. “Jolly well done.” He smiled, and she could have sworn winked at her; she presumed he’d heard about the encounters between her and Mrs. Grainger.
“Yes, it’s very… nice,” said Mrs. Grainger. Nice was clearly the best she could do, but she was definitely trying.
“Any idea when you’ll be actually tying the knot?” said Mr. Grainger. “William’s been a bit vague about it.”
“Oh… we’re both pretty vague, I think,” said Abi. “Probably when William’s not too busy.”
“I’m afraid there’s no such time,” said Mrs. Grainger. “Farming is a nonstop process, as you will discover.”
“Um… yes.” She looked at William for help. He smiled at her rather foolishly.
“We don’t want to leave it too long, actually,” he said. “I can’t wait to have Abi here instead of miles down the road.”
“Ah, yes,” said Mrs. Grainger. “Now, I don’t know if William has told you, Abi, but we are proposing you have one of the cottages to live in.”
“Yes. Yes, he did; it sounds coo-wonderful. Thank you.”
“I hope you’ll be comfortable there. Of course, we’ve had to take it out of the brochures. We have families who come back year after year. They’ll be quite distressed, I imagine, to find that their holiday home is no longer available.”
Quite distressed. What an extraordinary thing to say. God, she was a strange woman. Was it really going to be worth it? Living next-door to her?
Then she looked at William, grinning at her, lounging back in his chair, dressed up for the occasion in clean jeans and a pair of suspiciously new-looking boots, and knew it was.
“You must tell us about your job,” said Mr. Grainger. “I don’t really understand it, I’m afraid. I think William said you were involved in photography…”
“Well… sort of. But I’m hoping to set up my own company.”
“Taking photographs?”
“No, no, organising events. You know, like for companies. Conferences and so on.”
“Will it be worth it, starting something now?” said Mrs. Grainger. She was looking very determinedly puzzled. “I mean, surely once you’re married, you’ll be needed by William up here.”
“Well… I’m not sure…” She looked at William helplessly.
“Well, of course you will. You marry a farmer, you marry the farm.”
“She could organise some shoots for us,” said Mr. Grainger, and this time she knew he winked.
“I… don’t know anything about shooting. Yet. I’m sure William can teach me.”
“You won’t be going out with the guns,” said Mrs. Grainger. “Wives don’t, for the most part. Unless you do some picking up.”
Picking up? Picking up what? The farmers? Well, there were a few she could fancy…
“It’s the lunches, coffees, all that sort of thing. I… well, I…” She appeared to be struggling to get some words out; finally she managed it: “I shall certainly appreciate some help with it all. It’s very hard work, and I’m beginning to find it very tiring.” She actually managed a smile. Abi smiled determinedly back.
“I’m not much of a cook,” she said carefully, “but of course I’d like to help. You can guide me, I’m sure.”
“Indeed. Melanie did wonderful lunches, didn’t she, William? I remember once I was ill and she produced lunch for twenty-eight without turning a hair. Melanie was one of William’s former girlfriends,” she added.
OK, you old witch. So it’s to be war. In spite of the low heels. She might as well have saved the money. But: “Still, as I say, I’m sure we’ll get along very well.”
That was a concession. A big one. She was at least trying.
“More sherry, Abi?” said Mr. Grainger.
“That would be lovely. And then I’m so looking forward to my scruffy supper…”
***
She couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t. She’d look so pathetic; he’d be so embarrassed; it was ridiculous. Totally, totally a bad idea. She deleted the text, switched her phone off, and walked into the restaurant.
***
God, he needed to get out of here. He’d drunk far too much. And stayed far too long. He’d reckoned on half an hour. It was… God, nearly nine.
He’d just retrieve his phone and-
“Barney! Oh, Barney, I’m going to miss you!”
Tamara’s arms were round his neck, her lips on his cheek, her thick scent everywhere.
“Well… I’ll miss you too. But Darwood’s isn’t exactly in another country. I’m sure we’ll see each other around.”
“Yeah, of course. Isn’t Micky sweet? Aren’t I lucky?”
“You are, yes,” said Barney, adding dutifully, “And he’s lucky too.”
He suddenly saw himself as he must seem to her: rather pathetic, a none-too-successful relic of their old life. While she… she’d got everything perfectly sorted: looked at that life, rejected it, and ordered a new one rather more to her satisfaction. Sleek, sassy, winner-takes-all Tamara.
“Sweet of you to say so. It does all seem terribly meant. Just think, if there hadn’t been that crash, Toby and I would have been an old married couple by now.”
“Indeed.”
“And so might you and Amanda.”
“Possibly.”
“And… Emma? You with her?”
“Oh… no, no.”
“No! Why not? I thought that was why-”
“You thought wrong,” said Barney briskly.
“Barney! So what happened? Come on, you can tell me.”
“I…” How could he possibly tell her-Tamara, of all people-about his broken heart? That most definitely wasn’t a cliché, he thought; his heart did indeed feel as if it was snapped in two. Or, no, more like dead and crumbling to dust. But then…
“It was all a terrible mistake,” he said finally. “We’d… I’d got it wrong.”
“In what way?” She looked round, took his hand. “Come on, Barney, let’s go outside; I can’t hear you in this.”
“But-”
“No, I insist. It sounds important.”
Outside, in the cold, she listened as he gave her a brief résumé, her dark eyes fixed on his face… Then she said, “Barney, you absolutely have to call her.”
“Tamara, why? She finished it.”
“Only because she thought you were still with Amanda.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“Well…” He digested this for a moment; then he said, “Well, she knows I’m not anymore. So she could have rung me.”
“Oh, Barney, please! Girls do not make those sorts of phone calls. That’s a bloke’s prerogative. Is she with anyone else?”
“Don’t think so. No. No she’s not. At least-”
; “Then, for God’s sake, what are you doing? Look, you don’t have anything to lose. Do you? It’s crazy, what you’re not doing. Just get out your phone and give her a call. It is so, so obvious. I can’t believe it. Anyway, I’d better get back; Micky will think I’ve run away with you.”
“I don’t think so,” said Barney, “loser like me.”
“Barney, you are so not a loser. You’re just great. Never tell anyone, but I really, really fancied you for ages. If you’d asked me first, I’d have married you, not Toby. Anyway, just as well; I’d have made your life a complete misery. Bye, darling. And just make that call. Otherwise I will.”
“You don’t have her number,” said Barney. He was smiling now, thinking how wrong he’d been about her. Or partly wrong, anyway.
“I can ring the hospital. I mean it. Promise me.”
“I promise,” said Barney. He leaned forward, gave her a kiss. “Thanks, Tamara. And thanks for the party. And have a great wedding.”
“I will.”
She would. She got everything she wanted. But… she knew how to get it.
No possible doubt about that.
***
The food was great. She had to admit that. A wonderful chicken pie, and before that, tiny salmon parcels. Followed by a gooseberry mousse. And thick, thick cream. If this was scruffy supper, what would the full-blown dinner party be like? And if this was the sort of food William was used to, he was going to be popping home from cottage number one pretty often.
The wine was very nice too, and Mr. Grainger had made a great thing of letting her taste it, to make sure she liked it, but… God! One bottle between the four of them. She finished her two small glasses, made a great thing of lifting it and looking in it, and then at William, but he was studiously ignoring her. In more ways than one; he and his father had started talking about GM crops and whether they might consider a trial.
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